Break You (30 page)

My stomach clinched and I nearly dropped everything I was carrying. What was Jason doing here and why was he hanging out with Marla? My feet froze as I zeroed in on the black cord necklace around his neck and the plaid blue swim trunks he wore. Marla said something that made him laugh. She placed her hand on his chest and he turned away from her to glance around the kiddy pool. The cord was a whistle. Things clicked into place and I realized with certainty Jason was a lifeguard.

He was wearing sunglasses, but even so, the second his eyes locked with mine, I knew. I gripped onto Tinley and bolted for the door without waiting for an explanation from him.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

JASON

Blaire. Damn it, I knew I wasn’t going to get away with working here undetected until I could switch to Haven Software. The look on her face made my skin prickle with sweat. Before I could say a word to her, she’d gripped Tinley’s little hand in hers and started toward the door.

“Trouble in paradise, sugar?” Marla asked. I’d forgotten who I’d been standing with. She shoved me in the direction of the door. “You’d better chase her down. Don’t just stand here like a lump on a log.”

Fuck. I ran my fingers through my hair. Marla was right, I had to chase Blaire down. She had to know that I was only working here for a few more days and then I truly was starting at Haven and interning at the children’s home. I dashed from where I stood to the walkway leading to the parking lot.

“Whoa, where’s the fire, bro?” Matt asked as I nearly plowed into him in my effort to get to Blaire in time.

“I’ll be right back,” I shouted over my shoulder. “Cover my section.”

Pausing at the top of the stairs, I searched the crammed parking lot for her car. She was standing beside it, fighting with the clasp on the back of Tinley’s vest thing. Thank goodness for small favors.

“Blaire!” I shouted. “Blaire, wait.”

She didn’t look up at me. Her movements became more frantic, though, letting me know she was desperate to get away from me.

“It isn’t what it looks like,” I said. Although, I wasn’t sure what it looked like to her. Was she pissed I worked here and had lied about it or that she’d seen me with Marla talking? Both? How could I apologize for something when I wasn’t sure what the problem actually was?

“Oh, really?” The clasp she’d been messing with finally unhooked and she slipped the vest off Tinley’s arms. “Climb in, Tin.”

“I didn’t swim, Aunt B, I didn’t,” Tinley whined.

“Don’t leave,” I said. “Please, let her swim some so we can talk.” I was grasping at straws here, but that was all I could think of to say.

“No.” She bent down and flashed Tinley a sweet smile. “I think we should go get some ice cream with lots of chocolate syrup and sprinkles, don’t you?”

“Yumm!” Tinley shouted. Her eyes grew wide and she reached out to close her door. Blaire let the door close and then walked around to the driver’s side.

“Stop.” I grabbed her arm. “Please, talk to me. Tell me what has you so upset. Is it because I work here?”

She shook me off and opened the driver side door. Leaning in, she turned the car on and blasted the AC. “Here.” She handed Tinley her phone. “You can play that ABC game you like. I need to talk to Jason for just a minute, okay? Then we can go get our ice cream.”

Tinley nodded. “Okay!”

Blaire closed her door and folded her arms over her chest. “Talk.”

My heart raced and I stood there like a freaking idiot. She was pissed, that much was clear, but I wasn’t going to start naming out random things to be sorry for when I wasn’t sure what had her riled up enough to leave in the first place. “Tell me why you’re mad. Please?” It came out in a more pleading tone than I’d intended.

She rolled her eyes and left them glaring up at the sky. “What are you doing here, Jason?”

Okay, so she was angry that I’d said I worked someplace else. I could fix this.

“I work here. I have been for a little while. The money is pretty decent and I needed something, so when Matt said his dad had a few openings for lifeguards I jumped on the opportunity.” This was the truth, whether it would pacify her anger or not was a whole other story.

She shook her head. “Why did you tell my mom you worked at Haven Software and were going to be interning at a children’s home?”

“Because it sounded better than saying I was a freaking lifeguard, Blaire.” Her bright eyes locked with mine and I instantly regretted the tone I’d used with her. “And it wasn’t all a lie. I start at both places in a little over a week.”

