Bridleton (16 page)

Did he love her half as much as she loved him? His actions today spoke louder than words. He’d have done his best to save anyone in the same situation. He’d have tossed a rope or managed a distraction, not thrown himself in the animal’s path.

He cared deeply. She knew that for a fact. He’d shrugged off her declaration of love and accused her of not trusting him but he didn’t trust her either. Not the soul-deep trust people shared when they made a lifetime commitment. Her fault, of course, because she’d abandoned him once. Could they ever get past the past?

Despite being exhausted, it took her much longer to get to sleep. She couldn’t get over the fact that she could have lost him today. Really lost him. Nor could she easily forget how she’d felt when she’d seen him lying so still and lifeless. Her stomach churned every time she remembered. She had to find a way to make things right between them again. She had to find out if he could ever love her the way she needed him to love her. Find out if they had any real chance for a future.

* * * * *

The midday sun shone through the sliding doors of Noah’s bedroom the next day when Andrea pulled the blinds. She turned and smiled as he slowly came awake, rubbing his eyes, stretching his long, lean body and carefully pulling himself into a sitting position.

“I smell caffeine,” he mumbled when his gaze settled on her.

She nodded toward the bedside table where she’d place a mug of strong, hot coffee. He grunted in pain as he twisted to reach for it and she quickly moved to his side.

“Sit still and let me help.”

He eased himself back and accepted the mug, sniffing, sipping and then downing a long swallow with a quiet sigh of pleasure. She watched with a smile, noting how wonderfully disheveled he looked. Hair tousled and with heavy-lidded eyes, he appeared more relaxed than she’d seen him in a very long time.

“Why didn’t someone wake me? There’s work to be done.” He glanced at the sunshine streaming through the doors. “Half the day is gone already.”

His husky grumble deepened her smile. She pulled a straight-backed chair close to the bed, sat down and crossed her legs. “Zack came home early this morning. Nanna called him and he brought a couple friends to help while you recuperate. Chey’s in her element giving them all orders. She told him to take his motley crew out and cut hay. Trace is managing the baling and Sam’s orchestrating the storage in the barn loft. They’ll survive without us for a couple days.”

Noah didn’t argue, which meant he didn’t feel well enough to jump out of bed and get busy. At least she had a captive audience even if she didn’t feel very confident in what she was about to propose. Instead, she stalled.

“I can go get you something to eat if you’d like. I wasn’t sure if you’d want breakfast or lunch. Meredith said she’d be happy to supply either.”

“The coffee’s fine for now. At least until you tell me what’s on your mind. Then I guess I’ll decide my next move.”

Andrea dropped her gaze. He knew her too well. She wondered, for the millionth time, if he loved her. She hoped so since she was about to make an offer that put her pride, heart and inheritance on the line.

Her smile turned stiff. “Do you despise me as much as you always despised your absentee father?”

His brows furrowed in a frown. “What in the hell brought that on? Why would you compare yourself to that worthless bastard?”

“Well, we both abandoned you. Maybe in different degrees but I’m wondering if you resent me too. You never forgave him. Is it impossible to forgive me?”

He stared at her for a long, silent minute. She returned his steady gaze, trying not to show how much his answer meant to her. Heat crawled up her neck and cheeks. Nerves and muscles tensed, she held her breath for his response.

“No.”

She bit her lip. He wasn’t going to give her any help. She’d been the one to destroy their relationship. Now she had to repair it or put an end to it forever. Stalling, she said, “That’s it? Just no?”

“What do you want from me, Drea?”

She took a deep breath and then a deep plunge into the unknown. “First I want you to understand I’m not a snob. Not the way you think. I never believed marrying you was beneath me. I’ve always been insecure and needy. Maybe it’s because my parents never stayed around much. I’m not sure what a shrink would think but I’m a lot more confident now. The façade you hate so much is my defense system. If I have a suspicious, untrusting nature it’s because I don’t have much faith in my ability to attract and hold a man like you.”

The rush of words left her feeling drained and more emotionally exposed than she’d felt in her whole life. Dropping her lashes to conceal the vulnerability, she waited breathlessly for his response.

