Breathe (53 page)

All beautiful.

I was thinking this as I walked up the stairs to my apartment, knowing Chace was there. Tonight was the first night since Malachi was released from the hospital that we weren’t eventually heading to Mom and Dad’s to check in. This was Chace’s decree. Our night. Alone time. Just a night, just Chace and me.

The Sunday after Jarot’s party, we’d taken the next step in our relationship. He’d given me the key to his house and a garage door opener. I’d given him the key to mine. We spent time at work, at Mom and Dad’s with Malachi, doing our everyday things like Chace going to Chantelle to swim, me going to the gym, so the day could end in either one of our beds. But the day always ended with us together in whichever one it turned out to be.

Although Chace had not yet shared his dark secrets, I knew even more now with how he was with Malachi, my nephews, the easiness he had with my parents, the way he was with me, that whatever they were wouldn’t faze me.

I was in love. Not with an idea. Not with a dream. With a good man who had demons but treated my parents with respect, young boys he barely knew with kindness and generosity and me like I was the most precious thing on earth.

Knowing he was at my house making twice baked potatoes to go with steaks he’d broil, I didn’t bother with the key. I turned the knob and walked into my apartment, grinning to myself, looking forward to a just us evening and not having that first fraking clue I was walking into a very different Chace.

I closed the door, saw him standing by my computer, hands to his hips, looking hot.

I started to smile but the smile died and confusion reigned when he spoke.

“I’ve got a girlfriend?”

My head dipped to the side. “What?”

“I’ve got a girlfriend,” he stated and something about the way he stated it, something in his tone, the look on his face, the line of his body, made me brace.

“Uh…” I hesitated when he said no more, “I think so. Her being me.”

He jerked his head to my computer and what he said next made me realize when I braced, I didn’t brace enough.

“Your friends Benji and Serenity think somethin’ else.”

Oh no.

Oh frak!

I totally forgot. Things had been so busy, I’d been spending so much time with Chace, at Mom and Dad’s, it had been weeks since I had a full on conversation with either of them.

I had sent a few emails, just cursory updates and reminding them I hoped they’d backed down from their sleuthing.

But I hadn’t shared about Chace partly because I didn’t have time for big explanations. But also partly because I wanted to keep him to myself and I wanted to make sure it would last, that it was real before I told them. I did this because I’d have to admit I’d lied to them about Chace having a girlfriend. I also did this because when they heard, they’d be angry I lied to them but over the moon that Chace was with me. And I didn’t want them to get excited about something that wasn’t all I’d dreamed it would be, dreams I’d shared with them
for years.

There it was yet again. Lying always,
always
got you into trouble.

“H… how –?” I started and Chace cut me off.

“Got on to check the game time, barely got that fucker booted up when screens popped up. They’re pissed, baby.
Seriously
. You haven’t been available to them but you haven’t been forthcoming
why.
And they got things to share,” he leaned toward me and the way he did made me lean slightly back even though he was ten feet away, “about
The Elite.
”

Uh-oh.

“Chace –” I whispered but said no more because he lost it.

I knew he lost it because he roared… yes… actually…
roared,
“
Have you lost your fucking mind?
”

My heart started thumping in my chest.

“Chace –”

“Take your goddamned coat off and get away from the door,” he growled and my head jerked.

“Wh… what?”

“Take,” he took a step toward me and I stepped back, “your,” he took another step and so did I, “
goddamned,
” another step for him and me, “coat off.”

“Why?” I whispered and kept retreating as he made it to the door and stopped.

I then watched in fascinated horror as he flipped the deadbolt and set the chain then turned to me.

“Do it, Faye.”

“You’re kind of scaring me,” I said softly.

“Yeah?” he asked, tipping his head sharply to the side. “Good,” he bit off to finish.

“It’s not good,” I whispered.

“Oh yeah, it is, honey,” he whispered back. “You should be scared of me right now. You should be scared of me because I am extremely pissed off. And I’m extremely pissed off because you and your band of misfits have been doin’ something so fuckin’ stupid I can’t even explain to you how stupid it is. And the reason it’s stupid is because it’s dangerous.”

“Chace, it –”

He interrupted me to rap out, “It what?”

“We –” I tried again but he cut me off again before I could say two words.

“You what?”

“Please let me speak.”

He didn’t.

He leaned forward and thundered, “
Misty got dead because of those assholes.
”

“I know,” I whispered.

“So, she got dead, you and your two buddies thought it was smart to play with that kinda fire? Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Faye, how could you be so goddamned stupid?”

“I told them to back off,” I said softly.

“Well, they didn’t,” he fired back. “They got names, Faye, they got
a lot,
and
all of it
they should not have. They should not know. I do not know those two but I know
you.
” He lifted a hand and jabbed a finger at me. “And I
like
you. I didn’t fuckin’
like
my wife but I still didn’t want her on her knees, terrified, a cock forced in her mouth, her face raped before she got holes blown into her. So if that shit happens to
you,
” he jabbed his finger at me again, taking a step toward me before rocking to a wooden halt, “I… will… lose… my…
goddamned mind!
”

But I was frozen, head to toe so it took a lot of effort to force out my, “What?”

