Breaking Hearts (12 page)

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see, won’t you?”

“You obviously know where to find me. Why wait?” My courage morphed into stupidity. I regretted the words almost before I’d finished saying them. He would come whether the welcome wagon greeted him or not.

Simon shook his head as my mother yanked the phone away from me. She hit the end button.

“Seriously, Danielle?” Her hands trembled as she shook the phone at me. “You invited a maniac to come here without so much as a single thought of that innocent baby. You take chances, and you never, ever consider those who could be hurt, or worse. He could hurt Kieran again, and what would you do then?” She stood.

“What do you want from me, Mom? I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had anyone want to kill me before, and as far as I know, there’s no handbook I can use as a guideline.”

“Well, I can tell you that you don’t invite them to finish the job. The scars on you, on that baby, have barely healed.”

Simon jerked his gaze up to my face, his head tilted to one side.

“I can’t just sit back anymore. I know you don’t get it, Mom. I know, because Daddy is a good guy, but Sean isn’t. He is every bad thing a person can be, and I will never be free from him as long as I’m too scared to fight back.” My logic might have been flawed, but it was all I had.

“Danielle--”

I shoved the chair back. “I will die trying to protect Kieran. You can call me stupid, and you can point out all my past mistakes”--I waved a hand toward Simon--“invite them
all
over for breakfast if you want, but don’t question how far I would go to protect my boy.” I spoke with a control I hadn’t felt in years. Quiet rage hummed through my entire body, but my voice remained calm.

I had one more card to play with Sean. My mother glared at me when I held my hand out for my phone. She put it on the table between us, probably waiting to smack my hand if I picked it up again.

“How? By getting yourself killed? Does that even come close to sounding like a resolution we would hope for?” The cell on the table shifted with vibration. Sean’s face appeared on the screen. I snatched it up.

“Sean, please?” I appealed to the part of him that loved to hear me beg. “I filed for divorce. I don’t want anything from you except to be left alone.” I kept my tone even, measured. “All you have to do is let me go.”

His evil laugh grated against my soul. “Why would I do that? We’re married and we’re going to stay married. I told you in the beginning, I want this to last.”

I sighed. “Sean, think for a minute. I know things about you and your clients at the club, the drugs you get for them, the weird stuff your girls have to do. I think some very important people wouldn’t be so happy with you if your wife goes all out CNN with their private lives.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“I’m not threatening you. I’m just saying bad things could happen if you don’t sign the divorce papers.”

He laughed again. I tapped my forehead twice with the top corner of my phone, imagining I could choke him without actually having to be in a room with him.

“It doesn’t have to be this way. You leave me and Kieran alone, and I’ll keep my mouth shut.” I calmed my voice to a level of quiet he responded to in the past.

“Who is going to believe you, anyway, without proof?”

I chewed the inside corner of my lip, pushing the anger down. In this case, I had ample ammunition without calling on any attitude. “Sean, I taught you how to use the computer to keep your records, remember?” From my matter-of-fact tone, I could have been talking to an old friend. “You were cussing because you couldn’t figure out how to get two plus two to equal four?” He’d kicked the tower, thrown his papers, created such a ruckus I rushed in to make sure Kieran hadn’t wandered into his home office. “And you know that little green notebook with all those important names with their little fetishes and the prices you charged them? The dates and times they showed up?” I plunged forward. “I have it.”

“You don’t have it.”

“Yeah. I do.”

His breath stuttered through the phone. “Impressive, Dani, all this bravery. Is your boyfriend sitting there with you? Is the half-witted former sheriff giving you all your courage? Or maybe the boy-toy you were never good enough for? The one you lived with in Arizona? Or maybe it’s dear old daddy with his bum knee and his shotgun.”

He could say whatever he wanted about me and I would take it all day long, but going after Simon and Dad struck a low I couldn’t accept. My mean girl stepped out of the shadows. For once, it was good to see her, to give her control. “Hey. Village idiot. I also showed you how to Google, so knowing about Simon’s shooting or Dad’s knee isn’t exactly earth shattering news.” Courage replaced anger and my mind’s eye played a fantasy of seeing Sean in a pool of his own blood.

