Branded (8 page)

His words should have been comforting but it only brought on a fresh round of tears. I had heard those words from my parents far too many times. If only it
wasn’t
real.

As Alex saw the tears that poured down my face he pulled me into his arms and I buried my face into the gap between his neck and shoulder. He ran a hand soothingly down my hair and I tried not to wince as it ran over the welted, burning fresh scar on my neck.

“You want to talk about it?” he whispered in the darkness.

I shook my head but pulled him tighter to me with my arms.

My teeth started to chatter as the chill settled into my skin. “Why is it so cold in here?” I asked through my teeth.

“The power went out. I woke up a little bit ago and realized the wind must have made it go out. I was building a fire upstairs when I heard you scream.”

I didn’t say anything in response to this. There was no logical response I could give him. A twenty-year-old woman shouldn’t wake up screaming from a nightmare.

“Come on upstairs,” he said as he released me and sat back to look me in the face. Again he brought his thumbs to my face and wiped my cheeks dry. “It’s much warmer up there.”

I still didn’t say anything but nodded my head. He took my hand and pulled me up from the bed, the other hand grasping my quilt. He nodded his head in the direction of the candle and understanding, I grabbed it and we made our way up the stairs.

It was comfortingly warm in the main living room and I felt myself relax noticeably as we stepped in. My head cleared slightly and I knew my tears were done falling. My nerves were settling with every passing second though a different tension was welling under my skin. I was going to have to come up with some kind of explanation for Alex.

This wasn’t going to be just a one-time occurrence.

Alex had already brought up a large pile of blankets and pillows, thrown on the floor in front of the couch like a half asleep man would.

He dropped my quilt on one of the couches and proceeded to push both of them closer to the fire place.

Feeling the need to help, I set about making beds up.

“Here,” Alex said as he handed me a glass of water.

I wanted to refuse the glass. Eating or drinking anything at this moment was about one of the last things I wanted to do but it seemed easier to accept it with thanks than refuse. “Thank you,” I whispered as I accepted it, taking a few small sips. I watched as he settled himself into one of the couches, pulling the blanket up to his waist, his head resting on his arm, using it instead of a pillow.

Setting my glass on the floor, I too slipped under the covers and sighed at the warmth and comfort.

Through the comfortable orange light that danced on the walls from the fire, I stared at the beautiful man’s face who lay only feet away and he stared silently back.

I realized I had two options now. The first was to pack up and leave. I could tell Alex that I had just had a scary nightmare but this was going to happen a lot. I was always going to wake up screaming. I wasn’t required to stay and I knew I was free to go at any time. This might be the smarter option; it would make my life less complicated. I could simply tell him that I had to go, walk downstairs, pack up my things, and get in my car and drive away. I didn’t
have
to tell him anything.

The second was to take the risk and go after what I knew I wanted. I could tell Alex the truth and explain why I would wake up screaming every time I slept. There was a ninety-nine percent chance he would think I was insane and tell me to leave. But wouldn’t that small one percent chance make it worth divulging the truth? The worst that could happen was I ended up back at option one and have to leave.

“I have nightmares
every
time I sleep,” I said deliberately, having made up my mind. “I try to sleep as little as possible so I don’t have to have them. Every night when you go to sleep, I stay awake in this silent house so I won’t do what I just did. I always scream when I wake up.” Alex was still silent when I paused but his face remained calm and I could not see any judgments being passed in his eyes.

“I dream about angels and stand trial for people who have died. They are either granted exaltation or are condemned for the acts they committed during their life.

“Angels are beautiful and have beautiful wings but they’re not what people think. Most of them are wretched, wanting only for everyone to join in their misery. If people knew the truth…” I trailed off, a hand reaching toward the raised wings imprinted onto my back.

“I’ve had these dreams for as long as I can remember.

My parents always thought I was making it up. They told me nightmares weren’t and couldn’t be real. When I discovered the names of those I stood trial for were real people who really died I knew they were wrong. I also knew they had to be real in some way from the condemned mark that was branded into the back of my neck every time I woke up.” I paused here for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to find the courage to continue.

“I heard my parents arguing all the time. My father insisted it was just a phase I was going through, that I would grow out of it eventually. My mother thought I needed some professional help, possibly some kind of medication.

“When I was sixteen I overheard my mother on the phone. She was going to have me institutionalized. She couldn’t take it anymore. She was tired of hearing me scream every night yet tired of always fighting me to get some sleep.

