Broken Dreams (Franklin Blues #2) (7 page)

I open my eyes and look around. There are hundreds of twinkling lights intertwined in the trees. They are all blinking at different rates which makes it look like the stars are right here in this field with us.

“Oh my God, Lance, it’s beautiful. I can’t believe you did all this. Wait, you’ve been with me all day, when did you have time to do all this?”

I’m still looking around when I come face to face with Lance, and he has the biggest smile on his face. I run up to him and throw my arms around his neck while he picks me up and spins me around. I’m laughing, I’m so giddy. I have a sudden urge to tell him my feelings, so I decide to go with it and see what happens, “Lance, I love you.”

Lance

“Lance, I love you.”

Did I hear what I think I heard? I stop spinning and place her on the ground. I look into her eyes, and she’s looking at me with such love in her eyes that I know that I’ve heard right.

“You love me, really? Please don’t mess with me. I have wanted to say those words to you for a while now, so if you don’t mean it or you didn’t mean to say it, tell me now.”

With the way she’s looking back at me, I’m not sure how I could ever doubt her feelings for me.

“Lance, I have been lost for a long time. I went from guy to guy after my last serious relationship failed. I never thought I would find the right one for me. When I finally realized I can’t have children, the one man who was supposed to love me until death do us part, cheated on me. To make matters worse, he got his mistress, my then best friend, pregnant. I gave up after that and knew no man would ever love me if he wanted to have a family. Then you came along and blew that out of the water. You showed me that I am a person who deserves love, even if I do have this giant flaw.”

She looks away from me like she’s embarrassed about what she has said, and I have a feeling she’s not telling me everything about her previous marriage, but I’m not going to push it. I use my index finger to hook under her chin so she has to look at me.

“Amy, the fact that you love me has made me the happiest man in the world. I love you too, so much. I don’t care that you think you can’t have kids, because there are kids out there that don’t have loving parents and we will take them all. I want you. You are the air I breathe, and if you weren’t in my life it would be a dark world. I will do anything to make you smile. Your smile lights up the room, and it sure as hell brightens up even my darkest of days. When I go back into the field, your love is what is going to keep me safe.”

She reaches up and hooks her hands around my neck while I lean down to brush my lips against hers. Our lips move in perfect sync with each other. She wants to deepen it, but I won’t allow it. Our kisses have always been so passionate, but tonight we need to slow it down. I pull away and look at her, her eyes are still closed, but she has a small smile on her face. She finally looks up at me and that small smile gets bigger.

“Let’s eat dinner shall we? Don’t judge me about what we are going to have for dinner because I am a guy after all,” I joke and take her by the hand, leading her over to the table. When I lift up the lids to our plates to reveal cheeseburgers and fries, she starts laughing, and when I look up, she’s shaking her head at me.

“Hey, I told you not to judge me. It was the only thing that I knew for a fact you’d be okay with for dinner. I know how much you love the cheeseburgers and fries from your favorite diner in town. Every time we go there you order the same thing, so I figured what better meal to have than your favorite. If you want something else let me know.” I’m rambling and she is staring at me like I’ve grown another head. I had another purpose of bringing her here. I needed to butter up before I ask her to the annual police charity ball. I usually don’t go because that’s not my scene, but I really want to go this year since she’ll be on my arm. I want her to be able to get all dolled up and I want to show her off.

“Can we sit down and eat,” she asks and I pull her chair out from underneath the table and wait for her to start sitting down before I push it back in. I go over to the other side of the table and dig into my food. I’ve been so nervous about tonight I haven’t eaten all day. I know I sound like a chick, but I want to make her happy, she’s everything to me.

“So, Amy, I need to ask you a very important question. I love you, and I want to be with you, so I need to ask you something very important.”

“No, I’m not ready for marriage,” she interrupts me.

“Wait, what? That is so not what I was going to ask you, but it’s nice to know that you would tell me no.” I shoot her a wink and continue on, “What I wanted to ask you is, the policeman’s annual charity ball is coming up in about seven months and I would love nothing more than for you to go with me.”