She bit at her bottom lip and glanced in the car at Tinley. “So, why was Marla hanging all over you? Does she do that a lot?”

And there it was—the real reason for her behavior. Marla just fucked shit up without even trying when it came to Blaire and me. I’d spent the majority of the last week talking with Marla about Blaire and the baby—only because Matt had let it slip to her that I’d gotten someone pregnant. Marla had instantly backed off, claiming she wasn’t a homewrecker like her mama. Since then, she’d asked me each time I saw her how things were going with the baby and Blaire. In fact, that’s exactly what we’d been talking about—the baby—when Blaire had seen us.

“No. I mean,” I backtracked. Marla was there quite a bit, but only because Matt worked there as well. Add in the fact that I didn’t think she actually had a day job and a person could say Marla was there more often than not. “She comes by a few times a week, but only because Matt works there too. That’s who she’s there to see all the time, not me.”

Blaire shifted on her feet; her arms unfolded and she crammed her hands into the large pockets on the front of her dress thing she wore. “If she’s supposed to be with Matt, then why is it every time I see her she’s always hanging all over you?”

“She wasn’t hanging all over me this time.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized my mistake in saying them. Why the fuck hadn’t I left the
this time
part off? “She hadn’t been at all. We were just talking,” I insisted, trying to rectify what had already been said.

A smile touched the corners of her lips, but it wasn’t a happy one. It was more along the lines of an is-that-what-you’re-choosing-to-go-with smile and I hated it. I’d already screwed up the conversation so badly that if I were to add in the fact Marla and I had been talking about her and the baby, Blaire would just become more pissed with me.

“
This time
…great.” She let out a deep breath and shook her head while looking up at the sky again. I noticed her blink hard a few times and my heart sank—she was blinking back tears. Blaire was so pissed at me she was going to cry. Fuck! “You know, I just can’t deal with this. I mean, I get that this,” she paused and motioned between the two of us, “didn’t exactly happen the way that we wanted, so if you don’t want to do this whole
together
thing with me then I understand, but don’t fucking string me along. All right? This is all hard enough on its own. I don’t need that added bullshit with it.”

I ran my hands through my hair and leaned back, tipping my head to the sky. I wanted to scream at her, to shout that she was blowing this all out of proportion, but knew nothing of that nature would make this better or make her believe me anymore. So I attempted to contain myself.

“I
do
want to be with you, I promise you this,” I said in a low and controlled voice. “Granted, this isn’t the way I thought having a kid would happen for me, but it is what it is. I’ve accepted that and I’m not stringing you along. Okay? I’m not.” I pulled my sunglasses off so she could look directly in my eyes and stepped closer to pull her into me, but she shifted out of the way.

“It is what it is, huh?” she muttered. “Great way to view it, Jason. Tell
Marla
I said hi.” She opened her car door and slipped inside. Before I had time to think, she’d already backed out of her parking space and was driving away.

So much for fixing shit, all I’d managed to do was make it worse. Fuck my life.

* * * *

The crickets sang a song that mingled with the emotions resting in my soul. I tipped the ice-cold beer I held back and closed my eyes to listen. Blaire had avoided all my text messages and let all of my phone calls go directly to voicemail since she’d driven away and left me standing in the parking lot earlier. I’d finished out my shift, grabbed a burger from Burger Buns, a six pack from the gas station, and headed to Gramps’ house to sit on the dock over the lake and watch the sun go down.

Surrounded by darkness, I polished off the remainder of my third beer and set it to the side. Leaning back against my palms, I felt the rugged, warm wood of the dock against them and wondered if the water would still be warm enough to swim in. I was still dressed in my swim trunks from work. It had been forever since I’d taken a dip in the lake. Maybe it was something I needed, something that would clear my head enough so I could figure out what exactly I should do to smooth things over with Blaire this time.

I stood and slid off my sandals. Stepping to the edge of the dock, I took in a deep breath and prepared myself to dive in. My phone rang and I bolted for it, praying it was Blaire. It was.

“Hey, listen, I’m really sorry,” I rattled off as soon as I answered.

“Jason?” a voice on the other end said. It wasn’t Blaire. It was Paige.

