Breaking Shaun (27 page)

“This isn’t funny, Nick! I’ve been here for, what? Not even a week, and I already slept with your best friend’s brother! What is wrong with me?” I let my arms fall flat on the table before I plopped my forehead down between them.

This was all a mess, and now, I’d let Nick in on the secret. Things would probably just get worse from here.

“Relax, Natalie. What’s the big deal? You’re both adults, and you’re both pretty familiar with the whole casual sex scene. So, now, you have someone you can sleep with, and you don’t have to worry about him trying to put a ring on your finger.” Nick lifted his shoulder and let it drop before taking another sip of his coffee.

Lifting my head, I sighed and straightened my back in an attempt to stop sulking. “My car broke down last night at work, and he came to get me. He even offered to fix it.” I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in my chair.

He gasped, and his hand flew to his mouth in fake surprise. “Oh my God! That motherfucker. I cannot believe him!”

I couldn’t help but smirk at his sarcasm. I guessed I was being a little overdramatic, but all of this was still new to me, and I didn’t like the unknown. I liked having clear boundaries, and with Shaun, there were none.

“I’m serious, Nick. I’m just not comfortable with all of this. I know this is going to sound weird, but I’m not used to being friends with someone I sleep with. I keep those parts of my life totally separate. Now, they’re mixing together, and it’s fucking with my head.”

He stretched his arm across the table to pat my hand with his before giving me a knowing look. “Let’s be honest here, Natalie. You’ve never been too keen on having friends in the first place. I see you’re trying, and I’m proud of you, really.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, and I could feel emotions swelling inside me that I didn’t realize I had.

“Now, if you think you’re falling for him, that’s a whole other story. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Shaun isn’t the type to settle down. But there’s nothing wrong with having casual sex with someone you actually like and maybe even trust.”

I nodded and broke my gaze from Nick’s to look at my coffee. I didn’t want him to see how hard this conversation was for me.

“Can I ask you something?” Nick lowered his head, urging me to meet his gaze, before he continued, “Why do you only have casual sex? Why don’t you want a boyfriend?”

That was a loaded question. He waited patiently as I rubbed my lips together and wrung my hands in front of me on the table. His hand was still resting on my wrist, and somehow, it helped.

I didn’t think he had the time for me to name every reason, so I tried to sum it up in one sentence. “Loving someone isn’t enough to keep them from leaving, and I’ve been left behind enough to know it’s not worth the risk.” I’d never thought these words, let alone spoken them aloud, but as soon as I’d said them, I knew they were sad…and true.

Nick’s shoulders slumped, and he frowned. He looked away, and I could see the wheels turning in his head. He knew better than to argue with me. Nick and I had both been hurt in the past, and it wasn’t long ago when he’d felt the same way. When his eyes came back to mine, I could see the sincerity in them, and I took a deep breath, praying I’d be able to keep my emotions in check.

“You know I love you, right?” he asked, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand where it still rested on the table in front of me.

I nodded, but I couldn’t do much else. I was already on the brink of tears.

“You deserve to be happy, Natalie, and avoiding anything scary or anything that might end badly isn’t the way you get there. You gotta let go, girl. Smile, have fun, let loose. I promise, no matter what happens, I will always be here to catch you if you fall.”

I felt my chin quiver, and I bit my bottom lip to try to stop the tears from falling, but it didn’t work. I shook my head and looked down at the table with my eyebrows furrowed.

What’s wrong with me? Why is it so hard to believe that someone loves me and is willing to be there for me?

“Hey. Come here.” Nick stood and came to wrap his arms around me.

I didn’t hug him back. I just cried quietly, swiping at the tears on my cheeks.

“I love you, Natalie. I’m not going anywhere, okay?” he whispered as he rubbed my back, trying to soothe me.

I was trying to stay strong, but I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. I’d been holding them in for so long. For years, I’d been strong because I had to be. I’d had to protect my sister and be her rock. Now, I was slowly letting down the defenses I’d built around myself, and it was like releasing a floodgate. Reaching out, I wrapped my arms around Nick’s waist as I cried against his perfectly pressed shirt, and he let me.

