Broken Souls (4 page)

“
No... I don't want to wait. I want to see my sister,” he demanded, reaching out to grab Gabby’s clutch bag from the table. He gripped it to his chest as if it was the last piece of her that he had left.

“
Very well,” the surgeon nodded, gesturing towards the waiting room door.

Ashley watched on as Marco disappeared
from the room without a backwards glance in her direction. She was on her own and hurting once again.

“
Come on, lovely. Let's call somebody for you and get you home, hey?” The friendly nurse from earlier had reappeared and was trying her hardest to coax some form of response from her. “Is your phone in that bag on the table?”

Ashley nodded and kept her gaze trained on the door Marco had just stepped through.
She could see how hurt and upset he was right now. Heck, she was feeling just as broken. In fact, her heart was almost in complete tatters, like a razor blade had just managed to shred every ounce of strength that she had left inside of her.

The muscles in her body shook uncontrollably as t
he memories she had fought against reappeared before her eyes. Her world was splitting itself down the middle to once again reveal its true ugliness.

“But I want to help her! You can’t just leave her like that!” Ashley screeched in the man’s face as he refused to touch Isabella’s lifeless body. “What if she dies and you could have saved her? Do something!”

Ashley balled her hands into fists and beat them loudly against her thighs. She needed somebody to help her, but she didn’t know who to turn to. The one person in her life that she trusted had been taken from her. The support system that she used to get her through each day was gone and the memories were starting to resurface outside of her nightmares. She had no idea what she was going to do or if she was going to get through this torture.

It had been a bad idea for her to return home so soon following the news of Gabby's death. Everywhere that Ashley looked, she found constant reminders of the best friend she had just lost. There were photos everywhere; the walls, the mantel piece, the side tables. Everywhere she turned, she found herself face to face with another photo, or some other painful reminder.

“
Did you want something to eat or drink?” Ben asked, closing the front door and placing her bag on the floor. “I could make you something, or I could go out and fetch you some food?” He stepped beside her and placed a comforting hand against her lower back.

Ashley
wrapped her arms securely around her body and tried to bury herself into a human cocoon. She felt completely numb. Her bed was the only thing appealing to her right now. It was a place where she could find comfort and cry away the pain and sadness that was eating away at her on the inside.

Ben sighed and removed
his hand. “I don't know what to do, Ashley. Why did you turn your phone off at the hospital? I would have been there for you. You know that I wouldn’t leave you to go through that.”

“
I’m sorry. I needed time to think,” she whispered, dropping her eyes to the carpeted floor. She knew that Ben was still in shock as she was, but his constant barrage of questions wasn’t helping her. Her emotions were raw and the spark in her eyes had vanished.

“
You needed to
think
?” Ben repeated her words slowly and carefully. “Right, okay. That was a little bit selfish don’t you think? I have been worried sick about you and wondering what had happened. And then... I hear that...” He choked as he struggled to finish his sentence.

“I-I-I’m sorry,” Ashley whimpered, her heart shattering
from each strangled cry that came from Ben’s throat. He was devastated. “I’m sorry, Ben,” she continued to repeat over and over, her own body now shuddering from the force of her emotions.

“S-Stop,” Ben choked, holding up his hands in surrender. “Ashley, please just stop. I can’t take this. It isn’t worth it,” he said, shaking his head. “It isn’t worth it. No!”

Ashley stepped forward to try and comfort him. She needed his warmth right now to help her. His arms would hold her tight and they would cry and grieve together. “I don’t understand what you are saying?” she said softly, placing her hands on his quivering shoulders. “Please,” she begged, looking at him with pleading eyes. “Stay with me.”

“I have to go and sort myself out. Ashley, I’m sorry.”
He opened his mouth to speak further, but quickly closed it again as he saw her grief-stricken expression. She saw the conflict flash across his eyes before he turned silently and walked out of the door.

Hearing the lock click closed,
Ashley crumbled to the floor in a tearful mess. She felt her eyes swell to the point of pain as moisture continued to pool and fall against her cheeks. This was it... she was finally home and alone in the flat without Gabby. A thickness clogged the back of her throat causing discomfort as she tried to swallow.

