Break Away (16 page)

I didn’t need to glance at the calendar to know what day it was. This day had been looming for months, and for the first time ever, it brought me pain.

July 11
^th
.

Teddy’s birthday.

I couldn’t forget it if I tried. This would be the first time in more than twenty years that I didn’t spend my best friend’s birthday with him.

Now it was just another painful memory.

I threw on my sweats and sneakers and went for a run on the beach. I pushed my body to the limit, desperate for the adrenaline, not stopping until I could hardly breathe and my heart was pounding in my chest.

I reached into the back of my bookshelf, pulling out the picture frame that was hidden from view. It was a photo of Teddy and me on our last day of basic training, all decked out in our dress greens but still goofing around with huge smiles on our faces. We were so eager to get out there and fight for our country. There was no fear on the faces of the people in that photograph—a sure sign that we were brand new. We didn’t have the hardened look of men who knew what they were walking into. We were two young Marines, eager to make our mark and be a part of something bigger, completely unaware of the kind of things we were about to face. We had no idea what war really meant. We should have been afraid.

If we had known… would we have done anything differently? If someone had told the people in that photograph about all the things they would be up giving up, would they have chosen a different path?

Deep down, I knew that, despite everything, we wouldn’t have. Just like I knew that if it weren’t for my busted eardrum, I would probably still be out there. It was who we were. Or at least, it used to be.

The person standing next to Teddy in that picture was fearless. He was brave, confident and determined. I was merely a fragment of that person now. I was weak and cowardly. If Teddy could see me now, he would be ashamed of what I’d become.

I grabbed a bottle of Jack and two shot glasses from the cabinet before heading out to my truck. It was time to go somewhere that, up until now, I’d been too scared to go to.

It was still and quiet. Rows of stark gray headstones protruded from the green grass, serving as a reminder of our immortality and the harsh reality of life. It was a surprisingly peaceful place, considering that it was where hundreds of loved ones were laid to rest.

The last time I’d been out here was for the funeral. Normally, I avoided the pain that it brought, preferring to keep myself numb, but for today I would let it have me. My best friend deserved to be mourned, and I deserved the pain.

I kneeled down in front of the headstone that read:

THEODORE C. ELLIS

US MARINE CORPS

Beloved son, brother and friend

A fresh bouquet of flowers had been placed in front of it, and I knew that I wasn’t the only one thinking of him today. I pulled the shot glasses from my pocket, placing one of them on top of the headstone and filling it to the brim before pouring my own.

“Happy birthday, buddy…” I spoke to his grave, as though he could somehow hear me through it when I knew he never would. “We’ve never once spent a birthday apart, and I’m not about to break tradition. If you were still here, we’d probably be out fishing… or, more likely, drinking a lot of beer and pretending to fish. No matter what stupid shit we were doing, we always made it fun. Even during boot camp, which was supposed to be the most miserable time of our lives, you managed to put a smile on my face every single day.”

Hanging my head, unable to face even his headstone, I choked out my next words. “I’m so sorry, Ted. I’m so fucking sorry. I hope that, wherever you are, you know that I would give anything to trade places with you. I wish it had been me instead.”

I tipped back the shot, downing it easily before I turned and walked away.

***

Aside from the brief “I’m sorry” text that I received that morning, I hadn’t heard anything from Dex since the night after the fight. We usually chatted back and forth all day, even when we were working, and I was worried about him. I got the feeling that whatever he was dealing with wasn’t something that he had shared with anyone. He was so closed off, and it pained me to think that he was suffering alone.

I spent most of the dinner shift at the Seaside checking my phone incessantly, waiting for a response from him. It had been hours since I texted him to ask how he was doing, and if I didn’t hear from him soon, I was going to stop by his house when I was done for the night.

After checking my messages for the one-thousandth time that night, I looked up to see Dex stumbling into the restaurant and taking a seat at the bar. There was a purple bruise on his jaw where he’d received a harsh blow during the fight the night before, but that wasn’t the most shocking thing about his appearance.

I’d never seen Dex look anything less than gorgeous, but tonight he appeared… disheveled. His eyes were empty and unfeeling, and his usual confident smile had been replaced with a dark scowl. He hadn’t registered me when he came in, and he didn’t seem to notice or acknowledge anyone else around him either. There was no sign of his normally charming, funny self. Instead he quietly drank by himself in his own little world. He seemed… lost.

“Hey, Dex,” I said, finally approaching him when I had a break in between tables. “Glad you’re here. I was about ready to send out the search party.”

“Well, no need. As you can see, I’m safe and sound…” His slurred words were dripping with sarcasm, and he barely even glimpsed at me when he spoke.

“Okay then…” I was at a loss for words. It was clear that he didn’t want to talk to me, or anyone for that matter, so I figured I would give him some space while I finished my shift. “I have to close out these tables, and then I’ll come back and sit with you.”

