Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3) (36 page)

I squeeze my eyes shut, the memories fast-forwarding through time.

I stand motionless against the shower house door, registering everything Evan’s heartless asshole of a brother says about me. My heart crumbles into my stomach and all I want to do is run, escape and never have to look anyone in the eyes again. I squeeze my lids together, wondering if I could possibly will away this moment or my entire being. Then I see him; the one person I trusted with my life, my honor, my heart and my secret. How could he hurt me like this?

My eyes bolt open as I look ahead at the closet, and instantly rip the letter out of my pocket. I have to put an end all of this. I need closure; I need a way to move forward. A part of me wants to rush over to Evan’s cabin and demand to know what happened that day. It’s something I should have asked him last night, or possibly the other night on the dock or countless other times when I wanted to claw his eyes out from the resentment and anger I had carried with me. However, gripping the paper in my hands, I end on one thought; one thing that helps me to take a breath. It doesn’t matter what happened that day, or the day after or even today. What matters is that night; what matters is me finding a way to let it go; to forgive myself and to stop pointing my finger at what I didn’t do or say. I have to find closure, and this may very well be the only way to do it. Pressing the now wrinkled up sheet of notebook paper against my lap, I run my palm over it to smooth it out. The words are blurred as I look down and search for the courage to read. I need to be able to forgive and forget; I’ve got to learn to let go.

AFTER CHRISTMAS, THE DAYS FLIP
by faster than I can count. She and I both agreed that the past is best left in the past, however, I still feel the urge biting at me from time to time to explain how I blabbed to Mitch, but she quickly pulls away from the subject once we head in that direction. I just really hate that she may think that I deliberately told him something so personal. So far so good and we have been carrying on like two fourteen-years-olds that just experienced our first kiss on the shore of the lake. We’ve made sure to keep it all PG, although our kisses are getting down right R-rated the last few days and my anatomy is on full awareness that we are nearing the month mark in our new relationship status.
Don’t women celebrate all that shit?
I’m all for a celebration as long as it ends with a clothing optional party.

“Wait, so Mom was in a band?” Judd laughs as he, Alyssa, me, Piper, Abby, Piper’s dad Pete and Jake all sit scattered about in the living room of her house. Tristan seemed to have a bit of a bitterness towards any family reunions in his near future, so none of us could convince him to come. “That’s hilarious. She never told us that. I mean, we knew Dad played football, but for some reason I always assumed…”

“What? A cheerleader?” Pete chuckles, flipping through an old album, one of which Piper drug back from the cabin along with a whole slew of other books and keepsakes.

It didn’t take everyone long to piece together the ties between Piper and Judd’s families, and it’s never made me prouder to know that my best friend and girlfriend are cousins. I think they both are due for some family connections. Let’s face it, Piper’s experience with cousins has resided in the adopted bastard that touched her against her will when she was a kid, and Judd needs any family ties that he can find. His family has been broken since his mom died, and with Tristan on constant excuse mode of why he cannot come talk to Pete or get together with any of us, this development has offered up a great source of distraction for Jake and Judd.

“Yeah…I really envisioned the high school quarterback and head cheerleader kind of movie-like status for them. I don’t know,” Judd laughs, looking over at Alyssa.

I scoot back into the cushion of the recliner as Piper pivots slightly, brushing her arm back behind my neck as she lazily drapes her body on the arm of the chair against me.

We’ve spent many evenings lounging in her bedroom after classes or work, however, we keep a nice boundary of hands above the waist for now. We spent a couple of Saturday afternoons at my apartment, but that quickly got out of hand with us diagonal across the couch as I dry humped her like a dog trying to rub the fur off its mate’s ass. It was painfully awesome, to say the least, until Piper started to black out and we had to put the brakes on. It’s not like I’m not used to it and I’m more than happy with the routine we have, learning to breathe through the flashbacks again, but somedays I do want to shout from the rooftops out of frustration. From that point on, we resigned to have alone time at her house. Her dad seemed to trust me, however anytime we got too quiet, it always seemed like that was the exact moment that he remembered some appetizer that he had in the freezer that we just might want to try. I’ve started to associate pizza rolls and cheddar poppers with me getting an erection; nothing like shooting a man down with food…that’s never a good thing. That’s like using two heavenly possessions against a person; sex and food.

