Burning Down the House (28 page)

But he never answered.

23

I don’t think my father even realized that Rob had left. He retired to bed after the ten o’clock news without ever questioning his whereabouts, probably just assuming he was shut up in his room doing homework or messing around online or something. Of course I said nothing, but in my increasing unease I texted both Trent and Doug to find out if either of them had seen him. They hadn’t. And I was growing more frantic by the minute.

Where the hell
was he? And why wasn’t he answering me? The only logical conclusion, the one that smacked me in the face with a sharp stinging blow, was that he believed I’d betrayed him in the worst possible way. That he’d swallowed my toxic dose of lies and right now was assuming the one person he’d allowed himself to trust had made a fool of him. The prospect twisted in my gut like a serrated blade. I couldn’t stomach the idea of fresh rejection being shoved down his throat when he’d already been force-fed more than his share. And the absurdity of it all was that none of it was even true.

In retrospect? Yes, I suppose I should
have just come clean. I mean, what’s the worst that could have happened? Trying to shield my unsuspecting father from our affair had at first seemed like nothing more serious than a game. Only the rules of the game were turning out to be a lot more complicated than I could have predicted. Lying to his face didn’t exactly give me a warm fuzzy feeling, and look where it had gotten me. Dad was now under the impression that not only was I easily talked out of my pants, but that I possessed self-esteem issues as well. And Rob - well, who the hell knew what was going through his mind right now?

Dam
n it all, where
was
he?

I waited up for him for hours, finally dozing off around
2:00 a.m. into a restless sleep while curled in a tense ball on the sofa. I didn’t hear the Tahoe pulling into the driveway, but the almost inaudible sound of the front doorknob turning snapped me awake instantly. Relief flooded through me when I blinked open my eyes to see him quietly entering the house. In the darkened room, I couldn’t make out his expression. Was he pissed? Upset? Indifferent? What?

Oddly enough,
even after spending hours rehearsing explanations in my head, I couldn’t decide what I should say. I simply pulled myself up and watched him. After a moment’s hesitation he came over to sit beside me, leaning forward with his arms propped across his knees, staring at the floor. The thick scent of something resembling hickory reached me and I realized that his clothes smelled strongly of wood smoke, the pleasant aroma that tends to linger in the frigid air when everyone who has a fireplace is taking full advantage. I wanted to bury my face in his chest, I was so glad to see him.

When he didn’t speak I asked softly,
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

He shook his head slightly. “Didn’t have it
on me.”

Oh. Well, good to know he wasn’t deliberately ignoring me. “Where
have you been? I was worried.”

His
face turned toward me just enough that his eyes finally met mine, and even with the lack of light I could tell that they were bleary and red. I hoped he hadn’t been off someplace getting wasted. Instead of responding to my question, he posed one of his own. “Just answer one thing for me, Sara. Was it really only the one time?”

“Was it really - God,
Rob, it wasn’t one time, it was
never!
I never slept with Riley! How could you even think that was true? I only told my dad that because he found one of your condom wrappers in my room! I just made that story up to cover your ass! It
never happened!
I swear on my life, it didn’t happen - I would never do that to you…don’t you know that?”

He stared at me in stunned silence. Apparently he really had believed I’d cheated on him with
Riley. And why not? He heard the confession with his own ears, straight from the source. No matter how much I cursed myself, it wasn’t enough. Hurting him was the last thing I’d ever intended to do and yet I’d easily managed it without even meaning to. With a few thoughtless, careless words.

Turning his head
abruptly, he buried his face in both hands and sat motionless, elbows propped on his knees with his fingers covering the bloodshot eyes. I didn’t know what to do or say. The thought of how deep I must have cut him made me feel physically ill. I loved him. God, how I loved him - and whatever pain he was feeling, I felt as well. I didn’t think I could handle it if I knew he was crying. Especially when I was the cause of it.

“Rob…?” I
whispered anxiously.

