Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3) (39 page)

“Right there?” I scrunch up my face as I feel him pushing; he grits his teeth in return. “No?”

I nod, unable to get any words out. Closing my eyes, it’s as if I have no control over my body, like I’m slipping backwards from an elevated surface, dropping…dropping into an endless shadow of darkness that assaults my body on the way down.

“Ok, open your eyes.” I hear his voice and I do as he says. I know it is Evan and that alone knocks the horrendous memories out of the way, as if he personally stepped into my head and shoved them aside. All movement from him stops, yet I can still feel that we have gotten further than we’ve ever attempted. “I’m not going on until I know you can keep your eyes on me,” he whispers, his eyes a mask of reassurance, covering up his worry for me, and maybe even the desire to stop before it gets like it has so many times before.

“Ok.” I take a deep breath, then push it out along with all the nasty thoughts that keep invading on this intimate time.

“Ok,” Evan mimics me, lying still above me and not daring to move a muscle or anything else of that nature. All I can think about is how this is it, we are actually going to do this. “Just listen to my breaths and keep your eyes on me, ok? Watch my mouth, I breathe; you breathe, remember?” I nod again, a flame of blush creeping over my cheeks as if he can hear my thoughts as he goes on. “Breathe with me, Piper and if I need to stop at any point, tell me…ok?”

Nodding, I tense up, waiting as he slowly moves his body, arching his back like a cat. A strong painful, yet amazing sensation rolls through my pelvis, electrifying my inner thighs and stomach. Drawing my mouth open in need of more air, my eyes intensify with the urge to slam shut on the feeling.

“Open your eyes and keep your eyes on me, ok?” Evan huffs out through a muffled grunt.

That sound alone, more so than his words, have me widening my eyes and looking at him in total fascination and curiosity. His chest moves up, sliding against me as small tingles spark through me and make me even more anxious, yet excited. Not even realizing it is on the tip of my lips, a gasping whimper makes its way up my throat and out my mouth before I can stop it. I’m not hurt; I don’t want him to stop, but I still could not help it. It’s as if the warmth of his body combined with the subtle, slow movement of his hips into mine, shove the air in my lungs up and out of my body in a whiney sigh. His eyes widen and he stops, keeping his body pressed firmly against mine and us locked together.

“Do you need me…

…to stop?” Evan’s voice is so close, yet slowly begins to pull away. “Piper…”

Hot breaths hit my ear drums, and a weight moves away from me. It’s a different feeling than I’m used to and my fear lessens.

“Open your eyes,” Evan’s voice comes through loud and clear, and until now I had no idea I had closed my eyes again.

Opening them as if I’m peeling a wrapper off a delicate package, I look up and see him kneeling on the bed with both of his knees between my legs. I pull my hands to my chest instantly, almost embarrassed and weirded out that I’m laying here with nothing on while he’s above me with a full-access view.

He smiles, scooping up one of my hands in his. A piercing, electrifying tingle moves over my skin as his hand brushes over my breast in the process.

“Ok, we haven’t even started and you are doing what you used to.” He presses his lips together, looking me in the eyes in a more serious manner than I’m used to. Linking my left hand with his right, he holds our hands suspended in the air between us as he continues, “I’m not sure this is a good idea as much as I want it.” He grits his teeth, but my heart is immediately up in my throat in a panic I’ve never felt.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll be ok. I can do it…” I plead, pulling my hand out of his and sitting up in front of him with both of my knees bent and on either side of his hips.

His face scrunches up with his brows dipped low and his bottom lip tucked into his mouth in thought.

“Honest, I can do it,” I throw out one more plea, nearly begging; I really want to laugh at how I sound like he used to when he’d beg for me to try, insisting that he may die a virgin if not. He always knew how to turn the moments when I was scared the most, into a playfulness that took my mind far from the pain and tragedy. He’s always put me at ease and made me feel safe.

Squinting in skepticism, he opens his mouth to speak then pauses for a second. “You sure?”

My heart jumps, an intense palpitation like I just had paddle boards shock me back to life. “Yes!”

He chuckles with a sincere, adoring grin that makes his eyes glimmer as he cocks his head to the side and reaches his hands behind me to pull me closer. I look down, extremely aware that he is still plenty ready for what is going to take place.

He laughs louder. “Don’t worry, it’s not equipped to take matters into its own hands. I’ll have to do the work.”

My head snaps back up to look at him, humiliated that I was just inspecting the manner of his arousal when all sorts of things on my body have come alive including my nipples which could currently etch my name in a sheet of glass.

He goes on, making sure that my embarrassment is well deserved and fully pointed out, “He’s just an innocent bystander that is forced to take the plunge.”

I shake my head, dropping my chin as his hands tug at my waist until I am into his lap, straddling him. He shifts, pulling me along with one of his hands now behind him on the bed as he directs us to the headboard. I lift further into the air, sliding against him and his completely ready anatomy as he straightens his legs out beneath me. Now it seems like we may go somewhere.