“I
am
going to kill you.” His voice dropped to a deadly hiss.

I nodded. “The question, Sean”--I blew out a breath--“is will it be before or after I sell all your secrets to the highest tabloid bidder?”

Again, silence floated over the phone line before a loud growl rang through.

“Sign the papers and I’ll burn it. All I want is for you to leave me and Kieran alone. Please.”

“I’ll be in touch.” He ended the connection and presumably began tearing everything he owned apart hunting for the notebook I had upstairs.

I slid the phone onto the table and walked to the steps.

“Danielle, where are you going?”

I looked over my shoulder at my mother. “To pack some things for Kieran.”

Two and a half hours later, my parents, my son, and the notebook were all safely on their way to the airport. Simon, maybe sensing a need to leave for his own safety, or maybe because my father asked, sighed and walked out to care for the horses. I’d paced the living room, then the kitchen, and had just poured a glass of water when I spotted it--a bottle of well-aged scotch. It had been there so long--since my elementary school days--waiting for its chance to breathe I almost didn’t notice it. After a quick twist of the cap, I took my first drink in six years. The whiskey sitting in plain view on the counter, the fact I’d let my boy down, my own weakness… I poured the first shot before I had a split second to rethink it. The second shot came as fast, and by the third, I’d forsaken the thought of a glass altogether.

I stumbled outside, taking a seat on a lawn chair facing the pool. By the time Simon returned from the barn, I’d tipped the bottle back more times than once and could see the etched numbers on the bottom through the liquid left over.

“Dani.” He touched my shoulder, and my head bobbled toward the sound of his soft, disappointed voice.

“Hi, you.”

“I thought you quit drinking.”

My laugh caught on a sob and I took another swig. “I did.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“Nobody likes a quitter.” He reached for the bottle, and I jerked it to the side. “Don’t touch my stuff, you naughty boy.” I pulled the whiskey back for another big gulp. “You would drink, too, if you knew.”

“Why don’t you tell me then?”

I wasn’t a drunken confession kind of girl. “Because.” There had to be more. I snapped one eye shut and focused on finishing the sentence. “Because we aren’t friends anymore.”

“When did we stop being friends?”

I nodded and puffed out my lower lip. “When you went out with Kelly, I didn’t want to be your friend anymore.” He used his hip to push me over on the chaise. After he settled in with an arm around my shoulders, I leaned my head against him. “You smell really good. You always did, but when you left me for Kelly…”

He chuckled. “I don’t remember any of that.”

I pulled a lungful of noisy air through clenched teeth. “Oh, I do. Not fun.”

“Did I hurt you?”

I shrugged the shoulder brushing against him. “Not like Sean hurt me.” A picture of angry Sean coming at me, fists ready, flashed through my mind. “He hit me. A lot.”

“Why didn’t you leave him?”

“I asked myself that so many times.” I took a long drink and handed the bottle to Simon. “The truth is, I don’t know. I should have. I should have taken Kieran and got the hell out of there the first time it happened, but I didn’t. I didn’t have anywhere to go.” I shook my head. “That isn’t true. I wanted someone to save me, to make it not my fault, and no one came, so I stayed. I did so many bad things before Kieran was born. I think part of me believed I deserved it.” I snapped my fingers and pointed at the whiskey settled in his lap. “But I should have left before he got to Kieran.”

“I would have saved you, Dani.” He slid his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to his body. “I would kill him now for you if I thought it would bring you back to me or take away what’s been done to you.”

“Remember when you asked me if he did this to me and I said I did it myself?” His hold tightened around me. “I know you don’t understand it, but it’s me, making these decisions all the time that lead me to places in my life…places where I…”

“Get hurt?”

I nodded. “But it’s my decision to be there. I walk into it.”

“You can’t read the future. You didn’t know.”

Sitting up, I glanced at him, then at the concrete patio. I held up my right hand showing my naked ring finger and frowned. My thumb was on the wrong side. I considered it for a minute, turning it from palm up to palm down, before pulling it back to my lap. “He wants me dead, and I can’t do anything about it. Simon, I only had one job--to protect my son from my husband--and I failed. For the rest of his life, my little boy is gonna have this awful memory of…” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t speak of the horror Kieran survived at Sean’s hands.

