Break (15 page)

Luke let out a long moan that made my heart thud against my chest and then his cock jumped inside me. I collapsed against his heaving chest, paralyzed with happiness. As I looked up at him and stroked his hair, it was almost in a loving caress. He kissed me long and hard, his hands still moving all over my body. He broke away, still breathing heavily.

“I needed this.” He gave me another smoldering look before he kissed my neck wetly. “You make me want to go again.”

I couldn’t say how much his words thrilled me, and for the second time I felt afraid. I was giving too much of myself to this man. I looked at him and knew that I would be devastated when we parted ways. Was this love or was it just infatuation?

He sighed into my neck. “I’m getting really confused about our arrangement. I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

“Does it feel like a bad idea?”

“Well, no.”

“Then why can’t we enjoy it? I’m already too attached to you anyways. It’s going to hurt no matter what.”

His eyes were shining. He cupped my cheek and didn’t look away. “Oh, Jessica.”

I hated the softness in his voice. He didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t have to. His face was full of regret. I slipped from his lap, tears already falling down my face as I bent down and gathered my clothes.

“Jessica.
Jessica, wait
!”

I ran into the bathroom to escape him and then I looked at my crumpled face and sobbed.
He doesn’t want me like I want him.
I remembered that the whole point of this was to help Luke. He was paying me a huge sum of money to help him and I had no right to be upset. Luke had said from the beginning that this was never going to be anything more than a two-dimensional relationship. I needed to accept that.

“Jessica, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have—”

I ripped open the bathroom door as rage exploded in my stomach. I was still naked, but Luke had pulled on his pants. I didn’t even care how exposed I was. “Don’t you
dare
say that you shouldn’t have done it. Don’t tell me that it was a mistake. I’m not a mistake!”

There was a desperate plea in my voice that made me feel sick.

Luke looked horrified. “I wasn’t going to say that. Of course you’re not a mistake. Jessica?”

Suddenly, all of the anger deflated from my chest. I just wanted to curl in a ball under my sheets.
It’s your fault for making me feel like I had a chance.

Luke hovered near the doorway, the conflict wreaking havoc on his face. He wanted to comfort me but he was afraid of upsetting me.
“Look, we have to fly to Chicago tomorrow to visit my father at the hospice. I can’t put it off any longer. Can we please talk about this after that? I just felt so overwhelmed with my father and you made me feel good. You always make me feel good.”

His cheeks went a little pink and I hated myself for the hope soaring in my chest. I wiped the tears staining my cheeks and nodded. “Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Luke hesitated, guilt written all over his face as he looked at me. “Okay.”

I looked in the mirror at my tear-stained face. Even if it amounted to nothing, I gained a victory tonight. I had sex with a man and it hadn’t been a disaster. It hadn’t been painful. It had been—nourishing.

Chapter 8

“I told you so,” Natalie said for the umpteenth time. “I said it right before you left. I knew this would happen.”

“Yeah, I know.”

The phone was hot on the side of my face and damp with my sweat. I paced the hotel suite and spoke in hushed whispers, careful to avoid Luke in the living room. I was long overdue for a phone call with my best friend, who wasted no time in telling me that she was right.

“I don’t care if you’re right. It’s worth it. I feel different, Natalie. I don’t know what it is, but he makes me feel better, even if it’s temporary.”

Natalie’s voice was soft. “Well, he seems like a decent person,” she admitted grudgingly. “I’m happy for you, but at the same time I’m worried that this is going to blow up in your face. I don’t think you’ll feel so great when he ditches you.”

I yanked my hair. “We’re not together. He can’t ditch me.”

I could hear her rolling her eyes at me.

“Yeah, whatever. The way you talk about him, you might as well be together.”

Jerk.
“Well, I’m flying to Chicago today.” After a beat, I added: “To meet his dad.”

“Wow, your fake relationship is getting pretty serious.”

I scowled at the humor in her voice. “I’m kind of losing my shit. This isn’t my territory. Do I stroke his ego? Should I be a yes-man?”

“No,” she said emphatically. “Just be polite. Be yourself.”

