Brightest Kind of Darkness (19 page)

Ethan grabbed my wrist and stopped my movements, his blue gaze sharp and intense. “All that matters is that you’re safe.”

When he turned away and lowered his hand back down to his thigh, I continued dabbing at his wound, even as my gaze strayed to the dragon tattoo that took up half his left forearm. My mom was right, the intricate black outlined design and muted color was striking.

The dragon’s tail whipped around the corded muscles in Ethan’s forearm before swinging back up and around the top of his forearm, where the end of the tail touched the dragon’s chin. Instead of flames flowing from the dragon’s open mouth, a flame-like design fanned out from the dragon’s muscular shoulder and powerful back leg. Several different symbols were embedded in the flames’ tips.

My gaze ate up every inch of Ethan’s broad, sleekly-muscled back, straying to the six-inch long feather tattoo that pointed diagonally down his other shoulder blade. I thought it was interesting that he’d left the feather tat a mere black outline, yet he had the dragon tattoo shaded and shadowed with various grays, giving it depth. Either way, the tats were hot and intriguing.

As I smeared an antibiotic ointment across his wound, I said, “I like the design of your dragon tat. Does the dragon mean something important to you?”

Ethan’s back muscles tensed until I lifted my ointment-coated finger from his wound. “It gives me peace of mind.”

Laying a sterile gauze pad gently over his wound, I applied medical tape to hold it in place. “Peace of mind?”

“Yeah.” He pulled me back into his lap and took my hand, sliding my fingers across the tat on his arm. “You asked me how I dealt with all the negative stuff I see. This is one of the ways I do that. To some, the dragon is a symbol of protection.”

I gripped his arm, my heart thumping. “Protection?”

He gave a crooked smile. “You’ve seen the monsters I’ve drawn and experienced my dreams yourself. I think those creatures are mostly my mind manifesting images to interpret the crap I’m experiencing, but sometimes what I feel and see in my dreams is more than darkness and negativity. It’s pure evil, Nara.”

I shivered, remembering how awful his dreams felt, how sick to my stomach I’d been when I awoke. I could only imagine the different kinds of “negativity” he’d had to face over the years. Now I knew why I’d seen him grip his forearm each time he’d seen the creatures during the day. “Is the feather also a symbol of protection?”

He dropped his gaze to the dragon. “Dragons have scales, not feathers. Those are flames.”

“I know those are flames. I was referring to your feather tattoo.”

His forehead creased. “I don’t have a feather tattoo?”

Laughing, I clamped my hand on his right shoulder and thrummed my fingers on his skin. “The one on your shoulder blade, silly.”

Realization flickered on his face. “The only thing on my shoulder is probably an irritated rash. The other night my shoulder was itching and burning, so I got up and slapped some cortisone on it.” He grimaced. “I guess it spread and now looks like a feathery rash.”

I shook my head, feeling my stomach tense. “It’s a feather in black ink.”

Frowning, Ethan clasped my waist, then set me on the couch. When he stood and headed for the bathroom, I followed.

He turned and leaned against the sink, his back to the mirror. As he reached over his shoulder to rub the feather with the tips of his fingers, I snickered. “I know it’s on your back and all, but surely you didn’t forget you had that tat.”

His blue gaze snapped to mine in mirror, his jaw working. “I didn’t get this tattoo, Nara.”

I smirked and leaned against the doorjamb, arms folded. “You mean you don’t
remember
getting it. You must’ve
really
been smashed that night.”

He turned to look at me. “With all the stuff I have to deal with, the last thing I need is to add alcohol or drugs to the mix. I don’t do either.”

Disbelief replaced my amusement as I stared at the feather in the mirror. His biceps flexed as he folded his arms and leaned against the pedestal sink, looking angry and shaken.

“What—what about sleepwalking?” I was grasping at straws, but there had to be a logical explanation.

He looked skeptical. I shrugged. “I’ve read stories about people who sleepwalk, some who’ve even driven and done other crazy things while sleeping and they never remembered doing it…” I trailed off.

“Even if that were possible and I somehow ignored the pain as it healed,” exasperation hardened his tone, “a feather means
nothing
to me symbolically, Nara. I would never have chosen it for a tat. I should’ve turned on the light that night I put on that cortisone. I never even looked.”

Like that would’ve made a difference. He didn’t even know how it got there
. I could tell he was confused and growing more agitated by the minute. I didn’t have an answer either, but it wasn’t like he and I were “normal” people anyway. At least the tat wasn’t hurting him. Right now he needed someone to talk him down. Stepping close, I leaned against his tense body and slid my fingers down his shoulder, running my hand over the feather. “Wherever it came from, it’s a beautiful tat.”