“Paige?” I asked, even though I already knew who it was. She let out a deep, shaky breath and I instantly knew something was wrong. “What are you doing calling me from Blaire’s phone?”

“Because Blaire’s in the hospital,” she said.

The dock beneath me spun. My entire world shifted on its axis as my heart roared to life in my ears. Pinpricks of panic stabbed my brain as a string of horrible thoughts trampled through my mind. “What happened? Is she okay?”

“She’s going to be okay, but…Jason…” Paige trailed off. My heart dropped to my stomach and dizziness overtook me, causing my knees to weaken. “I think you should come down here.”

I swallowed hard. “Is the baby okay?” My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew she heard me because I heard her inhale sharply at my question. “Paige, please tell me the baby is okay.”

“Jason, you really just need to come down here and speak with the doctors and Blaire. I don’t think this is something you should hear over the phone.” Her voice was thick with emotion and that was all the confirmation I needed to know that something had gone horribly wrong.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I pinched the bridge of my nose to fight off the tears I felt burning there. “Please tell Blaire for me.”

“Okay.”

The telltale beep sounded in my ear, letting me know Paige had hung up, and I crumpled to the wooden dock beneath me. An ache spliced through my chest as I released a deep breath in an effort to calm my speeding heart and racing mind.

My child—whose heartbeat I’d only managed to hear once—was gone. I knew this. The truth of it soured my stomach. Gathering myself, I scooped up the keys I’d tossed to the side and slipped on my sandals.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

BLAIRE

I wiped my nose with the crumpled tissue I’d been holding, and felt more tears spring from my eyes. How could this happen to me? Why? I wasn’t horribly out of shape. I ate fairly healthy. I didn’t smoke cigarettes. I didn’t use drugs. I didn’t even drink alcohol after finding out I was pregnant. Why? Why had I lost my baby? My chest grew tight as that question pounded through my mind.

The door to my room creaked open, but I didn’t turn to see who’d walked through. All I wanted right now was to be left alone.

“I called Jason,” Paige said. Even though her voice was soft and smooth, hearing his name made my tears flow faster. “He said he’d be here as soon as he can. I hope you don’t mind that I called him. I know you two were having a little spat, but I think he should be here for this.”

I didn’t answer her. Realistically I knew she was right and that he should be here for this—it was his child, too—but I didn’t want him here. I didn’t care to see him at all.

“Do you want me to get you anything while we wait for the nurses to discharge you?” Paige asked. I could tell from her voice she’d moved closer to me, but I didn’t turn to look at her. I couldn’t stand to see the sympathy in her eyes right now.

We lapsed into silence. It buzzed through my ears and allowed my mind to wander to the same heartbreaking questions over and over again. Paige never spoke, she just stood behind me. I could feel her presence suffocating me even though she didn’t mean to. The door to the room opened again and I prayed it was the nurse with my papers. I was more than ready to go home.

“I got here as fast as I could,” Jason breathed heavily. “They wouldn’t tell me much at the desk. What happened?”

My heart stalled at the sound of his voice. I rolled to my side, putting up a wall between Jason and me. The tears spilled from my eyes and trickled off my nose onto the white sheets beneath me. Shoes scuffling across the tiled floor met with my ears and then a large hand slid across my back. A sob escaped me at the touch. I rubbed the heel of my palm against the center of my chest and squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to keep any more from escaping. All I wanted was for everyone to leave me be, to sink into the mattress of the bed and disappear.

“Blaire?” His voice was so thick with emotion it made my tears flow faster. He obviously knew what had happened, so why did he need to hear me say it? “Tell me. Please.”

“I’ll be out here if you need anything, Blaire,” Paige said. I heard the door creak open and then close softly behind her.

The room was too quiet. My heartbeat was too loud. Jason’s touch was too comforting.

“Talk to me, Blaire.” There was a pleading tone etched within his words and it tore at me from all angles. He shifted and then I felt the weight of him on the bed behind me. His face nuzzled against my neck as he lay down. His arm slid across my waist and he interlocked his fingers with mine. “Please tell me something.”

I broke.