Brides of Alaska (18 page)

“Sure, I do,” Julie said with a nod. “How could I forget? I've never lost control like that in my life.”

“Well,” Sam continued, “it was just about the time we decided to pray that Gunnar Kaasen made the decision to drive on past Solomon and keep the serum moving. He felt compelled to go on and not waste time with a stop. No one had the opportunity to tell him about the mandate from the governor because he never stopped.”

“It's just like you said,” Julie remembered. “A man can't be faulted for not doing what he knows nothing about. Good for Gunnar!”

“Well, there's more,” Sam said as he finished his breakfast. “The wind came up something fierce, and Gunnar couldn't see a thing in front of him. All of a sudden his lead dog, Balto, stopped dead in his tracks. Gunnar couldn't understand why, but Balto wouldn't budge.”

“What happened?” Julie asked, captivated by Sam's story.

“Balto had led the team out across the Topkok River, and it wasn't solidly frozen. Balto was standing in running water when he came to a stop.”

“Poor thing,” Julie sympathized. “His feet could have frozen to the ice. What did Gunnar do? Balto looked just fine when they got into Nome.”

“Gunnar's a good man. He thought fast and unharnessed Balto. There was plenty of powdered snow on the banks, so Gunnar rubbed Balto's feet in it until they were fairly dry.”

“How ingenious! I've got to remember that one when I'm out on my route,” Julie said, braving a reference to her job. Even though the epidemic was over, Julie hadn't found the nerve to talk with Sam about her nursing career. She started to clear the table to avoid Sam's reaction.

“It never hurts to be prepared, and the more you know about surviving accidents, the better off you are. That's what made me so mad about my own accident,” Sam reflected. “I knew better than to take the risks I was taking. I should have slowed down a bit and paid more attention. However,” he added with a grin, “there was a certain black-haired nurse on my mind. It seems she had just told me that she loved me.” Sam pushed his chair back and pulled Julie onto his lap.

“Oh Sam,” Julie whispered against his hair. How she wished she could clear things up and explain how she felt about her work. She was so afraid that if she insisted on continuing her nursing career, Sam would stop loving her.

Sam nuzzled his lips against Julie's neck and began kissing her. Julie found the contact electrifying, yet she knew she needed to finish getting ready for work. As gently as she could, she pushed Sam away.

“I've got to finish up here and get down to the hospital,” she said and jumped up abruptly. Sam's surprised face told it all. “I'm sorry,” Julie whispered and hurried to wash the breakfast dishes.

Sam's silence worried Julie. She wiped the soap suds from her hands and went back to the table where he was still sitting.

“We should talk,” she said and waited for Sam to put down the newspaper.

“What about?” Sam asked hesitantly. Julie hadn't been her normal self the last few days, and he wasn't sure that he was up to dealing with whatever was troubling her.

“Sam, do you know how long I dreamed of becoming a nurse?”

“I know it was a longtime dream. I know, too, that it was a dream you shared with your mother.”

“Yes, that's right,” Julie said, searching her mind for the right words. “Being a nurse is very important to me, not just because it's a job I do every day, but because of the need. These people are without many of the comforts available in the States, and I want to be a part of seeing to it that they have what they need in the way of health care.”

“It's an admirable position,” Sam said as he reached out for Julie. “I've always admired your determination and dedication.”

Julie stepped back to avoid Sam's touch. He frowned but said nothing.

“It's my determination and dedication to what I believe God wants me to do,” Julie said, stressing the reference to God. She paused to see what Sam's reaction might be. His face was unreadable.

“Go on,” he said unemotionally. He was troubled by the way Julie had distanced herself from his touch. She hadn't seemed herself since the critical part of the epidemic had passed. Sam was determined to get to the bottom of whatever was bothering her.

“I love what I do, Sam. I love to help people, and I enjoy my work with the natives.”

“I don't see what you're getting at, Julie,” Sam said more impatiently than he'd intended. “I know that you love your job. I know you love the people and the land. What I don't know is what this has to do with us and why you're acting so strangely.”

Sam got up and took two long strides to where Julie stood. He reached out to hold her, but Julie turned away.

“Please don't touch me. I'm trying to explain this to you, and you aren't making matters any easier,” Julie said, close to tears.

“Julie, are you sorry that you married me?”

Julie turned back quickly and shook her head. “No, Sam. I love you, and I hope that you still love me.”

“Of course I love you.” Sam could no longer stand Julie's coolness. He took her into his arms and crushed her to his chest. “I will always love you,” he whispered as his lips pressed a long, passionate kiss upon hers.

Julie melted against Sam. She could never imagine life without him. Maybe giving up her career was the only way she could save her marriage. Tears streamed from her eyes. A sob escaped her throat, causing Sam to pull back.

“What in the world?” he muttered and dropped his hands. “I don't understand what this is all about, but I've had just about enough.” He stormed out of the room, barely remembering his parka as he went out into the cold.

Julie jumped at the sound of the front door slamming. Knowing it would be impossible to work, Julie retreated upstairs, locked herself in their bedroom, and had a good long cry.

J
ulie lost track of time as she contemplated her misery. How could she explain her heart to Sam without hurting him? She loved him so much, yet she felt torn.

She looked around the room that had been hers for a little over a month. Everything here spoke of Sam; the large walnut dresser, the huge four-poster bed, and even the lamps on the nightstands looked masculine and powerful. The room smelled like the heady cologne Sam liked to wear.

“Father,” Julie prayed, “I wanted to serve You.” Before she could continue, it came to Julie's mind that if she truly wanted to serve God, she'd open her heart and skills to whatever job He gave her. Perhaps the job God wanted Julie to do now involved being a good wife and homemaker. Maybe she was trained as a nurse simply to help during the epidemic.

