Breaking Braydon (22 page)

“Yeah, I’m still stuck in that phase.” I smiled. “This night’s been good for me. Thank you for inviting me.”

He reached over and took my hand. I didn’t pull away. “I don’t know where this will lead us, if we’re meant to be friends or more to each other. I care about you, Jain. You’re an intelligent, smart, and kind-hearted woman. I’m glad to be in your life, as a co-worker, friend, or whatever.” He kept his eyes directly on mine. “However this pans out, I’m happy just to know you.”

That was such a sweet thing for him to say. I felt a little pang. What was it? Affection? I wasn’t sure, because it disappeared before I was able to comprehend it. Maybe that’s how this whole grieving thing went. I’d get my positive emotions back a teeny bit at a time. I felt, for the first time, a glimmer of hope. I wondered if that meant I was progressing. I wasn’t happy about it, because that meant Braydon was becoming a memory.

We walked out of the restaurant and headed for the observation deck. The views were spectacular. I could see Lake Union, Puget Sound, Lake Washington, the Olympic Mountains, and all the surrounding neighborhoods and cities.

Erik put his arm around me to keep me warm. “Seattle is a beautiful city. I’m glad I moved here.” He turned to me and teased, “You lived here your entire life without coming to the Space Needle? How can you call yourself a Seattleite?”

“I thought it was a touristy thing, but I was wrong. I should’ve come here a long time ago. This view is incredible.”

“I have another question. Have you done the Seattle Underground Tour?”

“Touristy,” I responded.

“That does it. I’m taking you. Next week?”

“You know what? I’ll say yes. That sounds like fun.” We stood and smiled at each other. He moved a little closer.

“Do you want to practice?” he asked.

“Practice what?”

“Moving on. I think you need a quick, I mean, extremely quick kiss. Just so you can get past it. I assure you, that’s the biggest step when moving on. I can offer my services, you know, to help you.” He smiled at me warmly. He was quite nice. And handsome. What could it hurt?

“I wouldn’t want to give you the wrong impression. I think we should stay friends. I need a friend right now.” I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I was having fun, and I hoped we could continue the friendship without getting messed up in a relationship.

“I get it. No lips. I’ll kiss your cheek instead. Would that be all right?”

I laughed. “Sure, go ahead, kiss away.”

We were laughing as he leaned in for his friendship kiss, when a loud crashing sound came from the gift shop.

He laughed. “Well, I guess the universe is trying to tell us something.”

I smiled. “Friends?”

He took my hand. “Friends.”

FORTY-ONE

Braydon

I reached into my wallet and asked the cashier, “Will five hundred dollars cover it?” I counted the hundred dollar bills on the counter.

“Sir, I think a hundred should be okay. I can go check with my boss,” The pink-haired, gum-chewing employee offered.

“No! I’m in a hurry. Please tell your boss I’m very sorry. You can do whatever you want with the extra money.” I threw down the last hundred dollar bill, grabbed Tiffany by the arm, and went out the exit farthest from where Jain and Erik were.

Tiffany didn’t say a word until the valet retrieved the car and we were headed back on I-5 toward her parents’ home.

“Braydon?”

“I know what you’re going to say. It was crazy what I did back there. I wasn’t thinking straight, and the rack of stupid porcelain Space Needles was right next to me. I knew they’d make a huge racket when they fell and broke. It wasn’t my finest moment, but you have to admit, it worked.” I was embarrassed but still happy I was able to interfere with him touching her. I knew, someday, I wouldn’t be around, but for today, I wouldn’t have to worry about it.

“No, I wasn’t going to say you were crazy. But, wasn’t the purpose of this charade, you and me, to help her move on? You just prevented that. Your actions are in complete conflict with what you said you wanted for her.”

“Not him, Tiffany. Anyone but him.” I couldn’t stand it.

“Why not him? She works with him, right?”

“Yes. I told you about how he tried to grope her in the lab.”

“All that means is he liked her before you figured out you had feelings for her. Wait a minute. You already had feelings for her back then, and you’re jealous. That’s why you don’t like him.”

She might have a point. “Maybe.”

“I think I might have given you some wrong advice. It was fun making Angela mad, and I enjoy your company…”

“But?”