Wasn’t that what Luke had told me?
Be yourself, Jessica.
Try as I might, I couldn’t feel comfortable with the idea with Luke’s father. He was a bully and he reminded me too much of my foster parents. How would I handle it if he started bullying me? My face flushed with hot anger.

“You can handle a cranky, sick old man. Like most men his age, he probably just wants attention.”

But it wasn’t that simple. He wasn’t just a cranky old man; he was a cranky old man in charge of a multi-billion dollar industry. There were millions of dollars riding on this meeting. The fate of Luke’s finances depended solely on me. I wanted to laugh and laugh until I passed out. What if he didn’t like me?

Natalie could sense my disquiet. “Just don’t think about it, or you’ll mess up. I don’t know what to tell you.” There was a slight pause. “By the way—I almost forgot to tell you this, but I’ve been keeping tabs on all the tabloids about you and Luke.”

“Uh-huh.”

“They still have no idea who you are, but if you ask me it’s a matter of time before they track down who you are.”

“You can’t tell the media anything. I’m serious, Natalie. It’ll put everything in jeopardy. Tell Ben not to say anything, either.”

“I would never do that! Are you crazy?”

“They might offer you lots of money.”

“I don’t care. There’s no way I’d cave, but someone else who knows you might.”

“Like who?” I said dryly. As far as I was concerned, there was no one else who knew me. I never talked about my personal life to anyone. If they asked my coworkers at the soup kitchen, all they would be able to get from them is the city where I lived. “Listen, I’ve got to go. The car will pick us up soon. I’ll text you when I land in Chicago.”

“Alright. Good luck.”

I hung up the phone and clenched it in my palm, wiping my other hand on my jeans. Luke kept a solemn silence the whole ride to the airport. I kept looking at him, wanting to confess my fear of meeting his father, but the whitened look on his face stopped me. I didn’t want to make him feel worse, so I kept my mouth shut.

He barely spoke during the flight; he just sat still in his seat, his red-rimmed eyes staring straight ahead. I wanted to help him, but there was nothing I could say. So, I sat next to him and held his hand.

We were both exhausted when the plane landed, but Luke told me we would head straight to the hospice. In the back of my mind, I thought that we were playing right into his father’s hands. Wasn’t it unreasonable to expect Luke and I to hurry over there after a ten-hour flight? Whatever, it wasn’t my call.

My first thought was that it looked more like a vacation home than a hospice. There were atriums containing all different flora, regionally specific and temperature controlled. Workers pushed dying men and women in wheelchairs through them. The floors and walls exuded an aura of comfort, but underneath it all was the faint stench of cleaning supplies—of hospitals and death. Death lingered in this quiet place, and all of its cheery walls and colorful paintings couldn’t overshadow the dark gloom lingering in the halls.

No wonder he’s miserable. No one wants to die in a place like this.

I thought about it for a moment. Where would I like to die? Probably in the comfort of my apartment, with Natalie nearby. Yes, people wanted to be with their families when they died. Didn’t they?

I looked at Luke, who strode through the place with a look of perfect indifference. It was plain that he could care less about his father. Who would he want to be with?

He gave me a quick smile and my heart did a backflip.

“Don’t look so nervous, Jess.’ It’ll be okay.” The smile evaporated. “Well, actually, it might not be.”

Thanks for the vote in confidence.

We were meeting with the nurse charged with Giacomo’s case. I imagined that she would be strung out with stress at all the unreasonable demands Luke’s father made of her, but she turned out to be a chipper forty-something year old woman.

“Mr. Pardini, it’s great to finally meet you.”

He nodded. “How is he?”

“He keeps us busy,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes. “Visitors keep him in good spirits.”

“Visitors?” Luke raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. His nephews visit every month. Sometimes twice a month.”

I tried not to whimper as Luke crushed the bones of my hand. What did it mean?

“He’ll be so glad to see you. He talks about you all the time.”

Probably to complain about him.

“Oh, I’m sure.”

The nurse’s smile faltered at the tone of his voice, but she quickly recovered. “Well, it’s this way.”

She opened the door for us and I swallowed hard as I walked through first.