I sit and wait for her reaction. I can tell by the look on her face that she’s relieved that I’m not proposing. She sits and thinks about it for a minute before she finally answers me.

“Lance, I would love to go with you. What girl wouldn’t want to get all dolled up in a fancy dress to go out with her man? I’m sorry about interrupting you earlier; I need to make sure you know that I’m nowhere near ready to get married. Honestly, I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt.”

I’m still kind of shocked that she’s been married before. She’s too young to have been married and divorced, but his loss is definitely my gain.

“Care to explain that one? I don’t know a lot about your marriage to him.”

She takes a deep breath and a drink of her beer. “Well, as you know, I tried for about three years to get pregnant and I couldn’t no matter what I tried. I married straight out of high school at the ripe old age of 18. We were high school sweethearts, and I always thought we’d be together forever. About a year into our marriage, we started trying to have a family. After about a year of trying and nothing was working, we went to the doctor. His sperm count was normal, but for whatever reason I still couldn’t conceive. We tried several rounds of IVF, and one took, but I miscarried shortly after. Nothing after that worked. On the day of our last appointment, we were told the IVF once again didn’t take, and I was devastated. We had used up all of the life insurance money that I was left after my parent’s death. Jeremy had gotten into a bad argument with someone on the phone after he went into is home office when we got home, and stormed out of the house. I decided to go for a drive around Nashville, and was gone probably close to four hours. When I came home, I found him in bed with my best friend. I had a decision to make, I could either be the pyscho wife or the calm one who left, so I packed my shit and left. About two months after I left he called. Turns out, my ex-husband and ex-best friend were pregnant. He finally got what he wanted, and I was stuck knowing it wasn’t me who could give it to him. After that, I came to the conclusion that no man could ever love me, especially if I couldn’t conceive, so I started the whole no strings attached sex thing. If men could do it, why couldn’t I? It wasn’t until you that I realized how empty that was.”

She looks over at me and has tears running down her cheeks. I really would like to beat the shit out of her douche ex, but I know that I can’t do that, so I get up, take her by the hand and go back to my chair, pulling her onto my lap and holding her while she cries.

“Amy, I love you so much. We are going to have a house full of kids one day, and I will love you until my dying breath. Your ex’s loss is definitely my gain. Now, why don’t we get out of here and go home?”

Home, I like the sound of that. Now, to get her to move in with me because there’s no way I’m letting her go back to her house.

We pack up the rest of the beer and walk back to the car hand in hand. I start the car and head in the direction of my house. The whole way there I try to think of ways to convince her that she needs to move in with me.

Amy

The last five weeks have been amazing. Lance has gone back to work, but until he’s cleared by the department shrink, he’s on desk duty. He’s pissed off about it and is constantly bitching about it, and I try to ignore it because I know I would be upset if I were in his shoes. He’s so passionate about his job, and I have a feeling it won’t take him long at all to get back on the streets again, doing what he loves.

I decide that Hailee and I need a girls’ day. We are leaving Scarlett with the boys and we are going to get our nails done. We haven’t hung out in forever, and I need my best friend. I have received some very shocking news and I’m not sure how to take it.

I went to the doctor for my annual physical. I hate these things, I always feel so violated even though I know my doctor is only doing her job. I’m the type of woman who has to have a female doctor because I don’t feel comfortable letting a guy all up in my business.

“Amy, how have you been feeling? You are probably the healthiest patient that I have.”

I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a compliment so I shrug. I have been feeling off lately, but I think it’s the change of weather and I tell her that. She asks what’s been going on.

“I’m not really sure Dr. Pierce. I’ve been feeling off. I can’t really explain it.” She says that we are going to take a look to see if we can figure it out.