Wrapping his arm around me, he crushed his fingers in my hair and pressed my head to the crook of his neck. “Thanks for trying,” he said as he exhaled a harsh breath.

His chest felt hard and warm. While his pulse beat a rapid pace along my cheekbone, I wracked my brain, trying to come up with a positive spin. “Feathers can have some cool meanings like…I know
Free Bird
,” I said. He chuckled softly at the old song reference and his stiff frame relaxed a little.

Burying his nose in my hair, he murmured, “Keep shining that light, Sunshine.”

Chapter Seventeen

“Thank God you’re alright! I just heard about what happened in the parking lot,” Lainey said as she sat down beside me on the bench.

I adjusted my sock over my shin guard. “Yeah, it was a close call, but I’m fine.”

Nodding to the bleachers, Lainey rolled a soccer ball under her cleat. “Your mom
and
aunt are here? What gives?”

Mom and Aunt Sage?
I glanced up from tying my shoelaces to see Ethan sitting down beside Mom. “I have no idea. It’s like a miracle or something,” I mumbled, wondering why they’d both showed up for this game.

When Ethan spoke to Aunt Sage, who sat next to Mom, I couldn’t get over how mouthwatering he looked in black. Before he’d driven me to my car earlier, he’d pulled on a black fleece jacket over a gray vintage t-shirt.

Lainey snickered, eyeing Mom and Aunt Sage. “Yeah, since they’re both here, maybe you should buy a lottery ticket.”

My luck had been pretty crappy the past couple of days. No thanks to Fate. But seeing my mom and aunt in the crowd made me feel so good that optimism began to surge through me. I wasn’t going to let Fate freak me out. I didn’t believe it was my time to die. “Not old enough for lottery tickets, but I’ll bet you that
no
balls will get past me tonight.”

A competitive glint sparked in Laniey’s eyes as she held up her hand. “Nothing would make me happier than to shut this team down on their own turf!”

I slapped her hand, sealing the deal. “What’re the terms?”

She looked thoughtful. “If even one ball gets past, then you have to come to Jared’s party next week…and bring Ethan.”

Ugh. The last thing I wanted to do was force Ethan to attend a crowded house full of drunk-assed people. They’d all be bumping and stumbling into him, sending God only knew
what
kind of negative vibes his way. But I was feeling reckless and daring after everything that had happened. I needed to exert aggressive energy and celebrate being alive, because
that
was my destiny. I wanted to fight; to prove that I could cause a positive outcome and end today on an upswing. “It’s a deal! But if I win the bet, then you’re gonna help me convince Coach you’re a much better backup goalie than Sophia.”

“Uh, but—”

I gave her a “you’d better” look.

“Fine.” Lainey released a heavy sigh. She knew I was right. Sophia was a horrible goalkeeper.

Waving to my family and Ethan, I pulled my ponytail tighter, then jumped off the bench, tugging Lainey to her feet. “Let’s shutout Albemarle.”

* * *

When the game was over, Lainey ran toward me full-throttle, tackling without warning. Landing hard on the ground, we rolled inside the goal, and she sat up, pumping her fist in the air, screaming, “Goal!”

I wheezed. “You’re a nut. That doesn’t count.”

She punched my arm, then put her sweat-streaked face near mine. “I can’t freakin’ believe you did it. You didn’t let the toughest team score. Not once!”

“Don’t forget our deal.”

Her enthusiasm dipped a little. “Oh, yeah. I guess I’ll have to talk to Coach.” Eyes lighting with hope, she asked, “But you’re still gonna come to Jared’s party, right?”

I was surprised she was so insistent. I had no idea how Ethan would feel about going to a party. “I’ll try.”

Grinning, she scrambled to her feet. “Great. Then you can introduce Ethan around.”

I squinted at her. “Why are you suddenly pro-Ethan?”

Lainey waved to my mom, Aunt Sage and Ethan as they walked toward the field. Looking at me, she shrugged. “There might be rumors about him, but he seems to be into you.” Pulling me to my feet, she added, “Plus, I miss hanging with my friend.”

“Lainey!” Jared yelled from the metal bleachers. “Great win, baby!” he continued in a stadium-loud yell, pumping his fist in the air before turning to wrestle with a couple of his football buddies.

Lainey’s cheeks turned bright red. “He’s such a
guy
sometimes. See you on Monday,” she called out as she ran off toward the bleachers.

