Broken (3 page)

I had tucked my hopes of loving Noel again away deep inside. It was the reason I woke up every morning. To know that realizing my dream was so close but so far was excruciating. How could my frail frame hold such pains without bursting? Behind the guise of a smile and the enchantment of a girl's eyes would grow the deepest sorrow I had ever known. Had a final death come to our love? Was it only me who still thought of us and how we used to be long ago? Losing Mama was horrific. But if I had lost her
forever, yet knew she was alive somewhere, I would try. I would try every day to find her.

“The Saloon @ 2. Pick you up in half,” a text from Sierra said. I walked up to my room. I caught a glimpse of Nana napping. I looked at my watch. Thirty minutes until Sierra would be here. I had to clean my face before anyone could see me.

I watched Dimitri make a wide U-turn on Main Street. He parked the Ferrari right in front of the Saloon and gave a head nod to a few seniors standing outside. He walked through the wooden Western-style shutter doors. Each side of the room had labels: east and west. Dimitri walked to the east side. I was still upset with him about our conversation earlier. He just told me things whenever he felt like it. I stood at the bar quietly. Sierra was in the corner with Frenchy. I smiled to say hi to a girl from my AP Chemistry class. I was in no hurry to return to the table. It was pretty crowded in the Saloon.

The Saloon was a chill hangout. The stainless-steel bar glistened from across the room. The flat-screen on the east side of the room played hip-hop and R&B music videos. The flat-screen on the west side of the room played pop and rock music videos. The ceiling was full of strobe lights. The windows were tinted a special electric blue so you could see out, but it was hard to see in.

Dimitri settled into a corner booth with a few of his old high school acquaintances. Something told me he was too thrilled about being a freshman in college. He refused to get housing near school. I ran into him often with his high school friends at the house and occasionally in the neighborhood.

Cara—a mystery to me, at best—had just sauntered through the shutter doors. She gave Sierra and Frenchy a head nod. I guessed that was going around this season. Bold island colors were back, and so was the head nod. She walked over to the bar with a slight twitch in her hips. The guys surely liked it. I caught a few eyeing her as she walked by. I caught myself watching people at times. I was beginning to think that how people moved, rather than what they said, told you what they were really about. For a while now, I'd been finding it hard to believe what people said. My father used to say a lot of things that now didn't mean anything. I didn't even think he remembered. Maybe Dimitri was right. Maybe I shouldn't remember so much. Part of why Sierra and Frenchy were my 24/7 was because they were the only two I could trust. Cara? Hmm. I didn't have an instinct on her yet. The channel was blocked. And her walk was questionable.

Tattoos were always of interest to me. I watched as Cara walked over to the twins. Her star tattoo on her back peaked through her shirt. “Where's Milan?” Cara asked the twins.

“Somewhere around here. What, you don't want to hang out with us?” Sierra asked. Frenchy's eyes searched Cara's. Then she looked away.

“Want to locate Milan? Why don't you start with her brother over there?” Frenchy pointed to Dimitri.

Clearly, they were annoyed with her. They wouldn't sic Dimitri on her unless they wanted to best her. Cara's eyes lit up. I was starting to feel a little bad. Hopefully she hadn't fallen for the earring and the smile. I thought about walking up to her, but my gut told me to hold on.

“Brother. Try him, I might,” Cara said.

“I thought you were the girl who had the deal on everything,” Sierra said.

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don't,” Cara said.

“He's really friendly,” Frenchy said.

“Wow! I wasn't thinking of that exact adjective,” Sierra said, nudging Frenchy.

I walked slowly through the crowd. I felt a tug on my arm. I turned around. A young boy had grabbed hold of my wrist. “Can I buy you a coffee or something? You're probably healthy. Too beautiful to be a coffee head. I mean … if you like coffee. Uh … it doesn't mean you're a coffee head,” he said. I laughed. He was very cute—just a little young. He had light brown eyes, long, curly hair, and a nice smile. He was five-foot-10, maybe.

In my mind, there was him and there was Noel.

“I'm Andrew. What's your name?” he said.

“I'm Milan,” I said.

“What are you doing around here?” he asked.

“First weekend out, right?”

“Oh. I've been out since last week. I was here. It wasn't as packed. You know,” he said.