Squeezing her eyes shut,
she tried to block out everything around her. She tried to forget about Gabby's mountain of high heeled shoes that were piled in the doorway, or her various items of clothing that were strewn about the living room. Each reminder felt like a new stab into her already wounded heart.

Directing her face up to the sky, Ashley let out a soft sob.
“What am I supposed to do now, hey? Gabby, tell me what to do!” Soft tremors wracked her petite frame as she tried to seek out some form of answer to her question.

Her tears continued to fall, and
the muscles in Ashley's arms and legs felt instantly tight and stiff as her body slowly numbed from head to toe. She felt as if she had become paralyzed without knowing. Every nerve ending in her body felt the same.

She was f
rozen.

Staying in the same spot, Ashley cried to the point of pure exhaustion.
It wasn’t until the overwhelming pressure and tiredness in her eyes became too much that she finally forced herself into bed. She didn't want to sleep, but knew that her body could take no more. She flicked her eyes towards the hallway and her open bedroom door that seemed so far away.

“
Come on,” she breathed, trying to motivate herself to get up.

Placing both of her palms on the floor, Ashley pushed up with all of the strength she could muster from within. The twinges and aches of protest she felt in her muscles were not enough to deter her as she stoo
d and made her way towards the open door and her invitingly comfy looking bed.

~

Fortunately, despite the heavy thoughts and emotions swirling around her mind, Ashley had been able to fall quickly into a deep sleep. As soon as her head had hit the soft and fluffy pillows that adorned her bed, her eyes were closed and her breaths had grown shallower. It was this position she had remained in for a number of hours until she was rudely roused from her sleepy depths.

She had been oblivious to the constant knocking on the door. It hadn't been loud enough to wake her until the knocks
had turned into almighty pounds.

Mumbling
softly, she allowed her eyes to adjust to the light streaming in through the window. Casting a glance towards the digital alarm clock on the bedside table, she was surprised to find it was almost midday.

“
I must have needed that sleep.” She lifted her right hand and gingerly rubbed the side of her face as a yawn escaped her lips.

The pounding on the door resumed as Ashley slipped her feet into her
slippers and pulled on a large hooded jumper. She exhaled a large breath. Clearly the person hammering on her door this morning had a death wish. Nobody in their right mind would bother her at this time on a Sunday.

“
Yeah, I'm coming,” she hollered, thrusting her hands into the pockets of her jumper. She stepped into the hallway, but hesitated as she approached Gabby's closed bedroom door. Instinctively, Ashley reached out and placed her hand against the wood.

She was truly gone.

After a brief stop in the hallway, she made her way towards the front door to silence the incessant banging. Reaching for the latch, she stilled her hand. “Who is it?”

“
You should have a peep hole.”

She recognised Ben's voice instantly and turned the latch on the door.
“How is that relevant?” she said, giving him a weak smile.

He
raised an eyebrow as he side-stepped past her into the living room. “Are you feeling alright?”

“
No,” she replied quietly, closing the door behind him and locking the latch. “I was asleep. Luckily it managed to evade my nightmares, so it didn’t hit me until I woke-up.”

“
Ashley...”

“Hmm?”
She acknowledged him and walked into the open plan kitchen. Opening the fridge, she stuck her head inside to inspect what they had. “Can I get you a drink, Ben?” She pulled out a bottle of water and cocked her head to the side waiting for his answer.

H
e shook his head. “Umm, no thanks. Listen, Ashl
—
”

“
Are you hungry?” she interrupted, her stomach rumbling loudly. “I could eat a freaking cow right about now. I'll make bacon or something?” She turned her back on him and began pulling out frying pans and other cooking utensils.

She was trying to keep busy, delaying the inevitable conversation that she could sense Ben was trying to prompt. She
wasn’t ready to talk about it right now.

Food was going to be her distraction.

She decided that it would take her mind off of things for a little while. Keeping busy was going to be the key to her survival.

As she placed the rashers of bacon into the pan, she flicked a glance over her shoulder at Ben. He was leaning against the back of the sofa,
a pair of swollen eyes focusing on her every movement. His hardened gaze was unnerving her, but she tried to not let it put her off.

“
So... I didn’t think you would be here so soon after you left?” She heard the curiosity in her own voice as she turned on the gas hob.