After my talk with Nick, I felt like a humongous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My sister was now settling in New York, and it was the first time in my life that I had no one to take care of but myself. It was time for me to get out there and experience life. I was ready to grab on to it with both hands and let it take me away. Anywhere I might end up couldn’t be worse than where I was now. I was ready to take risks, try things I never thought I’d try, and allow myself to just be. I knew it would be hard, but I had to start somewhere.

That was why I had Nick drop me off at Shaun’s building on his way to work and why I was standing in front of his apartment door at nine thirty in the morning. I held my phone in my sweaty palm and took a deep breath as I stared at the screen.

Just do it, Nat.

Straightening my back, I found my inner vixen. She wasn’t hard to find. I always kept her close. Then, I sent a text to Shaun.

Are you alone?

I stood there, holding my breath and staring at the screen, until I got a response a few seconds later.

Yes.

Blowing out the air in my lungs, I felt a smile tug at my lips. I dropped my phone into my purse, ran my sweaty hands over my jeans to dry them, and squared my shoulders.
Here we go.

After my shower, I was standing in my kitchen, eating Cap’n Crunch, when I’d gotten a text from Natalie, asking if I was alone. My eyebrows had risen, and I’d grinned as dirty thoughts instantly flooded my mind. I’d responded automatically before giving it much thought. It hadn’t occurred to me why she would ask me that.
Maybe she wants to have phone sex or something. It seems a little early for something like that, but you never know.

I set my phone down on the counter beside me and lifted my spoon to take another bite when there was a knock on my door. I was frozen for a second with milk dripping from my spoon into the bowl.
Is that her?
But then, I remembered she didn’t have her car.
Maybe it’s just a weird coincidence.

I walked to the door with my cereal bowl in hand, still wet and wearing nothing but my towel. When I pulled open the door, I was shocked to see Natalie standing there in a pair of tight jeans that hugged her sexy-ass thighs and a black tank top. She looked like she had last night
—fucking hot
—except this time, she had on less makeup, and her hair was dry and hanging down around her shoulders.

She was grinning at me, and there was a look in her eye I hadn’t seen before. It was almost feral, and it made my dick stiffen instantly. I thought she might be here to ask about her car, but there was no mistaking that look she was giving me.

We were about to fuck each other’s brains out.

I couldn’t have chosen a better time to knock on Shaun’s door. He was standing there in nothing but a towel hanging so low on his hips that it was near the end of his happy trail. His gorgeous tan chest and toned muscles were all on display, and his hair was wet and sticking up all over the top of his head. He was holding a bowl of cereal in his hand, and the look on his face as soon as he’d seen me standing on the other side of his door was priceless. His eyes had gotten wide when they first met mine, and then they moved down my body. They quickly narrowed, and his demeanor transformed from surprised to hungry. I could also see the effect I was having on his dick.

Just when I thought I’d gained some leverage, Shaun tossed his bowl onto the floor, splashing milk and cereal everywhere, the spoon clinking against the bowl as they landed. I was so distracted by the mess that I gasped when Shaun came toward me and walked me backward until my back was pressed against the wall opposite his door.

My heart was beating so fast as he pressed himself against me. He took my wrists in his hands and moved them above my head. We still hadn’t said anything, and the silence only heightened my arousal. My lips parted as my breath quickened, and his did, too. My eyes were level with his throat, so I lifted my gaze to his wet bottom lip before meeting his eyes. I sucked in a breath. His eyes—
oh God
—were turning my insides into mush, and the look he was giving me was enough to make me wet. When he pushed his body even closer to mine, a moan escaped my lips.

“Is this what you wanted?” he whispered. He took my wrists in one hand, and the other one came down to cup my breast.

I swallowed as moisture gathered in my mouth, and my brain scrambled for a response. It was just so difficult to think with Shaun’s hard body pressing against mine in the middle of his apartment building where anyone could see us.