“Thanks for asking … about the coffee. I just have to get over to my girls. Maybe I'll see you around, Andrew,” I said.

“Oh. Uh … okay, cool! Nice to meet you, Milan.” He shook my hand.

“Nice to meet. If you see me at the club or something, definitely shout. Maybe we can swim or something together.” I couldn't believe I said that. It just came out. Such a weird day so far.

As I walked through the crowd, I could feel the eyes watching me. I smiled at a few of the staring faces. This was nothing new. After my fifth cover and the Undercover Starlet campaign, anonymity ceased to exist.

Cara smiled at me. She had beauty across her face. But her vibe wasn't as pleasant. “Hey,” I said.

“Hey, Mommie,” Sierra said.

“Mimi,” Frenchy said. I double-kissed Frenchy, then Sierra, and lastly Cara.

“Hello, darling. You look quite cute today,” Cara said. All I had on was a basic white tank top, a deep blue denim miniskirt, and yellow leather kitten heels. Our styles were very different. Cara had on a teal tube top with matching teal jewelry and skin-tight skinny jeans. She was wearing five-inch yellow platform heels. The twins, yin and yang, were dressed in similar outfits, surprisingly. This hadn't happened since the second semester of junior year. Sierra was dressed in a white tube-top dress, flip-flops, and smoky eyes, which made her blue eyes pop more. Frenchy had on a soft pink crushed-cotton fitted tube dressed with baby-blue piping along the bottom and five-inch pink stilettos. She had on light pink shadow that made her blue eyes stand out. We all studied Kevyn Aucoin's book harder than we studied for chemistry.

“So what's up?” I asked.

“
Nada!
” Sierra said.

“I like that. Head-start on Spanish 2 next semester. We need it!” I laughed.

“Sweetie, we were just about to work the room and meet a couple of hotties. Do come with,” Cara said.

“I didn't say I was going,” Sierra said.

“Come on,” Cara tugged on Frenchy's arm.

We all started across the room. “So my Dad's assistant got over 40 celebrities confirmed for tonight's party. The DJ is so hot. He did MDNA's last tour!” Cara said. How much bragging could we take? This was a little unusual for us.

“And then what?” Sierra texted.

“Excuse me,” Frenchy walked off into the crowd.

“Some poor college boy, no doubt. She could find the brokest college rat even in this room,” Sierra said.

“Oh, stop it. That is not nice,” I said.

“Hopefully, he has a way to get home in the morning. We're supposed to be sharing a car. My grandfather promised to let her drive his old Camry, but she thinks I should drive that since I got my license after her. My car is working,” Sierra said. Yikes! I didn't want to talk about Frenchy. This was bad business. Sierra was supposed to be the angelic sister, and Frenchy was the storm.

“See any cute guys yet?” I asked.

“The jury is still out,” Sierra said. Just then, I felt a light touch on my shoulder. It kind of tickled. I turned around and was met with friendly dark eyes. He was about six-
foot-two. He was built, too. He had athletic broad shoulders, muscular legs, and a cute crooked smile. His T-shirt and cargo shorts were really lacrosse-boyish. He reminded me of a comic book character. He was kind of like Jughead with more of a sun-kissed complexion.

Had I eaten one too many five-cent bubble gums wrapped in Archie comics? I guess this made me Veronica—I laughed at the thought.

“I'm Merek,” he said. I turned around for a second. Sierra was out of sight. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Cara had made a beeline for Dimitri. Odd, yet interesting. What did she want with him? What did she want with us, for that matter? Maybe just to be friends. Was I that rusty at making new friends?

“I'm Milan.”

“You seem to know many people from my school,” he said.

“Is that so?”

“Maybe I should know you. You go there?” he asked.

“Yeah. What year are you?”

“I'll be a senior next year,” he said.

“Where did you go before?”

“Beverly Hills High.”

“A West coaster! That's where the wicked tan comes from. Beach bum.” I laughed.

He had very fine features. His petite nose added to my comic book theory. It was as if someone had drawn his nose. He had big, manly hands. I noticed because he kept fumbling with them.

“Well, not a true, as you call it, West coast boy. My father is a diplomat. I've lived in a few places. For now, we call New York home,” he said.

“Good choice.”

“Now that I met you. I will thank my father. New York is a great choice,” he said.

