Brothers (22 page)

His questions brought forth a torrent of tears from both Baldy Li and Song Gang. Startled, he grabbed his luggage and hurried away, repeatedly glancing back curiously at the two children. The boys cried after him, "We are Song Fanping's kids. Song Fanping is dead. Now we're waiting for Li Lan to come home. Li Lan is our mother…"

Without waiting for the children to finish, the man had already walked far away. Baldy Li and Song Gang continued to wait at the entrance to the station, thinking that perhaps Li Lan would be on the next bus. They stood there for a long time, until the big wooden door of the main hall was shuttered and the heavy metal gate of the bus depot was locked up. They still stood there, waiting for their mother to come home from Shanghai.

Night fell, and Mama Su from the snack shop walked over to them. She stuffed two meat buns in their hands, saying, "Eat them while they're hot."

The boys ate the buns and heard Mama Su tell them, "There are no more buses coming in today, and the door of the station has already been shut. Run home now; you can come back tomorrow."

The children trusted Mama Su. They nodded, eating their buns and wiping away their tears, and then went home. As they were leaving they heard Mama Su say with a sigh, "Poor children…"

Song Gang stopped, turned to Mama Su, and said, "You will be rewarded in the next life."

CHAPTER 18

A
T THE CRACK
of dawn, Li Lan was waiting at the front gate of the hospital. Though in his letter Song Fanping had said that he would not reach Shanghai until noon, after two months’ absence the fierce wave of longing that Li Lan felt for him led her to wake up before dawn and sit on her bed, waiting for daybreak. A roommate, who had awakened in the middle of the night from postoperative pain, was so startled by the sight of the motionless, ghostlike Li Lan that she let out a scream that almost ripped open her new stitches. When she realized that it was Li Lan sitting on the bed, the patient resumed her moans of pain. Li Lan felt deeply sorry. After gently muttering a string of apologies, she picked up her travel bag, walked out of the room, and made her way to the hospitals front gate. The street was dark and empty, and the solitary Li Lan stood there with her solitary travel bag—two silent, dark shadows cast on the hospital gate. This time it was the guards turn to be startled. The old guard with the enlarged prostate gland had awakened needing to pee and walked outside. When he saw the two dark shadows, he shuddered and wet himself, hollering, "Who's there?"

Li Lan told him who she was, what her room number was, that she was leaving today, and that her husband was coming to pick her up. Still unnerved, the old guard pointed at the other dark shadow and demanded, "Who's that?"

Li Lan lifted her bag. "It's a travel bag."

Only then did the old man relax. He circled behind the shack and pissed out the remaining urine, all the while complaining, "Scared me to death, made me fucking wet my pants…"

When Li Lan heard his complaints, she remorsefully lifted her travel bag and walked through the gate and down the street to the corner. She stood next to a big wooden electrical pole and listened to the humming of the current while gazing back at the darkened gate. At this moment Li Lan suddenly felt at peace. While sitting on her bed in the room, she had felt she was waiting for daybreak; but now as she stood at the street corner she felt she was waiting for Song Fanping. In her
imagination she could already see his tall, strong figure walking over, filled with passion.

Li Lan—standing there the whole time, her small, frail figure motionless in the dark—was a frightful sight. A few men walking down the street didn't notice her until they were only a few yards away. Seeing her, they jumped in surprise and immediately crossed to the other side of the street, all the while casting backward glances at her. Another man bumped into her as he was rounding the corner and was so startled he trembled all over, but then he feigned calm as he walked around her. As he walked away his shoulders were still ashudder, leading Li Lan to let out a soft chuckle. It was this eerie sound, emanating as if from a female ghost, that thoroughly undid the man, who then took off in a wild sprint.

Only when rays of sunlight illuminated the entire street did Li Lan stop resembling a ghost. She still stood at the street corner, but now she was becoming human. As the street grew busier Li Lan took up her bag and walked back to the hospitals front gate. Now her waiting had officially begun.

