Breaking Elle (40 page)

When my momma went through her first round of cancer treatment, I’d never felt so desperate. The medical bills remaining after insurance paid weren’t chump change, and I needed money to pay them. This was my momma’s life. I was used to hard living, but this really tested me. When it comes to my family, I’d do anything for them.

It was a perfect storm really, me busting my knee, losing my opportunities with football, Momma and her cancer. I all but had the contract in my hands right before my injury, and then things went up in smoke. I had it all planned. I was in the hole, but I knew that if I signed, the money was a sure thing. When the news about my injury hit the airwaves, I was in trouble, and my NFL contract was no longer a lock.

I snap out of my inner musings, trying to focus on the situation at hand. “Juju, make sure you guys call me whenever you get the news. I need to make plans to come down either way.”

“Are you going to bring your new girlfriend?” I imagine her hopeful face as I talk about Elle. She knows I’ve had it rough and caused her and our momma unnecessary problems, but Juju always wants the best for me. I will make it up to both of them someday. Soon.

“I don’t know about that, maybe next time.” I smile, thinking about her. Fate has so many ways of pulling you places where you’d never thought you’d go. I never thought I would find the most amazing girl out here and now what I was hoping wouldn’t return may already have.

“She doesn’t know, does she?”

“She knows a little bit but not everything.” I anxiously scratch my head. My sister doesn’t hold back on anything. She gets right to the point, making me think about what I’m doing and why.

“Reed, you know that never works out,” she replies in frustration.

“I know. I’ll tell her soon. I have to.” I inhale deeply, thinking about what I’m going to say next and being sure about it for the first time in a long time. “You know what, Juju? I think I love her. No, I know I do, and it scares me because I don’t want to screw this up with her.”

“Listen, don’t wait too long because time can be the enemy.”

“I just want to fix everything so that she doesn’t have to deal with it. I don’t want my mistakes to get between us.”

“Don’t you think that not telling her is the worst mistake you can make?”

“I have to handle this my way,” I say, raking my fingers through my hair.

“You’re stubborn, just like Momma. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Our relationship is tested sooner than I’d hoped. When the news comes back from the doctor, it isn’t good. Momma’s cancer is back. I have to go, and I have to go soon. Elle knows that I was planning to go back, but this actually forces me to go earlier than expected. I’ve already bought the ticket. I leave in a couple days and will be away for five days. I’m really cutting this close, but it’s only been a day since I found out.

I won’t tell her the real reason for the last minute trip until I come back. I don’t want her to worry when she obviously is dealing with some problems at home. My gut turns, knowing that I’m not letting her in yet, but this is all for the best. No matter what I do, what decision I make, it’s not going to be easy. Could the reason why I’m not telling her about Momma be because I’m afraid that she’ll react like Campbell did? That once she finds out, she won’t be able to cope with it? That’s not being fair, but I can’t assume anything about her. I know it’s me. I’m the reason. I lost Campbell, and I didn’t have near the feelings for her that I do for Elle, so I know I can’t risk losing her over this.

Things are moving fast. She spent the last few nights with me. I’m not complaining. I love getting to wake up with her some mornings, finally seeing her wearing my old college t-shirt. I can see her here all the time, but with my mom’s recent diagnosis, I’m not sure how much longer I can stay in Boston. The idea of leaving Elle isn’t something I want to think about.

She’s twisting her hair, lying on the couch with her knees up, and giving me a satisfying view while I’m stuck in the kitchen trying to cook her breakfast. I don’t know how she suckered me into it. It may be the way she looked at me, or touched me when she asked. She could ask me anything and I’d give her the world on a platter.

I figured out that the hair twisting is a bad habit that usually appears when she’s thinking about something. Whatever it is, it’s really bothering her. She’s been twirling her hair for the last ten minutes.
I ain’t gonna lie.
It bothers the hell out of me that this girl is hurting, and that she can’t or won’t tell me about it.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks, pulling herself up from the couch and joining me in the kitchen where I’m attempting to make her French toast. It shouldn’t be this hard to flip a slab of bread.

“Just how sexy you look in my t-shirt.” I smile, ready to ditch breakfast and just have her.

“Do you need some help with that?” She chirps, her eyes teasing. Slipping in front of me, she presses her body against mine. Like a magnet, she pulls me in, taking the spatula from my hand to finish what I can’t.

“You think it’s funny that I’m culinary challenged?” I smirk, gently grabbing her ass, laughing as she jumps in surprise.

“Well, I would’ve gone with something simple like a bowl of cereal, but you have no groceries except for what you’re trying to cook and a six pack of beer.” She giggles, glancing back up at me. “What’s that saying again? If you can’t stand the heat, get the heck out of the kitchen?”

My eyes lock with hers, sliding over her body, visualizing what is underneath that old t-shirt. Her cheeks grow pink; a smile spreads across her face.

“Oh, I’m liking the heat that you’re giving off in this kitchen,” I whisper in her ear, wrapping my arms around her tiny waist. Seeing the goose bumps rise on her skin when I touch her gets me more excited.

Setting down the spatula, she slowly turns to me. Her eyes have that look in them that I love, and she presses her hands on my bare chest pushing me up against the counter. “Breakfast can wait. There is something else I’m hungry for,” she murmurs, running her hands over my chest.

