Broken Souls (21 page)

“Introduce ourselves as what?” Ashley whispered, not liking the sound of where this was heading. “Ben, what’s going on?” Her voice was urgent as she demanded answers from him.

“I’ll tell you in a moment,” he replied, “when we get inside. Everything will become clear. I promise.”

He tightened his grasp and strode forward, his body weight pulling a reluctant Ashley alongside with him. They followed Ben’s father along the hall until they reached the threshold of the formal sitting room.

Standing in the doorway, both of them were on inspection as four pairs of eyes studied them carefully with waiting smiles.

The nervous tension in the air was palpable. It was enough to put Ashley on full guard with the people around her. She didn’t really trust anyone
in the room apart from Ben. But even he appeared to be acting a little different with her.

Ben cleared his throat. “I apologise for the short notice of this gathering, but
Ashley and I would like to receive your blessing.” He turned towards Ashley who was watching him with a slight look of panic etched across her eyes. She had no idea what he was talking about, or what he was seeking their parents’ blessing for.

“What are you doing?” she asked discreetly through gritted teeth. Her parents
had leaned forward at this point, clearly intrigued by where Ben’s statement was heading. She knew that it wouldn’t be long before her mother was bristling with impatience; her attention span was that of a small child, and she didn’t try very hard to hide this.

“I w
ant to ask Ashley to marry me.”

The words that left his mouth left her so stunned that she
was barely able to register the delightful smiles as Ben dropped to one knee in front of her. Everything happened so fast and sudden that she found it virtually impossible to process what was going on.

Still grasping her hand tightly,
Ben looked up at Ashley’s face with a mixture of nervousness and adoration, before he revealed a turquoise box wrapped with a satin ribbon. Her eyes zeroed in on the letters printed perfectly across the lid as her heartbeat quickly doubled in speed.

Despite her refusal to live a wealthy lifestyle alongside her parents, Ashley couldn’t deny
that the sight of a Tiffany & Co box didn’t bring excitement to every bone in her body. At the end of the day, she was still human and lusted after the occasional niceties in life just as everyone else did.

A
nd a Tiffany & Co engagement ring was no exception to that.

However, the moment was spoiled for her as she studied the man down on one knee in front.
Her eyes blurred as moisture pricked and threatened to escape.

He
wasn’t Marco.

He
wasn’t the man she had fallen for.

“Ash
ley?” Ben swallowed visibly as sweat beaded across his brow. He raised his eyebrows at her silence and squeezed her hand gently. “W-Will you please marry me?”

~

Numbness consumed and filled Ashley’s body as she stared mindlessly out of the window in her old bedroom. Perched on the edge of the bed, she took in the bustling street below, watching as people rushed home from work in the dim glow of the scattered streetlights. Their warm and cosy homes were calling to them, probably their loved ones were too as they waited patiently to welcome them. 

The
room she was in was dark aside from a faint glimmer that shone through from the busy street. It was exactly how Ashley liked it when she needed time to process. And especially after tonight, there was no doubt in her mind that she had things to consider.

“What do I do?” she whispered,
bringing her fist to her mouth so that she could gnaw lightly on the skin of her knuckles. Her teeth scraped against her flesh as tonight’s event replayed in her head.

Although she hadn’t agreed to marry
him, she hadn’t had the heart at the time to refuse him either. Her head was completely on a different level and not working in conjunction with her emotions. Instead, she had stood frozen and in complete silence, which had managed to annoy everyone somewhat. 

Ashley
knew what her mother had wanted her to do though. The stupid woman had all but taken the engagement ring off of Ben and accepted on her behalf earlier this evening. Thankfully, her father had managed to jump in at this point to calm the situation down before it had escalated out of hand.

“What are you playing at you silly girl?” her mother screeched as she gripped onto Ashley’s shoulders and shook her. “Say yes, Ashley. For God’s sake, will you say yes?”

She had chosen to ignore everyone. Her own parents, Ben’s parents, and actually even Ben himself. The whole idea had just hit her as a complete surprise. She hadn’t really known what to do or say until her father had intervened.

“Darling, go upstairs for a little while,” her father ordered as he tried to establish peace amongst the ruckus
her mother had caused. “I will come up and see you in a little while,” he reassured, shooting her a sympathetic smile.