He reached out a hand and clasped one of hers, drawing her to the side of the bed. When she’d settled next to him, he said, “We both have some abandonment hang-ups.”

She studied his face. “You think I don’t trust you but I can’t help being jealous of Shelly. She’s had you for the past five years and that worries me. Seeing the two of you together on the land you once declared our future home, it hit me hard. I do trust you. With my life,” she whispered, bringing his hand to her lips. “But I’m the jealous, possessive type too.”

“Would you like to know what we said to each other out there?”

Andrea felt a fine tremor in his fingers and she gazed into his darkened eyes. Her throat started to clog so she responded with a nod.

“We watched you galloping toward us looking so strong and sure and beautiful. Shelly said you’re a natural on horseback but I couldn’t respond or take my eyes off you. The sight of you stole my breath.”

She swallowed hard. Noah never wasted much time with words but when he did, he melted her into a puddle. She held his gaze and her breath as he continued. “She asked me how much I loved you.”

Hesitantly, fearfully, hopefully, Andrea asked, “What did you tell her?”

He replied with a simple, “More than life.” Her chest constricted, and she closed her eyes as tears threatened. “I’m so sorry I doubted you.”

“I love you,” he said. “With all my heart. You say you love me too but that doesn’t guarantee we’re good for each other.”

“What’s still worrying you?” she asked.  “What if I hadn’t come up with the money to buy that acreage? How would you feel then?”

Andrea blinked back tears and tightened her grip on his hand. She knew her answer was crucial to their future but she didn’t quite understand what he wanted to know. Suspicion reared its ugly head. Had someone else put up the money for the land? Did he feel guilty because Shelly Hastings or some development company had backed him?

“I’d be disappointed if you wanted the land for anything other than personal use but we desperately needed the money. We didn’t ask questions or sell it with conditions. It’s yours for whatever reason you bought it.” She prayed he hadn’t bought it for Shelly.

“I wouldn’t betray the family’s trust that way,” he assured her. “It’ll be my ranch. I just wonder how much your love is tangled with what I have instead of who I am.”

Suddenly his question made sense. She understood and empathized. Despite being a supremely self-confident man, Noah’s emotional insecurities matched her own.

“Just understand one thing. I love you. Nothing will change that,” she promised. “If we lost Bridleton and every other material possession, it wouldn’t change how I feel about you. I promise you on my life. I lost you once. I won’t chance it again.”

After the briefest of hesitations he gave her a deep, beautiful smile. The undisguised love shining from his eyes made her heart jump with joy. Tears threatened again. She dropped her lashes to keep the tears from overflowing and leaned down for a kiss. Their lips met in long, sweet proclamation of a shared love.

When the soft kiss grew deeper Andrea leaned closer and clasped his head between her hands. She started to press her body onto his but remembered his injury. Pulling back, she whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Noah’s hands grasped her waist, holding her tightly yet at a comfortable distance. “Just one more kiss,” he teased against her lips. “Then we need to talk before you get me all hot and bothered.”

She kissed him deeply and then slowly, regretfully released him and moved back to the chair. “You totally distracted me from the speech I’ve been practicing all morning.”

“Before you finish your speech,” he said. “Aren’t you the least bit curious about how I came up with all that money?”

“Of course I am, but if the answer involves Shelly Hastings, I’m not sure I want to hear it.”

He shook his head and gave her a wicked grin. “Shelly’s not involved. I should have explained but my stupid pride kept getting in the way.”

“Okay then, how could you afford it?”

Instead of a direct answer he asked a question. “You know my mom died a couple years ago?”

“Nanna told me. I’m sorry. I know how close you were.”

He didn’t respond but nodded. “When she died, I learned my biological father had given her money in exchange for keeping quiet about his identity. Even to me,” he said in disgust. “All my life I thought she was being loyal to her true love but it was all about money.”

His mother had always worked hard to support them but had never married. She’d refused to tell him his father’s name even though she’d bragged about a wealthy man in her past. It had left Noah feeling abandoned and resentful.

“At least you finally got some answers,” she said. “Yeah, I got a name and some answers. The old bastard is dead now too.”

“Any stepbrothers or sisters?”

