Brides of Idaho (17 page)

He forced his thoughts to her question. “I asked Jack about family. He said they have grandparents back in San Francisco. I’m going to write them and inform them of the children’s situation. If they are the caring sort, they will make arrangements.”

“Let’s hope they are.”

“More than that, let’s pray they are.”

She studied him a moment. “There are times I forget about prayer.” She continued to look into his eyes as if searching for a hidden truth. “I have trouble believing in prayer when things don’t go the way I think they should.”

“There’s a verse in Psalm one hundred and thirty-nine that comforts me when I feel like I’m alone in the dark, that God has forsaken me. It says, ‘The darkness and the light are both alike to thee.’ He is still there even when we can’t see it. Sometimes He is perhaps testing us to see if we love Him only for what He can give us or because of what He’s already done for us.”

“I read something in Job.” She told him of the verse. “I don’t like to think God would send trouble to my life just to see if I will continue to love Him.”

“I don’t have the answers. I wish I did. But I struggle with the same things. Are troubles meant to test us? Or are they simply a part of living on this earth and God gives us what we need to get through them?”

“Maybe it’s both.”

“Maybe.” He recognized something still troubled her.

“What if…” Her voice fell to a whisper. “What if God is like Pa and can’t be counted on?”

He reached for her hands and held them between his. “God is not a man that He changes His mind or has regrets. He says He loves us with an everlasting love. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His love is the one constant that never changes.”

A slow smile drove away the tension in her face. “Everlasting. Always the same. I can trust Him whatever happens.”

“You can indeed.” He released her hands and let the words sift through his own thoughts. Whatever God had in store for him, however hard it was, he did not face it alone. God would guide him through this long ache of wishing he could love Glory. Knowing he could not and still keep his vow. And he intended to keep his vow.

My service for Matt’s salvation.
That’s what he’d said and renounced all else, including love and marriage.

Glory had sold two of the horses and put the money in her coffee can, but the two weeks was up and she did not have enough to purchase the land.
Master
Milton had left town days ago.
God, help the man to stay away until I can earn enough money.

She had neglected the horses while caring for the children, and much of the work she’d accomplished with Big Gray had come undone. But she had plenty of patience to continue winning the animal’s trust. She’d considered other pieces of land and dismissed them for various reasons—not enough pasture, too far from town for her to go back and forth each day, down in the flats where it was damp underfoot. She wouldn’t put her horses there and risk damaging their hooves.

As she worked, she mentally recounted the events of the previous days. The children alternately played happily and then retreated into sadness. Levi was good with them. Holding them as they cried. Not telling them it would be all right. Losing both parents would never be all right, and if the grandparents didn’t come, life could get much harder.

These kids were innocent and didn’t deserve this misfortune. Sometimes it was hard to trust God. But she could hardly blame God that wicked men chose to do evil. Or even that ordinary men did ordinary things that hurt others. Like Pa chasing after fortune and leaving three little girls to fend for themselves. Despite the neglect, the three little girls had grown into three self-sufficient women. So she had that to be grateful for.

She finished working with the horses and went to her favorite spot to sit and look over the valley. The sound of an approaching horse drew her attention to the trail. It was a big black horse carrying a man wearing a buckskin vest. What was Levi doing here? He’d never visited this place before. She watched him unobserved for a few minutes. She no longer doubted he was a real preacher, even if he did wear a fringed vest. It was just something he liked wearing even as she liked wearing britches. Britches were convenient, too, when working with the horses.

She allowed herself to admire the way he sat Billy Bob. The way his eyes roamed his surroundings, how the blue of the sky reflected in his eyes as he turned toward the light. He had a good face. One that would grow old in a good way. For the first time in her life, Glory thought about growing old with such a man at her side.

She jerked her thoughts back to being sensible. He’d made it as clear as the air around her he had no such interest in her. Even apologized for saying he cared. A man couldn’t get much more direct than that. It didn’t matter to her. She would not be trusting a man to love her always.

But if she did, it would be a man like Levi.

Her throat closed off, and her eyes grew damp. Even though she vigorously denied it, she could imagine sharing her life with Levi. Actually ached to do so. It took half a dozen deep breaths to cleanse herself of such nonsense.

And just in time.

Levi saw her in the shade of the tree and slid off his horse without using the stirrups in a way that seemed impossibly smooth. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I could say the same about you.”

“Thought I’d ride up and have a look around. May I join you?” He indicated the ground beside her.

“Ground is free,” she said, “just like the sky and air. Help yourself.”

He chuckled. “It would kill you to say, ‘Please, sit down, and welcome,’ wouldn’t it?”

“Not quite.” She grinned at him. They seemed to have arrived at a new place in their friendship—acknowledging it existed, setting boundaries to protect them both. Boundaries of humor and common interests.

He sank down beside her, his shoulder pressed to hers as they shared the support of the tree. She allowed herself to enjoy the strength of him at her side.

Neither of them spoke, and Glory enjoyed a sense of contentment. He was a good man. Caring. Willing to go the extra mile for others. The sort of man a person could learn to lean on. And she let her body settle toward him. “What did you do with Emmy and Jack?”

“Left them with Toby. He was building a fort in the trees behind the stopping house when I left.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“All three were excited about the prospect.”

It was pleasant and warm. She was glad there seemed nothing to disagree about at the moment. “No word from the grandparents?”

“Not yet.”

“What if—”

He squeezed her hand. “Let’s not build bridges across rivers before we need them.”

Her heart curled around his fingers and settled down for a long stay. Her head told her it was only a friendly gesture, but inside her heart something more was going on. She had to know why he couldn’t care about her because, frankly, she didn’t believe it. He cared even as he denied it. “Why did you decide to become a preacher?”

