Breathe (20 page)

“
Mi dispiace
, Mama.” His voice was small in the quiet of the bedroom. “I only wanted to say goodbye to the water. I thought I would pull on the rope and see the boat. But I…” tears welled again, “…I fell in.”

He flung his arms around her neck. “I was so scared, Mama. I couldn't swim.”

Her heart nearly froze, thinking what might have happened if Jace hadn't been there. She squeezed Matteo and then held him back, looking into his white face. “We will have a talk about wandering off and water later.” For a moment he looked relieved, so she added, “And we will decide what your punishment should be, Matteo. For now you need to get into your pajamas, nice and dry.”

“Yes, Mama.”

There was no doubt now in Anna's mind that Jace had saved Matteo's life. The way he'd come striding over the hill like an angel would stay in her memory forever. She hung Matteo's wet clothes over the shower rod in the bathroom to dry, and found him sitting on the bed with Jace when she returned.

Jace looked up at her. “I was just going to tuck him in.” He knew it was likely his last chance, unless he could say the right things tonight. He prayed he could. The moment Matteo had toppled into the water, time had stopped. Something new crystallized in Jace's heart. He knew now it was the knowledge that this was his family. He'd called Matteo son and he'd meant it. He'd spent years not wanting a family. Not wanting to hurt like that again, the way he had when he'd come back and Anna had already belonged to someone else. Now he had a chance. He wouldn't give up on these children and he wouldn't give up on her.

He pulled the covers to Matteo's shoulders. “I'll see you in the morning.”

Matteo nodded, but Jace saw the tiny quiver in the bottom lip. He leaned forward. “Don't worry,” he whispered and winked at the boy. The way Matteo looked up at him nearly broke his heart, a mixture of admiration and love and fear. Someone had to make things right.

Anna kissed her son. “I'm just going to talk to Jace, okay?”

He nodded, but his lashes were already starting to drift down to his cheeks.

Jace let Anna exit the room first, and they walked silently down the steps and out onto the deck, letting the outdoors surround them in a cocoon of privacy.

Jace rested his elbows beside Anna's against the railing, searching for the words. After several moments they turned to each other, and he had no idea how to say what needed to be said. How to make things right, how to explain what was in his heart.

“I love you.”

That was what came out, and it surprised him as much as her. Of all the ways of starting things off, he wasn't expecting that, but it was what came out and Anna's lips dropped open.

“What did you say?”

He rubbed a hand over his face. “I said I love you. I love you and it's the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. I've loved you since I was sixteen years old and I don't think I could stop if my life depended on it.”

She put her fingers to her lips and Jace was sure he'd blown it. He should have said something about Matteo. He should have apologized. He should have—

And then her arms were around him, and he pulled her close and held on.

“Don't leave,” he whispered in her ear. “Please don't leave, Anna. I know I'm to blame about Matteo. Stay and I promise I'll spend every day making it up.”

She slowly slid her arms back over his shoulders and tilted her head to look up at him.

“What do you mean, you're to blame?”

Meeting her eyes at this moment was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He'd failed her, and yet he knew he had to tell her, even if it meant losing her. There couldn't be any secrets between them ever again.

“I saw him on the dock. And when he reached for the rope, I called out to him. I thought to make him stop, but when he looked up he lost his balance and…”

He had to swallow hard, couldn't finish the sentence.

“It's my fault. If I'd been here like I promised, we could have gone out on the boat instead of making him wait. I should have put him first. And when I didn't, he nearly…”

He stopped. The alternative was too scary. And still she watched him and waited, her dark eyes piercing into him, a tiny furrow between her eyebrows.

“It isn't your fault, Jace. It was an accident.”

He closed his eyes, willing the rest to come out the way he wanted.

“But it never should have happened. When I pulled him out of the water, I could only think of how much you'd already lost. I knew then that you and Matteo and Aurelia mean everything to me. The rest is just…window dressing. And I knew exactly what you meant when you said I wasn't good enough.”

