Break (19 page)

He gave him a smile and one final pat on the back, and then he walked back towards the piano. “Who wants to hear some ragtime?”

A volley of cheers and whistled blasted across the room and I looked away as Luke wiped his eyes with his thumb. I took his hand and squeezed it. “Everything will work out.” I slipped my hand into my purse and muted my phone. It had been buzzing all night. What did Natalie want?

“We can turn in early, if you want. My uncle will understand.”

I nearly collapsed in relief. “Really? That’d be great, actually.”

Though it was only seven, I was exhausted and I thought longingly of the bed upstairs with its fluffy, white comforter. Luke and I went upstairs and I curled into bed as Luke took a shower. All was well. Luke’s uncle seemed like a decent man. I clawed the nightstand for the remote. I wanted to fix my mind on something else before I fell asleep. My thumb clicked the remote, scrolling through the channels as my eyeballs burned from the bright, plasma screen.
Jessica Knight.
I stopped as I saw my name blazing on the television screen with an old picture of Luke and I kissing in Hyde Park.

How did they find out my name?

A blonde woman smiled at the camera.
“Today, we’ve received an exclusive report about the Luke Pardini’s new girlfriend, or should we say, his escort.”

The remote clattered loudly on the wooden floor.

“Jessica?” Luke’s voice said from the bathroom. “What was that?”

“Jessica Knight, a graduate from San Francisco State University, signed up on an escort website for rich men to make ends meet. The beautiful blonde caught the eye of Luke Pardini, son of Giacomo Pardini and heir to Pardini Worldwide.”

“Hey, are you there?”

My eyes were glued to the television as horror suffocated my chest. How did they find out all this? I told no one—absolutely no one. Neither of us had. The bathroom door opened and steam poured in the bedroom. I heard Luke’s heavy footsteps and dreaded the moment that he would see the television screen.

“Jessica, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He looked at the screen and fell silent.

“At TMZ, we wondered who the mysterious blonde and where she was from, check this out—”

The screen faded into a view of a dilapidated porch of a house that I knew very well. On the porch were three people: a fat blonde woman and her husband, and squeezed between them was their son, Vincent.

A reporter held a microphone to them. “She was a problem child, but we did the best we could. We had her for seven years, and then she left to join a group home. We never saw her again.”

Shelly Kramer leaned in, her watery, small eyes staring into the camera. “She had a major drug problem, behavioral issues.” She shook her head. “Always acting out.”

Vincent smiled at the camera. He had gained weight, but nothing else had changed. His white-blonde hair still hung around his head at shoulder-length; his small blue eyes glinted with malice. He had charmed and fooled so many people with his angelic face, but a close look into his eyes was like staring into the abyss. There was nothing there. Life is boring when you don’t have any emotions, and raping me allowed him to feel the slightest spark of excitement. He was addicted to it.

I didn’t hear the rest of the program. The violence surged up my throat and I shoved Luke aside to flip open the toilet seat and I voided everything in my stomach. The face that haunted my thoughts for years was blown up on the television, unpunished—along with my foster parents. I remembered how once Shelly walked in on Vincent raping me in my bedroom. I looked at her, tears streaming down my face, as he released his damp hands from around my throat. His cock dug inside me like a knife and it was so painful, that he choked me to keep my screams silent. A scream finally left my throat, torn and ragged. Shelly backed away from the doorway, an unfathomable expression on her face. She slammed the door shut and I heard her heavy footsteps scamper away.

All of it played in my mind like a movie. I couldn’t stop it. My lips dripped with vomit as I sobbed into the toilet. I just wanted to end it. I looked around the bathroom and saw Luke’s razor perched on the sink and I lunged for it. I wanted to destroy something, make someone feel a little bit of the horror I felt inside. I looked at my legs and felt a surge of anger. I could feel the razor blades cutting into my skin and I bit my lip, preparing to drag and slice.

A hand closed over my wrist and forced my hand against the wall. I fought against him but he pressed down painfully and I released the blade. When I opened my eyes, I saw Luke’s face, livid with fear. All the noise in my head stopped.