“I told you. My grandfather was a preacher. I sort of inherited the job, I suppose.”

She shifted so she could see his face, study his eyes. “I don’t see you deciding to do something simply because your grandfather did. There’s something more, isn’t there?” The way his eyes flicked toward her and then jerked away, she knew she had guessed correctly. “I’m right. I know I am. So what’s the big secret?”

He slowly brought his blue gaze toward her and searched long and hard. She allowed him to explore deeper into who she was than anyone had ever before. He held her in his steady look and slowly nodded. “I made a vow.”

A vow? “What sort of vow?”

“I want my brother to come back.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I can’t explain.” He jumped to his feet. “Come on. Let’s look around.” He pulled her to his side.

So he didn’t want to tell her. No reason it should matter. But it did. She didn’t care for secrets. They made a person uneasy. Distrustful even. Not that she was prepared to trust him.

Except she was. At some point, and she couldn’t say when or where it had happened, she’d decided the man was too kind to be the Rawhide Kid. She’d let herself trust.

A shiver of fear trickled up her spine. Trusting opened the door to disappointment. “You plan to be around here long?”

“Thinking of staying a long time. I’d like to start a mission. You know, a home for unfortunates like Widow Kish, children like Emmy and Jack, and even sick people needing care like Mr. Phelps. Right now there is no place for them. If I had a little piece of land, I’d build such a house and a church.”

Would he want a wife to share the work? She glanced down at her britches. Like Joanna said, Glory wasn’t the sort of woman a preacher man would choose. Perhaps it explained why he couldn’t let himself care. Maybe if she wore a dress…

“I heard there was a piece of land up here for sale.”

She ground to a halt and tore her hand from his. “Who said?”

“There’s a notice in the store. Owner is a Mr. Milton. It’s this land right here. It’s a perfect place for a mission. Close enough to town to go back and forth, high enough to be dry, and a beautiful view. Look, there’s a F
OR
S
ALE
sign on it.”

She pushed by him and stared at the sign nailed to the tree of her pasture. When had it been plastered there, and why hadn’t she noticed it?

Because the man had been careful to nail it just out of sight of a person going to the pasture where she kept her horses. She ripped the sign from the tree and threw it on the ground. “This is my land. Look.” She pointed. “Those are my horses.” The animals grazed contentedly a few yards from the trail.

“I don’t understand. Why would someone try and sell land you own?”

“Because,” she spat out the words, “I haven’t come up with enough money to pay for it.”

“So it is for sale?”

She faced him, letting every disappointment, every failure of every man she’d ever experienced burn across his cheeks. “If you buy my land, I will never forgive you. Never.”

He reached for her, but she sidestepped, avoiding his touch. “Glory, I’ll find another piece of land.”

“You won’t find one as nice as this.”

“Probably not, but I have no desire to hurt you. Only thing is…”

She waited for his excuses.

“What’s to stop someone else from buying it?”

“I’m praying for God to help me. Surely He’ll answer.” She hated how desperate she sounded.

“Glory, I—” He lifted his hands in defeat. “God doesn’t promise to always give us what we want. He promises to give us what we need. And to always love us.”

Her heart faltered as she thought of Job’s words. “This is what I need. I’m sure God knows it.”

“I guess the question is, will you still trust Him even if you don’t get the land?”

Her eyes grew brittle. “Will you still trust Him if your brother doesn’t come back?”

She wanted to feel victory at the uncertainty in his face, but all she felt was a long ache. “Trusting isn’t so easy, is it?”

“I never said it was. But the option of trusting no one and nothing isn’t appealing. Far better to trust a God of love.”

All her fight evaporated. “I will continue to pray.”

“I will pray for the same thing.”

“What about your mission?”

He smiled. “There must be something almost as nice as this. Will you help me look?”

“Of course.” Her world felt brighter. Her land was safe for now, and Levi wasn’t angry with her.

“Then let’s go.”

“Right now?”

“You got something better to do with your time?”

She could think of nothing at all she’d sooner do, so she whistled for Pal, and sid by side she and Levi rode higher looking at other sites. They crossed back and forth. She’d looked at all this and knew her way around. But it had not been nearly as much fun when she’d ridden around these places on her own. Now discussing the land, the view, the possibilities with Levi made it much more interesting.

By the time the afternoon headed toward supper, they had examined much land.

“There’s a few places that could work. But you’re right, nothing is as nice as your pasture.”

“I told you so,” she crowed.

“I’m sure we’ll find something. Will you help me again tomorrow?”

They had reached the shop and headed the horses into the little bit of pasture. He dropped to the ground in the same fluid motion she’d admired so many times and reached up to lift her down. She wanted to protest. Hadn’t needed anyone lifting her down for many years. But he didn’t give her a chance.

He lowered her to the ground and stood facing her. “Thank you for your help, and I hope you get your dreams. I really do.” He bent closer.

She knew he was going to kiss her and she welcomed it. But he only brushed his lips to her forehead. Annoyed, she demanded, “What was that?”

“Just a thank-you.”

“Huh.” She gave him a good view of her back as she turned to remove Pal’s saddle. Just a thank-you? She deserved a whole lot more than that. And wanted it.

She hustled her gear into the shop, resisting the urge to kick herself at each step. What she wanted was contrary to all the promises she’d made to herself. And he’d made it clear he wasn’t interested in the likes of her. She was not suitable as a preacher’s wife. She understood it. Too bad he didn’t think to ask if she could change, because she just might be willing to give it a try.