Breaking Shaun (53 page)

“So, what do you think?” Asia asked as she stood back and looked at her work.

“It looks great, Asia. He’s gonna love it,” I said.

“I hope so. I still can’t believe Shaun is going to be a dad. It’s just crazy.”

I nodded as I adjusted some of the gift bags full of condoms and Hershey’s Kisses.

“So, how are you?”

I shrugged. “I’m good, I guess. Just been busy with work.”

Asia came to stand next to me, and I stopped messing with the decorations when I noticed her inspecting me with her dark eyes.

“Come on, girl, you can be honest with me. I won’t tell Shaun, I promise. We’re friends, remember?”

I did remember, but I also knew if things between Shaun and me didn’t work out, Asia would have to pick a side, and I had no doubt which one she would choose.

“I’m fine.”

Asia’s eyebrow raised, and I could tell she didn’t believe me. Luckily for me, there was a knock at the front door just as she was about to respond.

When Asia opened it, Nick, Hailey, and Mandy were on the other side.

“Hey, guys. Come in.”

“Oh my God, this house is fucking amazing!” Mandy exclaimed as she took in her surroundings with wide eyes.

Everyone laughed as they took off their coats, and Asia brought their gifts to the designated table. Mandy and I had grown close over the past few months. She was still on a mission to make me believe in fairy tales, especially since she’d found her own Prince Charming and was head over heels in love. In her mind, I was going to be a professional photographer and the mother to Shaun’s baby. She imagined us traveling the world together as a family, surfing and living happily ever after.

If only it were that simple
…

“So, what do you need us to do?” Hailey asked. She took a chip out of a bowl and popped it into her mouth.

“I think we’re all done. The party doesn’t start for another hour, and Marcus is out with Shaun, keeping him busy, so I guess we just wait,” Asia said.

Asia was watching me, and I knew she still wanted to talk, but she was respecting my privacy.

“Well, I say we have our own little pre-party then,” Nick said, picking up a bottle of vodka and holding it above his head.

“Hell yeah!” Mandy shouted.

“I love this girl,” Nick said as he handed her an empty cup. “Nat?”

Nick handed me a cup, and I took it. I could definitely use a drink.

He poured everyone a shot and made a toast, “To love and all the bullshit that comes with it.”

We all tapped cups before drinking.

Luke had moved into Nick’s apartment a few months ago, and he was happier now than I’d ever seen him before. Hailey and John had just gotten back from vacation in Aspen, and she was opening her own furniture boutique downtown in the spring. It seemed like everyone’s lives and relationships were moving forward while I remained stuck in my own indecision. Shaun hadn’t asked me to move in with him, and we never talked about marriage. We both knew the topic of commitment made us uneasy, but I couldn’t help myself from wondering where I would fit into his life without it. It was hard for me to invest all of myself with no promise that he would be there tomorrow.

“What’s going on with you, girl?” Nick asked me as we all went to sit in Asia’s living room.

“Nothing. Why?”

Nick looked around at all the girls in the room before his eyes met mine again. “Don’t pull that bullshit with me, Natalie. We’re all friends here. You’ve been acting different the past few months. You’re more distant. What’s going on?”

I turned to look at my friends, and they were all watching me.

“Is it the baby?” Mandy asked with sympathy in her expression.

Giving up on my defenses, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “It’s just hard. I can’t help but wonder why things can’t be simple. Why couldn’t I fall in love, move in with the guy, get time alone with him to just enjoy each other, and then worry about a baby? Not only that, but also it’s not even
my
baby. Who’s to say that once it gets here, Shaun won’t realize that he doesn’t have time for me anymore? Or maybe he’ll want someone more…I don’t know…domestic.”

“Shaun loves you,” Asia said. “Trust me. I’ve never seen him worry about someone the way he worries about you. You’re all he ever talks about. I think he’s terrified that once the baby is here, you’re going to run, and he doesn’t want to lose you.”

Hailey nodded. “It’s true. I’ve known Shaun for a long time, and you’ve changed him, Natalie. I mean, he’s still a cocky asshole, but when he looks at you, anyone can see the love all over his face. He’d do anything for you.”

“You guys have to talk to each other,” Nick said, putting his hand on my leg.

He knew how hard that would be for me.

I peered up at him before nodding and looking down at my lap. “I know. I just…I’m not sure if I can do it. I mean, what kind of mother would I be? I didn’t exactly grow up with the best example. What if I can’t be the woman he needs me to be?”

