Brides of Idaho (20 page)

“I’ll be leaving now.” He paused. “Sure beats me how you couldn’t see Levi Powers is a man you can trust.” His departing footsteps echoed inside her hollowed-out thoughts.

Why couldn’t she trust Levi?

She hadn’t even given him a chance to explain about the wanted poster. Even as she hadn’t given him a chance to explain about the land.

Sounds from the other side of the door to the room he rented indicated he was there.

Swallowing her wrongful pride and hurt feelings, she acknowledged her lack of trust stemmed from years of learning she couldn’t count on her father. Levi was not her father. And she was no longer a child.

She went outside and around to the outer door of the room. She knocked, and he called for her to enter.

She stepped inside and saw his saddlebags packed. A quick glance revealed he’d removed everything belonging to him. The room already had a deserted air. “Are you going somewhere?”

His face could have been a wooden mask for all he revealed. “I can’t believe you thought I was the Rawhide Kid and sent for the marshal.”

“It looks like you.”

“Is that what you think of me? Is this because of the land?”

“You promised you wouldn’t buy it.”

“And I kept my promise.”

“Funny then that there is a deed somewhere with your name on it.”

“Mr. Templeton bought it as their way of saying thanks. I had no idea they planned to do so, and of course they had no way of knowing of my promise to you. Glory, I’m sorry it turned out this way.” He took a step toward her, his expression regretful and so much more.

For a moment she let herself believe she saw caring and love in his face. Then he drew back and grabbed up the saddlebags and tossed them over his shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Was this how it would end? And it was all her fault. “I’m sorry. I realize I have to separate my experience with trusting Pa and being disappointed from other people.” She swallowed hard knowing she had to say more. “From you.”

“Glory, I have to go. There is something I need to do.”

She couldn’t beg. It made her too vulnerable.

He paused at her side. Again she let herself believe she saw tenderness and longing. Then he put that wooden mask in place again. “I’m going to see my brother. Feel free to take your horses back to the pasture. I won’t be using it anytime soon.”

Her feet might as well have been riveted to the floor. She couldn’t make them move even when she heard him saddle his horse. Not even when she heard him mount, the leather creaking beneath his weight.

“Good-bye, Glory.”

The words scraped her insides hollow.

The thud of Billy Bob’s feet thundered through her, and she cried a protest. “Wait.” She dashed for the door and around to the pen just in time to see him ride down the street, away from town.

He had not said if he would return.

She lurched against the splintery wall of the shop and leaned over as pain grabbed her insides. He was gone, and it was her fault for not trusting him.

T
he realization she’d allowed her feelings about Pa to cloud her reason had come too late. She should have trusted Levi. It was time to grow up. Even if it was too late with Levi, she had to stop looking at everything through the disappointment of Pa’s continual disappearances. She had to trust God. Just like Job. Even when things weren’t going the way she wanted.

Day after day Glory hurried through her chores. She did her work as always but far faster than before. All she wanted was to spend time with her horses and her thoughts. Joanna allowed her to take the Bible with her, and she spent hours reading it, finding solace in the words, the promises, God’s love.

One side of her heart was empty and barren, filled with wind-driven regrets. The other side grew strong and sure of God’s faithfulness.

The pasture was a temporary fix, but so far she had not come up with a permanent one. But she prayed about it and tried to trust God. Trusting still did not come easy. Perhaps it never would. She would always have to choose trust over doubt.

One question continued to weigh on her mind. Did she have the right to ask God to bring Levi back? Perhaps
right
was not the word she meant. Seems she didn’t deserve anything from God, but He gave out of love. Maybe the question was, did she have the faith to ask God? More importantly, did she have the faith to trust God even if Levi didn’t come? If her prayer wasn’t answered the way she wanted?

It was a choice. And she chose to trust God no matter what the answer.

God, I messed up with Levi. I didn’t trust him, and I should have. I’d like a chance to try again so I’m asking You to give me that chance. Send Levi back. Remind him of the work he has to do here. But whatever happens, I will trust You.

She sat as blessed peace filled the half of her heart that didn’t miss Levi. Trust might be hard, but it sure felt better than anger. Feeling more settled than she had in a very long time, she returned to town to help Joanna.

As the days passed, she promised herself she wouldn’t check down the road hoping to see Levi riding toward town, wouldn’t check the horses hitched at the side of the street for Billy Bob, but she couldn’t help herself. Each time she did and didn’t see what she wanted to see, she reminded herself she would trust God no matter what.

Her inner peace grew, spilling into the empty half of her heart. But she knew it would never be completely satisfied without Levi to share her life.

Levi had returned from his trip. He’d been gone only ten days, but it seemed a lifetime, and he could hardly wait to see Glory. He hoped to find her up the hill with her horses and went there first. She sat on the edge of the property where they had shared so many good times, and he stood hidden in the shadows of some trees so he could watch her unobserved, gauge how she was. Whether or not she would give him a chance to explain himself or chase him off with a big stick.

She turned her face toward the sky. Her expression made his pulse feel as if he had been riding a smooth trail and suddenly his mount stepped into a dip, leaving his heart to follow in a desperate dive.

He had never seen her more beautiful, as if she captured the sunshine inside her but couldn’t keep it there. It breathed through her pores. He couldn’t stop staring, couldn’t move toward her. In fact, he couldn’t think.

She grew watchful, seemed to listen to some silent voice within her.

He knew the moment she grew aware of his presence. She splayed her fingers to her chest as if she wondered if it was her imagination and she wanted to capture it and make it real. At least that was what he hoped the gesture meant. Then she jerked to the right and stared into the shadows.