“I left home that night and I haven’t been back since.” With this I could not find the will to continue, though there was little left to tell without going into impossible details. I closed my eyes and waited for his reaction, waited for him to ask me to leave.

I heard rustling and when I felt my quilt being lifted, I opened my eyes to see Alex crawling onto my couch.

Without a word, he slid in behind me under the quilt. He wrapped one strong arm around my waist and pulled me in closer to him.

As we lay there in silence, I felt a sense of peace I had never felt before in my life. I suspected his silence was because he was not sure of what to say. What could he say after having information like that dumped on him? But he had not told me to get out and leave that instant. Instead he had expressed the kindest and most gentle display of comfort I could have asked for at that moment.

Lying in Alex’s arms I found hope. Perhaps there was some way for me to have some semblance of a normal life.

I felt it might be possible for me to achieve some higher level of happiness than what I had previously settled myself for.

But I understood that Alex’s gesture was in no way a promise of anything to come. I still did not know exactly what he was thinking of the information I had given him. I had no idea of what was to come in the morning. But for now, lying there with him in his arms was enough.

That night passed blissfully for me. When your nights are never pleasant you learn to appreciate the ones that are so perfect you never want them to end. It did not take long for Alex to drift off into sleep but he never let me go, never released that strong arm from around me. It was easy to imagine that the horrid truths I had just reveled to him did not exist and to pretend that this was the way my life was.

To imagine that I loved and was loved. That life was normal.

I had never been so sad to see morning dawn in all my life but I rose as the sun started to appear over the tops of the mountains, taking care not to wake Alex.

Unsure of how the day was going to unfold or what it might bring, I tried to go about a normal routine. I took a quick shower, dressed warmly, and checked my empty email. Afterwards I sat on my tiny couch and looked out the window. The sun shown brilliantly, all the wind had ceased.

I’d heard the power come back on sometime around five. It sounded almost as if there were a downpour outside as the snow melted and rolled off the roof in torrents. The snow never lasted long here, for which I was grateful. I hated the snow, except when it involved Alex.

I heard the phone ring but let Alex answer it. He had started to stir about a half hour ago but he remained painfully quiet and aloof. Even though it was unbearable to think what it might mean, I could not put any blame on him.

He had a right to think about what I had told him and to make his own decisions as to what to do with that information.

Unable to take just sitting there and torturing myself with thoughts and possibilities any longer, I decided to go check on Sal. I walked out the lower door that led from my apartment, trying to be careful to not cross paths with Alex by accident. I didn’t feel ready to face him yet.

When I let myself into Sal’s house I was glad to find it was warm. In my panic last night I had not even considered Sal’s need for heat. I was grateful her heater had kicked back on with no problems.

Everything was quiet in the house, though still in disorganized chaos as it had been the night before. After a quick search I found her sleeping soundly in her bed, still dressed in the clothes she had worn the night before.

Knowing full well I was simply avoiding going back, I set to cleaning up after the mess she had made. I had only gotten about halfway through when the house cleaner showed up and feeling stupid, I knew there was no need for me to be there and left.

I came back in through my door, trying to close it very quietly behind me. I jumped violently when Alex suddenly strolled out of my bedroom.

“There you are,” he said with that half grin. “I was looking for you.”

I stood with my back pressed against the door, feeling a strange need to keep some distance between us. My heart pounded in my chest and I hoped and prayed he could not hear it.

“You want to come upstairs for a minute?” he asked, his voice cautious.

Here we go,
I thought to myself.
Get ready to pack.

Despite the panic that was rising in my blood and the sharp ringing that sounded in my ears, I nodded my head and followed him silently up the stairs. I noted he had cleaned up the bedding from last night and had moved the couches back to their normal place. I took a hesitant and terrified seat on one of them.

Alex walked casually to the dining room table and started to shuffle through some papers.

“I got a call yesterday and then again this morning. I guess there are some discrepancies with my grandparents will and I need to go meet with a few lawyers in California.

My flight leaves tonight, the last one out. I’m not really sure how long I’ll be gone but I would guess about a week or so.” It took me a moment before I could make my brain process what he had just said. He wasn’t making me leave.

He
was leaving. I wanted to protest, to tell him he didn’t need to make excuses. This was his home now; I would leave if he didn’t want me around anymore. But I sat frozen and unable to say anything. I could feel that brick of ice forming around my heart again.

