Broken Memphis (26 page)

Trigger laughs. "Do you really think Joker won't put a bullet in your head as soon as I'm dead?"

"Why not kill me now?" Madden asks, staring his dad in the eyes. "You're as good as dead. The guys loyal to you are dead. Joker won. If he wants to kill me, he can go ahead. I just hope he lets me live long enough to see you scream."

"I ain't gonna scream, boy. I didn't get where I'm at by being a bitch."

Crossing my arms, I wonder about the body count Trigger's left behind in his long, violent life. I'm guessing he's killed dozens and ordered the deaths of hundreds. Most were scum, yet more than a few were innocents like Madden's mom and Sabine.

Trigger's all smiles until Ginger enters the room. The hate between them fills the air.

"I told you I'd be back," she says, grinning and carrying an ax.

"The slut returns."

Ginger smiles wider. "I saw your face when Madden turned on you. You were so surprised. Made me laugh to see you so surprised. No one fucks over as many people as you have and doesn't end up in this situation."

"I won't scream," Trigger spits.

"Not like Sabine, huh? We'll see." Ginger hands a machete to Madden. "I promised you'd get the first shot. Let's do this thing and ditch him at the quarry. All the crap from this afternoon means I didn't get lunch or dinner."

"Your mom suffered," Trigger says to his son.

"I know," Madden replies full of indifference. "Wouldn't be you to let her die quick."

When Madden glances at Joker for the okay, Trigger nearly snarls to see his boy taking orders from a traitor. I wonder if the old man is capable of understanding how he set this all in motion months ago. Does he care about how his friends died protecting Trigger's ego and legacy?

Once the machete comes down on Trigger's bicep, he's only thinking how he WILL NOT SCREAM. I see the struggle on his face.

"How many licks?" Ford whispers to me.

I get the reference and smile. Ginger chops Trigger at the calf. Madden nails his dad in the thigh. Both are careful to avoid the arteries. They don't want him bleeding out before they're done.

The answer to how many licks is ten. The winning strike goes to Ginger who does a little dance when Trigger cries out. For just a moment, I see us from an outsider's view. We're fucking psychos butchering a man. Stepping back farther though, I see how many lives Trigger's butchered. I even let myself think of Sabine hooked up to two trucks and torn apart. At a different time, I could have been standing next to the old man watching her die. I would have let it happen too, just like I let Trigger get hacked to death.

Club life ain't pretty, but I can't look away.

50

Bebe

Breaking Free of Yesterday

Sleep ends the moment I sense Pax entering the room. Startled awake, I forget my hip and move too quickly. Even gasping in pain, I need to erase the space between us. Pax is a ray of light in a long damn dark night.

Meeting me halfway, he holds back. I even worry he's angry with me, but I refuse to restrain myself. Wrapping him in my arms, I sigh with relief when he hugs me back.

"Are you okay?"

"I guess. How is Tallulah?" he asks, holding me tightly while glancing at our little girl.

"She woke up a few times but not in pain. She just doesn't like it here."

"We'll go home soon."

"Is it safe?"

Pax finally meets my gaze. His blue eyes scream fatigue, but I see something worse in them.

"Is Ford okay?" I ask, looking around. "Where's Shay?"

"They left a few minutes ago. The closing door woke you up."

"What's wrong? Do we need to leave Little Memphis?"

"No," he mumbles, allowing his fingers to slide down my hips. "We're in charge. Trigger is gone. Things will be crazy for a while with the shootings and people going missing. There were a couple fires on the West Side too. In a few weeks, the holidays will knock the violence off the front pages. People will begin to forget. That's how things roll in Little Memphis."

"What about you?"

"I'm just tired. I wanted to be here all night, and now I am. Soon we'll be home. I'm sure Folgers will have pissed in his fave corners. Oh, the tree will have gotten a squirt or two. Good thing we didn't add the presents yet."

I study Pax, wondering why he feels so distant. Our bodies press together, yet he feels so far away.

"Pax," I whisper, wanting to say a million things, but afraid they'll sound all wrong.

His hands go to my face, and I'm startled by the intensity in his eyes.

"Say you love me."

"I love you."

"Say you forgive me."

"You know I do."