“Yeah,” he ground out. “Semen on her face, darlin’, in her stomach. No one knows but a bunch of cops, most of them dirty, and me, the same
and
her fuckin’ husband. Last thing Misty did on this earth was give a blowjob and not one she wanted to give. Before he fuckin’ took her life, he fucked her goddamned
face.
”

My entire body started shivering as I stared at him and tried to process this horror.

“That why you were up there that night we met?” he asked and when I stared at him blankly, shivering, shocked at this new knowledge, he barked, “
Answer me!
”

I jumped and whispered, “Ye… yes.”

“Jesus fucking
Christ!
” he yelled, turning, he swiped my perfume bottle off my dresser, shifted and with a scary, powerful sidearm throw he threw it across the room so it shattered against the bricks at the other side of the apartment.

I blindly took quick steps back, going at a diagonal and slammed my side into the kitchen counter. My body registered the pain so I stopped.

His burning eyes scorched back to me and he clipped out, “This world, Faye, the one you actually live in is not a fantasy.”

“I… I know,” I said softly.

“Bad shit happens.”

“I know,” I repeated.

“Happily ever afters are not fuckin’ guaranteed.”

“Chace –”

“You can be you, good, sweet, kind, generous, loving and
still
get your face raped and holes blown through your beautiful body and no hero’s gonna ride in and save you from that shit because you’ll be fuckin’
dead.
”

“Pl… please calm down, Chace, and let me explain.”

“There is no explanation for this stupid fuckin’ shit, Faye,” he fired back and I stared at him.

Then I squared my shoulders and whispered, “There is.”

He studied me a second before he threw his hands out to his sides and invited sarcastically, “Dazzle me.”

“I was doing it for you,” I told him softly and he shook his head, moving toward me but I stood my ground.

“Wrong answer,” he growled.

“It affected you, Misty’s death. I saw it, how it upset you and, you know, I, well, I had a crush on you before –”

I stopped speaking because suddenly he rushed me and before I knew it both his hands were on either side of my head, his face was all I could see and he whispered, “Shut up.”

I didn’t shut up.

I kept going in a whisper.

“I didn’t like to see you suffer.”

His hands pressed in and he clipped low, “Shut up, Faye.”

I didn’t shut up.

I kept talking.

“I wanted it to stop.”

“Shut it.”

“I wanted it to stop. I wanted you to be free.”

His face got closer and he growled, “Shut it.”

I again didn’t shut up.

I gave him all of me.

“I wanted you to notice me.”

He used my head to yank me into him then one of his arms closed around me so tight I couldn’t breathe, his other hand curled around the side of my head, pressing my cheek to his chest and he bit out, “God damn it.”

My fingers curled into his sweater at his sides and I kept at it but I had to do it on a breathless wheeze. “It was stupid. I knew it when Benji and Serenity started turning up stuff so I tried to stop them –”

His hand flexed into my scalp but his arm around me loosened slightly as he whispered in a voice that seemed torn out of him, guttural, leaving damage in its wake, “Seriously, Faye, fuckin’ shut it.”

I shut it.

He held me close and I held onto his sweater for what seemed days before I felt him shift but only his head so his lips were at the top of my hair.

“Fuck me, what am I gonna do with you? Even when I wasn’t with you, you tried to take my goddamned back,” he muttered there and it was not a question for me so I decided not to answer.

His hand slid from the side of my head to my jaw, he tipped my head back and I hesitantly looked into his face, relieved to see he was no longer pissed way the frak off but that didn’t mean he wasn’t openly troubled.

“You fucked up, Faye.”

I slid my lower lip to the side and bit it before letting it go and whispering, “I think I got that.”

“Now is not the time to be cute,” he warned.

I pressed my lips together.

He closed his eyes and pulled breath in through his nose.

Then he opened his eyes and ordered quietly, “You get on your computer and you talk those two down. I don’t give a shit what you gotta do. Get their promises. Get them to vow on whatever geek shit you guys hold sacred that they are not gonna do one more thing on this gig. You have to, you tell them I’ll hunt them down and arrest their asses for whatever bullshit I can dream up with illegal wire taps and hacking. Then we hope they haven’t got on radar. And we hope more they haven’t put
you
on radar. Because knowin’ that shit happened to Misty when my ring was on her finger, I didn’t want it there or not, eats at me every fuckin’ day. That shit happened to you, it’d kill me but not before I hunted down the man who did it to you and I made sure he was dead. I am not jokin’, not even a little bit. So get on your computer and sort their asses, baby, and do it now.”

Cautiously, my heart beating hard even as it hurt, for him and for Misty, I asked, “Did that really happen to Misty?”

“Question and answer time is
after
you sort those two. Not now. Go, Faye, and don’t make me tell you again.”

One could say he was being supremely bossy in a way I did not like.

Still.

Eats at me every fuckin’ day.

Frak.

Misty.

So instead of sharing with him I didn’t like him being that kind of bossy, I whispered, “Right.”

I let his sweater go, he let me go and I hustled across my apartment, taking my coat off as I went.

I threw it on an armchair then I sat in my desk chair.

On the screen I saw either Benji or Serenity had started a three person chat and there was a line of
Faye, you there?
over and over again.