His throat tightened painfully as the emotion threatened to take over. He swallowed, blinked. “I failed you in every possible way. But I love you and what I'm asking is for you to give me the chance to make that up.”

Anna searched his eyes, knowing he meant every single word he'd uttered. She had no doubt that Matteo's incident had been an accident. But what she was hearing was more wonderful than she ever could have imagined. He loved her. He loved all of them.

When she had been a young girl, Jace had been her hero. He'd been handsome and driven and forbidden. He'd been a safe place and the one she'd trusted to love for the first—and as it turned out—the only time. She had become a woman with him, with a woman's love and a woman's hurt. And now he could be hers again. It was a dizzying, joyous thought.

“You really mean that? You love me.”

“Of course I do. How can you doubt it?”

“But you never said it to me before.”

He smiled a little, his lips tipping up just a bit, and it made her want to kiss them. But what he was going to say was more important. And she needed the words. Needed to hear them once and for all.

“When we were young, I was afraid. I told myself I wouldn't say it until I was sure I could provide for you. But then when you told me about the baby… I got you the locket and promised myself I would tell you when I gave it to you. But that never happened. You were engaged to Stefano and off-limits. But I never really stopped. I tried. I went out and dated and kept looking for someone who would perhaps take your place. I started this ridiculous competition with your father thinking it would help get you out of my system. But nothing could. I should have known better.”

“Why?”

He stepped forward and took her hands. “Because you can't be replaced, Anna. I knew it the night you told me about the baby and we made love again. There will never be anyone for me but you. And now I find myself hoping, just a bit, that you love me again. Because I don't think I can take losing you once more. Not when I love you…and the children…quite so much.”

Anna didn't know whether to weep or laugh. “You always said it was about providing for me. And you never understood that I didn't care about those things.”

“I was proud. I know it. But growing up, how could I not notice the differences in our households? You with your fancy clothes and servants. And my father a simple laborer. I wanted to deserve you. I wanted to show you I could do it.”

“And you did,” she said softly.

“Yes, and I'm proud of that. I'm proud of Two Willows. I'm proud that my mother and father are comfortable now and looked after. But I want a family of my own. It all means nothing without you with me, Anna. I want you. And Matteo and Aurelia. They are such beautiful children.”

“Are you sure you are ready to be a father, Jace? It's only been a few weeks.”

As much as his profession of love meant, she knew she had to put her children first. And so she held her breath, waiting, hoping. She loved him, always had. Now she had to be sure he was ready to commit to her children as well. They needed a father, a real one. She wasn't an innocent girl anymore…she was a package deal. And she wanted it to be true. Wanted to believe.

“If I had any doubts, they vanished when I saw Matteo fall in the river. I have never been that frightened my whole life. I love him as my own. And Aurelia too.” He reached for her and cupped her cheek in his hand. “Both of them, and any brothers or sisters that might come along. If you want.”

Her heart tripped and started again. “More? You would want more children?”

“I know you might not want to risk it again, after what happened to us before…and I love the children. But if you wanted more…” He paused. “Do you?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“When I came over the knoll with Matteo in my arms, and you were waiting…I felt like I could do anything. This is where we belong. Please, please say you believe it too.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead, his breath warm and moist against her skin. “What if you're already pregnant, Anna?”

The thought stopped them both. Anna pressed a hand to her stomach, wondering. Remembering. And then, with the faintest of glimmers, hoping. Yes, she'd like Jace's child. They deserved that, both of them.

“I am almost afraid to hope,” she whispered.

“Just say you love me, Anna, and we'll figure out the rest. I promise.”

“I love you.”

“Now say you'll marry me.”

“I'll marry you.”

She pulled back from his arms and looked up, a smile dawning on her face. His expression mirrored hers, wide with wonder and happiness.

“I'll marry you,” she repeated, stronger, surer.