“Not that I know of. He had a couple ex-wives but nobody who gave a damn. From what I’ve been told, he wasn’t a very decent man.”

“That’s sad.”

“Don’t waste your sympathy on him. He left my mom as soon as he learned about the pregnancy.”

She’d often wondered why Noah’s mother refused to tell him his father’s true identity. He’d been raised, much like her, by his granddad as a surrogate father.

“He just handed her a check?”

“He calculated what would cover her hospital expenses plus the average cost of raising a child through college age and general insurance needs. I guess he had a head for numbers. Mom banked the money and only used it for emergencies. She left me a letter with all the details. I just hadn’t decided what to do with it.”

“Until you thought Nanette might lose Bridleton.”

“Yeah. That’s when I asked her to sell me controlling interest.”

“I didn’t care much for the idea back then but I’m sure happy you cared enough to make the offer and put up with all of us until we realized what we wanted.”

“I’ve always cared,” he reminded.

Her smile deepened. “I know. And the money doesn’t make up for a past without a father but it’s a strong start for the future.”

“What do you want for your future?”

“A lot of things,” she said. “But mostly I’d like you to marry me and help me make a couple babies. After that I’d like to spend the rest of our lives creating our own legacy.”

When his eyes flared hotly she dropped her gaze to where her fingers nervously plucked at her tee shirt. A long, tense silence settled over the room, making her even more nervous.

“So you’re proposing to me? Marriage?” He demanded clarification.

“If you’ll have me.” She lifted her gaze and stared back into his eyes. Her cheeks flushed with hot color and her chin quivered slightly but she didn’t blink.

“This is my life,” he told her impassively. “The long days, hard work and constant frustrations. It’s a lot of heavy responsibility to a lot of people. You think you can be satisfied, long-term, with ranch life? You won’t weary of the constant demands on your time here? You won’t miss the city, your prissy clothes and your jet-set lifestyle?”

Her tone was equally honest and serious with her reply. “Of course I would miss New York and my career. It’s a big change but I’m ready to make it. Marriage doesn’t mean I have to give up my plans for designing. Life doesn’t have to be one-dimensional.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. What about you? Will you get tired of me if I’m around all the time? Get bored if I’m not jet-setting or focusing on a career? I’ll be just another cowgirl working the ranch. They’re a dime a dozen in this area.”

“There’s none like you,” he swiftly corrected. “I’ve looked. Are you sure you won’t be bored out of your mind in a couple years?”

“The only guarantee I can give you is that I love you. Always have, always will.”

Another tense silence ensued as they stared deeply into each other’s eyes. Andrea thought her heart would pound right out of her chest as she waited for his reply.

“I guess a man can’t ask for much more, can he?”

When a slow smile spread across his features, she felt a heavy weight lift from her chest. Noah reached out a hand and she grasped it tightly.

“There’s more,” she whispered, her voice thick with tears.

“You’re all I need,” he swore softly. “All I’ve ever really wanted.”

“Oh, Noah!” she cried softly. “You’re all I want or need. I’m just sorry it took me so long to realize the simplicity of it.” Andrea brought his hand her to mouth and pressed a hard kiss on his calloused fingers. He tried to pull her onto the bed with him but she drew back, laughing.

“Wait. I have something to show you.” She turned to the bedside table and picked up a sketch pad. When she showed it to him she watched his expression change from puzzlement to a broad grin.

“Is this the first of the Bartell sisters’ new fashion line?” he asked.

“Yes, I’ve had the design in mind for a long time and Cheyenne drew it up for me.”

“I didn’t think the groom was supposed to see the wedding dress before the ceremony,” he teased.  “You’re not supposed to see
me
in it,” she explained. “I hope you don’t mind that I told Chey about my proposal before I asked you.”

“Pretty sure of me, huh?”

She sighed heavily. “You’re a hard man to pin down but I hoped you’d be interested in some wedding plans.”

Noah wrapped a hand around her thigh. He held her gaze while he started to caress her. “I’m interested, willing and able,” he teased lightly, his expression filled with love and adoration. “But those tiny shorts you’re wearing, that thin little shirt and no bra are driving me crazy right now. Any chance we can find a way to make love?”