Broken Glass (35 page)

He looked over at me and smiled.

“Ava,”
he said
. “This is certainly a surprise.” His eyes weren’t sad like they had
been the last time I’d seen him
at the funeral. There was some other kind of emotion in them now…that same kind of emotion that was throwing my heart all out of rhythm
.

“Yeah, I was hoping to catch your mom,” I said, awkwardly. “Uh, is she here?”

“You just missed her,” Conner informed me. “She actually won’t be back until Tuesday.”

“Oh,” I said. “Um, okay, well, thanks anyway. See you.” I turned to leave.

“Hey, wait a minute,” Conner said suddenly. I turned back around.

“Yeah?”

“I…” he started, but he looked as if he was at a loss for words. “If you…I mean, I…” He was verbally fumbling helplessly now.

“Conner, seriously,” I said then. “You don’t have to
—
”

“I was just wondering if you’d like to join me for lunch,” he broke in, grinning broadly. “I would really enjoy the company.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

“That’d be…sure,” I replied.

“Great,” he said. “Let me just lock up Mum’s office and we’ll go. Is Luna’s all right with you?”

I winced. L
una’s. Tyson. Loads of memories.

“Um, how about Rock’s Diner instead?” I suggested. Conner knew. His eyes were slightly wider with embarrassment.

“That sounds great,” he replied.

“I’ll just meet you over there, ok?” I told him. “I’ve gotta go say hey to Henry and Shakespeare.”

“All right.” He was grinning from ear to ear.

It’d only been two weeks since I’d seen Henry and Shakespeare, but it seemed like two years. They were in the leisure room when I stepped out of Julianne’s office. Shakespeare looked up just as I was walking over to them and practically flew out of his seat. He all but tackled me before I could even get within six feet of them.

“Shake!” I let out a loud laugh. “I can’t breathe!”

“What are you doing here?
” Henry was up now, too, rushing
over.

“Just stopped by for a visit,” I smiled at them.

“Ava, you look so good,” Shakespeare grinned. “Who knew you could fill out a pair of jeans?”

They both laughed and I blushed slightly.

“Shut up,” I replied. “I can’t stay long today. I just wanted to stop in and say hello. Have you talked to Channing?”

“She came by just yesterday actually,” Henry said. “I told her you left, and she got your address from Josephine.”

“How is she?” I asked. Henry shrugged.

“Still a little shaken up,” Henry said. “Her brother disappeared last week. Left a note about how he was too depressed about Aurelia to stick around.”

“Oh no,” I frowned. “Poor Channing. I wish something good could happen to her.”

“She’s got you for a
friend,” Shakespeare said, smiling slightly. “That’s a great thing.”

I hugged them both then.

“I miss you guys,” I murmured. “I’ll try to come back soon, stay longer.”

“What’re you in such a rush for anyway?” Henry asked me. I blushed again.

“Lunch with Conner,” I admitted. “It’s no big deal. Just catching up…”

They both were nodding skeptically.

“Oh shut up!” I exclaimed, and they both started laughing. “I’ll see you later!”

On the drive over to Rock’s Diner, I was surprised when Tyson appeared in the passenger seat.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you,” I commented, glancing at him.

“
Yep
,” he replied. “
You didn’t tell Henry or Shakespeare about seeing me
.”

“I’m not sure how to tell them something like that, Tyson,” I replied, in a soft voice. “They’ve got enough to deal with.”

“
What are you doing, Ava
?” he asked me.

“Having lunch with Conner,” I replied, quietly. I was afraid he’d be mad.

“It’s nothing special,” I added quickly. “Just lunch. Just a one-time thing. I’m just being nice
—
”

“
Ava, quit rambling
,” Tyson said, with a crooked smile and a wink. “
Just have a good time. And remember what I told you
.”

“Tyson, can I ask you something?” I said suddenly. He waited.

“Why aren’t you in Heaven?” I whispered, glancing over at him again. “Why
—
” But he was gone before I could finish.

Needless to say, I walked into the diner very rattled. Conner could tell immediately, as I sat down across from him in the booth.

“What is it, Ava?”
he asked. “Are you all right, lo
v
e
?”

“Yes,” I said, man
aging a short laugh. “I’m fine.” I picked up a menu and
pretended to read it. Conner placed one of his hands on one of mine. I lay the menu back down on the table.

“Where do you think we go when we die?” I whispered, my bottom lip quivering. A look of sadn
ess passed through his eyes
.

“I don’t know, Ava,” he replied. “There’s really no telling, is there? Many people believe many different things.”

“What do you believe?” I asked him. He didn’t answer right away.

“Well,” he finally said, thoughtfully. “I believe in a Heaven…but I don’t necessarily believe that you go right to Heaven when you die.”

“Where do you think we go?”

“I’m not sure, really. Maybe a sort of limbo. Somewhere we must stay until we take care of ‘unfinished business’…something we were meant to do on earth and didn’t. Fulfilling our purpose.”

“So, if you die young, it’ll be a while before you get to Heaven?” I concluded, my eyes welling up with tears of hopelessness. Conner just looked at me for a moment.

“Ava, I’m not God,” Conner said. “It’s only what I believe, all right? It doesn’t mean that’s what happens. None of us will ever truly know until we die.”