“I need to understand, Lord. Please teach me what it is I'm to do,” Julie begged. “I can't bear to hurt Sam, and I can't bear the way I'm feeling.”

Julie reached to the nightstand and picked up her Bible. She flipped aimlessly through the pages, wondering what God might show her there. When she reached Ephesians, Julie began to read through the verses. “Teach me, Lord,” she prayed. “I came home to serve You, and now I have a husband to serve and work with as well.”

Just then, Julie's eyes fell upon Ephesians 5:22: “‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.'” It seemed a clear answer.

“All right, Father,” Julie said in earnest, “I trust You to guide me. Sam loves You and seeks Your guidance, and because of this, I believe, without fear, that You will control this situation.”

Julie got up and dried her eyes. What should she do? Sam was out there somewhere, and no doubt he was feeling just as confused and troubled as she was. Julie debated trying to find him but chose to wait until he returned. She was determined to make her concerns clear. If Sam insisted she give up nursing, then she'd trust God to give her the grace to do just that.

Julie didn't have long to wait. Within the hour, she heard Sam stomping around through the rooms downstairs. Julie brushed her hair and made her way to the top of the stairs just as Sam was starting up.

“We should talk,” Julie said softly.

Sam nodded. The anger was gone and in his eyes shone the love that Julie had come to count on.

Julie made her way down the stairs and took Sam's extended hand. “I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I know you deserve a lot better, and I feel bad about it.”

“If I've done something wrong, you should tell me,” Sam said as he led Julie to the couch.

“You haven't done anything wrong, Sam. That's what makes this so frustrating to me. I've always been able to speak my mind, but something about you makes me forget myself. I suppose it has a great deal to do with my love for you,” Julie said softly. She looked down at her hands, avoiding Sam's face.

“You make your love for me sound like something oppressive,” he replied.

“Not oppressive,” Julie answered. “Maybe restrictive.”

“Restrictive?” Sam questioned. “How so?”

“I'm not sure that restrictive is even the right word. I never expected you to come into my life. I don't know why, but I never considered marrying and having a family. At least not until much later in my life.”

“And?”

“And,” Julie said with deliberation, “I doubt I would have become a public health nurse if I'd known I would be married so soon into my career.”

“I still don't understand,” Sam said softly.

Julie looked up at him. “I love my job, but I'm ready to give it up if that's what you tell me to do.” There! She'd finally managed to get the words out.

“What in the world are you talking about?” Sam asked, confusion spreading across his face. “Why would I ever ask you to quit nursing?”

“Because it takes me away from you. I have to be on the village routes for most of the year, and those absences would keep us separated for long, long spells. I'm not sure I could bear it myself.”

“What makes you think that you'll be separated from me?” Sam asked with a grin. “I know what's required of you on your job. I knew it before I ever married you. I even talked with Dr. Welch at length about it.”

“You did?” Julie's surprised voice amused Sam.

“I certainly did. You didn't think I'd walk into something like marriage without knowing exactly what I was doing, did you?”

“I guess I never thought about it,” Julie replied. “I was too caught up in the epidemic. What did Dr. Welch tell you?”

“He explained your duties and the schedule you'd be keeping as a public health nurse. He told me you'd go by dogsled in the winter months and horseback in the summer. He also told me that the idea of a woman alone on the trails bothered him. I asked him why someone couldn't accompany you.”

“And what did he say?”

“He told me there wasn't funding to support two people on the route. It had been hard enough to get support for one. I told him my idea was to accompany you on the trails without being paid.”

“What?” Julie's mouth dropped open. “You'd be willing to go with me?”

“I'd insist. I can't imagine anything more enjoyable than long hours in the wilderness with a beautiful woman who just happens to be my wife. I've had it planned from the beginning.”

“I never considered such a thing,” Julie said in disbelief. “You'd actually go with me? What a wonderful idea! We wouldn't have to be separated, and you wouldn't want me to quit my job.” Julie squealed with delight as she threw herself into Sam's arms.

“Is that what your moodiness has been all about?” Sam asked, holding Julie at arm's length. “Did you think I was going to force you to give up your dream?”

Julie nodded. “I wanted to talk to you about my job before we got married. But then, the epidemic came up, and you nearly got yourself killed, and I just let it go. I was afraid to bring it up after that.”

“Never be afraid of me, Julie,” Sam said softly. “And please don't ever turn away from me again.”

“I'm sorry, Sam, it's just that you being the kind of guy you are, I thought—”

Sam couldn't resist chuckling as he interrupted. “You mean to tell me you honestly thought I'd expect you to give up something as important as your nursing? I can't believe you'd think so little of me. I mean, I know I can be a little demanding and—”

“A little?” Julie interrupted. “A little?”

Sam shook his head and pulled Julie into his arms. “Okay, so I can be very demanding, but I certainly wouldn't make a decision like that for you. I married you knowing you had a job to do. I admired you for it. I think helping the villages is an important task, and I believe strongly in spreading the Word of God to those who have never heard it before. I kind of figured I might help you.”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly,” Sam said firmly.

“I'm so sorry for misjudging you,” Julie said as she reached a hand up to Sam's bearded face. “I love you so much, and I love my nursing. I didn't want to have to choose between the two.”

“I would never have asked you to,” Sam said as he kissed Julie tenderly.

Julie felt a burden was lifted from her shoulders. She thought of her willingness to accept whatever Sam had instructed her to do and knew that her peace came in being willing to be obedient to God.

As Sam pulled away from her, she nestled her face against his chest and thanked God for the husband He'd given her. Almost as an afterthought, Julie raised one last question.

“Sam, there are bound to be times when you'll be needed here or when you can't go with me. How will you feel about that?”