The entire morning, Li Lans face was red with emotion. Along the street in front of her there was a sea of red flags and a din of slogans and chants. The parading crowds seemed interminable, heating up the already scorching summer day. The front-gate guard now recognized Li Lan and spent all the morning curiously observing this woman who had frightened him into wetting his pants. He saw that she sought out each member of the parading crowds—which is to say, every person who walked by—with a look of great anticipation. Li Lans excitement was like a little stream flowing into the river, her eyes anxiously searching for Song Fanping amid the crowds. The guard watched her as she stood there for a long, long time, examining the crowds and wondering why no one had come to pick her up yet. So he walked over to her and asked, "When is your husband coming?"

Li Lan turned to answer. "At noon."

When the guard heard this, he returned to his post in disbelief. Glancing up at the clock on his wall, he saw that it was not yet
10 A.M.
He thought to himself,
There really are all sorts of people in this world! This woman's been standing here waiting since before dawn for a man who is supposed to arrive at noon.
The guard regarded Li Lan again curiously, thinking,
So, how long has this woman gone without a man?
He couldn't resist going up to her and asking, "How long have you
been parted from your husband?" Li Lan told him that it had been more than two months. The guard chuckled to himself:
So just two months and she's champing at the bit like this. She might look all frail and shriveled, but obviously in her bones she is quite the wanton hussy.

By this time Li Lan had been waiting there for more than six hours. She had not had a drop to drink nor a bite to eat, but her face was still beaming with emotion. As noon approached, her excitement reached a fever pitch, her gaze like a nail piercing the bodies of each of the men walking by. Several times when she saw someone with a figure similar to Song Fanpings, she stood on her toes and waved as her eyes filled with tears. Though the joy was always short-lived, she remained undaunted.

Noon came and went, and Song Fanping never appeared. But Song Fanpings sister hurried over. Drenched in sweat, she emerged from a crowded bus and rushed to the hospitals front gate. When she spotted Li Lan, she excitedly shouted, "Aiya, you're still here."

Song Fanpings sister mopped her brow and prattled on. She said that all the way there she had been so worried she wouldn't make it in time that she had almost taken a bus directly to the depot, but it was a good thing she hadn't. As she spoke she handed Li Lan a bag of White Rabbit milk candies, saying that they were for the kids. Li Lan took the candy and placed it in her bag. She didn't say a single word, only smiled and nodded, all the while glancing out at the streams of people. Song Fanpings sister started watching the men on the street along with her but felt perplexed by her brother's absence and, pointing at her watch, said, "He should be here, it's almost one
P.M.
"

The two women stood at the front gate of the hospital for about half an hour. Song Fanpings sister said that she couldn't wait any longer and had to rush back to work. Before leaving, she comforted Li Lan, speculating that Song Fanping must have gotten stuck in traffic. She noted that it took three transfers from the bus depot to the hospital, and since the streets were filled with demonstrators, traffic was a mess. As a result, it was hard for a person to squeeze through, let alone an entire bus. Song Fanpings sister hurried away but immediately rushed back to tell Li Lan, "If you don't make the afternoon bus, just come stay at my place."

Li Lan continued waiting at the hospital gate. She believed what Song Fanpings sister said, that Song Fanping was probably stuck in traffic, and she continued to watch the men on the street with passion
and anticipation. She became increasingly fatigued. Faint with hunger, she sat down on the steps of the guardroom, her body leaning against the door frame; but her head was still held high, and her eyes were still watching intently. The old man in the guardroom glanced at the clock on the wall and said, "You've been here since before dawn, and now its already past two. I haven't seen you eat or drink anything all day. Won't you go get yourself something?"

Li Lan smiled. "I'm fine."

The old man continued, "Go buy something to eat. There's a snack shop about twenty yards from here, just down to the right."

Li Lan shook her head. "What if he comes while I'm gone?"

The old man said, "I'll keep an eye out for him. Tell me, what does he look like?"

Li Lan thought for a bit, then shook her head. "I'd better stay here and wait for him myself."

The two of them fell silent. The old man returned to his post, where there was always someone at the window asking about something or other. Li Lan continued to sit on the steps, watching everyone who passed by. Finally, the old man got up and walked over to Li Lan, saying, "Let me get you something to eat."