She had locked the door behind
her when she had entered the bedroom and turned off the lights. Sitting on the edge of the bed listening to the commotion below, Ashley placed her head into her hands. It had been over thirty minutes since she had silently released her grip from Ben and headed straight for the stairs.

She was now starting to think that she had made a mistake.

Somebody was going to come up and see her shortly. It was the wrong decision she had made. If anything, the front door should have been her escape route, and not the staircase that would trap her.

“Darling?” She heard her father’s voice as he tried to open the bedroom door. “Ashley, can you open the door please?”

With a sigh, she heaved off the bed and walked over to the door. Flicking the lock open and turning on the bedroom light, she stepped back and braced herself for the inquisition she was no doubt going to face.

Surprisingly, it didn’t materialise. Instead, she felt the welcoming feel of her father’s arms around her as he pulled her into a tight embrace. The gesture was unexpected, and enough for the threatening tears to finally spill from her eyes. Her father... She had missed him so much over the years. A simple hug from him had been something she had yearned for since leaving home, but knew that she couldn’t have. In shutting out her mother from her life, she had
made the painful decision that also included her father, knowing that she couldn’t shut one without the other.

It had been hard on her. Af
ter all, she had been a daddy’s girl from a young age. He had understood her when her mother hadn’t. He had been the one that she had leaned on during the difficult time of Isabella’s death. Whereas her mother was more concerned about her social perception, and how it would impact their standing within the group.

But it had been unfortunate when he
had refused to see his own wife’s flaws. Regardless of how many times Ashley had pointed this out to him, he had refused to see past it, citing that it was just who she was.   

“Shush now, darling,” her father spoke softly into her hair as she sobbed. “You just let it all out.”

Within the safety of his arms, Ashley unleashed the memories and fears she had been bottling up for far too long. Visions of her and her mother flooded into her mind. The arguments between them had been harsh. She recalled the various occasions where her mother had belittled her for the birthmark. ‘The Ugly Stamp’ she had called it during more than a few incidents. It was her permanent reminder that she would never live up to her mother’s expectations and standards.

“I was talking with John’s wife, Mary, earlier today. She gave me a few things for us to have a look at,” her mother said, throwing down some brochures onto the end of her bed. “I think that cosmetic surgery could work quite well.”

“I don’t want to have my skin blasted with a laser,” Ashley replied, keeping her head down and her attention on the book she was reading. “Go away...”

Her head jerked back as her mother pulled forcefully on her ponytail. “Look at you,” she spat, her eyes darting over her bare face with disgust. “We have already had to put up with you killing your best friend and bringing shame on us
over the last few years. And now you are refusing to get that thing sorted on your face. Your father thought that you were too young when I first suggested it, and that we should listen to what you wanted. I’m tired of waiting, so we’re getting it done.”

Ashley’s hands went instantly to cup her face. Her body trembled from head to toe as her tears continued to burn her now swollen eyes.
Her mother had tried to own her life for too long. It was clear that no matter what she did, it would never be enough to satisfy her.

And now she wanted to choose the man that she was going to marry.

“S-S-She...” Ashley’s body quaked from her unrelenting sobs. “S-She wants me to marry him, right?” She withdrew from her father’s arms, so that she could look him in the eyes. “I didn’t expect this. I only came to ask for my phone back. He has taken me completely by surprise. It feels impulsive and too soon for this step.”

His expression softened as he took in his tearful daughter. “I didn’t want any of this for you,” he sighed. “But
your mother only wants what’s best for you, darling. She believes that Benjamin would be perfect. He comes from a highly respected family from within our circle, and he also has the capacity to look after you and give you the life that you deserve. We have known his parents for a long time, but I must say that this proposal did take us all by surprise as well when he mentioned it to us a few days ago. The young lad must be smitten with you.”

“We have been dating for a little bit, but I still haven’t given him a decision on whether I want to make our relationship official. I just think that
it’s a little rash. But then again, I feel like he is trying to protect me from something. Do I trust his decision and hope that my feelings for him strengthen?”

Her father pursed his lips.

“I still can’t believe that he loves me,” she replied quietly.