H
e spoke in a muffled voice through his hands. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

“Oh, baby…” My arms instinctively found their way around him. “I’m
so sorry. I just didn’t want my dad to blame you. It was a stupid thing to do, I know…”

He grabbed me
suddenly, pulling me against him in a crushing hug that emptied me of what little breath I had. “I don’t need you to try and protect me. Goddammit, Sara…” Releasing me just enough to hold me at arm’s length, he searched my eyes with his own glassy red ones. Yes, there were tears there. I hated myself for that. “You really made it up? There was never anything between you and…
him?
”

“Of course not! I can’t
even stand him - I assumed you knew that. I don’t know why I used his name. I was just put on the spot, you know, and it was -”

He cut me off with a shake of his head. “That’s all I needed to know.”
His arms brought me in again, more gently this time and I felt his chest heave as he sighed deeply. “That’s all that matters.”

Just like
magic, all was right with the world once more. Resting my head on his shoulder, I nuzzled his neck reverently. “You smell like smoke.”

Instead of offering an explanation, he just said, “Sorry. I should go change.”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It smells kind of nice.”

“Mm. Fire is…
it’s therapeutic.”

“I would think you’d be afraid of it. After what happened. You
might have been in that house too, you know.”

“But I wasn’t.”

“Thank God you weren’t.” I snuggled into him, needing to comfort him and be comforted at the same time. “I can’t imagine not having you around. Speaking of which, I was worried sick about you tonight. Where
were
you?”

“Nowhere important
. I just wanted to be by myself for a while.”

I furrowed my brow at his vague response, but decided to just let it go.
“I’m so glad you’re back. I was afraid you hated me.”

“
Hated you? Sweetheart, no matter what you did I could never, ever hate you.” His jaw tightened obstinately. “Riley, on the other hand…”

Uh-oh. It never occurred to me that he might go looking for a fight. “You didn’t do anything crazy, did you?”

“Define
crazy
.”

“Rob…!”

“It’s such a subjective word…”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing he won’t eventually recover from.”

My eyes widened as visions of policemen showing up at our door invaded my runaway imagination. “Oh, fuck…”

“You look concerned. Is it me you’re worried about? Or him?”

“You better be joking
!”

The corners of his mouth began to lift. “Chill out, I’m just messing with you. I didn’t do anything. Although I will say it is a
very good thing for him he didn’t happen to cross my path last night.”

“
I bet.”

“
What happened with your dad? Did he ream you?”

“Kind of.
Although he didn’t really spaz out until Riley’s name came up. Somehow I get the feeling he’s not too popular with the men in this house.”

“You got that right.”
One hand reached around to gently massage the back of my neck. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that by yourself. And when it was all my fault, too. I should have been more careful.”

“It wasn’t your fault…”

“If it’s any consolation, I was punished for it. You have no idea the hell I went through tonight. Picturing you with him…”

“Don’t. Please, Rob.”

“Again, it’s my own fault. I could have avoided all this if I’d talked to you instead of taking off the way I did. I just wasn’t thinking straight. I have a bad habit of running when things get too heavy.”

“Well…next time come to me first.
You scared the life out of me!”

“You scared the life out of me, too.”
The glimpse of pain in his eyes was fleeting but unmistakable.

“I would never
do anything to hurt you,” I assured him. “Not on purpose, anyway. You should already know that.”

“
Yeah. You’re right, I should have known better.” Leaning forward, he kissed me softly, sweetly. “Now tell me how much you love me. I really need to hear that right now.”

“
Hm…I don’t know if I can do that. How do you measure something that’s infinite?”

I was rewarded with a smile
that erased all the ugly misunderstandings. “I love you, too. Don’t you ever forget that.”

I
was jerked out of a sound sleep early in the morning by the
Suicide Blonde
ringtone serenading me from my nightstand. I couldn’t believe Dana had the balls to call me at six-freaking-thirty on a Sunday morning. Was she having a blonde moment or what? I rolled over and let it go to voicemail, but seconds later it went off again. This time I turned the phone off and immediately went back to sleep. Whatever she had to say could wait until I was conscious. Which, after staying up until five in the morning talking with Rob, didn’t happen until eleven.

When I finally
did drag myself out of bed, I shuffled out of my room only to find the rest of the house still and empty. After some searching I discovered Rob out in the garage with my father, sorting through stacks of junk while a portable CD player belted out a Three Days Grace anthem. Two heads turned my way at the same time, and they both grinned as if sharing a joke. My dad had an open photo album in his hands, which could only spell total humiliation for me.

“What’s going on?” I
lifted up a pair of ice skates I hadn’t seen in three years and inspected them, wondering if they’d still fit. Probably not.