He clears his throat and lifts my chin.
I cannot believe it; I was staring at his penis again.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, now staring at the silly smirk plastered across his face.

“It’s ok. You were always fascinated with that.”

“I was not!”

“If you say so,” he snickers, pulsing his brows up in an adorable flirtatious way that makes my stomach bounce with laught
er.

He’s right, but it’s time to knock that cocky grin off his face.

“Do you have a condom?”

His eyes widened in shock and sure as I thought, his smile relaxes into a stunned expression. I know he doesn’t think it, but I am ready.
Let’s do this.

MY EYES WIDEN AND I
damn near cut off the circulation to my hands as I grasp her waist.

“…Oooo, ouch…”

I look down, immediately loosening my grip, but nearly having little to no control over any of my body. My ego instantly swells along with other parts of me that may very well explode at any given moment. Subconsciously, I’m completely stunned and my brain is screaming at my hands,
Rip the damn drawer of the nightstand open and get one of those suckers on.
I can’t do it fast enough; but I pause, needing to be sure.

“Okay, so you’re ready for this? Because I’m gonna tell you right now,” I point my thumb at the nightstand, still looking at her with a bit of held in laughter as I start to joke, “I think I only have one non-latex condom in that drawer, and I sure don’t want to waste it.”

Her lips rise at the corners into a bright beautiful smile as she leans back and her chest vibrates on a small laugh. It’s pretty damn enticing. As her eyes light up in recognition, I can see the wheels in her head turning;
I know exactly what she’s thinking.

“Didn’t think I’d remember that, did you?”

“I didn’t know if you would or not,” is all she says.

The first time we tried, as soon as I ripped that condom open, the smell reached her nose and reality was history. That was the worst blackout I had experienced with her. She was in my arms in a matter of minutes with me reciting the words I’ve always had to say to bring her back.

“Of course I remember.” I’m not so sure it’s a good idea for her to see I have a drawer full of condoms, but what else can I do?
I’m not taking this journey bareback; perhaps a little explanation beforehand?
Reaching over with one arm as I hold tight to her waist so that I don’t bump her right off my lap, I awkwardly twist my wrist and pull the dresser drawer open. “Okay so don’t flip out and over analyze this, or anything that you chicks do.”

“You chicks, huh?” She folds her arms across her chest, covering a view I’d rather see.

I pause for a moment.
Am I putting my foot in my mouth again?
I ignore that small technicality and go on, nudging the drawer all the way open exposing a shitload of condoms.

“This is not what it looks like,” I annunciate my words dramatically. “About 90% of these are from Judd’s room… He had a ton of them after this past summer and well, they just sort of made their way into my nightstand.”

Of course, I exaggerate the truth. It’s not like they sprouted legs and walked their way in here; I had a big part in that. It would’ve been a travesty to let all of these go to waste. Although now I’ll just need to pitch them all. I will never use a latex one with Piper again and as long as I have her, I don’t have a need for the others.
She’s all I want.

As soon as she chuckles and shakes her head, her usual reaction to my bullshitting, I relax my worry on inserting my size elevens into my big mouth. I don’t waste any more time. Quickly flipping my finger through foil package after package, my eyes land on the one purple square amidst about forty mustard colored wrappers. I dig it out and use the back of my hand to shove the drawer shut. Pinching the package between my fingertips, I can make out the raised, circular edge of the rubber as I hold it up before our faces and try my best not to look too eager.

“Okay…” I stop, meaning to go on and tease her some more, but my mouth goes dry as every part of me becomes aware that this is going to happen. It’s almost an emotional overload, realizing that the first girl I ever touched, the first girl I ever felt this way about is right here with me now; naked. I glance down taking in all of her curves before my eyes go back to her face. I forgot how beautiful she was.

“Okay,” she says so sweetly, interrupting my thoughts and disbelief on what is actually going on.

Just like always, my brain and mouth get mixed up, “We’re really going to play hide the salami, aren’t we?” I say out loud, totally thinking it and not meaning to say it.

Usually when my mouth runs wild, I have this instant reaction to slap my hand across my face and shake my head, but it happens so often anymore, I just skip that part.

She laughs, “I think we are,” not skipping a beat.

My smirk grows to a shit-eating smile as I keep my eyes trained on hers and the condom package between us as if all of this needs to be done at eye level, just in case she would decide against it. She doesn’t say a word, watching my hands the whole time; the quiet, subtle ripping of paper rises into the air and she still doesn’t look away or even show me the slightest sign that this may not go down today. Holding the torn off piece to the floor, I lower my hands to continue on my mission of practicing safe sex. It takes less than a minute for me to toss the trash back onto the nightstand and get the raincoat in place. Piper stays entranced the whole way.
She says she wasn’t impressed before, yeah right.