Broken (37 page)

“No,” she finally said.

He looked away for a moment. “If you change your mind, will you tell me?” He found her eyes again for her answer.

She nodded.

“If I let go, will you sit here long enough for me to have my say?”

She nodded again, but when he released her, she scooted against the wall, drew her knees up and pulled the covers around her.

He sighed out of frustration—or anger, she couldn’t tell. “I made you a promise . . .” He paused, obviously not happy with her current state of mind or position on the bed. He twisted around and slid closer so he sat cross legged in front of her. He put his finger under her chin and raised it so their eyes met. “I need you to look at me.”

“Okay,” she replied, her voice an even monotone.

“I made a promise to you that day near the falls and even if I have to build a wall between us, I intend to keep it. I will not take that from you.”

Kira heard his words and understood them, but what she felt inside was something totally different. “You don’t want me?”

His facial expression went from one emotion to another and back again so quickly, she couldn’t decipher them. He slid off the bed and paced between the bed and the door on the opposite wall, only stopping long enough to huff out a lung full of air and throw up his hands.

“Is that really what you think?” he finally asked.

“Yeah. You seem different here. I thought at first it was because of what Zerek did, that you were afraid of hurting me. Or maybe all my ugly scars, but now I can’t give you an heir and with Serena still alive . . .” She didn’t want to say the next part. It hurt too much and it wasn’t the truth. “If you want to take me home, I’ll understand.”

He looked as if she’d shot him with one of her arrows—like she’d truly broken his heart. “Oh, Kira. You are wrong. You are so wrong.” He crossed the floor in two steps, but stopped before reaching the bed, like he feared getting too close.

“My hunger and thirst for blood is not the only desire stronger in this world. I haven’t become accustomed to it, yet. Every emotion, every appetite and craving is ten fold. It is all I can do to be in the same room with you. The scent of your hair as it catches a breeze through a window sends me almost to my knees. I tease you about gaining a resistance to your scent, but the truth is, I have no resistance. A simple touch of your hand or brush of your lips on the tip of my finger and it is all I can do to keep from . . .” His body shook as he turned away. “And talking about it makes it worse.”

He sat on the bed, his back to her. “When I walked through that door tonight and saw you standing there in my shirt, I thought I was dreaming. You have no idea what you do to me. The part of me that is animal does not understand why I cannot have you now, why I must hold back.” He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “And the part of me that is a man loves you too much to let that happen.”

Kira needed to believe him now more than ever. She needed to trust his words—to know in her heart that he spoke the truth. But as much as she tried, she still felt alone and unsure of his feelings for her.

He turned to face her. “If I hold you, will you behave?” he asked with a smirk.

Kira smiled, despite the sadness in her heart. “I’ll try.” Then she moved to the other side of the bed and adjusted the covers so he could slide in next to her.

They stayed that way for most of the night—too afraid to move. When the fire had all but gone out, a small stream of sunlight crept in through the one section of window not covered with ivy. She ventured a kiss on Octavion’s exposed shoulder, but met with his rebuke. An instant later he reconsidered, allowing a moment of innocent intimacy as he pressed his lips to hers.

“Happy now?” he asked, flashing his dimples.

“I guess it will have to do,” she teased. She had to admit she felt better now that she’d slept in his arms.

He threw back the covers and stood, stretching and twisting out the kinks from sleeping in one place all night. She knew because she needed to do the same.

“Your gown should be dry now. While you dress I am going for a swim.” He stepped to the door and turned the latch, but before he opened it, he shot her a mischievous look. “The cold water will do me good.”

She giggled.

“Not funny, Kira,” he said over his shoulder as he left the cottage, closing the door behind him.

She quickly threw on her dress, but had more difficulty lacing the front than the day before. Most of her middle finger, her knuckle and part of her hand were purple and green and ached severely. Octavion was probably right about it being broken. What she wouldn’t give for her healing powers to return. Several times since Altaria returned to her body, Kira tried using the Crystor to heal or send her thoughts, but it still didn’t work. The only change she’d noticed was an occasional itch where it rubbed against her skin. Extremely frustrating, to say the least.

When Octavion returned from his swim, he took back his shirt and bandaged Kira’s hand. Then he adjusted the ribbon on the front of her dress and helped her put the combs back in her hair. His gentle hands put her at ease and solidified his words of affirmation from the night before. If what he’d said was true, he loved her. And the fact that Serena lived did nothing to change those feelings.

It was still early when he whisked her away to the castle and they saw only a few servants going about their business. Luka stood near the bottom of the staircase as they entered, a smirk planted firmly on his face.

“Well, well. Sneaking in early in the morning, eh?” he said as they passed.

Octavion grabbed the front of his cousin’s shirt and put his partially transformed face only inches from Luka’s. Kira didn’t hear the words they shared with their minds, but when Octavion finished with him, Luka sincerely apologized and walked off with his imaginary tail between his legs.

“Excuse my cousin’s rudeness. He is not used to being around a real lady.” They continued up the stairs, stopping in front of her opened door.

“Please don’t go,” she begged.

“Do not worry, I will see you tonight. Do you think you can stay out of trouble that long?”

Kira wanted to drag him into his lair and put him in chains to keep him from leaving her. “I suppose.”

He gave her a quick kiss and closed the door between them. As much as she wanted to believe he’d be safe, she couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that had settled in her heart. Something wasn’t right.

***

When Octavion reached the bottom of the stairs, his father waited—his expression grave.

“What has happened?” Octavion asked.
Is Altaria all right?