A venerable man sat upright on a hospital bed. He was so thin that deep round bruises covered his arms like a dark disease. I stood in the room, slightly breathless as I took in all the tubes and instruments quietly humming, keeping him alive. I was astonished at how similar they looked. Though his body was wasted, his face held the vestiges of great looks. His icy eyes, sharp and alert, cut through me as if he could see through my disguise. I trembled as his thin lips pulled into a grin, his eyes skull-like.

“Hi dad,” Luke said tonelessly as he approached the bed. “This is my girlfriend, Jessica.”

Somehow, my lips spasmed into something resembling a smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“Luke tells me that your parents are dentists. Do they approve of you flying around with a man you barely know?”

So, he was getting right to it.
Fine. Bring it on.

“Dad,” Luke said in a sharp voice.

I held up a hand. “No, it’s fine. Your dad is just trying to protect you. It’s a valid question.” I smiled sweetly at Giacomo. “The answer is, I don’t know. I don’t talk to them anymore.”

“Ah!” he yelled in triumph. “I see. My son is the same way; he only talks to me when he wants more money—or when he wants to discuss work.”

Why would he want to call you? All you do is make him feel like crap.

Despite himself, Luke’s cheeks flushed pink. “What do you think all these visits from my cousins are for? Do you think they’re doing it out of the kindness of their hearts?”

I wanted to kick Luke’s leg.
Why is he antagonizing him?
He gave a hollow laugh as his father’s face purpled. I clenched my hands into fists and watched the volley of insults back and forth like a tennis match. This couldn’t be going any worse.

“At least they don’t treat me like a checkbook,” he spat. “Do you think I can’t see through you and that bitch standing over there?”

My leg twitched and I glanced at Luke’s white face.
Shit.
It was too late; Giacomo had noticed the exchange and his eyes narrowed.

“Dad—apologize now,” he said through his teeth.

“Or what?” He grinned maniacally, knowing full well that he alone held all the power, that his son could do nothing. “You’re pathetic. I knew from the second I saw those tabloid photos that this was a fraud.”

Oh, shit.
It was all unraveling. I turned to Luke desperately in a voice that I hoped was innocent. “What’s he talking about?”

Giacomo gave me a nasty look. “So, how much is he paying you? I don’t think he ever paid any of the whores he left with in those clubs.”

“Shut the hell up!” Luke’s head looked like it was going to explode.

His father looked slightly startled at his son’s outburst. “You’ll never get what you want from me. I won’t allow it!”

I wanted to bend over and throw up on the pristine floor. His whole body trembled as he stood over the bed. I sprang forward, convinced that he was going to reach over and strangle his father.

“Go to hell, dad.”

He spoke with such quiet venom that I flinched, afraid of the poison infecting his voice. I turned around as Luke stormed out of the room, indifferent to his father’s yells and my pleas.

When the door swung shut, I slowly wheeled back to him, unable to keep the disgust out of my voice. “What’s wrong with you?”

He pushed himself up on his pillows, giving me a look of justified anger. “I know what you’re both doing. What, am I supposed to be pleased that my son is trying to scam me with a hooker?”

He was a bully, but he was still nothing compared to the abuse I had experienced. Giacomo Pardini was child’s play. I kept my face neutral, refusing to allow his insults to harm me.

“I love your son.” As I said it, I felt my face grow hot. I hadn’t meant to say that—it just came out. There was a ringing in my ears and I licked my dry lips. Giacomo’s face was stony, but I forced myself to continue. “I fell in love with him because he’s the only one who really understands me. He gets it.”

He eyed me beadily and his voice rose with contempt. “Are you really that stupid? He may have convinced you otherwise, but you’re just another broad for him to fool around with. What the hell does a middle class woman from suburbia have in common with my son?”

I thought that rich people were supposed to be sophisticated.
His barbs sunk deep inside my flesh, stinging me. “We met in a support group for children with parents like you.”

I was pleased to see that Giacomo flinched, as though my words had truly hurt him. “Do you know what Luke thinks about you? He thinks you’re trying to make him commit suicide, like you did with his mother. Now, you’re trying to bully me because treating people like shit takes the edge off of hating yourself. You make me sick—”