Monday?
Then I remembered. Friday was a teacher workday.

“That was a great game.” Mom’s eyes were bright with pride.

“Thanks. I’m glad you came.” Turning to Aunt Sage, I raised my eyebrows. “And it’s great to see you here. I’m shocked, but thrilled.”

Aunt Sage grinned and spread her arms wide, her bangles making a pleasant tingling sound. “It’s true that I don’t like watching sports, but well, after receiving your text, I just had to come see my favorite niece.” Pulling me into a tight hug, she whispered, “Have your dreams returned?”

“No dreams, but I’m good,” I whispered back—which was true since Ethan had my back against Fate—then I quickly tugged away, saying in a normal voice, “You’re clothes. I’m all sweaty.”

Aunt Sage laughed. “But that’s hard-earned sweat and I thoroughly enjoyed watching you play, sweetie.”

“You were on fire.” Ethan’s gaze locked with mine. I saw the question in his eyes.
How’d you pull off a total shutout?

“I was determined to make my own luck,” I told him. After tonight’s game, I felt invincible. Like I’d just shown Fate I wasn’t scared and at the same time had squashed the fear that had gripped me earlier today.

Mom and Aunt Sage laughed, and it felt good to see them smiling at each other. They never did anything together socially. I was the only reason they interacted at all. They were two very different people, but I was pretty sure that before my dad left they used to get along. At least I knew Aunt Sage had attended events with my parents and me in the past. In old family photos, we were all at a fair, at the zoo, at the park, at the pool, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday parties. She was always there. Now, I celebrated birthdays and holidays with my aunt separately.

“Do you want me to wait around until you’re all packed up?” Mom asked.

Her question threw me off. She was being
very
attentive. Way more than usual. “Thanks, but I’m good. See you at home.”

“I’ll walk Nara to her car, Mrs. Collins,” Ethan said.

“Elizabeth, if you want, I’ll drop you off at your car. I saw it parked in front of the school,” Aunt Sage said to Mom. Before they turned toward the parking lot, my aunt smiled at us. “It was nice to see you, Ethan. I’ll call you this weekend, Inara.”

Once my family was out of earshot, I said, “Seeing them both here felt like I’d jumped into an alternate reality.”

An incredulous look crossed Ethan’s face. “Fate trying to scare you to death doesn’t already feel like an alternate reality?”

I tensed as a touch of anxiety started to bleed into my euphoric mood. “But see, that’s even more of a reason to celebrate tonight ending on a good note. Not to mention, Mom
and
Aunt Sage came to my game. That’s a good sign! Do you have any idea the odds against them coming at all, let alone at the same time?”

Ethan’s brows pushed downward. “Your aunt said something about you texting her.”

His comment jogged my memory. “I can’t believe I forgot! Before we went out to the parking lot after school, in case, well…things didn’t work out, I sent my mom and my aunt an ‘I love you’ text. Which explains Aunt Sage breaking her ‘no sports, ever’ rule for this game
and
my mom’s strange hovering.” Still, I smiled. Mom and Sage had laughed together, something I hadn’t seen in a long time.

Ethan’s expression turned dark as he shoved his hands in his jean pockets. “My parents wouldn’t respond if I sent them a text message like that. They’d assume I was just saying that because I was in some kind of scrape and needed them to get me out of it.”

“Don’t they know that you’ve gotten your act together?”

His lips thinned. “Samson wanted to tell them, but I told him to forget it. They haven’t called or asked about me. Instead they just send ‘we’re thinking about you’ cards for Christmas and my birthday.”

Ethan must feel completely abandoned. Tugging his hand out of his pocket, I clasped it, giving him my warmth. “You’ve never told me your birthday. When is it?”

His fingers curled around mine, his eyes softening. “It was October 24th. And yours is coming in December, right?”

He must’ve seen where my mom had circled the date on the calendar on the fridge. “Yep, you really are observant.” I was disappointed that he’d already had his birthday. I wanted an excuse to celebrate ‘him’. “There’s this nasty rumor floating around that seventeen is the magical age of responsibly.”

“Yeah, I heard it, too. Something about becoming a responsible adult from one day to the next.”

I studied him curiously. “Do you feel like a responsible adult now?”

Glancing away, he murmured, “Sometimes I feel so over stuff, like an old geezer.” His gaze snapped back to me, wry amusement dancing in the blue depths. “As for being a responsible adult…” he shook his head and blew a purple bubble with a loud pop.