“I don’t think I’m doing you any favors. I respect that you want to do an unselfish act, but maybe this is something you can’t handle. Maybe you’ll never get over Jain. Have you thought about that?”

“Every day.”

“I’ll go to the fundraising event with you on Valentine’s Day, but after that, you’re going to have to find someone else. I don’t know Jain, but I think she should know the truth. You should let her decide. You’ve become a good friend of mine in a short amount of time. I think you’re a great person. I won’t sit back and let a friend make a mistake, and I sure as hell won’t be part of that mistake.”

“I broke my promise to her. She warned me, Tiffany. She told me if I did it a second time, there would never be a third.

“Doesn’t she watch baseball? Everyone knows you get three strikes before you’re out.” She grinned.

“Jain has a high moral code. She won’t change her mind. Her mom died from ALS. She told me some personal stories about it. After Angela’s prank, I asked her if she’d lied about her mom. I asked her if she was even dead.” I gripped the steering wheel while I remembered her expression. The betrayal, the hurt, the shock of what I’d said was reflected in every part of her face. She looked stricken, her mouth open, and her big eyes filled with tears. I hated myself at that moment. How could I have been so stupid?

“Ouch. That’s a bad one,” she agreed.

“I’ve already hurt her enough. I want her to be happy. I can’t take back what I said, so I need to let her go.”

“I understand you want to do the right thing. I’m just not sure this
is
the right thing. I’ve never believed in this stuff before, but I think you might have a soul-mate kind of love going on here. I’ve never seen anyone so in love. Do you think you could ever be happy without her?”

My throat constricted. “No.”

“Oh, Braydon.”

***

It was the morning of the fundraising event, Valentine’s Day, and I couldn’t get out of bed. I had hoped the pain of losing Jain would gradually get better, but it was getting worse. I hadn’t moved for three days, not even to eat or take a shower. It had been a week since I’d gone into the office. I was always working, so this was unusual for me. I never took time off. Todd called daily. He was swamped with work, my work, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t.

The phone rang again. I picked it up and threw it against the wall. I felt satisfaction as I watched it break apart and fall to the floor in pieces. I knew I had to get up. I had to be at the event this evening, but I wanted a few more hours.

Jain would be at the fundraiser tonight. I’d made sure of it. She’d probably be with Erik. Could I endure watching them all night? It had been three weeks since I prevented the kiss at the Space Needle, but I knew there would have been many opportunities for them to have finished what they’d started. I rolled over and groaned. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself, but I was stuck. I was trapped in a situation of my own making. First, I ruined my relationship with Jain, then I made sure she’d never take me back.

A loud pounding at my door snapped me out of my self-pity. I was at the condo in the city because I couldn’t face going back home to Carnation yet.

I threw open the door. I already knew it was Todd.

I was wrong.

“Dad?”

“I’ve come to talk to you about a few things.” He frowned and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sorry, I’m not up for visitors just now.” I didn’t want to talk to him. Not when I was feeling this way.

“That’s obvious, and that’s exactly why I’m here.” He walked past me, down the hall to my living room.

“Well, make yourself at home,” I replied sarcastically.

He sat on the couch and started. “I have a story to tell you, and I want you to listen carefully.” His eyes bored into mine.

I’d never seen him like this. He was always so good-natured and laid back.

“What story?”

“It’s about your mom.” He had my attention because he rarely talked about Mom.

“It was love at first sight, you know. People always say it isn’t possible, that it’s more of a lust thing. But they’re wrong. Well, partially wrong. I did have the lust part.”

“Dad, TMI”

He scratched his head. “What’s TMI?”

I let out a frustrated groan, “Too much information, Dad.”

“Oh.” He chuckled. “I guess you don’t need to hear those details.” He took a deep breath. “Do you know why I don’t talk about your mom very much?” he asked.

“No, not really.”

