Breaking Kate: The Acceptance Series (17 page)

“Hey, man, it’s good to see you.” Mike hands me a Negro Modelo and pats me on the back. Mike is somewhat of a mystery. When we first met, he was just out of high school and he was broken. When you hear the expression ‘shell of a man’, that describes Mike when we met. He was much smaller than he is now and just seemed beaten down by life.

All he ever said was he had a bad break up compounded with an extreme loss. I felt bad for the guy and took him home to meet my dad. Since he had no interest in college my dad offered him a full time job and let him stay at their house for a few months so he could save up for a place of his own. He’s one of the hardest workers we have and is now much bigger and less broken then he was back then. Today, though, he seems sad. I can almost see some of that brokenness peeking out and wonder what happened. Mike isn’t the type to open up about personal things and prodding him will only get you so far. Maybe after a few beers he’ll open up a little more.

“Mike, what’s up? You missed a great party at Connor’s this weekend. We missed you.”

“Yeah, I wish I could have been there. Connor always throws some good parties and it would have been nice to let off some steam. Did Connor finally hook up with that girl he’s been talking about for the last month or so?”

Laughing, I take a seat. Mike doesn’t like waiting for sex; he likes to strike while it’s hot. Connor likes to pre-plan his hookups to make him seem important or liked. He thinks if girls see just how much other people like him it’s easier to get them into bed. I don’t think he’s wrong, either; Connor Houston has never once been turned down for sex.

“You could say he hooked up with her. Actually, believe it or not, he asked her to be his girlfriend.”

Mikes eyes grow in their sockets. “No shit? Well, I
definitely
wasn’t expecting
that
. Connor hasn’t had a girlfriend in all the years that I’ve known him. Is she typical Connor material?”

“Yes and no. She’s tall and leggy like the rest of them, but she has dark hair and actually has substance to her. She’s smart and has a great personality. It’s obvious she has depth to her and cares about the people around her. Connor thinks she will definitely be a long-term thing in his life; it’s nice to finally see him want to settle down. She’s great, too, because she puts him in his place and doesn’t let his big head get in the way.” After taking a long swig of his beer Mike gives me the onceover.

“So, what about you? Did
you
hook up at Connor’s party? You seem like you’re back to your old pre-Vanessa self, not so moody. Hell, you may even seem happier than you used to be. I don’t see the Vanessa cloud hovering around you anymore, so what’s the deal?” Mike knows me as well as I know him. Connor may be my best friend, but in the few short years Mike and I have known each other, he has become a brother to me in every sense of the word.

“Well, sort of. I didn’t mention it because I really wasn’t feeling it and thought it would be a bust. Connor set me up on a blind date with his girlfriend’s best friend.” Mike groans and I laugh because I totally agree with the sentiment. “That’s
exactly
why I didn’t say anything. I figured it was going to be something I would completely regret and that the girl was going to be a dog or boring as hell. Connor swore that nothing could be further from the truth.  I was so wrong. When I first saw her, she was alone with Connor. I can’t explain why, but I was totally pissed. She’s beautiful; she completely took my breath away which has never happened in all my life. I figured she was Connor’s new girl. I was mad that the
one
time I see a girl that makes me react like that and she’s with my best friend. I was a total jerk when he introduced me to her. Then I realized that she was the girl he wanted me to meet. I spent the next hour trying to make up for being an ass.” Mike’s cracking up,
bastard
, but I would have, too.

“Leave it to
you
to piss off the girl you’re supposed to hook up with. That’s fucking classic. Way to go, Romeo.”

“I know. I was so embarrassed, and she’s really sarcastic, so she put me in my place pretty quick. She’s got a real quick-witted humor about her. In any case, it turns out we have a lot in common. We’ve both just come off of bad relationships—hers a lot longer ago than mine, though. We stayed up most of the night talking and making out. It was different than anything I’ve ever felt before. We spent all day together yesterday and all night together last night until I had to leave this morning to go to my parents’.”

Mike cocks an eyebrow at me. “So I take it you had sex with her then? Are you going to see her again?”

“Yes, we had sex,
lots
of sex, actually. I’m not going to cheapen it with in-depth details, but let’s just say Kate’s very alluring—she’s got quite a few piercings, and it was literally the best sex of my life. I asked her to be my girlfriend. I could tell she isn’t the type of girl that usually has sex so soon but the connection between us is… Well, it’s, don’t laugh, okay? It’s like we’re drawn to each other. When she’s in proximity to me I’m aware of her. The first few times we touched we actually shocked each other, fucking sparks and shit.  Being with her was like exploring uncharted territory. All I wanted to do was please her. Now that the three of us are off the market, do you have any plans of maybe settling down yourself? We ran into Misty while we were with the girls they were curious about your habits with girls after that conversation.”

Mike doesn’t say anything, just gets up and grabs two more beers, hands me one, and sits back down. After getting his open and drinking some he finally talks, “Daniel, you’ve never pushed me in all the years we’ve known each other, and I appreciate that more than you know. I owe this to you, and after the weekend I’ve had, maybe I owe it to myself to finally get it out there. This weekend, I was with a girl that made me reflect and think back to those dark times. I took her up to my room, and while I was undressing her, I realized she smelled just like my ex-fiancée.”

Whoa, fiancée?
I had no idea Mike was engaged before; no wonder he’s messed up.

“Have you ever had one of those moments where it feels like everything you’ve been ignoring, pushing down deep inside, and fighting against just finally wins out over you? It is the most gut-wrenching feeling I have ever experienced. I ran straight for the toilet and puked. I sent the girl packing, telling her I obviously didn’t feel good. I spent the rest of the night thinking, reflecting, and crying. All through high school, I dated a girl who I loved more than anything. Our families were close and we were going to get married after college—it would have been right then if I had my way. I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved her, and I don’t know if I ever will again. I can’t even
begin
to get into the details right now, but my dad died in a horrible accident that I blamed her for. I was grieving and not processing things well. I was the worst version of myself and inflicted all of that rage and anger onto her.