He edged forward, hesitantly, not wanting to shatter the moment. It felt sacred, as if he’d entered a place of worship.
God, help me speak clearly and plainly. Help her understand.

“Levi?” His name was a gentle whisper fluttering through the air and landing in his heart with force enough to make him think it should have been shouted. “I’ve been waiting for you,” she murmured.

He didn’t know what to make of that and couldn’t ask. “Can we talk?”

She grinned. “Far as I know we’re both very capable of it.” She shifted and indicated the grass beside her.

“I want to explain.”

“Sit down before I get a crick in my neck.”

He sat though he wasn’t sure she’d be so welcoming once he told his whole story.

“Go ahead and explain.” She sounded half-teasing, half-exasperated.

“You had a right to wonder about me. I didn’t tell you everything.”

She sat quietly, giving him plenty of time to sort his thoughts.

Not that he needed time. He’d practiced his speech over and over since he left Matt at the territorial prison. Suddenly words seemed so inadequate. But words were all he had at this point.

“I should have told you the whole truth about Matt. How he didn’t just rebel against our grandparents’ rules. He rebelled against everything and became the Rawhide Kid, a wanted man. I suppose I didn’t want to admit who he was. I didn’t want people to think I was like my brother.”

She drew in a breath as if she meant to speak.

“Let me finish before you say anything.”

She nodded and let him go on.

“I should have told you the rest of it, too. You see, when I watched them drag Matt away in chains to serve his sentence, I made a vow to God. I said I would devote my life solely to serving God if He would work on Matt in prison. It was a foolish vow, one I probably shouldn’t have made, but I did and I couldn’t back out without perhaps angering God.”

He held up a hand to silence her as she again started to speak. “It was foolish because I started to care about you and knew I didn’t have the right. I had no idea how to change my vow. You don’t vow something to God and then say, ‘Oops, I changed my mind.’” He sorted out his thoughts, wondered how he could think this would be simple.

“When you thought I was the Rawhide Kid, I was shocked. I don’t blame you. Matt and I do look alike. I understand your anger and how hard it is to trust. But how was I to tell you to trust me when I had no right to offer you anything? I had to find an answer or leave for good.” He had struggled so hard, knowing he had made a vow with no reservations but aching to be free to love Glory. “I went to see Matt. I told him of my vow, told him that I had fallen in love and didn’t know how to get out of the vow.”

Her quick intake of breath brought a fleeting smile to his lips. Then he gave a sharp laugh. “Seems odd to seek counsel from someone in prison, but that’s what I did.”

“And?” She sounded as if she couldn’t wait to hear if he found a solution.

“Matt had a good laugh at my expense. He wanted to know why I thought God owed me anything, and when I tried to deny it, he said that’s what my vow was. He said I thought if I served God in the way I chose, sacrificing my chance to love and have a family, then God owed it to me to make Matt become a Christian. Boy, did Matt laugh at that. ‘Ain’t nobody going to make me become a Christian,’ he said.”

“I’m sorry.” She squeezed his arm.

“He was right. I wasn’t trusting God to work in His way and His time. Any more than I was serving Him out of love. God didn’t ask me to do things so He had to repay me. He only asks me to serve Him out of love.” It had taken him days to come to the conclusion, but when he did, he knew such sweet peace he wondered why he’d fought it so long.

He took Glory’s hands in his and faced her full-on. “Glory, I am now free to tell you I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you at my side.”

She studied his features, her gaze searching his eyes, examining his cheeks, his chin, his mouth.

He couldn’t read her mind. He feared she was angry at him and couldn’t trust him after all the secrets he’d kept.

She lifted her eyes to him. He detected a twinkle in them. “You would marry a woman wearing britches?”

“If you’ll have me. I love you, Glory.”

Wonderment filled her eyes. “I love you, too. And yes, I’ll marry you.”

He kissed her smiling mouth. A little later, he told her the rest of it. “I want you to be my partner in every way. My land is your land.”

Her eyes widened. “You mean—?”

“Your horses have a home here, too.”

“It is more than I asked for or hoped for. God is good.”

“He has given us both what our hearts need.” Levi kissed her again.

Mandy and the Missouri Man

Bonners Ferry, Idaho, 1864

M
andy Hamilton squatted down on her haunches in the shadows and stared at the intruder invading her bit of land. No, she didn’t have a deed saying it was hers, but it was the site she’d chosen. She had a secret ritual she did no matter where she lived. She found the best spot to build a home and in her imagination created a house for her family to live in… her sisters and their pa. A place where they would finally be together, safe and secure.

This man had no right to pitch his tent in the sunny little clearing nor build a campfire where she pictured the front step. Somehow she must convince him to leave. “It’s mine,” she whispered, as she slipped away as silent as the shadows hiding her, knowing he hadn’t noticed her presence.

Soundlessly she circled the area until she reached a slight hill where she could operate without fear of discovery. Again she settled on her haunches—a position she had grown to prefer. It allowed her to gain her feet quickly yet provided relative comfort as she studied whatever she desired to watch. Wearing trousers made the position easy to maintain. There were those who frowned on her wearing them, but she’d long ago learned they made life in the woods a lot easier. She pushed up the sleeves of her white shirt to cool her arms and settled back to watch. The man tramped about the clearing as if measuring it. Like he thought he owned it. Nothing had been said around town about someone filing claim on any land in the area, so she guessed he was only a squatter.

On
her
land.

If her gaze could cross the distance, she would fry him in his tracks, but all she could do was narrow her eyes and stare.