Breaking Kate: The Acceptance Series (38 page)

Chapter 20 – Kate

I haven’t had the wind knocked out of me since I was nine years old and fell off the monkey bars onto my back. It was awful and I never wanted to feel that way ever again. Except without being injured in any way, I feel that way right now. I’m completely breathless and unable to move the muscles which enable me to breathe. Seeing Michael standing with Connor, joking and laughing as we walk up, is shocking. The harder I look, trying to convince myself it isn’t him, the more I realize it is. How could I have been so stupid? How did all of us not figure this out? I know how--because it’s only been two weeks. Because I go by Kate now and he obviously goes by Mike. We were Katherine and Michael back then; I guess I wasn’t the only one that needed a change.

Mike—the rough sex guy, the womanizer that wants his ex to forgive him and fall back in love with him.
Oh my god.
I’m trembling; my knees start to buckle and I’m falling. Daniel senses my weakness, and his grip on my arm tightens. I know he won’t let anything happen to me. I have to fix this now before it’s too late. I
have
to do
something, anything,
because as much as I want to freak the fuck out right now, we
are not
going to wreck Jake and April’s night. I just need a second to take this in. Everyone is staring at me. Connor has Jess somewhat calmed down now.

I take a good look at Michael. He looks good—so manly, so grown up. Better looking than he ever was and I ache for him. At the same time, I bleed out on the inside. My heart is being torn to shreds because I know this is wrong and it’s not going to be okay… but for right now, for tonight, it has to be. I do what Jess hates, I have no choice. I slip into my shell and I know I won’t come out until tomorrow once I’m home crying it out in bed.

I reach my hand out to shake Michael’s hand. It’s so odd; my body is screaming for me to give him a hug. I’ve missed him so much. “Michael, how are you doing? It’s been too long; have you talked to your mom lately? She gave me your number last week. I was actually going to call you tomorrow, but since you’re here I guess maybe we can sort some things out tonight.” Daniel and Connor exchange extremely worried glances as they notice the difference in my demeanor. I know it, and I’m so sorry, but I have to be like this.

Jess, on the other hand, has no problems speaking her mind. “NO FUCKING WAY, KATE! This is
not
happening. Son of a fucking bitch, you haven’t slipped into zombie Kate in almost
two years
and you are
not
going to start now. This is
not
okay, damn it! See, Daniel, this is what she does when she’s protecting herself. Can you see the difference? You asshole, this is YOUR fault, you fucking son of a bitch! I just got her back.
Finally
got her back after almost four years of absolute hell and torture, and I’m going to lose her again because of you. Why do you have to be him? Why couldn’t you just stay away? You’re so fucking good at disappearing, why show up now?” Jess is crying hysterically, and Connor is trying to calm her down. I can’t bring myself to look at Mike so I have no idea what he’s thinking in regards to her outburst.

“Jess, I’m fine; everything will be fine. Connor, you need to take her back to the guest house and get her some water. Each of you needs to listen to me right now. Tonight, we’re going to do this my way. All of our emotions are high and all of us have things we would rather be discussing right now. This is not the time
or
the place; right now is about Jake and April and their undeniable love for each other. It’s pure and unspoiled by life and sadness, and we are in
no
way going to inflict what we’re feeling right now onto their night. We are
all
going to smile and be happy, and absolutely
none
of us are going to have more than two drinks; there will be
no
drunken scenes and
no more
emotional outbursts. We will all talk about the things we need to say and get out of the way first thing in the morning. Michael, you have a lot of catching up to do, and I guess the rest of us do, too. This stays between the five of us tonight. All of us are going to walk over there as a group and we are all going to be happy as clams. The only thing I will bring you up to speed on right now, Michael, is that we’re about to be step-brother and sister; my dad and your mom are getting married. Welcome to the family. Now, let’s go before things look suspicious. Besides, I need my first drink now.”

I don’t give anyone an opportunity to say anything; I just give them all a determined look and they each nod at me. This is going to be an awful night. Just when I was finally looking forward to something my life had to crash down on me once again.

Connor escorts Jess back to the guest house. I rein my feelings in close and ignore the searing pain that is slashing through my heart. I lace my fingers through Daniel’s and we start walking with Michael following behind us. He looked so surprised when I told him our parents are getting married; I guess he still hasn’t talked to his mom. I can’t help but wonder if this is going to be the last night Daniel and I hold hands like this. I
won’t
think about that now or I’ll lose it. I have to keep my thoughts on the party only. Daniel has a really tight grip on my hand the look on his gorgeous face is one I’ve never seen before. I have no idea what he’s thinking right now but I really wish I could.

The party is in full force and everyone looks like they’re having a good time. Linda and Beverly are the first ones we see when we walk in. Michael says a quick hello and excuses himself to the bar.

“The two of you are absolutely stunning! Beverly, we are going to have the most beautiful grandchildren one day!”

Linda grabs me in a hug. “I’m never going to stop hugging you, darling. Seeing you again and having you in my life after all this time is the best gift I could have ever received. Where are Connor and Jess?”

Daniel answers for me and I’m grateful. “Jess got an eyelash or something in her eye. They ran back to the house to flush it out. Her eyes were running like crazy and she wanted to fix her makeup. Both of you look beautiful tonight. It’s a good thing Dad and Bryan are here to keep a close eye on you before someone tries to snatch you both up.” It’s so nice to see a man flatter the older women in his life, especially when one of them is his mother.

“While we’re waiting for those two, why don’t we go take some pictures? I can’t wait to get the two of you up on the wall. We have to get pictures with Kate and myself to put next to the pictures of me and Lila. Daniel, grab Mike; he hasn’t taken his shots yet and you know I need all you boys together.”