“Do you believe in ghosts, Conner?” I asked him then. “In spirits? Lost souls?”

“Ava, what is this really about?” Conner asked, staring hard at me.

“If I tell you something, you have to promise not to think I’m crazy,” I said, lowering my voice. He smiled.

“I promise I won’t think you’re crazy,” he replied. The waitress came then, interrupting our drama, took our orders, and then went away.

“All right, Ava
, what is it?” Conner asked. I took a deep breath and told him, as calmly as possible, about Tyson’s ghost. I told him everything. About how Tyson had started showing up right after I’d left Cranevi
lle and
about how Jake saw him, too. After
I was finished, all was silent
between us.

“Will you say something?!” I exclaimed finally, si
ghing. “
I knew
you’d think I was friggin’ nuts!
”

“Ava, I don’t think you’re nuts,” Conner said, his eyes meeting mine. “I-I really don’t know what to thin
k.” He took my hands in his
and gave them a reassuring squeeze.

“But I’m glad you told me,” he said, softly. Two tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Me, too,” I said, and
I began to cry silently.

We were in that diner for two hours. Not much was said. I tried to stifle my tears, but I was unsuccessful.
Conner had no consoling words, but
just a sympathetic touch of his hand on mine.

He finally suggested that we get out of that place and go somewhere else
—
anywhere
else. When he asked me where I wanted to go, at first I wa
sn’t sure. Then there was a distant
whisper
in my ear.

“
Constantine County Dam
,” Tyson told me. “
Go
.”

So we went. Conner followed me in his car up to Constantine, since he didn’t really know his way around. Tyson showed up on the way.

“Why am I taking him up here, Ty?” I demanded, glancing over at the passenger seat.

“
Why not, Ava
?” was his reply.

“Because it’s our place!” I said, huffily. “It’s where you first kissed me, remember, Tyson?”

“
Of course I remember
,” he said calmly. “
But why do you want to hide it? Are you going to stay away from that place forever just because I’m gone
?”

“God, Ty
son
, why are you doing this to me?”

“
It’s not just about you, Ava
,” Tyson’s voice was soft now, and I felt a cold chill on my hand. “I
can’t move on until
you
do
.”

And then he was gone.

27
.

“Tyson kissed me up here for the first time when we were seventeen,” I told Conner, breaking a half hour’s silence. We were sitting on the cement bridge at the top of the dam. Conner glanced up at me from a twig he’d broken into twenty-something pieces.

“Is that why you brought me up here?” he asked, sighing. “So that you could tell me that?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, looking down.

“Wel
l, I’ve got to go,” he said
, getting to his feet. He managed a stressed smile. “Thanks for having lunch with me, Ava. It was…nice.”

I looked up at him, frowning.

“I’
m sorry, Conner,” I said
. “I know you’re pro
bably sick of hearing about him.
”

“No, I
—
” he began, but then, something in his face changed and his eyes became a bright green.

“You know what?” he said, sitting back down in front of me. “I
am
tired of it, Ava. I’ve been really good about not saying anything, but I can’t do it anymore. It isn’t fair. I know you loved Tyson, okay? I know, I know,
I know
. And I know that a huge chunk of you died wi
th him. And you know what, Ava,
it’s
okay
to be in love with him forever. It’s okay. But you’ve got to move on with your life.
You are still alive and Tyson is dead
. You cannot live your life by the blueprint of a
memory.”

“I know,” I whispered, avoiding his eyes as a warm tear rolled down my cheek.

“Ava, look at me,” his voice was gentle. He put his hand under my chin to lift my face so that I was looking at him.

“I’m sorry,” I said, more tears beginning to cascade down my cheeks. “I’m sorry I can’t
—
” I choked on my words.

“Ava, Tyson is
n’t in Heaven,” Conner said
. “I believe you when you say you see his ghost…remember what I said about ‘unfinished business’? About not being able to move on after you die until you’ve taken care of what you need to take care of on earth? Well,
you’re
his unfinished business, Ava. He can’t leave this limbo he’s in until you are born again into this new world God has given to you.”

“I-I don’t know h-how,” I stammered through my tears. “I can’t…I don’t h-have the st-strength. I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Don’t say that,” Conner said firmly, putting his fingers to my
lips
.
“I don’t know how many times it will take for me to tell you how hopelessly I am in love with you, but here I am telling you again. I am hopelessly in love with you, Ava Darton, and being away from you for these last two weeks has been devastating. I won’t stand for a happy medium, though…not anymore. Either I’m with you every day, taking care of you, falling even more hopelessly in love with you…or I’m gone. I can’t wait on you forever, it drives me mad
—
it’ll surely put me in Craneville.”

I surprised myself when I laughed at this.

“Conner, you…” I started to say, but I found my voice fading as his eyes met mine.

“My heart has been breaking every minute since I met you,” he whispered, his eyes becoming a little misty. “All I want is to love you…to take care of you
—
” His voice broke suddenly and he looked away from me.

“Conner,” I murmured, taking my hand and putting his to his cheek so that I could turn his head towards me. His hands were on either sides of my face then, and he pulled my lips to his.

This was different than when he’d kissed me before. I felt all
of
the love he had to offer me and every single crack I’d put in his heart over the past few months.