“What if Benjamin’s feelings have been building up for a few years?”

Ashley paused as her father’s comments hit home. They reminded her of her own feelings that had been building for a number of years. In reality, if what he was saying was true, then she and Ben were in very similar situations. The only problem was that their feelings were not necessarily towards each other, or at least, Ashley’s feelings weren’t. 

“Dad, I don’t
love
him,” she groaned, lowering her eyes to the floor. “I had curious feelings towards him, so I agreed to go on a few dates, but I think I’m in love with somebody else. I just can’t shake off what my heart is telling me to do. You understand this, right?”

“You are in love with Gabriela’s brother aren’t you?” he asked, wiping his palm across his cheek. “I could see it a mile away when he introduced himself to us at the funeral. Oh boy,” he said, inhaling a deep breath. “I’m not sure how well your mother will take this news. I fear that she has already made arrangements with Benjamin’s family to discuss suitable wedding plans.”

Ashley’s eyes bulged. “You see what I mean? This isn’t about what
she
wants, dad. This should be about me, and what I want in
my
life. And what I want is Marco... I’m not going to beat around it any longer. I’ve wasted the last few years of my life denying it, and now I’m ready to finally embrace it.”

“I understand,” her father repl
ied, leaning forward to press a kiss against her forehead. “But do me one favour?”

“Of course.”

“Could you please just speak to Benjamin first before you jump into any decisions? It might be best for you to listen to his feelings and hear what his heart is saying first.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t want to speak to me right now anyway,” she mumbled.

He placed two fingers under her chin, and tilted her gaze to meet his eyes. “He will have time for you, darling. If you would like to talk to him then I will send him up?”

She mulled over the offer for a couple of seconds before responding. Did she really want to see him right now? Would she be able to
handle his broken and fragile heart?

Ashley eventually sighed. “Bad news doesn’t improve with age. You’d better send him up.”

Ashley
paced backwards and forwards across the plush carpet beneath her feet, biding her time as she pondered what she was going to say to Ben when he appeared. It was going to be hard for both of them, she knew it. He had clearly developed feelings for her, which she definitely had not expected so soon.

The marriage proposal had taken her completely by surprise. It was the last thing she had anticipated would happen tonight. If anything, she
had thought that a brutal argument with her mother would have been on the cards.

“Ash?” She heard a tap on the bedroom door before it
was eased open by Ben.

She
stood still, her body coming to a complete halt as she studied the pained expression etched across his face. Each second that she spent watching him was like another sucker punch to her stomach. She had caused this pain he was feeling. The guilt wrapped and twisted around her like a Boa constrictor.  

“Can I come in?” he asked, shuffling
from foot to foot.

Ashley nodded and sat down on the corner of the large double bed. She placed her hands in the centre of her lap and waited.

“Look,” Ben started with a sigh. “I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. I get that you probably don’t want to hear anything from me right now, but I want to put it out there so you can make your decision.”

“Okay,
” she said, crossing one leg over the other.

Ben swallowed and
pulled at the collar of his shirt as he entered. Stopping halfway into the room, he raised his hand and rubbed across his jaw, a nervous jitter appearing to come over him.

“Ash, I’ve wanted you for a long time. Possibly longer than you
understand,” Ben said, his right foot starting to bounce up and down. “I mean, we have been friends for a while. Maybe not close friends like Gabby and I were, but we still had a friendship. And I mean... truthfully, I was always scared to get close to you.”

Guilt flooded Ashley’s body as she watched Ben
squirm under her guarded stare. His face flushed a deep shade of beetroot and moisture became visible on his forehead.

“
I didn’t really tell anybody how I felt. My parents have known for a while, but couldn’t get your parents to give you a gentle push in the right direction because you weren’t speaking with them.”

“But
asking me to marry you though?”

“I admit was spontaneous of me,
but
I would like you to give it some consideration. I know that I can look after you properly and be the man that you need. Someone who is going to care deeply for you and that wants to give you the world on a plate.”

“It’s just
—
”

Ben refused to let her speak and instead continued on with
his pitch. “I mean, your parents are getting old too, right? They may not be able to run their business with as much strength as they might have previously had. They will need your help soon, Ashley. As husband and wife we would do it together. We could make it succeed further between us. With the dental practice and your parents’ rental property business, we would be set for life. What do you think?” he suggested.