She starts the exam, and is mumbling to herself. “Amy, did you do the urine test already? I have a feeling I know what is making you feel off, but I don’t want to say anything until I know for sure.” I nod my head at her. It’s always the first thing I do when I come in, even though I don’t see the point, I’m sterile, the doctor in Nashville confirmed it when I was married with Jeremy. He never said those words, but Jeremy had a ‘perfect sperm count’ so it had to be because I am sterile.

“Well, let me go see if the results are back yet, sit tight and I’ll be right back.” She gets up and walks out of the room, leaving me sitting here wondering what in the fuck can be wrong with me. I wish I could get dressed, these paper gowns are very drafty and I’m getting cold. I get up to get my hoodie when the doctor walks back in.

“Well, it’s as I suspected, Amy. You’re pregnant.” I must be hearing things because I could’ve sworn she said I was pregnant. There’s no way in hell that I can be pregnant.

“Um, doc, are you sure? There’s no way I’m pregnant. You must’ve gotten the samples mixed up, I can’t have kids. I was pretty much told that it would never happen.”

The doctor shakes her head. “I’m positive. Let me go grab an ultrasound machine and we’ll go ahead and see how far along you are, okay?”

I couldn’t even answer her, there are so many things running through my head. What is Lance going to think? Is he going to be happy? Mad? I’m so screwed. I know he wants kids, but I this is too damn soon in our relationship. I love him with all my heart, and the more I think about it the more excited I start to get.

“Okay Amy, are we ready?”

I’m shaken out of my memory when I hear Hailee call my name. I look over at her, and her face changes when she looks at me.

“Amy, what’s wrong? I can tell by looking at you that something is really wrong. You look like you’re about to cry.” Damn her for knowing me so well, but that’s the type of friendship we have, we can communicate with our facial expressions.

“Hailee I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m screwed.” I can feel the tears falling down my face, and I don’t try to stop them. I’m so beyond confused.

“Okay, why don’t you start from the beginning? I have a feeling whatever is going on has something to do with your past, but I’m not fully aware of what that past really is.”

I take a deep breath. She’s right; I never have told her the full story. It makes me feel like a bad friend, but she had so much going on that time and I didn’t want to pile all my shit on her too.

I start telling her about my past, about my parents dying when I was ten, my marriage to Jeremy and the failed attempts at getting pregnant, the cheating, and meeting Lance. She sits and listens intently the whole time, only nodding her head, but not saying anything.

“Okay, two things. One, I’m so sorry about your parents. To have to witness something like that. I know I watched as my dad had his heart attack, but what you went through is so much different than mine. Two, your ex-husband was a douche bag, but what does that have to do with you and Lance? Are you breaking up with him? Because if you do I’m not sure it will work. That boy is so in love with you that he’d follow you around on his hands and knees, begging for you to come back.”

I shake my head. Well, I guess I better go ahead and say it, “I’m pregnant. We conceived the first time we had sex. It’s too soon for us to have a baby.” I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes again.

“Amy, I’m pretty sure I said the same thing to you when I was pregnant. No one can say it’s too soon except you and Lance. If he loves you and you love him, then time is insignificant. Do you love Lance?”

I nod my head, there’s a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow so nodding will have to work.

“Okay, now let’s talk about how you’re going to tell him. I have an idea, but we’ll need Shawn’s help. Is it okay if he knows because I have something epic in mind that we can do?”

I nod my head. “Are you sure he won’t tell Lance?”

“I’m positive. Let’s go and start planning.”

We spent the next three hours planning how I will tell him, and I have to admit, it is going to be awesome.

On my drive home I couldn’t help but think that this is how my life was supposed to pan out. I was never supposed to have kids with Jeremy; my body was waiting for the right man, waiting for Lance to come along. I am getting more and more excited about it the more I thought about it. Lance is it for me, and when I pulled into the driveway and see his SUV there, I get butterflies in my stomach.

“Well Little Bit, you ready to go see Daddy? We aren’t telling him about you yet, but when we do he’s going to be so happy. Mommy knows it.” I rub my belly a few times then open my door. For the first time since my parents died, I’m feeling hopeful about my life.