As he swung her up in his arms, she knew it didn't matter if she didn't have all the answers. The time had come to trust…in herself, in him. The rest would work itself out.

Epilogue

“Aurelia, could you get me the blanket, please?”

Aurelia picked up the soft pink blanket from the diaper bag and took it to her mother, her long dark curls kissing the tips of her shoulders. She looked very much like Anna had at that age, a fact her Uncle Alex pointed out every time Anna mentioned her daughter's latest precociousness. Anna was now cuddling one-year-old Eva in a rocking chair. “Thank you, Aurelia. You are Mama's good helper.”

“Don't forget me!”

Matteo burst through the door, followed by Jace.

“Yes, of course.” These days Matteo's help was less with the baby and more around the vineyards, but Anna loved seeing him follow in Jace's footsteps.

“Papa says we can get the boat ready tomorrow.” He went to Anna's chair and put a finger on Eva's cheek. “You wait, Eva. Papa says I can drive.”

He was rewarded with a sleepy grin.

“Room for three more?”

Four heads turned towards the door.

“Uncle Alex!” Matteo's cry rang out and he ran to his uncle. “You can come on the boat with us tomorrow.”

Alex laughed and drew Melissa inside with him. Their daughter, Laura, peeked out from mahogany-colored bangs, a thumb popped in her mouth.

“Matteo is more than happy for male company. I think he feels overrun with girls.” Jace came forward, hugged Alex and ruffled Matteo's hair.

“Let me take her,” Alex said, lifting Laura from Melissa's arms.

Melissa sighed, rested her hand on her significantly rounded stomach, and lifted her cheek for a kiss from her brother-in-law. “I'm so glad we could come for the weekend. Alex says I'm not allowed to travel after next week.”

Anna shared a look that clearly said, “Men,” even though she knew they both secretly adored being doted upon.

“And your father?” Jace put the question to Alex, who answered with a sober shake of his head.

“I'm afraid not.”

Roberto Morelli had refused to attend Jace and Anna's wedding, and his relationship with Alex was tenuous at best.

“Our father is too proud for his own good,” Anna replied.

But Jace saw beneath her pronouncement to the hurt. “I'm sorry, Anna.”

Anna looked into Jace's eyes. After all the years of resentment, he'd swallowed his pride and gone to Morelli to speak to her father, to ask for his blessing and to put the past behind them. She loved him for trying, even if her father had refused to even open the door. “It's not your fault, Jace,” she said softly.

Alex broke the dismal mood by clapping his hands together. “Okay, okay, enough of this—cookies and milk with Uncle Alex in the kitchen. You too.” He aimed a glance at Melissa. “You need your milk.”

Aurelia and Matteo disappeared with the Morellis at the promise of sweets, and Jace leaned over to give Anna a kiss.

“You're sure you're up to this?”

Anna laughed. “Are you sure you are? You've got a full house for a few days.”

“There's always room for family.”

Anna thought back to barely two years previous, when Jace had been a bachelor and things hadn't been nearly so rosy. “There really is, isn't there?”

“But…I don't want you to wear yourself out.”

She grinned. “I'm fine. And Alex will help for a few days.”

“Yes, but that was before—”

“Before three children and a son on the way?”

She patted her rounded belly and her smile widened at Jace's expression.

“A son? You know?”

“I found out last week. But I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“A son…”

“And a brother for Matteo.” It had been a bone of contention for a few months when Eva had turned out to be a sister and not the brother Matteo had requested. “I don't want you to overdo it, Anna. We can hire help.”

Anna nodded. It no longer bothered her to think of the children having a nanny. Jace was not Stefano. But she worked from home now, running the wine shop and taking care of the accommodations for the guesthouse. She enjoyed seeing the happy faces of her children during her day and taking them for walks in the afternoons. The children came first. And when Jace came in from among the vines…

“If I need help, I'll be sure to ask. The only help I need right now is putting the children to bed. And after that…”