“What happened to him, Dani?”

My mind flashed on the moment I’d walked into the house, to the quiet whimper of pain coming from his dark bedroom closet. I blocked the sound ringing in my ears with another drink. “I am married, and the only guy I ever really wanted to spend my life with is staring at me right now like I let him down. I let people down. It’s who I am, and you’re the last person, besides my baby, I ever wanted to let down.” I swayed to the side, hugging the nearly empty bottle of forgetfulness, then took another drink as his gaze softened, his disappointment faded. Swallowing a painful gulp, I cleared my throat. “They might just be excuses to you, but it’s my real life. In a nutshell.” I shrugged. “More like a nuthouse.”

“You didn’t let me down.” He brushed the hair from my face and gazed at me.

My lie sat right there at the surface right alongside the number of times I had a chance to tell him and didn’t. I wanted to shout my truth at him, tell him the secret he deserved to know, the one that would destroy us and any chance I could ever hope to have with him.

Instead, I turned to face away from him. “Well, you better get away now, because I will.”

“You didn’t know Sean was like this.”

I craned my neck to look at the always-forgiving Simon. “I married someone I didn’t know, and I stayed with him. I might not have known in the very beginning, but I think after my first broken rib, I should have gotten a clue he isn’t Prince Charming. Although I’m kind of slow, so maybe I can forgive myself.” I looked away, running my fingers through my bangs a few times before putting the bottle back to my lips to stop the babbling.

“Some people aren’t meant to be parents. Like me. I just do things and hope I can deal with the consequences. I never realized how hard it is to put someone else first.” I looked at Simon, imagined him parenting Kieran. He would always be the only choice I ever had. No one else would ever measure up. “But you grew up doing that. You always put Joss first, and Keaton, and your mom. You’re gonna be a great dad, somebody a kid can look up to. But not me. What kind of mom who cares about her kid marries a stranger?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask why you got married.” He said it quietly, as though he believed living together would have been a better option.

“He was my replacement.” I shrugged, then brushed a hand down his cheek. “And you were my Simon.” Ah. What the hell. “You broke my heart, pal. You left me for Kelly Devlin. I know. She’s pretty and so-o-o sweet bees ask her for honey, but it was supposed to be us--you and me--in every dream I had, and every fantasy I could think up. Always us, together. Then one day--poof--you’re with Kelly.” I threw my arms into the air almost smacking his pretty face with the bottle.

“I got out of here as fast as I could and who did I meet? Sean. Good old Sean. One-night-stand-in-a-limousine-Sean.” I looked down at the almost empty bottle and frowned. “When I ran into him again after you got shot, I thought fate must have stepped in. If fate had a plan…and if I couldn’t have you, then why not Sean? Maybe I earned a consolation prize or a… I don’t know. But he sold it like a used car--the happy family all tied up with a little silver bow.” This time I raised the correct hand holding up my Tiffany’s wedding ring about two sizes too small to come off my finger. With the other, I drained the rest of the amber-colored liquid, then hugged the bottle to me like an old comforting friend. “I wanted something I couldn’t have, so I grabbed the closest thing I could get.”

“You know after I got shot”--his voice warmed me and I leaned into the sound--“I woke up thinking about you. I’ve dreamt of you every night since then. Almost three years of dreaming of you. Waking up without you every morning…” He raked his fingers through his hair.

The accident had left him without memories past the very first time he asked me out. We’d had some good times over the years and another layer of sadness piled on top of the rest of my troubles.

“You should talk to my mom. She’s probably got some secret shrink magic to make men not think about me. I figured she used it on you already.”

“There’s nothing she could do to make me stop thinking of you.”

“Hang in there. She’ll think of something. Probably patent it.”

He smiled. “Always so clever.”

I shrugged and wished I had some sort of magic power to refill my magic whiskey bottle.

“I remember the day you and Keaton broke up. I asked him if he would mind if I asked you out.” He’d wandered down some sort of memory lane, and I had no inclination to take that journey with him. I tried to sit up, but he pulled me back to him.