"Say it."

"I forgive you, Paxton Reed."

He sighs, and the tension leaves him a little. "Say you know what kind of man I am and you still want to marry me."

"I know you're a good man to those you care about and you're a bad man to those who deserve it."

Pax gives me a weak smile. "I want to do right by you."

"You do and you will. When you mess up, we'll work through it. Just like when I mess up."

"You're perfect."

"I'm really not."

Studying my face, he smiles easier. "I can't see a single flaw."

"You're tired."

"I want a family with you. I want to build a piece of normal for us. I need to try to have what I didn't get as a kid. With you and Tallulah, I know it'll work."

"I want more kids too, and I only want them with you."

"I'll die to protect them, and I'll love Tallulah like she's my own."

"You already love her like that. I see it in your eyes whenever you look at her."

Pax nods, but I see the last day has eaten away at him. "When I couldn't find you at the mall, I realized how dumb the rest of my worries were. If I have my family, I'm solid. The rest is details."

Studying him, I whisper. "It's okay to be scared. Life does whatever the hell it wants, and we just hold on for the ride."

"Sometimes the ride ends in a flaming crash."

"Sometimes it doesn't. That's all we can hope for."

Pax glances at Tallulah, who stirs at the sound of our voices. I turn his face back to me.

"I've never been in a real relationship with a man who cared about me. I promise to try to keep my past from fucking up our future."

His smile warms the cold fear in my gut. Once again, he's the Pax I know and love. The guy who laughs at farts and rolls around on the ground with his dog. The guy who opened his home and heart to my little girl and me.

My Pax shakes off the darkness of yesterday and embraces the possibilities of tomorrow.

51

Pax

Guilty Heart

Before the hospital discharges Tallulah, I walk to the other side of the building to the intensive care unit. Lucky stands when I open the door. Based on his speed, if I was a threat, he'd have put a bullet in me. A moment passes before the tension leaves him and he returns to his chair.

I walk to the bed and look at Jenn. All the machines beep steadily, and I tell myself that's a good thing. Lies feel good these days, but Lucky isn't in the position to bullshit himself.

"How bad is it?" I ask, cutting through the crap.

"She's breathing on her own."

"Has she woken up?"

"A little, but I don't think she understands what's happened."

I glance at Lucky. "Do you need anything?"

"No. The kids are coming back to town. Lupe is bringing them to the hospital tonight," Lucky says, grimacing at the coffee he drinks. "Isn't your kid going home today?"

"Yeah. They're finishing up the paperwork now."

"You be careful out there. I worry about any Trigger supporters still hanging around."

"I know, but unless they're suicidal, there's no reason to make a move now. What's done is done, and there's no bringing back yesterday."

"I suppose. Makes me nervous though, especially having Ryder running around alive."

"Ginger's people escorted the little fuck and his mom out Little Memphis. They'll keep an eye on Ryder for a while to make sure he gets settled."

"He could come back."

"Madden thinks his brother likes living too much to come back. That might change one day, but the kid and his mom have the money to start over. Trigger had money stashed everywhere. Madden gave a good chunk to his brother. Let's hope Ryder finds a girl and falls in love so he has a reason to want to keep living."

"Yeah, love'll change a man in all kinds of ways."

My mind goes to Bebe and her limping towards me this morning. Even exhausted and banged up, she was too fucking beautiful. I ache to feel her under me soon. I miss her in my arms, but I'll need to keep on missing her until Tallulah is home and comfortable.

Lucky doesn't want to talk or do anything that'll distract from staring at his woman. I leave him and return to the kids' side of the hospital. By the time I arrive, Tallulah is dressed to go. She's still sporting a bandage on her forehead and a cast on her arm. Otherwise, she's the same little girl I said goodbye to yesterday morning.

Bebe sits in the backseat of the SUV with Tallulah. Earlier in the day, Ford and Shay picked up Folgers and called the maid to clean up whatever needed cleaning. We arrive home to a house smelling of Pine Sol rather than our dog locked in house for eighteen hours.

Tallulah is very concerned about Folgers but settles down once I turn on the Christmas lights. Bebe limps around the house, getting herself organized. First, she takes a shower. Then she shuffles around making sandwiches. Finally, Tallulah crashes from the pain meds, and I can get Bebe alone.