He nodded tersely. I realized that was the only response I was going to get from him and reluctantly went back to work.

Once my section had finally cleared out for the night, I got started on cleaning up the wait station. One of our regulars approached me. Tony was a heavy drinker and a flirt, but he was mostly harmless.

“What’s up, beautiful?” Tony said, aligning himself next to me at the counter.

“Not much Tony, working.” I shifted my body away from his and busied myself with refilling the ketchup containers. “Can I get you something?”

He leaned in close enough that I could smell the booze on his breath and grinned. “You could get me your phone number.”

“Nice try,” I laughed humorlessly. “But I’m afraid that’s not on the menu.”

“Aw, come on…” He stepped closer and began running his finger lazily along the bare skin of my forearm.

“Tony, no…” I warned, lightly pushing his chest to halt him. Apparently, he’d had a few too many drinks for my usual method of laughing it off to be effective, so I would have to step it up a notch.

“She said no, so take your filthy fucking paws off her.” Dex appeared behind me, glaring at Tony with a murderous look in his eyes.

“Hey, man, we’re trying to have a conversation here,” Tony argued, gripping my arm possessively.

He finally let go of me when Dex abruptly ripped him away and threw him against the wall, clutching fistfuls of his shirt as he stared down at him. “If you don’t get the fuck out of here, I’m going to rip your goddamn arms off and shove them up your ass,” he growled through clenched teeth.

“Dex, stop it!” I shouted anxiously, worried that he was going to seriously hurt him. I’d never seen Dex so angry. “What the hell is your problem?”

Dex turned to me and, registering my fear, released his hold on a very frightened Tony, letting him drop to the floor next to me.

“Whatever,” Dex spat out dismissively. He spun around and left the restaurant, letting the door slam behind him.

I stood there frozen in place as I watched him exit, completely stunned by what happened. It was no secret that Dex had a temper, but what I’d just witnessed was something entirely different. He could always rein himself in, but this time his anger had total control.

“Hey, Mel, do you mind if I take off?” I needed to find Dex, whether he wanted to talk to me or not. Whatever he was going through, I couldn’t let him do it alone.

“Sure, no problem,” she said. “We’re done here anyway.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow!” I said, grabbing my purse from behind the bar and racing toward the exit.

I headed to the beach first. It was dark, but the moon lit up the sky, reflecting off the ocean’s surface and casting enough light for me to see. I found Dex sitting in the sand, staring blankly toward the water.

“Mind if I sit?”

He nodded but didn’t look up as I took a seat next to him, careful to leave some space between us so I wouldn’t scare him off. For a few minutes we just sat there. The sounds of the gentle surf crashing onto the beach filled the silence between us.

“You know that you can talk to me, right?” I finally said.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“You probably don’t think that I’ll understand what you’re going through, and maybe I won’t… but I can still listen and be there for you, if you’ll let me.”

“You won’t be there for me if I tell you,” he muttered.

“Try me.”

Dex took a deep breath, dragging his hands over his face. “Today is my buddy’s birthday, or… it would be, anyway. For the first time ever, he’s not here with me.”

He hesitated, and I placed a comforting hand on his arm, silently encouraging him to keep going. I could see his internal struggle, and I knew how hard this was for him.

“Teddy and I were best friends since we were kids,” he said. “We grew up together, joined the Marines together and went to Iraq together. It was what we’d always wanted to do. We were part of a special operations unit doing deep reconnaissance in unfriendly territory, and one night, all hell broke loose. We dealt with chaos every day over there, but this was different… it was one thing after another, and nothing seemed to go right for us.

“That night, our convoy was traveling along a deserted road when one of our trucks ran over an IED, detonating it on the spot. We all managed to get through it with only minor injuries, but while we were sweeping the area for additional devices, one of them went off. This time the explosion was right on top of us. I was on the outer edge of the impact zone so I didn’t get it as bad, but it still tossed me around and scrambled my brain pretty good. My ears were ringing so fucking loud. I couldn’t hear anything, but I knew I needed to find my guys and get them to safety.”

Dex turned to me then, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since I sat down. “In war, especially in units like mine, we see this shit every damn day,” he said softly. “Horror… cruelty… mayhem… it’s normal for us. It’s what we’re trained for. There’s no room for shock and emotion in war. It’s our job to focus on getting through it and getting our men to safety.

“I made my way through the smoke, searching for my guys. The first two that I found had shrapnel injuries, they were bad but not life threatening. But the closer I got to where the bomb went off, the worse it got. I found my buddy Chase next, his legs blown to shit. As I carried him to the medic, he kept trying to tell me something but I could only hear out of one ear. When I realized he was saying ‘Teddy’, I forget every safety measure I was supposed to follow and ran straight into the blast zone. Teddy wasn’t supposed to be out there, and all I could think about was getting to him.”