Oh hell, she’s got me.
“You got a big appetite for a tiny little thing.” It takes a split second for me to react to her playfulness. I’ve never been one to refuse sex in the morning. I’d take this over coffee and a donut any day.

“I like what’s on the menu,
a lot.
I want two servings,” she says, sliding her arms around my neck, pressing her warm body up against mine. “Do you think you have enough for me?” I moan. She knows how to get to me.

“I got plenty,” I whisper in her ear, gingerly sliding my hands under the shirt caressing her incredible curves.

“I can never get enough of you.” She purrs.

“You got that right.” I growl, nibbling her neck, slowly sliding my lips down to her throat, feeling her body shudder against mine.

I lift her up into my arms, pushing everything aside on the marble countertop, as my lips hungrily taste her. She arches her back, moaning passionately, anticipating more of what I’m giving her. I catch the look in her eyes, ready to give her what she wants. She whispers my name, pressing herself into me. Meeting my eyes, she pleads for my mouth that I give her without hesitation.

Her lips are ecstasy, sweetness, and perfection all in one. I meet her tongue, slowly tasting her as I pull her closer. Her hands are slowly tugging at my shorts when I hear the smoke alarm, or is it the phone? What the fuck? We reluctantly pull our mouths apart gawking at my cell phone that’s ringing on the table. I recognize the ringtone as Tommy’s, and that means it’s about Momma.

“Do you have to answer it?” She asks, pulling my face back to hers, placing her lips back on top of mine.

“Doll,” I murmur over her luscious mouth, catching her eyes.

“You have to answer it,” she murmurs, slowly pulling away as she scrunches her face.

“Yeah.” I grimace, reaching for the phone. Feeling her release her legs from my waist pisses me off. She reluctantly hops off the counter and teases me by pressing her body against mine. Then she walks back to the couch and starts twirling her hair again. God, she drives me crazy. I turn away and answer the phone.

“Hey,” I answer, jamming my fingers through my hair. The situation with my momma is taking a toll on me now.

“So, when are you coming?”

“Couple days,” I reply in low voice.

“Good, man. She really needs you right now. So does JuJu.” Tommy mutters.

“Have things gotten worse?”

“No, she was asking about you. I just think you need to be here.”

“Got it. It’s all taken care of. I’ll be there in a couple days. I’ll call you when I get there.”

“Cool.”

I hang up the phone biting back the dread and the worry. There’s nothing to do but tell her now.

“You okay?”

I whip around. Caught up in everything that is happening with my mom, I didn’t even hear her walk up behind me. The sound of her voice does something to my insides, a feeling I can’t even begin to describe. She stands in front of me, looking innocent and sexy as hell in my t-shirt with her hair in disarray. I want to cuddle her to me, but at the same time, I want to do incredible things to her.

“That was my friend Tommy in Texas.”

“Is everything okay?” She walks over brushing her hand over my cheek, and I take that hand in mine. “You look worried.”

“I need to go home in a couple days.” I confess, kissing her hand tenderly. The loss that I see in her eyes is vicious. “I’ll be there for a few days, but I’ll be back, I promise, and I’ll call every day.” All these secrets have to be revealed someday. It’s not healthy for me or for her to keep on feeding her these half-truths about my life. I know she has some of her own, but mine are far worse.

“I understand. Your family misses you and you already planned to go back anyways.”

“I’ll be too crazy missing you. I’m sure you’ll be in good hands with Tyler. He seems to enjoy being your bodyguard,” I reply, taking her in my arms. I’m glad that she has him around while I’m away.

“Cute, real cute.” She laughs. “So, what do you want to do for the next two days before you leave?”

“I have some really good ideas that don’t involve clothes.” I smirk, squeezing her a little bit tighter.

“Why am I not surprised?” she says, lifting her eyebrows flirtatiously, tilting her head up, giving me her lips. She knows I can’t resist when she offers.

The setting sun casts hues of gold across the living room. A sweet breeze sweeps through the room bringing pleasant goose bumps to my skin. I couldn’t be in a better place right now wrapped securely in his strong arms cuddled on the couch. We must have fallen asleep with the TV on because Chris Berman is rambling on about the Red Sox’s latest losing streak. Turning it off, I focus on him lying next to me with his warm body against mine.

It hurt to find out about him the way that I did, but I didn’t have the heart to be upset with him. I forgive him. How could I not? The fire in his eyes was unmistakable when he talked about his possible football career and how his dream seemingly slipped from his fingers, how his past haunted him. I want him to fulfill his dream, and I want to be part of it. I know there will be situations that test us, moments that we can’t control or predict, and it’s going to be hard learning how to cope with them when they come at us.

I understand his need to protect himself and to protect me because I’m seemingly doing the same thing with him. We shouldn’t have to find out about each other in this way. I hope it’s the first and last time. Which one of us is going to break down first? I wind my hair anxiously around my finger. I think he knows why I do it but doesn’t say anything.

I find it hard to believe I’m here with him at all. All I’ve known about love has been with Cane. I will always cherish him for being the one that finally freed me from my emotional prison. Ironically, he brought me back to a bad place, but this time I didn’t run away. I faced it, a large part because of Reed. Those initial feelings I had meant something. The connection I have with Reed is deep and consuming, and I don’t want my pain or his pain to get in the way of what we share. We can’t hide anything from each other, and if we do, there’s going to be those lingering feelings of uncertainty.