Broken Fairytales (38 page)

He took a deep breath and looked at me, searching my eyes to see if I’d pulled anything away from his diatribe. I fingered his hair that was falling over his forehead. Looking down at me, his hair falling around his face, he looked so angelic. I touched his full lips, running my finger over them, tracing their perfection.

“Okay,” I said, nodding my head a few times.

It was like his words had hit me over the head, and I saw exactly what
he
was
talking about.
I’d been
pushing and pulling myself in so many directions in an effort to find the right one that I was just walking in circles, never really reaching a destination. I was trying to be who I thought Chase thought I should be and Rachel and Molly and Zack, and it was exactly what I’d done my entire life
, but what I should have realized was that everyone I was trying to emulate was an individual in their own right and couldn’t be duplicated. What I should have been doing was carving out who I wanted to be and what made me an individual.

Zack
kissed me once,
his lips pressing against mine
,
and smiled
. It was
as if
he had seen
the light bulb go off above my head.
When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against
mine for a few beats as we both
basked in
the intimacy
in
being that close to someone
.

“
Zack, I don’t want you to think I’m stepping over my bounds here, but y
ou sound like you’
re speaking from experience,
”
I said, biting my lip and appraising him as he pulled away from me.

“
I am
,” he
said
. He seemed
guarded
all of a sudden
as he looked up at me through his thick lashes.
“
I’m not proud of it, bu
t
there
was a point in my life
where I did a lot of things I shouldn’t have and made some really stupid decisions that almost cost me everything. I realized too late that I was trying to be who I thought I wanted to be, and
when I stepped back and looked at my life, I knew
that
wasn’t who I wanted to be i
n the long run.”

“
Who
do you want
to be
in the long run?” I asked, realizing he’d never really talked about the future. When he’d opened up
a few nights earlier
, it had all been about the past, and even then it seemed he’d left out a few key details.

“
Someone who my mom can be proud of
,” he said simply
.

“I think that’s sweet,” I s
aid
.

“
It’s the least I can do,” he said
softly, his gaze dropping
.
“I disappointed her a lot, so I’m just glad I get the chance to show her that
I really am
a good person.”

“Zack,
you are a good person,” I insisted,
lifting his chin so he was looking at me.

He
regarded me carefully, as if weighing how much he wanted to share
. “I wasn’t. For a long time, I let a lot of shit go to my head, and I did a lot of things I wish I could take back. I thought I was invincible. Then I found out I wasn’t.”

He
leaned back
and
raked his hand back through his hair, and I waited for him to continue,
hoping he would give me some insight
into what he’d done and what had happened, but he didn’t say anything else, and
I was left to guess what sort of
objectionable
things he’d took refuge in
.

He shook
his
head.
“
My mom
found out
about
some of the things I was into, and she was pissed – really pissed which was surprising, because my mom had always been really cool. She never cared about my bike or my tattoos like my dad did; she just wanted me to be happy, so I figured she’d be cool about the other stuff but she wasn’t. When she found out, she laid into me like she never had before, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I was letting her down more. Then she told me her cancer was back.” He shuddered, as if remembering the conversation.

My jaw dropped as multiple questions fought to come out of my mouth, but I held them in.
As much as I felt inclined to ask for details, a part of me
almost didn’t want to know
, because if I thought about it, I c
ould probably figure it out
what exactly he’d been into
, and
truthfully, if
he wasn’t that
guy anymore, then I
really
didn’t need to know.

“That must have been a hard way to find out she was sick again.”

He nodded. “It was, but it also
smacked me into reality, and she knew it.
I quit everything right then and there – gave it all up. I knew what she was dealing with and what the next few months would hold, and there was no way I was going to add me to her list of things to worry about.
She needed
to focus on her treatments. She did not need to
sit around wondering if
one day
she was going to get a phone call from a police officer letting her know her son was dead. I couldn’t do that to her
.”

My head was spinning. The download of information he’d just given me was overwhelming, and I wasn’t sure how to process it all.
Zack was watching me intensely, as if trying to gauge my reaction.

“Are you sure you don’t want to rethink things?” he asked, and I knew he was asking again if I wanted to take a chance on him.

He’d told me how he felt, so I knew he didn’t want me to walk away, but he also knew that with everything he’d just disclosed, walking away might be an appealing option for me, and he was giving me an out if I wanted one.

I swallowed
and leaned up on my elbows in an effort to get my bearings. He was so different than any other guy I’d
ever
dated, and I had a feeling he’d never dated someone like me
before
. He was skeptical, and honestly, he probably expected me to bail after everything he’d told me. So because of that, I wouldn’t do that to him.

“
Is it true that
you don’t date?” I asked
, diverting the conversation
.

