Brush of Shade (37 page)

By the stern set
of his jaw, I realized that he’d fallen back onto his philosophy of protecting
the innocent high school girl from the big bad world. Short of ordering him
again—something I’d swore I’d never do and had broken several times in the past
few hours—I could think of no way to convince him to change his stance that
wouldn’t heap more recriminations upon his overburdened shoulders.

In the end, I
spoke the hard truth. “Your silence makes me think matters are worse than I
thought. My active imagination will happily fill the void.”

“You’ve had too
many shocks for one day. I suggest taking a nap.”

“Seriously?
That’s the tact you’re going to take just to
avoid telling me anything? Fine, then you
listen
while
I speak,” I said in response to his tight-lipped stare over the top of my head.
“It felt like the voices were giving my brain a virus. If they hadn’t been
stopped, they would’ve leached away . . .” I stopped not wanting to say it out
loud. I sounded crazy in my head.

“Leached away
what?”

“No, forget I
said anything.”

“You’re not
crazy,” he said with utter confidence.

I admired his
loyalty, however unjustified. After gathering what strength I could from his
fierce expression, I said so low that my voice barely carried, “It felt like I
was losing parts of me: compassion, forgiveness, my sense of morality, and even
my will to live. All this rage and hatred poured into me, trying to take up the
void.”

“I picked up on
that. I told you not to worry. We’ll get it removed.”

“Damage has been
done. Even now its lingering influence colors my opinions.” My gaze dropped to
my lap and I said almost soundlessly, “If given another opportunity to broach
my mind, they might succeed in making me agree to forfeit all I am or ever will
be.”

“Shad’s talented
with emotional wounds. I’ll get him to stand in my place.”

That would be
awkward. I stared at my lap, feeling heat flash across my cheeks. “We just have
to face it. No matter how uncomfortable this situation between us gets, Shadow
isn’t who I need at my side. My emotional peril triggered the Soul Oath because
I needed that level of intimacy to silence the corrosion placed in my head.”

“The damn thing
was only supposed to enhance my awareness of your physical and mental states to
increase my reaction time. I swear I didn’t know about the hormone release or
the overwhelming compulsion to possess. I should’ve researched the oath
further.”

I reached out to
touch his arm. He stiffened. Casually I pulled up the sheet instead. “No
blame,” I reminded. I rubbed my left index finger across the fabric bandage on
my right palm. “Not exactly an effective means to fight back. I can’t believe I
gouged up my own skin. Gross!”

“There are other
methods.”

He covered my
aching palm with his warm hand. I waited for him to continue. That darn rigid
jaw, I thought, wanting badly to order him to answer. “This ability the man
wielded it puts thoughts into his victim’s minds?” The bubble of hysteria that
was threatening to pop would drive Shade deeper into protection territory. I
stared directly into his eyes, striving hard to sound rational and adult. “Is
it like what you do with your voice? Is it just me, am I that much of a mental
mess that I’m an easy mark? For the sake of the valley, I need to understand.”

“I should defer
to your aunt in matters relating to your valley education,” he answered,
rubbing his chin deep in thought.

I held my breath
during his internal debate. Gradually frigid seas swamped icebergs as his eyes
shifted closer to normal. Unfortunately, to sway the argument in my favor I needed
to provoke his protective instinct. “You’re right my aunt could tell me. But
her plate is spilling at the moment. While I wait for her to deal with this
incident and for her to deal with what happened to her niece on an emotional
level, I’m vulnerable. Give me something or my nightmares will worsen, granting
my enemies the opening they’re waiting for. Next time I might just find a real
knife,” I said, shuddering as the truth of that statement sunk in.

“That won’t
happen. You’re stronger than you know,” he said reassuringly, pushing his ring
back onto his finger. “Watered down? No way. Give yourself a couple years of
seasoning, and I’ll remind you of your humble beginnings. In fact, let me be
the first to say that if we rated our wardens like we do our vibe levels, folks
would do well to strap themselves down.”

“Great motivational speech.
Couldn’t you have sprinkled it
with a few helpful details?”