Yes.
“I must inform you on another matter. Perhaps we should speak in private.”

A few moments later they stood in his father’s private room, a few glowing stones filling the space with light. Belesgar paced the floor, rubbing the stubble on his chin with his fingers. “We had unexpected visitors while you were away.” He stopped and faced his son. “Two men from Panthera’s Royal guard.”

Octavion’s heart clenched. “They came for me?”

“No. King Ramla heard of your journey to Kira’s world and wanted to make sure you understood the oath you made. That no place existed where you could hide and he not find you.”

Octavion ran his fingers through his hair. They’d been watching him. “What did you tell them?”

“That you are a man of your word and will honor your agreement. But what I should have said is how foolish you are. How could you give up everything so easily? Have you no love for your people or your family? Do we mean nothing to you?”

“You think this was easy for me? I love Xantara and the thought of leaving my home and the people I care for goes against everything I am—everything you raised me to be.”

Belesgar moved closer, his fingers curled into fists. “But you gave it all up for what—the love of a woman we know nothing about?”

Octavion stared into his father’s eyes. The pain he saw there nearly broke him in two. “I love her. What else could I do? Would you not have given everything to save my mother or Estaria?”

Belesgar let the tension out of his shoulders. He sat on the bench and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I would give up everything for a mere moment with them.” He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I would do the same for you. It took all my strength not to beg for your release, to give all I own in exchange for the price you agreed to pay.”

“Father.” Octavion sat next to him and placed his hand on his shoulder. “This is my burden to bear. I hope you know my swearing allegiance to Panthera means nothing to me, that I will forever see you as my king and Xantara as my home.”

Belesgar turned to face his son, his eyes moist for the first time since Octavion could remember. “Ramla is a good king. He will treat you fairly.”

“But he is not my father and will never hold a place in my heart as you do.”

His father looked down at his hands dangling between his knees. “I never told you about your mother, what she sacrificed to be my queen. Her father had promised her to another and became very angry when I asked for her hand. He said if she chose to be bound to me, he would disown her, that she’d lose everything.”

Belesgar smiled at the memory. “I actually tried to talk her out of it—convince her to forget about me—but she was a stubborn woman and would not hear of it. She said we were meant to create something grand together.”

He looked at Octavion. “She loved Shandira with all her heart, but the day you were born, she saw something special in your eyes. She lived long enough to hold you in her arms and see bits and pieces of your future in a vision. She never told me what she saw, only how proud she was of the decisions you would make and how you would choose to live. Then she said something that made little sense at the time, but now . . .”

Octavion swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. Even after years of pleading, his father had never spoken of the day his mother died—the same day Octavion had been born. “What did she say?”

Belesgar straightened and looked intently into his son’s eyes. “It was her dying breath. She looked into your soul and whispered, ‘Such sorrow.’ I thought she described how she felt about leaving you, but perhaps she saw how you feel now and the great sorrow you will endure when the time comes for you to leave.”

Such sorrow.
Her words would echo in his mind for the rest of his life and described how he felt perfectly. The thought of leaving Kira and his family constantly tore at him and the threat that Ramla’s guards could whisk him away that very day, made it all too real. He had to find a way to tell Kira before it was too late. He needed her to hear it from him.

Kira’s first order of business was to clean the mess Ussay and she made trying to find a dress. She didn’t bother with wrapping the ball gowns, just hung them and threw the linens in the corner. She’d worry about that later.

After she changed out of her dress and into something simpler, she set out to find Ussay. She half expected her to be waiting in Kira’s room when she’d returned earlier, but since she wasn’t there she knew Ussay must be with Mara. Kira couldn’t wait to find out the details of Ussay’s date with Cade.

As Kira neared Mara’s sleeping chambers, the door flew open and an older woman walked out with an armful of dirty linens. She curtsied then continued down the hall, disappearing through a small doorway at the end. Since she’d left the door ajar Kira assumed it would be all right to enter. She found Mara sitting in the chair near the window nursing Ethan.

“Good morning, dear,” Mara said.

Kira averted her eyes. Mara hadn’t bothered to cover herself and Kira got an eyeful. “I’m so sorry, Mara. I should have knocked.”

“Nonsense. Did you enjoy the festivities? I do not recall seeing you after the Khapri.”

Kira pretended to fix her hair in a nearby mirror, giving Mara the privacy she didn’t think she needed. “Octavion took me to the meadow. It was fun. Have you seen Ussay this morning? I need to talk to her.”

Mara finished with Ethan, laid him across her lap and buttoned her dress. “I believe she is in the village. I gave most of the staff the day off for their hard work yesterday. They were up most of the night cleaning. Perhaps I could have Nestor fetch her for you when he returns.”

The same image of Shandira grabbing Arela flashed through Kira’s head. She spun around to face Mara. “Return? You mean he’s not here?”

Mara smiled. “All is well, my dear. He is merely taking Arela riding. He felt she was being neglected with all the attention on Ethan. He presented her with a pony this morning.”

“Oh, well that’s nice.” The panic that ran through her each time an image popped into her head was about to give her heart failure. She had to stop letting her imagination get the better of her. “I think I’ll go back to my room and rest. Maybe he can take me up to see . . .” Kira didn’t want to say Lydia’s name out loud in case one of the servants lingered in the hallway.

Mara understood. “How is she?”

“Stubborn. Maybe a little impatient. I think she’s frustrated with not being well.”

“That will all come in time, my dear. We must be grateful she will recover.”