“You already are,” Asia said before pouring us another shot.

I had fucking butterflies in my stomach. I was so nervous. Marcus and I were at some swanky jewelry store, and I was trying to find an engagement ring for Natalie. I’d wanted to propose to her for months, but with the baby coming, I didn’t want her to think I was rushing things just to make sure she would stick around. I kept having nightmares where I’d wake up, and a baby would be in bed next to me in Natalie’s place.

If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have gotten through any of this. She was always there for me when I needed her, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable the situation. And I knew if she stuck with me through this, she would be there for me through anything. I had no doubt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but I wasn’t so sure she felt the same.

I’d tried to give her space. I knew all of this had to be hard to accept. I just hoped our love would be enough to get us through it.

After talking to Marcus, he’d convinced me to take the leap.
Stop being a bitch
were his exact words.

“So, which one do you think she’d like?” the man behind the counter asked.

I was browsing through the display of engagement rings, and I had no idea. Natalie didn’t wear jewelry. It wasn’t because she didn’t like it, but she just refused to ever spend that kind of money on herself. She would have to get used to it though. I’d just signed a contract with Rip Curl, giving them the rights to my designs, and now, I had six figures in my bank account. I planned to tell her about the deal tonight after I proposed.

“I don’t know, man. What do you think?” I asked Marcus.

He was looking at the watches in the case behind me. “Just go with your gut. Pick the ring that reminds you of her.”

That didn’t help. They were all beautiful, but I had no idea what shape she wanted or what size she wore. There were just too many to choose from. Maybe it was a sign.

What if it’s too soon?

Or too late?

When Marcus pulled into his driveway, I was surprised to see so many cars parked on his street.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

He parked his Chevelle in the driveway, and he shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe one of our neighbors is having a party.”

I knew he was full of shit because I recognized most of the cars, but I decided to play along and not say anything.

When we walked into the front door, I was greeted by my friends and family yelling, “Surprise!”

It looked like Big Bird had exploded all over Marcus and Asia’s house. Yellow was everywhere. I smiled when I saw all my friends standing around with party hats on their heads and a big banner that said,
Welcome, Baby Fuller
, on it

Asia came to give me a hug. “It’s your baby shower!” she said, her face beaming with pride.

“I see that,” I replied, chuckling, as I hugged her back.

I started searching the room for Natalie, and I relaxed like I always did when I saw her. She was standing off to the side next to Nick. She was dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a low-neck black sweater, and her long hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She smiled at me as I made my way over to her.

“Hey, Killer,” I said before leaning down to kiss her.

Her soft lips pressed against mine, and I closed my eyes, savoring the touch.

When we separated, Asia grabbed my arm and dragged me away from Natalie. She threw me into a big chair decorated with yellow streamers.

“What the fuck is this?” I asked.

“It’s your daddy throne.”

I gave Asia a you’ve-got-to-be-joking look, and she glared at me.

“Just shut up.”

Hailey came over and handed me a beer.

“I could get used to this,” I said as I lounged back in my seat. I took a swig from the bottle.

I turned to find Natalie, but she wasn’t where I’d left her. I wanted her to be a part of this, to celebrate with me, but she wasn’t in the room. My eyes moved to the floor in front of me as my resolve settled in. This was a part of my life that I couldn’t change. I was about to be a father, and as much as I wanted Natalie to be involved, I couldn’t force her. She had to want it, too.

For the next few hours, I kept a smile on my face, and I even played all the stupid games Asia had found online. It was sweet, how much trouble she had gone through to make this shower special for me. She had all my favorite foods and drinks, and all my favorite music.

By the time the party was winding down, I was worn-out and drunk. I saw Natalie throughout the night, but she’d seemed more like an observer than a willing participant.

Once everyone helped pile all my gifts into my dad’s truck, he offered to give Natalie and me a ride to my apartment since neither of us had our cars. I had set up my spare room with a crib and a changing table, but I wasn’t sure if all this new crap was going to fit. I never realized how much stuff babies needed. Each new thing had come with an explanation of how it worked and when to use it. I could barely keep up, especially with all the beers I’d drunk.

“How did you do it, Dad?” I asked from his backseat since I’d given Natalie shotgun.

“Do what?”

“Raise three kids by yourself.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Your mother was around when all of you were babies. Thank God. She taught me how to change diapers and make bottles. I would have been clueless without her. Honestly, until you were old enough to wipe your own ass, she did most of the work.”