 “Caught
that did you?” He stared at the door and sighed. “Between the elders, my clan,
your aunt, and now you, my vibe path is littered with speed bumps. Looks like
I’ll have to tangle with the rest of them,” he said, sounding unhappy about the
situation.

“If asked, just
say I ordered you.”

“I accept the
consequences of my decisions.”

“How about just
tell me friend to friend?”

Bands of white
broke apart. He stood straighter, towering over me. The band of his diamond
ring clinked rapidly against the bedpost. “I offered to be your advisor as well
as protector. Don’t lessen my oath.”

“I would never
dismiss anything you do for me. For the record, the bad ass diamond
viber
isn’t always calming on the nerves or conducive to
conversations. Leaning against the bedpost can’t be comfortable. Please, have a
seat. Sprawl out. Look less intimidating.” I patted the bed. “It’s really soft.
No? That’s too bad. My mom would be highly disappointed in me for sitting while
my
advisor
stood. Guess I’ve got no choice but to get up and stand on my
sore knee.” I sighed. One at a time, I swung each leg over the side of the bed,
exaggerating each movement.

The corners of
his lips turned up slightly. Choppy seas became placid ponds. “I need to watch
out for you. Scoot over that bedpost does hurt.” He stretched out on my bed
using my headboard as a back rest.

“For your peace
of mind, I will provide some details,” he said, employing his warm, soothing
tone that pulsed softly across my face. “To varying degrees all Whisperers can
use their voice to influence another’s mind. Hence the archaic name, Whisperer.
We were arrogant, cold-hearted brutes, turning our abilities onto intruders,
enemies, and even merchants. We had no scruples. If it would gain one of us an
advantage, we’d turn against one of our own. To this day our guidebook, our
salvation if you will, is the Pact. It details the use of this ability. A few
moments ago I employed a technique to force your assaulted mind to respond to
my will. Forgive me.”

“You were still
following the Pact to discover the truth, right?”

“Yes,” he
replied. “But—”

“Then what is
there to be sorry for? If not for your courageous actions, I wouldn’t have been
able to resist.” My face fell as I recalled the powerful feel of the hilt in my
hand. Was I doomed to be taunted by my weaknesses forever?

“Remember what I
told you,” he said intuitively.

“I haven’t felt
strong in a long time.” That wasn’t entirely true. I squeezed his hand. He
stiffened beneath my touch. I held my breath, expecting him to pull away.

To my surprise,
he twisted his hand, catching up mine. “We’re a team. We’re each other’s
strength.”

“I trust you,
Shade. That gives me strength.” For my words, I was rewarded with a tender
smile that broke my heart again. “Unfortunately, adhering to the Pact doesn’t
seem to be high on the purist priority. Since there aren’t any other diamond
vibers
in the Protection Bureau, I guess you’re stuck on
guard duty.”

“Given what I’ve
just discovered, you’re going to be mighty sick of my presence,” he answered,
once again staring past me towards the window, his jaw set in a hard,
determined line.

Great we were
both uncomfortable. Within his disconcerting eyes, choppy seas slapped against
a growing ice field. I was missing something. “Don’t hide things from me. I
deal better if I can prepare.”

“You read me too
well. That’s going to be a problem,” he muttered to himself.

“I imagine a
warden should be good at reading the mindset of the people, especially her
private guard. So cut to the chase, what are you worried about?”

“Imprints, the
burrowing in of instructions are not routinely taught for obvious reasons. At
diamond level even I have to focus hard to be sure of accuracy for long term
retention.”

“So someone’s
been working on this for a while?” I asked, my trembling voice giving away my
fear.

“I’d like to
think that I would’ve picked up on that.”

“No one’s had
that much contact with me.”

“I’m not too
fond of the other possibility.” He paused and seemed to have an internal debate
while he stared in the direction of my door. “More speed bumps,” he sighed
tiredly. “Strength in numbers might apply here. It certainly fits given the
company hanging about your yard. The council’s been dancing around the
possibility that the purist have established a collective. As a Pepperdine you
would naturally be sensitive.”