As we walked to my car, Ethan grew quiet and thoughtful, as if he were wrestling with something. “My brother called last night. He’s coming back early and wants to use the long weekend to hike and camp in the mountains before it gets too cold. We’re leaving early tomorrow morning. Samson will have his cell. I promise if I see anything in my dreams, I’ll call you.”

“Don’t worry about me, Ethan.”

We stopped next to my car and I could feel the tension radiating off him. “I don’t want to leave you right now. Especially after what’s happened.”

Even though I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see Ethan this weekend, I didn’t want him to spend his time in the mountains worrying about me. I smiled reassuringly. “I’ll just be hanging at home with my mom. I’ll be fine. You and your brother have a great time…and be careful.” A part of me still worried I wasn’t successful and Fate would go after Ethan and Lainey. “I’ll miss—”

Ethan leaned close and kissed me. He made me feel so special, I didn’t care that I was all sweaty. When my breathing ramped and my heart felt like it might explode, he raked his teeth gently across my lower lip, leaving a tingling trail along the plump skin as he pulled back. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear, his intense gaze tracked my face. “I lo—” He paused, then said, “You mean a lot to me, Nara.” Don’t go anywhere alone. Promise you’ll stay safe while I’m gone, okay?”

The sweet flavor of Ethan’s bubble gum lingered on my tongue, and my lower lip still felt his warmth. I was pretty sure he’d almost told me that the loved me, and even though my heart had slammed against my chest at the thought, all I could do was nod mutely.

My throat ached as he walked to his car. If he’d said, “I love you”, the words would’ve locked in my throat. I wouldn’t have been able to say it back. Sliding into my car, I choked back a sad laugh. I couldn’t even tell my own mother, aunt or Gran that I loved them either. I’d avoided Gran and texted Mom and Sage instead.
You’re such a whack job, Nara
.

Whether he said it first or not, when Ethan got back, somehow I’d find a way to tell him how I felt about him.

* * *

 “Inara! Come in, sweetie. What a wonderful surprise for my Sunday afternoon.” Aunt Sage opened her door wider and yanked me into a tight hug. “I’m so glad you came. I’ve been thinking about you.”

I pulled back in surprise. “You have?”

Aunt Sage lifted the necklace lying against her chest. “Look, I’m taking lessons from my niece.”

She’d created a feather design around a long amethyst crystal. Hers was much better than mine; more intricate and with an artsy, whimsical flair. “You’re so talented,” I said. “Look at that detail. Your design should sell really well.”

“I already have several orders. Can you believe it? I’m calling it the
Inara Designs Collection.”

I was stunned. “You named the new collection after me?”

Pride filled her face. “Don’t look so surprised. You designed it. You deserve the credit.”

Snorting, I pointed to the necklace. “I didn’t design
that
. You did.”

“Ah, but you were the inspiration,” she said with a wink. “And that’s all that matters.”

I shook my head, knowing I wasn’t going to talk her out of changing the name. When my aunt set her mind to something, it was pretty much a done deal. “Speaking of inspiration.” I nodded to the necklace. “That’s one of the reasons I’m here. I’ve done some research on the net, but could I look through your books for other symbolic meanings for the feather.”

Her hazel eyes sparkled. “We must be on the same wavelength. While I was designing feather jewelry, you were digging into the symbolism. You’re more than welcome to use my books. I’d love to see what you come up with. I could use an ‘info’ card to put in with the
Inara
pieces when I ship them off to customers. They love that extra touch, you know.”

“Will do,” I said, slipping out of my jacket.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. Oh…” she said, turning back from the hallway that led to her studio. “You’ll stay for dinner, right?”

She knew how much I loved home-cooked meals. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

Aunt Sage began to hum as she walked through the door to her studio. When I heard her “work” music start up, I stared at the books on the shelves and pulled the first one out. Might as well start from the top and work my way down.

Three hours later, I was sprawled out on my stomach on the floor, taking notes on a notepad as I read passages from a book. All the dogs in the house were curled up against some part of me when Aunt Sage walked out of the kitchen. “Dinner will be ready in—awww, don’t move! I’ve got to get my camera.”

When she came back a few seconds later and snapped a shot, I snickered. “I’m sure that was a great picture of my butt.”

She scrunched her nose and turned off the digital camera. “I was taking a picture of the dogs. Your cute butt just happened to be in it.”

“Even
I
rank lower than you.” I sighed dramatically to Bo, who’d jumped up and was shoving his cold wet nose in my face, demanding attention.

“
They
get food from a bag. You get homemade meals. Dinner will be ready in fifteen.”