Anger flashes through Daniel’s eyes, but he plays it off well so no one can see anything is bothering him. This is such a mess, but it’s only one night and we will all be okay to pretend for one night. Jess and Connor join us soon afterward. Jess laces her arm through mine and I lay my head on her shoulder. It kills me to see her so sad and I know she’s thinking the same thing about me. I put my head to hers and whisper, “It’s all going to be okay, right?” She nods her head, but I know she’s just as uncertain as I am.

After a long round of pictures, I order a double vodka tonic. Getting my two drinks in one will make it easier to loosen up, and if I need to make a getaway later I’ll be sober enough to drive. Daniel and his parents take me around and introduce me to all of their friends. Linda and Bryan join us. Turns out my mom knew a lot of these people. I’m happy to meet more people who knew my mom. I wish I was in a better frame of mind to ask questions and really enjoy the conversation. We’ve been asked multiple times about my promise ring; everyone seems to think it’s an engagement ring. After assuring them the only wedding in our immediate future is Jake and April’s they seem to let it go. The D.J. announces dinner and requests everyone go to their tables.
This is going to be interesting.

The place settings at the table have Mike next to me, but Daniel quickly swaps them and puts Mike between Connor and Ben. Now he’ll be directly across from me. Not much better, but now I don’t have to worry about accidentally brushing up against him under the table. When we’re all seated, we’re introduced to Ben and Callie. Ben is very sexy in a rugged way; he has piercings and gauges and I’m sure he has some tattoos under his tux. Callie is absolutely adorable; she’s tiny and blonde with a perfect body, and I’m shocked to find out they have three kids. I quickly learn that Ben owns a tattoo shop nearby and the conversation turns toward tattoos and piercings.

“I’ve been thinking about getting my eyebrow done for a while, or maybe a small diamond in my nose, but I keep putting it off. It may not look appropriate once I open my practice.”

Connor has something to say about that, “Seriously, Kate, don’t worry about that crap. You want to pierce your face? Ben’s the guy to do it. You have more money than you know what to do with
and
you’re opening a
free
clinic. I think the last thing you’re going to have to worry about is offending someone with a well-placed piercing.”

Jess snorts. “Yeah, Kate, maybe you should stick with well-placed
visible
piercings from now on.” Mike chokes on what he’s drinking and Daniel looks like he wants to kill someone.

“Maybe we can get off the subject of my piercings and talk about tattoos.
That
might be a topic you’re a little more familiar with, Jess.”

“I don’t know why you haven’t gotten one yet; you have no problem with piercings. You just need to loosen up a bit.” I let out a sigh. Being frustrated with her doesn’t make me feel any better. I know she’s on edge because of Mike, so I just wrap up my end of the conversation.

“Jess, you know I haven’t gotten one yet because I haven’t found the right design for what I want. You already know what I’m getting and where I want to put it, so let’s drop it, okay?” I see the lights flash in her head; she knows that she screwed up. I want a memorial tattoo for Lila Hope, but the last thing I want to do is let Mike know about her this way.

“Fine, I’ll drop it. They’re bringing the food anyway and I’m starving!”

During dinner I catch Mike looking at me; he’s been very quiet tonight. I can’t get over how handsome he is. Whatever he’s been doing has really agreed with him. Daniel keeps constant contact with me by either rubbing my thigh under the table, holding my hand, or just leaning close to ask if I’m okay. I know he’s worried about me and stressed out himself. I smile at him and assure him I’m fine. We chat with Callie and learn all about their high school years. Callie teases Mike about settling down but he just shrugs it off.

“Maybe someday, Callie.
I’ll never say never.”

After the tables are cleared, the D.J. makes an announcement that the dancing will begin and to feel free to ‘Bust a move’. Jake waves me and Jess over, so we excuse ourselves to go get our performance out of the way. Neither of us is in the mood to sing, but there’s no way we would let Jake down; this is too important to him. Jake already had three stools set up on the mini stage for us and grabs his microphone to make his announcement.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, if I can have your attention for a moment, I would like to thank you all for coming on behalf of April and myself and our amazing families. We are truly honored and touched that you could all make it here tonight to celebrate with us as we begin the next journey of our lives. I have been in love with April from the first moment I kissed her at a high school football game when I was fifteen years old. I could tell she was a little shy, and it took a lot of convincing to get her to agree to go out with me, but it was worth it. April had perfect attendance in school, and once we started dating so did I, because I wasn’t about to miss a day that could be spent with her. The past twelve years have been the best of my life, and I hope we have at
least
another sixty years ahead of us. There will never be a day that goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars that she picked me to love, cherish, and spend her life with. I only hope that you know how much I love you, April. You’re the only one for me, forever and always.” April is right up front watching us tears, streaming down her face. Jess and I are both about to cry as well; that was beyond beautiful.

“Before we get started with the dancing, I’ve recruited my god sister and my brother’s girlfriend to sing a song with me that I hope you will all enjoy. I know that my singing isn’t bad, but next to
these
beauties I will probably sound tone deaf. I apologize in advance for my own voice, but trust me when I say these ladies will knock your socks off.”

While we perform, I notice an almost identical look of love and pain in both Daniel and Michael’s eyes. I wish I could stay in this moment forever. Anything to avoid what I know is coming tomorrow. Utter sadness. Somehow I have to make a decision on how to move forward and someone is going to get hurt. My thoughts are interrupted by thunderous applause; I guess we’re a hit. The D.J. starts Matt Nathanson’s
Come on Get Higher
. Connor and Daniel swoop us up off the stage, each of them spinning us around.

“You two were incredible!” Jake slaps Connor on the back of the head.

“What about me, douche nozzle, wasn’t I incredible, too?”