Li Lan started. The old man repeated himself and extended Li Lan his hand. She now understood and hurriedly reached into her pockets for money and grain coupons. The old man asked her, "What would you like? Steamed buns? With meat or bean filling? How about a bowl of wonton soup?"

Li Lan handed over her money and grain coupons. "Two plain buns would be fine."

The old man took the money. "You're so frugal."

He walked away from the gate, then turned around. "Don't let anyone into the guardroom. Everything inside belongs to the nation."

Li Lan nodded. "I know."

At about half past three in the afternoon, Li Lan finally had something to eat. She slowly ripped off chunk after chunk of bun and placed them in her mouth, methodically chewing and swallowing. She hadn't had any water all day, so eating was difficult, like gulping down bitter medicine. When the old man saw this, he handed her his teacup. Li Lan raised the tea-stained cup and slowly sipped from it. She finished one bun, then wrapped up the other one and placed it in her travel bag. After having the bun, Li Lan felt herself regaining some of her
strength. She stood up and said to the old man in the guardroom, "The bus he was taking would have arrived in Shanghai by eleven
A.M.
Even if he were walking, he should have been here by now."

The old man agreed. "Even if he were crawling, he still should have gotten here by now."

Li Lan surmised that Song Fanping must have taken the afternoon bus. She wondered if some important matter had delayed him. She felt that she should go to the bus depot herself, since the afternoon bus got into Shanghai at
5 P.M.
Li Lan gave the old man a careful description of Song Fanping, adding that if Song did arrive, to please tell him that she had gone to the bus depot. The old man told her not to worry, that he would ask every tall man who came by whether he was Song Fanping.

Li Lan took up her travel bag and walked out the hospital gate. She stood for a while at the bus stop, but then returned to the guard window. When the old man saw her, he asked, "How come you're back?"

Li Lan replied, "I forgot to mention something."

The old man asked, "What?"

Li Lan looked into his eyes and said solemnly, "Thank you, you are a good man."

Small and frail, Li Lan carried her heavy travel bag and squeezed onto the bus. She swayed along with the crowd inside and was dizzied by the foul stench of armpits and feet and mouths. Then she squeezed off the bus, only to squeeze onto another one, finally arriving at the depot after three bus transfers. By then it was almost five. She stood at the stations exit, rays of sunset bathing her in a reddish glow as she watched bus after bus pull into the station and group after group of travelers emerge from the platform. Her face was once again red with excitement and her spirits were high, because she knew that when one of the passengers emerged a head taller than the rest, that man would be Song Fanping. So she set her gaze at the tops of the travelers’ heads, still firmly believing that Song Fanping would walk out through the exit. The very possibility of an accident had not even crossed her mind.

At this moment Baldy Li and Song Gang were waiting for her at the bus depot back in Liu Town. As the gates of the Liu Town bus depot were closing, the gates of the Shanghai depot were also shut. As Baldy Li and Song Gang made their way home, eating the buns that Mama Su had given them, Li Lan was still waiting by the exit at the Shanghai bus depot. The sky began to darken, but Li Lan still did not see Song Fanping's tall figure. When the heavy metal gates of the bus depot
were shut, she felt as if her brain had been drained of all content, and she just stood there, barely conscious.

Li Lan passed the night outside the door of the waiting room. She considered going to stay with Song Fanping s sister, but Song Fanping s sister hadn't given her the address, since neither of them expected that Song Fanping would fail to arrive in Shanghai. The sister assumed that as long as Song Fanping himself knew the address, that would be enough. Therefore Li Lan slept on the ground like a homeless beggar. Mosquitoes stung her throughout this summer night, but she did not notice as she drifted fitfully in and out of sleep.

In the latter half of the night a crazy woman came to keep Li Lan company. First the woman sat by her side, carefully examining her, cackling all the while. Li Lan, wakened by her eerie laugh, let out a gasp when she made out the filthy face and figure of the crazy woman by the glow of the streetlight. In response, the crazy woman let out a shriller, louder cry, as if Li Lan had frightened her. Then she sat down as if nothing had happened and continued gazing at Li Lan, cackling.