She absorbed his words carefully. It was true that Ben could probably provide her with a better li
fe than she could ever imagine, but was that really what she wanted? After escaping the social standings, the wealth and the snobbery for the last seven years, did she really want to steer her life back into it all again?

The answer to that question was
no.

That life was non-existent and unimportant to her now. She had moved on and established a career doing what she loved. It w
asn’t about running the ‘family business’ and pocketing the large amounts of wealth that came with it. Ashley just wanted to live her life as a normal human being without all of the added fuss that came from being within the elite upper tier of London’s social politics.

And then there was Ben himself. A man
, who from the outside, appeared to have absolutely everything a girl could ever dream of. He had the career, the personality and the looks. She could have it all if she just uttered the one word he was waiting for.

Her hand instinctively
rose to eye-level and she studied the bareness of her finger.
She pictured the Tiffany & Co ring on her wedding finger, a smile coming to her lips at the mere thought of the sparkling diamond that could be hers.

“I know that I will have to work hard for your love, Ashley.” Ben
spoke softly as he crept forward a couple of paces, trying to close the distance between their bodies. “But I’m prepared to work for it because you are worth more than you realise.” He reached out to cup her face, but Ashley flinched away from his touch.

His words pierced straight at her heart with a
jagged knife. She felt the pain radiate throughout her chest as it twisted and dug deeper until she could feel nothing but the excruciating ache that now resonated through her body. 

“
Cara, you are worth so much more than you realise.”

Marco’s voice echoed and swirled inside of her head, trying to remind her of the place where her heart lay. She would never be able to forget about
him... He would never allow it. But could she allow the space for Ben’s love to enter?

“I promise to make your life better than he would ever be able to,” Ben whispered, his face dropping lower into her personal space. “I won’t ever leave you by yourself, Ashley. I won’t abandon you when you need me most.” He placed his hand over his heart and looked
deeply into her eyes. “This... This belongs to you.”

Turning her head away to avoid the emotions swirling in Ben’s eyes, Ashley pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down hard. She tasted a faint hint of copper as she drew blood from her own tender flesh, the pain helping to distract her mind from the impossible question being asked of her.

“I
believe you,” Ashley murmured a few minutes later. Releasing her bottom lip, she turned back to Ben and gave him a brief smile. “I don’t doubt that you can provide me with everything I’ll ever need in life. But I have to decide if it’s what I really want. It just seems so sudden when we haven’t really been dating that long.”

She watched him carefully, her eyes studying the jittery edge to his posture.

“So you are going to make me wait for an answer that won’t ever materialise?” Ben asked with a sigh.

“
I’m sorry.”

Ashley knew that she couldn’t confirm or deny his proposal
without telling the man she knew she loved of her true feelings. If there was even the slightest of chances then she was going to take it.

“
I’ll leave you to it. It’s late,” he said, backing slowly towards the bedroom door. His leg was jittering uncontrollably now and it was growing more and more noticeable.

Ashley stood from the bed and slowly followed his footsteps. “
You okay?” she asked, nodding towards his leg.

“I’m fine. Listen, we’ll speak tomorrow, alright?” He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss against her cheek before he pulled the door closed behind him and left her alone for the night.

~

Bright light beamed through the bedroom window, practically blinding Ashley before she had properly woken up. A yawn escaped her lips as she stretched her arms above her head and tilted back to look at the ceiling.

It was mint green.

Ashley’s head snapped back
down as she gripped her abdomen tightly. Her stomach rolled and churned uncomfortably with nerves, and immediately she regretted her decision to stay at her parent’s house.

“
What the hell am I doing here?” she muttered, taking in her old bedroom once again with wide eyes.

It was
serene, coloured in pastel shades of green, blue and white that were supposed to relax the mind and body; although the room had an opposite effect on Ashley. It bumped her worry and paranoia to new heights. The room held so many memories that she had struggled to shut out since moving.