He shoved all the papers in his hand into a folder and then into a backpack. I then noticed the suitcase at his feet.

A heavy stone settled itself into the pit of my stomach.

He was leaving.

Knowing I only had about a minute or so before a meltdown was going to consume me, I stood and was about to go.

“Wait, Jessica,” he said and I was surprised at the strain and eagerness in his voice. I turned slowly back toward him, hoping my eyes hadn’t turned red yet. “I want to leave my truck here for you, just in case the weather decides to go ballistic on us again. If you or Sal need to get out sometime I want to make sure you can. I was wondering if I could take your car down to the airport?” It took me a moment before I fully understood his request. If he was leaving me his truck and taking my car then surely he wasn’t leaving permanently.

“You’ll bring it back in a week?” I asked stupidly but wanting him to give me some kind of reassurance.

“Of course I’ll bring it back,” he said with a little chuckle. “Your GTO may be a cool old muscle car but I’ve grown kind of attached to that truck since I got it. I’m going to want it back.”

I couldn’t help it as a slightly relieved chuckle escaped my lips. “Ya, I guess that would be fine.” That dazzling smile spread across his face. “Okay, good. Come on.”

Feeling a little dazed and a bit like my head was spinning, I followed him out to the garage. I realized then that I had never seen what kind of vehicle Alex drove.

When we had gone shopping before we had taken my car.

The shiny black truck before me was a little more than intimidating. I didn’t know too much about cars but I could tell it had a lift on it with monstrous tires attached to it. And it looked brand new.

“You expect me to drive that?” the intimidation was obvious in my voice.

“It’s not any harder than your car is to drive. And this is an automatic so it should be even easier,” Alex said as he gestured for me to join him. Hesitantly I did.

“Call it a little indulgence,” he said with a grin as he opened the driver’s door. “I’ve always wanted a truck like this but never had the money so when a lot of it was suddenly dumped on me, I couldn’t resist.” The smile on his face looked like it was almost painful. “Hop in.” I hesitantly accepted the hand he held out to help me and mounted the enormous beast. The interior smelled strongly of the new car scent and leather.

“It’s a diesel so should you have to put gas in it, please,
please
remember that,” I could see the terror on his face at that possibility. “You shouldn’t have to put anything in it though. It’s full right now. Just push that if you need the four-wheel drive,” he said, pointing to a button on the dash.

“Trust me,” I said as I held my hands up. “If there is a need for four-wheel I will
not
be going out.” He just chuckled and nodded his head. “Really, it’s not that hard to drive. You just have to remember you’re a lot bigger than you would be in the GTO.”

“Don’t think I could forget that,” I said as I slipped out and closed the door.

“Anything I should know about your car? Tricks or secrets?”

“It runs great. Don’t try anything too wild in it. As long as you know how to drive a stick you should be ok.” Alex rolled his eyes. “I know how to drive a stick.” We both laughed for a moment as we headed back inside.

We passed the afternoon quietly but with much less tension than the morning had brought. I had found myself back in the apartment when Alex popped his head in.

“Well, I’d better head down to the airport now,” he said as he walked through the door.

I nodded my head, a bit unsure of what to say. He looked at me expectantly and after a moment I realized what he must have been waiting for. I grabbed my purse off the card table and dug my keys out. Slipping the one for my car off, I tossed it to him. He caught it easily with a grin. He tucked it in his pocket and when he pulled his hand back out a piece of paper was clutched in it.

“This is my cell phone number,” he said as he handed it to me, along with a set of keys. I hoped I wasn’t imagining that his hand lingered on mine for just a moment longer than necessary. “Call me if you need anything.”

“It would be hard for you to do anything for me when you’re fourteen hundred miles away,” I said with a chuckle.

That half grin spread on his face. “Ya, I guess you’re right. Still,” he said as he took both my hands in his. My heart suddenly started hammering. “You can call me anytime.”

How could those piercing blue eyes strike such terror and longing in my heart at the same time? It was a confusing and complex emotion.

His eyes never broke from mine as he slowly raised one of my hands in his and gently pressed his lips to my knuckles.

“Take care of yourself,” he whispered as he lowered it and let go.

“I will,” my voice was barely audible.

That half smile played in the corner of his lips before he tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. And a moment later he had walked out the door.