“These past few months I’ve been feeling so lost. I’ve been having more sex and fewer emotions. It’s like I’m just going through the motions to get by—looking for some kind of release that never comes. I keep thinking about her and how horrible I was. She was my best friend in the world, and probably the only love of my life I will ever have, and I blew it. Three weeks ago, my mom left me a message. She’s been trying to call me for months, but as you know I cut her out of my life. I don’t know
how
she got my number. Her message said that she had some new information regarding my dad’s death and the surrounding circumstances—that it hadn’t happened the way we had always assumed that it had. I never called her back. Because of
her
I lost the love of my life. Well, in all fairness, she got the ball rolling and I just went with it. I know I need to deal with her soon, but ever since then I can’t get my fiancée, correction
ex
-fiancée, out of my mind. Well, that’s not exactly true; I’ve thought about her daily since we broke up.

“Now, since hearing from my mom, my thoughts revolve around her twenty-four-seven.  I want to talk to her and apologize. I want her back more than
anything
. I want a chance to right the wrongs I’ve created. The problem is, I don’t think I
can
. How fair would it be to try and work my way back into her life after all these years? The way I treated her is unforgiveable. She tried to reach out, tried to get me to talk to her for months, and I shut her down. I shut her friends down and they finally left me alone. I changed my number and never heard anything again. I’m ready to move on with my life and stop living in the past. I want a connection with someone, something deeper than one night stands, but I don’t think I can do it. I can’t move on without her.”

Mike looks like he’s going to cry, his silence speaks volumes. I can’t believe he’s finally opened up to me after all this time. Knowing how I feel about Kate, I can imagine if Mike had these kinds of feelings for his ex-fiancée how much he must have hurt, how much he
still
must be hurting.

“
Mike, that is a
lot
to have kept bottled up all this time. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you to go through all by yourself and never talk about it. How long after all this happened did we meet?” I see the unshed tears in his eyes; he really is still broken up about this all these years later.

“Two weeks,” he whispers.

I let out a low whistle. “That’s rough. I wish we would have known. Maybe we could have helped you through it better.”

“You
did
help me get through it. You gave me a job and a home when I thought I couldn’t be anything, you guys helped me turn into a man. I’m not proud of the man whore I’ve become, but I’m financially stable, have my own place, and for once in my life I have a real head on my shoulders. That’s all thanks to you and your family for taking me in when I was so lost.”

“Well, if you want my advice, Mike, here it is for the taking. Go get her back, fight for her if you have to. After this weekend, I couldn’t imagine not having Kate in my life and it’s only been three days. If you had that same kind of love for
years
you need to fight for her. It probably won’t be easy, and if she’s married or something you’ll have to forget about it and make the conscious decision to let her go and move on. Maybe, though, if you’re lucky and she’s single, you can work past things and move forward. It probably won’t be the same, but it’s a start. Do you know how to get in touch with her?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t have her number, and I’m not comfortable trying to get in touch with her on Facebook, but I
did
drive by her house last week and her car was there. I thought about knocking but lost my nerve.”

“Maybe you could write her a letter and ask her to drinks or coffee to talk? You could mail it if you’re worried about being caught on her doorstep.”

“That’s not a bad idea, or maybe just asking her if she would talk to me and leave her my number. You know, all these years I have just fucked all these girls trying to get her out of my system. I tried all the things we never did—positions, threesomes, oral sex—and never
once
was it filled with any emotions other than pleasure and anger. Which of course is the exact
opposite
of my ex. With her it was truly lovemaking—soft, gentle, filled with love and emotion and trust, so much trust, and I broke it. I broke
us
. It was pretty easy to get lost in our world. Our sex was great. I never cheated on her; that would have never even crossed my mind. We were each other’s firsts, so when it ended I told myself to go out there and do all the things I couldn’t do with her. In doing that, I pushed myself harder and harder to try and forget her until this weekend. After hearing my mom’s messages, I tried to process that information, and then being with the girl that smelled like her, it’s crazy right? How do I go years without coming across that scent, and then as soon as I start thinking about her again, there it is? I would have never left her under ordinary circumstances. She was supposed to be with me ‘til death do us part and I fucked it all up!”

We sit in silence. I finish my beer, thinking long and hard. “Mike, maybe you never smelled that scent because you blocked it out. After hearing your mom’s messages and thinking about things, maybe you’re finally able to let yourself feel again for the first time. This could be a really good thing. Maybe if you reach out and make contact with her you’ll get some answers. Good or bad, at least it will be closure and you can move forward with her or without her. It’s been too long for you to be so unhappy and just keep going through the motions. I would like to see you find the one, whoever she is, and think about settling down. Aren’t you as tired as I am of being with people and every six months getting STD tested? I know we’re all safe, but you never know when you’ll come across a girl that will turn out like Vanessa. I’m so over all that. I want to settle down, get married, be happy, pop out a couple of
kids, and coach little league. I just think it’s time; I’m almost thirty and time is just passing us by.”

Nodding his head, Mike agrees. “I get it, man, I do. I’m glad you’re happy, and it sounds like she could be the one for you. I’ve never heard you talk about a girl like she could be your forever and ever until now. When a man says ‘I want kids’, that’s some serious shit right there, so you
must
be serious, and after Vanessa, I’m really happy you found the one for you. I just hope now that I know what I want, I can get the one for
me
back. Now, how about we cut out all this sappy shit because I’ve had enough for today. Let’s get drunk and eat—I’m starving!”