“Good morning, darling,” her mother sung cheerfully as she breezed into the room and pulled open the pale coloured curtains. She turned on the spot and looked over to where Ashley was sat in the centre of the bed, her hair in a messy up-do and still wearing the clothes she had change
d into at the hospital. Her lips pursed as she took in her ragged appearance. “Do you have any make-up for that,” she said, pointing at the birthmark on her face and neck.

Ashley raised her chin defiantly. “No, mother,” she replied irritably, “I do not have any make-up with me. You may have forgotten, but I was held in a hospital for two days without any of my possessions. But if you happen to have some then I will gladly take it from you along with my phone please.”

“Oh, look at this,” her mother said as she approached the notice board above Ashley’s old desk. It was very similar to the set-up she had created in her current bedroom where her memories were pinned above her bed. “I remember this,” she sighed, ripping a photo from its pins. “Do you remember this, Ashley? That was such a lovely weekend with Isabella and her parents...” She paused briefly, taking in her daughter’s expression. “It’s a shame we don’t get to see Alistair and Victoria anymore.”

Ashley averted her eyes and cleared her throat. A trip down memory lane with her unstable mother wasn’t exactly what she had in mind for this morning. If anything, she had expected a battle on her hands over Ben’s proposal, which she was surprised at the lack of mentioning.

“You lowered your eyes,” her mother said as she approached the bed. “Do you feel ashamed? Is that why you are hiding your face from me?” She threw the picture onto Ashley’s lap. “That was the weekend before you took their daughter away from them, and turned your father and I into social outcasts,” she screeched.

Ashley flinched as her pitch grew higher and higher. “I-I-I...” She couldn’t speak as she studied the old photograph in front of her.

Two young girls had their arms wrapped around each other, their bond appearing to be unbreakable. Both girls wore their hair in pretty plaits with ribbons that matched the colours of their brightly coloured sundresses. Ashley had worn yellow and Isabella had been in pink. The photo had been taken by their child-minder, Chrissy, who had accompanied the two families for an afternoon in Hyde Park.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Ashley cried out as the memory of the following Friday flashed before her eyes.

“Bye, Chrissy!” Ashley waved happily alongside Isabella at the school gate as she reversed her car back up the small street.

“Do you have your stuff?” Isabella asked, turning towards Ashley with a grin. “We need to change out of our uniform before anybody sees us.”

Ashley pulled off her backpack and looked towards her best friend with uncertainty. “Are you sure about this, Issy? What if our parents find out? I mean, you know what my mum is like...”

“Quit being such a baby,” Isabella laughed, pushing her into a nearby set of bushes so that they could change.
“Do you want to meet Jack Bronitt or not?”

“Of course I do. I’ve
waited ages for this CD signing,” she said, yanking a denim skirt and ballet pumps from her bag. She changed quickly, crumpling and throwing her school uniform into her backpack, before heading back onto the pavement to wait for Isabella to finish.

Emerging thirty seconds later, Isabella flashed
a triumphant grin as she threw her bag over her shoulder, and threaded her arm with Ashley’s. “Come on, we need to get going, so we are back in time before school is over.”

Ashley grasped at the sheets underneath her body, her knuckles turning white from the sheer force of her grip. She could hear voices circulating in the room around her as tears rolled over her cheeks.

“What the heck is wrong with you, Jackie?” She heard her father shouting as he entered the bedroom. In an instant, she felt his supportive arm around her as he tried to lower her so that she was flat on the bed. “Calm down, Ashley,” he whispered against her ear, his hand trying to relax her grip on the sheets.

“I told you, Rupert, our daughter is crazy!”

Ashley looked up at her father’s face. She pleaded with her eyes for him to understand what he was doing—what her
mother
was doing.

“What’s going on?” Ben’s voice was urgent as he came barrelling in through the open door. “Ash
ley, are you alright?”

“Oh, Benjamin,” her mother sobbed
, hurling herself towards him. “She is so sick. We were just talking and she took that picture of Isabella off of her wall and started screaming at me. Before I had chance to call her father, she just glassed over in this trance like state.”

“She’s lying,” Ashley whispered to her father as the muscles in her hands started to relax. Her body was starting to come down from the earlier flashback. “You have to do something,” she begged, watching
out of the corner of her eye as her mother spun lie after lie to Ben.