“It’s because it hurts too much. To me, it’s like it was yesterday when she died.” He looked down and rubbed his eyes. “She was beautiful.” He shook his head. “But mostly, she was beautiful on the inside. People were drawn to her because of her kindness and charity toward others. Did you know she worked at a soup kitchen every Saturday, rain or shine? Even if she was sick, she’d put sanitizer on her hands, a face mask to protect others, and off she’d go. She also volunteered at Children’s Hospital. You know what she did? She rocked crack babies for hours, trying to soothe them. She told me she was so thankful for you, for being a healthy baby, she wanted to give some comfort to the children who didn’t get a good start in life. You know what I miss most about her though? She loved us. She loved with everything in her, and I loved her right back.”

“Why haven’t you told me any of these stories, Dad? I’ve wondered about her my entire life, and you only gave me crumbs here and there.”

“I’m so sorry. I should have. I’ve been selfish.” He began to cry. I’d seen my father go through the gamut of emotions throughout my life, but I’d never seen him shed a tear.

“It’s okay, Dad. I’m not angry. I’ve just always been so curious.”

“I haven’t wanted to talk about her because this is what I do, every time. I cry. After all these years, the pain is still like a knife in my gut. If I push her out with the memories, I can function. But barely.” He straightened. “Braydon, I want you to be honest with me.”

“Sure, Dad”

“Does this sound familiar? Are you experiencing this? Because, if you are, I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t go away. When you lose someone, someone special, you never get over it. I know you’re dating someone new. I read the papers. But what I saw on Thanksgiving reminded me of your mother and me. You and Jain had the same type of connection. I fell in love with Jain in one day. I can’t imagine how you must feel right now.”

All the horrible months without her came crashing down like a tsunami on a deserted beach. I’d been dead inside, hopeless and defeated. I was lost, swirling with the wild current of emotion that would eventually drown me.

“I blew it, Dad. Not once, but twice. She’ll never take me back.”

“Listen to me now. I did not raise a quitter. You do not quit. Do you hear me, son? You get your sorry ass up, get some coffee, put on a tux, and go fight for her. Do whatever you have to do, but don’t give up.” He stood in front of me, yelling. Today was a day for unusual behavior from my dad.

He sagged back onto the couch. He leaned forward and rubbed his hands over his face. “I didn’t get a chance to fight for your mom. A drunk driver took her from us. Can you please do what I wasn’t able to? Go get the girl.”

What could I say? “Dad, if I’m going to do this thing, I’m going to need some help.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” A smile curved his lips. I think he had a plan.

FORTY-TWO

Jain

“Colin, I’m so nervous. Do you think I look all right?” I asked. Why did I agree to this? Public speaking had always terrified me. Martin and Colin seemed dead-set on it. I felt compelled. After all, it was my passion, my reason for getting up in the morning.

“You look fabulous. Don’t be nervous. If you do, just look at me.” He bared his teeth in an overly exaggerated smile.

“If you wear that expression, all I’ll do is giggle. That wouldn’t be professional.”

He gave me a comforting hug. “Jain, I have every bit of faith in you. I know you can do this.”

“I just figured out why I love you so much.”

“Because I’m charming and witty?”

“Because you’re my biggest cheerleader. I don’t have my mom anymore.” I stopped to blink back the tears. “But you’re doing a splendid job filling in.”

“Jain, that’s the nicest compliment you could ever give me.” He had his hand over his heart. “Who needs men anyway?” he scoffed.

I do. I need Braydon.
“Me! That’s who.” Where did that come from?

We were in the back dressing room in the hotel ballroom. I sat down on one of the upholstered chaise lounges that they had scattered around. Braydon had outdone himself, from the elegant location of the event, to the stunning décor throughout the ballroom. It was magical, with romantic lighting strung from the ceiling, and heart-shaped appetizers laid out on exquisitely decorated tables. The theme of the night was love and passion, and he’d done a terrific job capturing the mood.

“Any man in particular you’re referring to?”

“He didn’t fight for me, Colin. He didn’t fight for us.” The tears continued to flow. “I can’t talk about this right now. My mascara will run.”

“Hold off. What do you mean, he didn’t fight for you? Your condo was like a florist shop for a month. You burned and threw away every note, every card.” His eyes were huge, his mouth gaped open. Why was he so surprised?

“It only lasted a little over a month. That’s not very long at all. He just gave up, threw in the towel, and hooked up with that jewelry store girl.” I had a hard time even speaking the words.