“
Ashley, is it wrong for me to be concerned about you?” He raised his arms into the air before bringing them down loudly against his thighs. “Is it wrong for me to be feeling extremely shitty about everything that happened when we got back last night? I wanted to be here for you, and to apologise again. I shouldn't have said what I did about you being selfish and not contacting me.”

She paused.

“I-I-I...” Stumbling over her words, she placed the spatula on the counter and turned to face him fully. “Please, Ben. I'm not ready to talk about it just yet.” She saw his jaw clench as she continued to speak. “I-I mean about last night that is.”

His eyes were unreadable as she quivered uncomfortably in front of him. Ashley felt the back of her throat growing increasingly dry as she forcefully gulped
down the remaining saliva in her mouth.

Jerking his head to the side,
Ben flared his nostrils wide. “I am so angry with myself, Ashley. If I could take back what I said last night then I would. I don't want you to be upset with me... I was just hurt.” She saw his hand curl against the jeans he wore. “I mean, I'm still hurting, and probably will be for a long time. But, it just feels even worse to know how much pain you must be in too.”

This was becoming too much for her. She
could sense pity in the way that he was speaking, which she didn’t really want.

“
Ben, I can’t talk about this anymore,” Ashley said, her body shaking from head to toe. She quickly bolted from the room to hide the rush of tears that were falling helplessly from her eyes.

“
Ashley, stop!”

She heard Ben shout
and instinctively reached out for the nearest door to escape. Turning the knob, she mistakenly pushed straight into Gabby's bedroom.

“
Huh?” It took her a few seconds before she grasped what she had done. Whilst she had opened the closest door off of the corridor to get away from the impending Gabby talk, she now found herself in a situation where it could no longer be avoided.

Her eyes flicked towards
the white wooden bed frame that dominated the centre of the room. The covers were strewn haphazardly over the mattress, which was Gabby's idea of actually making her bed.

“
Why did you run from me?” Ben placed his hands firmly on her shoulders and spun her around to face him. “Why are you acting like this? You know that you can't keep avoiding the conversation and shutting me out.” He dipped down and placed his face merely inches from her so that she could feel his heavy breath tickling against her lips.

“
Ben, you’re scaring me,” she whispered.

He shook her shoulders
lightly. “I brought you home from the hospital less than twelve hours ago, Ashley. You were... We were... Gabby...” He choked on his words once again as his eyes glassed over. “Fuck!” He loosened his hold on her and turned away. “I get it...” he sighed. “You aren't ready to talk about the accident yet. I just... I want to know what happened.” The skin around his eyes began to bunch together, his gaze becoming slowly pained. “But, I'm not going to push you into telling me. I will leave you for a few days if that's what you want?”

Ashley's
voice wavered as she took in his words. “I know that you want answers, but I just can’t give them to you right now. This is all too raw for me to do anything with at the moment. I’m sorry, Ben.”

“I understand, but talking about it will help you.”

“Ben, I can’t,” she pleaded. “Please don’t make me talk. It might be best if you left for today to give us both time to heal? You keep trying to push me.”

Raising his hand,
he tugged softly at his hair. Conflict flashed across his eyes as he focused on her determined expression. “Are you really going to shutdown the conversation like that?”

Ashley
felt nothing but empty and weak. Another wave of déjà vu was coming over her. She remembered being in a situation like this before. Maybe not in the same scenario, but it was damn near close enough.

“
Please leave me alone! I don’t want to see or talk to anybody. Nothing matters to me anymore...”

“But, Darling, you can’t go on like this.
You understand that this was your fault, right?”

“It was
n’t my fault. You and Daddy can’t blame me for it. I was the one that agreed to go with her... But, I didn’t cause this to happen. I’m... I’m... I’m not a monster!”

Ashley tried to shake off the
unwelcome memory that surfaced in her head. It was something she didn’t need on top of everything else right now. She had to focus.

Ben.
Ben. Ben.

She
knew that it wasn’t fair to bring him along on this journey she was about to face. What happened if the pain became so unbearable for her again that her mind and body closed down? Could she do it to him? Would he be able to cope with the lifelessness in her mind and soul?