“I’m here wit
h you,” he said
, and I could tell I’d caught him off-guard
.

I
laughed, a
nd it came out a little forced
. “If this is your definition of a date, then I feel sorry for the girls you go out with.”

“Well what would you call this
then
?” he asked
, and his mouth curved up into his trademark smirk
,
as
despondent
, sullen Zack disappeared and was replaced by the playful guy I’d been with most of the night.
He was a master at flipping the switch on his emotions.

“I would call this having fun,
” I said, teasingly. “O
r at the very leas
t, friends with benefits, but this
is definitely not a date.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he said as he leaned forward and kissed me, no doubt trying to distract m
e from my train of thought
.

“So is this what you do with girls?” I asked, giving in to his kisses, but using my tremen
dous multi-tasking skills to get him to answer my original question
.

“Not really,” he said, as he kissed his way to my ear. “What’s with the third degree?”

He whispered that before he nibbled on my ear, and I let my head drop back as remembered feelings from our time in the ocean hit me once again.

“Daphne told me I should
n’t
waste my time
with you
because you don’t date,” I said, just a little breathlessly.

“Oh yeah? Well Daphne needs to mind her own business,” he said, as he tugged at my towel. I let it fall to my waist as h
is lips moved lower over my breasts
.

“I think she likes you,” I said, my breath becoming shallower with each passing moment.

“I think I like you,” he said, looking up at me with those
thick-lashed light brown eyes that made me lose my focus when I stared directly into them.

“Well, in that case, carry on,” I said, giving in to him once and for all, my burning questions forgotten.

Chapter
Nineteen

That Fri
day, after much cajoling
, I convinced Z
ack to let me see him play
his regular gig at
Phil’s
.
I could tell he was nervous for me to watch him
play
,
but
he
tried to hide it as he sa
t me at a table right up front with a bucket of Coronas.
After setting up his equipment, he had a few minutes
before he had to go on
, so he sat with me and had a few beers
to calm his nerves
.

He was in a good mood that night and had been for the past few days. We hadn’t talked abou
t that night on the beach and our
intense conversation again, but I hadn’t forgotten any of what he’d said. I knew he had a dark past, but I also knew he was trying his hardest to keep it in the past, so I did what I could and tried to keep things light and just focused on having fun with him.

“Do you like living here?” I asked
,
a
s I wedged a lime into my
beer, put my thumb over the top and tipped it upside down.

He took
a long swig of his beer, and
I noticed he’d taken the ring out of his eyebrow again.
I could guess why, looking around at the patrons of the bar who were waiting anxiously for him to play.

“I live at the beach
,” he said, pulling my focus back to him “
What’s not to like
.”

It was obvious h
e was talking a good game
. I
could tell he was holding back
, but didn’t want to press the issue
. Living on the island was a blessing and a curse for him, and I wondered how alone he felt when the place wasn’t bustling with
the summer crowds
and his family wasn’t visiting
.

“Do you miss your friends?”

He shrugged
, fingering the straw cowboy hat he’d tossed on the table in front of him
.
“I make it back to Durham from time to time, but I lost touch with a lot of people
when I left
. I mainly just hang out at Leo’s bar when I go back there
now
.
That way
I g
et to see some of my old friends
when they come in
.”

“Leo owns a bar?”

Zack nodded. “Yeah, it’s called Devil’s Hangout. Have you been?”

I shook my head. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but I wasn’t sure I’d been there before.

“It’s a cool place. They have live music a lot. You should check it out
when you’re back at school. Leo wi
ll give you free drinks,” he said, grinning widely at me.

“Do you ever play there when you visit?” I asked, coyly.

He smiled sheepishly at me. “I’ve been known to play there before. It might have even been where I first played live. I don’t know.”

God, he was cute when was being self-conscious.
He rarely showed that side of himself, but when he did, it was incredibly endearing, and I just wanted to pinch his cheeks.

“Well, maybe I’ll go, if you’re playing that is.”

He started to stand up. “You might want to hold that thought until you’ve seen me play live,” he said, grinning at me,
as he placed the cowboy hat on his head, and if it was possible, he looked
even
more adorable than usual.

Zack
took his seat on the stool he’d set up behind the microphone
,
and
all
around us conversations stopped.

“Hey ya’ll. Welcome to
Phil’s Tavern
. I’m Zack
Easton
, and unfortunately for you
,
I’m the entertainment for the night.” That garnered a few chuckles from the audience and a few jabs I could tell were from other locals.
I noticed he’d dialed up his accent just a bit.
I was pretty sure I’d never heard him say ya’ll before.
“
I will be taking requests
and am not bashful about
taking tips, especially if your tip is that I need to keep my day job, because you are probably right.”