“Jessica, you’re safe.”

My lip quivered as I looked down at the razor I held seconds ago, determined to slice my skin open.
What the fuck did I just do?
All it took was a short video of my attackers to shatter the delusion that I had moved on. That I was fixed. I collapsed into Luke’s arms and sobbed into his bare shoulder, filled with shame. How could I think about doing that to myself?

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.”

“I’m so fucked up, Luke.”

He just held me as I cried. I shook with huge wracking sobs. I was boiling in pain and I didn’t want to do it anymore.
When will I be free of them?
I wanted to break away from Luke and sob in private, but he refused to let me go. I felt ashamed. It was as though my tears were indecent, that I should hide them like everything in my past. It was too ugly to talk about. No one wanted to hear about my dark shit. The pain subsided as my body gave into exhaustion, and then I finally,
finally
stopped crying.

“How did they find out my name?” I said in a shaking voice. “How did they find out all of it?”

“Someone told them your name, address, everything. Someone sold a story about you.”

His deep voice rumbled through my chest. I shook my head violently. “No, I told no one about us. I swear, Luke!”
Except Natalie.

I froze in Luke’s arms.
Natalie, how could you do this to me?
The betrayal was like a slap to the face. How could she tell them about my foster parents? Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks and as Luke pulled away, there was sympathy on his face—but a little anger, too.

“She would
never
do this to me.”

He smiled without humor. “Just about anyone is capable of just about anything. I’ve had this happen to me countless times.” He stroked my hair. “I’m sorry about this. I know how it feels, believe me.”

I stumbled from the bathroom in disbelief, the horror of it all pounding in my brain. I dug into my purse and opened my cellphone and saw three texts:

You need to call me immediately

Don’t let Luke go on TMZ

Jessica, I swear I didn’t tell anyone

There were five missed calls and two voice messages. I played them both on speakerphone. Luke listened beside me, fury etched all over his face. The first message expressed her confusion, the second one was much more clear. “Jessica,” she said in a trembling voice. “I found out what happened. Ben saw the photos and called TMZ. They offered him a lot of money for your name and background, and then they found your foster parents and they said all of those terrible things.” She began to sob. “I’m so sorry, Jessica. I don’t think he meant for any of this to happen—”

I ended the voicemail. Somehow I felt emptier than I had before. My best friend’s fiancé sold me out, all because she couldn’t keep her trap shut. I looked at him desperately. “I never told Ben anything. Natalie knew about the website before I met you, so she must have told him. I told her not to.”

Luke shook his head and shrugged. He wouldn’t even look at me. He didn’t even want to touch me. I could feel his disgust for my friend, and contempt for me. “I’m going to bed.”

Is this it?
Darkness swallowed the room as Luke turned off the light. I sat on the carpet, hugging my legs. I was too tired, but I didn’t want to join Luke in the bed, when he clearly didn’t want me anywhere around him.
How can I fix this?

* * *

I woke up with my back aching as Luke shook me awake, his hand on my knee. It took several moments for me to remember why I felt so awful.

His hands stroked my shoulders. “Did you stay here all night?”

My eyes burned with fatigue. “I—didn’t think you wanted me around.”

Luke’s face was pained. “I was angry, but not at you.” He picked me up and kissed my throat. “Let’s get out of here.”

I nodded, my spirits rising slightly. So, we were still together, despite our secret being out in the open. My heart beat against my throat as he hugged me.
I don’t deserve him.

  It was hard to tell whether his aunt and uncle had seen the report on TMZ. By now, other gossip websites would be repeating the same story. I dressed as quickly as possible, eager to leave Chicago and return home.
Return to what? To my volunteer job at the soup kitchen? To my ‘best friend’?
The ten grand in my account—how long would it last? My heart pounded with anxiety. I did not want to return home; I didn’t want to look at Natalie and hear her useless apologies, or deal with the fact that I was
still
broke and jobless.
I have Luke
, I reminded myself.
At least I have him.

I watched as Luke packed his bags with a bit more force than was necessary.
For how long, though?