I felt something about him. Odd.

“Did you have something to drink?” he asked.

“Chai Tea Latte is my drink.”

He stood there for a moment, thinking.

“Uh. I got it,” he said.

I watched him walk away. What was I doing? He turned around and walked back toward me. I bit my lip a little. It'd been two years since I let a guy buy me anything. And for good reason, I had to remind myself. “I see you came here with three girls. Do they want something?”

“It's okay. I don't see all of them at the moment. Don't worry. That was sweet, though,” I said.

“Okay. Chai Tea Latte. I'm all over it.” He touched my elbow before he walked off.

I didn't want to stare. I walked through the crowd a little. I couldn't help but watch Cara and Dimitri. My first inconspicuous spot wasn't good enough. I couldn't see her lips moving. I moved behind these two girls.

“Hi,” one said.

“Hey,” I smiled. Jackpot! This was good. Very good!

Cara had her hand on Dimitri's lap under the table. Was she doing … what was she doing? She swung her legs over his lap. “My throat is so dry,” she playfully rested her head on his shoulder. “Berry Lemonade on the rocks,” Cara continued.

Tai Simmons was walking over. Tai was one of Dimitri's ex-girlfriends. I didn't know much about their relationship. I did know that Dimitri was like Silly Putty in her hands. And she broke up with him. That couldn't be good for his ego. Almost anything less than worship was bad for his ego.

“Hey, boys,” Tai said. Tai moved like Catwoman. Every movement was slow, fluid, and filled with intrigue. Her skin was so clear. Even I had to conceal a blemish now and again. She walked with a confident, poised strut. She always wore heels, I remember that about her. When she'd come over to our house and take off her shoes, she'd walk around on her tippy toes. To know her was an experience. I was beginning to think Dimitri attracted these types of girls. I mean, I'd only known Cara for a week, yet she stood out in my mind as bold, if not alarming. I wasn't nearly as alarmed by the Ambulette that nearly ran me over last week because I didn't see it coming. It was funny: I had thought to myself—just my luck, traffic has slacked up just for me. Combine that with texting while jaywalking and—boom! You get me running for cover as the Ambulette hurls down the street. But, in my defense, the light was red.

Dimitri hurried out of the booth. He scooped Tai up in his arms. He hugged her so tight her face turned red. “What are you up to?” he said.

Tai raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Cara, then to Dimitri. He totally ignored it. I watched as Cara sized up Tai. Cara looked Tai over only a gazillion times
while Dimitri talked to her. I couldn't make out what Tai was saying because she turned her back to me. But I did catch Dimitri say, “I'll be there.”

Tai wrapped her arms around Dimitri. “And leave the underclassman trash at home!” she said. Dimitri nodded his head. Tai waved to Cara. Then she turned on her heel and glided away.

Cara was having a hissy fit. She huffed and puffed. Dimitri slid back into the booth. Cara climbed over him. I noticed she brushed up against him as she made her way out of the booth. He looked shocked. “8 p.m. at my house, if you want it,” she said.

I looked away. Had I just seen something I shouldn't have? I swear she said, “If you want it.” Hmmm. Maybe she said “If you want to”? There was no way to be 100 percent sure.

I wasn't an expert in guys. I probably knew the least about guys between the twins and myself.

“Milan, this is yours.” Merek had walked up to me. I pretended I didn't see him as he approached. I took my drink from him. I felt my heart flutter when his hand touched mine.

“Thank you,” I said. I tasted it. “Very sweet!”

“Not as sweet as your smile,” he said. I hadn't blushed in a long time. It was nice. For two moments, I had forgotten about Noel. I was in an alternate universe.

I caught a glimpse of Cara talking to Frenchy at a table full of college boys way on the east side of the room. Frenchy was going through a phase, the geeky, '90s grunge boy phase. I just wondered why anyone would like to appear as if they hadn't taken a shower. They chose the coolest spot in the place, though—I had to give them props for
that. They were nestled under a huge 50- or 60-bulb chandelier dazzled with yellow crystals. The chairs were straight out of a music video. All sleek and mod, those yellow pincushion chairs were super fun! Actually, I hadn't even noticed that little room before then. This was my second year at the Saloon. My first year meeting a guy there.