I gaped at him
and shivered from head-to-toe. “I’ve a third option. Maybe I’m incapable of
being the warden. What if something is wrong with me? Maybe the concussion from
the accident or the coma or all the medications messed up my brain chemistry.”

“Nothing is wrong
with you. You’re my warden.” The ferociousness in his voice raised the hair on
the back of my neck.

“So you think
this other collective has become strong enough to influence my mind? To test
their control someone was sent to breach my mind to release this trigger.”

 “Tonight
they were opportunistic, taking advantage of your exhaustion and fears. Not
only did they wrongly assume that we wouldn’t be ready for a physical attack,
but they arrogantly believed we’d never considered the possibility of a mental
assault. I believe you were targeted to gain control over you for their agenda
or for a personal terror campaign or even to make it impossible for you to
become Spring Valley’s warden by poisoning you against the valley’s collective.
Thankfully, your talent touched the Whisperer’s emotions, giving us warning.
Had that not been the case, I believe the oaths that bind us would have saved
you from their contamination,” he said reassuringly.

“They wanted me
to kill myself?”

“Or Shadow or me.”

“I thought as a
Pepperdine or as a warden that I couldn’t be broached?” I asked, my voice
taking on a shrill edge. “How do I keep this collective out?”

“According to
theory, had you grown up in the valley and received the proper training your
mind would’ve been preconditioned to accept only our collective. Now that we
know, I can arrange for you to spend time with Sister Willow. Part of her gift
that allows her to connect deeply is the ability to gather up and cleanse the
mind of intrusions. It comes in handy when newbies are training. I don’t want
you to worry. The imprint can be expunged. The purist won’t be setting any more
implanted traps,” he said, squeezing my hand.

“But they could
try to pull me into their collective again. I believe my aunt should reconsider
holding off on my education until after college. I’m afraid to close my eyes.
I’m afraid of what they will pour into my mind.”

“The converse of
holding and channeling the emotions of an individual or a collective is the
ability to resist being overwhelmed and remade. How do you think Roland and the
Pepperdine Clan survived the immersion of several clans in Ireland?”

I pressed the
tip of a finger against the diamond stone on his ring. “Roland had been
connected to the clan for years at that point. I’m not him, and I’m certainly
not stronger than the will of a collective.” I waved my hand towards the
window. “I’m not ready for any of this.” He wouldn’t allow me to hide. My chin
was gripped by a hot, lightly vibrating hand that forced me to return his
uncompromising stare. Several pulses undulated across the mattress as though I
slept on a water bed. Gently I was lifted and turned, so I sat next to him with
his arm curled around my waist.

 “We are
each other’s strength. They will be defeated,” he said thickly as though the
force of his will could not be denied. He pulled me tight to his chest. “The
ability is inside of you. I don’t want to sound cold and unsympathetic, but you
need to sprinkle your thoughts with happiness. What better shield to combat
ugliness than joy?”

“I can’t
manufacture what I don’t feel.”

“Stop denying
your right to enjoy life. Let yourself out of that car. Take a risk, invest in
your life. In the meantime, soothing sessions with Sister Willow will help.”

“So will
spending time with my friends.” I smiled up at him mischievously. “The girls
and I can schedule more shopping expeditions.”

He grimaced.
“I’ll stay up here until you fall asleep.”

“And what about you?
Are you alright?” I asked, lifting my
head off his shoulder. “Does the Protection Bureau offer counseling?”

“Don’t need it.
Shad will initiate a connection to alleviate my stress until I have time for a
deeper, soothing connection with the collective. I’m only sorry that you’re
denied the same relief.”

“The purist
managed a connection so why isn’t it possible?”

“The Pepperdine
Clan won’t allow it because it goes against your father’s wishes.” His jaw
tightened and his tone became inflexible. “I won’t allow it. Your mind is a
muscle that must be conditioned properly through successive
joinings
.
The full onslaught of an entire valley of upset individuals would crush your
inexperienced mind. You’ll take this one carefully nurtured step at a time.
It’s late. Set your worries aside. I’ve got this watch.”