Luke was silent all the way to the airport, and didn’t speak a word to me during the flight. Like him, I was waiting for the axe to fall. I felt relief when the pilot announced that we were flying over Oakland and would be landing shortly. I looked down and saw the blue, freezing water of the bay. He glanced at his phone immediately after landing and stuffed it back into his jacket.

What now?
As I followed Luke out of the plane, I wondered what the hell was going to happen. Now that the jig was up, would we still spend every waking moment together? Would Luke tell me that he had enough of me and that I should go home? The thought of being away from him, even for one night, made my throat tighten. I was used to being around him, comforted by his presence, and I needed his touch to be nearby.

I squeezed his hand as we waited in the freezing air for a cab.

“I know you must be anxious to go home, but I don’t want to be alone.”

He was actually asking me to stay with him. “Luke, I want to be with you.” I didn’t need to add that I had no desire to be in Natalie’s presence, not after what her fiancé did.

It annoyed me that there were paparazzi still clicking away at us outside SFO. I couldn’t wait to see the headlines:
Luke Pardini seen at SFO with blonde escort, who does he think he’s kidding?

I bounced on my toes to give him a kiss. He drew my body into his and bit down on my lip as I swept my tongue across his mouth. My heart was pounding when he pulled away with a heated look on his face.

“I can’t wait to get home,” he whispered in my ear as the cab pulled up.

Twenty-minutes later, we stumbled up the steps of his Victorian home in Pacific Heights. It was one of the richest areas in San Francisco, where the homes had actual driveways, a luxury in the city. I barely had time to marvel at the beauty of his home before Luke grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs. We ran up the steps and he pulled me to the side, his arms wrapping themselves fiercely around my waist. His mouth parted and I leaned forward to taste those lips that I fantasized about all day. His fingers dug into the waistband of my jeans and I slid my hands under his sweater. I dragged my thumb across his hard nipple and squeezed his back muscles as he slid around my backside. I could already feel his hardness grinding against my leg and my core heated, almost like I could feel him thrusting inside me already.

We were halfway to the bedroom and his mouth was tracing a downward path from my neck. Then the phone rang, jarring us out of our dance towards the bed. My face hot, I looked up at Luke who seemed to be debating whether to answer it or not. He let out an angry sigh and kissed my head.

“It might be work, just hold on.”

Damn it.

He picked the phone off the dresser and winced when he looked at the screen. I felt cold all over as I realized what the expression on his face meant.
Crap.

“What?” he barked into the phone.

Stiffness began working itself through my limbs like poison. It started in my hands, which went cold when Luke left my embrace. Something was fighting to swim to the surface of my mind, something that made my heart sink.

He spat angry words into the phone, his face becoming red. “It’s not like that.” He glanced at me furtively.

Then I knew what was going to happen. I turned around, feeling oddly numb as I walked out of his bedroom and picked up my purse in the living room. I waited in the foyer with my suitcase and fiddled with a piece of paper in my pocket.

He’s done with me. That’s it.

I heard his slow footsteps creaking the wooden floorboards. He stopped at the base of the staircase, guilt written all over his face. He flipped his phone in his hands, looking at me, unable to say what I already knew.

“My dad’s going to donate all of his money to charity unless I end things with you.”

I nodded. A quiet storm was building up in my chest and my voice was already shaking with the first throes. “So that’s it, then. You’re going to do what he says.”

He shrugged miserably. “What choice do I have?”

“You have a choice,” I fired back. “And you’ve chosen to let daddy run your life.”

He flinched at the condescending tone. “Jessica, come on. Be fair. We’ve known each other for a couple months. It was really great, but I’m not going to give up my entire legacy for someone I barely know. It’s about five billion dollars, Jessica. Imagine what you could do with that kind of money.”

No, I can’t imagine what that would be like. I can’t even imagine a hundred thousand dollars in my bank account.
The hardness in his voice was like a knife in my chest. “Do you really think he’ll keep his word? He’s a maniac. Today, you have to break up with me, but tomorrow it will be something else.”