Her eyes are tired, and her body needs rest. I can't stop myself from taking her in my arms and carrying her downstairs. Bebe says nothing while I walk. Her lips nuzzle my neck, but I notice her grimace when I rest her on the bed.

Yanking off my shirt, I kneel before her and press her hands on my chest.

"I need you to touch me so I know this is real. I still feel like I'm at the mall, but I never find you and Tallulah."

Bebe cups my face. "We're safe, and you killed the fuckers who hurt us."

My thoughts return to Zombie. When I couldn't shake that he might still be alive, Ford and I did go back to look for his body. We only found his boot with his foot and a rat inside. No doubt there was more of him nearby, but that was all I needed to see.

I know he's dead. I saw Trigger take his last breath too. Those men are no longer threats, but I can't shake the pain in my chest.

Kissing Bebe, I try to relax in the sweet flavor of her lips. She melts in my arms as I lean her back on the bed. Her sweatpants slide off. Then I remove the rest of her clothes. Once I have Bebe naked, I see the ugly bruises streaking from her left thigh to her waist.

Overwhelmed, I sit on the bed and hold my head. Even with her warm body spread out for me, I'm back at the mall.

"I'm why Zombie shot up the mall. He went after you and Tallulah because I pissed him off."

"He was a freak. You didn't make him do anything," she whispers, running her fingers down my back.

"I challenged him."

"He was a sick fuck."

"I know, but I'm why he focused his sick fuckness on you. I'm why he shot up the mall and why Perri is dead and Jenn almost died. I'm why that guy whose name I don't even know died. That's on me. If Zombie shot up a different place, it would be on someone else."

Bebe says nothing because there's nothing to say. I live a dangerous life and stare down dangerous men. One of those dangerous men killed her friend and nearly killed her. Tallulah has a broken arm because of what I did at Chuck E. Cheese. Bebe can't rearrange reality to make my guilt a lie.

"If Ginger didn't piss off Trigger, Sabine would be alive," Bebe says, leaning her face against my back. "Or maybe Sabine would be dead anyway. If Mom had worked a different job, she'd be alive or maybe she wouldn't. Maybe my life would have been better or maybe it would have been worse. If I didn't fuck Howie, he wouldn't have sold Tallulah to Taz. She wouldn't exist either. Bad things happen because bad people do bad things. If you hadn't stood up to Zombie that day, maybe he would have though you were weak, so he'd come to hurt me and Tallulah on a different day. Then maybe you wouldn't get there and we wouldn't make it out battered but alive. I know I'm just going on and on, but I can't make what I'm thinking sound right."

Bebe runs her fingers through my hair. "Bad things happened to me before I ever met you. Tallulah was nearly ripped out of my womb because Howie wanted to sell her. You aren't the reason bad things happen, Pax. Zombie was a monster destroying lives before you ever met him."

"He taunted me before he shot up the mall. I was why he was there. I mean, I know what you're saying. I know I didn't make him into a freak. He killed Maggie like he killed plenty of women before. He did horrible things, but I feel like I put a target on you and Tallulah. I feel like you staying with me will keep that target there. I feel like you should leave me, but I can't let you go. I need you to stay because nothing for me will ever be good without you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"My life is full of blood and evil fuckers."

"It also saved me from Taz. Your life gave you this home and Folgers and the chance to meet me and Tallulah."

Forcing me to turn around, Bebe cradles my face against her chest. "You're exhausted after a long few days, and you can't see the beauty of our life. You only see the pain. You've been in the cold all night. Now you need to remember how warm your life really is."

Even feeling like shit, I can't deny the soft welcome of her tits. I see those dark nipples, and my tongue needs to taste. Her sigh encouraging my hunger, I slide off the bed and kneel between her legs. Bebe whimpers at my nipping teeth on her hard nubs.

Her battered body turns to jelly until she can't remain upright. Collapsing on the bed, Bebe gently scratches at my arms and shoulders while I ravish her tits. Freeing my painfully hard dick from my jeans, I kiss Bebe softly. She clings to me, wanting to feel me inside her. Yet lifting her legs to wrap around me causes her pain.