Piper threads herself to my side naturally, as if we’ve never been apart a day in our lives. I stay put, and of course, glance up at her dad to see if I’m getting the traditional, get-your-paws-off-my-daughter look. Luckily, he doesn’t pay any mind. He’s way too caught up in learning the details of his younger sister’s life.

Pete didn’t know all about why his sister left the nest and unfortunately his father has been hell bent on keeping a lid on it as well, but enough was pieced together to learn that she was discarded after she found out she was pregnant. However, from Pete’s point of view he was told his sister ran off with her high school sweetheart. He last saw her when she was sixteen. When Judd broke the news to him of her death, I think all of us wished we could shrink down and leave the room. It was clear that he had missed his sister all of these years, but the mist of water that filled his eyes soon evaporated as he came to the conclusion that left behind in his little sis’ absence were three boys which he had never had the pleasure to get to know.

“So,” I lean towards Piper, speaking in a quiet tone so that I don’t interrupt the excitable conversation going back and forth between Judd, Pete and Jake. Today’s visit is full of smiles and reminiscing, and they all deserve this. “Grandpa told me that apparently, your dad and my dad didn’t like to play nice back in the day. There was some squabble over a girl and I guess they sworn enemies forever,” I snicker, dramatizing my words like there may be a shootout at sunset between the two.

“Whoa…” Pete’s voice kicks up a notch and projects in my direction, getting our attention.
Damn, I do not know how to keep shit quiet.
“It was not over a girl; it was over my sister. He had the hots for Hailey and I just thought…” he looks down, then over to Judd and back to us. Judd grits his teeth as if hearing that his mom was desirable back then, hits a sour note. “Well, I thought he was arrogant and didn’t want him around my little sister. He had a bad rep and I knew how my mom was with that stuff.”

I raise my eyes and look at Judd. “Arrogant, imagine that…my father, really?” I say sarcastically, in complete agreement of his assessment.

Judd snickers and they return to their back and forth, did-you-know-this chatter. Myself, I’m about ready to abandon the family talk and spend some alone time with Piper.

Glancing past the clock that reads a little past 7:00, I look out the window at the dark night and sigh about the half hour drive still ahead of me.

“So what would you say if I suggest both of us ditching the family reunion and heading back to my place to…” slowly letting a smirk rise over my lips and across my cheeks, I add the part of that suggestion that I usually leave out, but not tonight. “…for the night?”

Her head snaps to attention, and the abruptness of it is so noticeable to me, that I immediately glance at her dad to make sure that my whisper didn’t come out in my regular voice for all ears to hear. I clamp my jaw down expecting to find all eyes on us with expectant expressions and probably a shitty ass grin from Jake and Judd, but fortunately, their idle conversation has them all fully engrossed.

“Ok,” her calm, quiet voice reaches me before I can look back, but that word has me spinning my neck her way so fast that it may possibly pop right off.

Our eyes meet and there is no
maybe,
or hesitation or even nervousness in hers…just a simple
ok
with something I’m thrilled to see; excitement.
I do not think I can get to the door fast enough.

After what seemed to be a ten-second flee from her house, that had to be noticeable by everyone, plus a thirty-minute drive home, which I believe I shaved down to about twenty, we get to my apartment and speed upstairs.

“Evan…” she laughs, clinging tight to my hand as I fumble for my keys. “Is there some movie on that we’re going to miss or do you just have to pee really bad?”

Shoving the door open finally, I turn my head slowly, rather proud of her sarcasm, suddenly dumbfounded on whether I should just throw her down as soon as we walk inside.
I sure the hell hope she wasn’t being serious though.
She looks at me with a slightly held back grin and a sparkle in her dark eyes, but I play it cool, remaining nonchalant as if I haven’t a care in the world; especially one where I have years of pent up sexual frustration for her, that is currently beating its fists across my pelvis region and begging to come out to play.