Branded (7 page)

As I walked behind Sal my mind reeled, trying to recall even one occurrence when I had seen her leave the safety of her home. I was coming up blank. When I had first met her I had suggested she go shopping with me but she nearly broke down in tears and screamed at me to leave.

I only made that mistake twice, the second time I had been hoping the first had just been a bad day.

Sal let herself into the house without hesitation, taking her shoes and coat off in the entryway. I had never felt underdressed around Sal until now.

“That smells really good,” she said as she followed her nose to the kitchen.

I followed her, still not believing what I was seeing.

Alex had just finished setting all the dishes on the table when he looked up at us with that dazzling smile.

“I’m glad you came, Sal,” he said as he extended an arm to her, draping it over her shoulders. I hoped he wasn’t offended when she cringed slightly. She didn’t like to be touched most of the time. Considering her past I couldn’t blame her one bit. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he beamed.

“Well,” he said as he clapped his hands together, his face practically beaming as he looked at each of us. “Dinner is served.”

Being the perfect gentleman, he pulled each of our chairs out for us before sitting himself. I couldn’t help but gaze at the feast before us. Steaming plates of spaghetti and meatballs, breadsticks, a complicated and delicious looking green salad, and several bottles of sparkling cider.

The evening passed in a blissful state of ease I had not experienced in a very long time. Alex kept the conversation light and easy and I could tell he was always mindful of Sal’s constantly changing state of mind. Sal was quiet but she looked happy. She never seemed completely relaxed but I had never seen her so, unless she was sleeping.

As I watched the evening unfold I realized something within me was changing. Ever since Jason had so cruelly broken up with me, I had locked my heart into an ice chamber and was determined to never let anyone near it again. Without my permission, something was happening. I knew I was developing feelings for Alex. I didn’t see how I could help it though. Who wouldn’t start to fall for this overwhelmingly attractive, single, considerate, fun guy?

Alex apologized for the simple dessert of brownies and ice cream, claiming he had run out of time to make anything fancier. It was slowly eaten as each of us had already consumed more than our limit.

It would have been nice to simply sit back and relax for a while after all food before us was devoured but I could sense Sal was getting uneasy and eager to get back home. I was already impressed with how long she had lasted.

“Come on, Sal,” I said as I stood. “I’ll walk you home.”

Relief washed over her face as she walked hurriedly to the door and grabbed her coat and shoes.

“I’ll come with you,” Alex said as he stood.

I wouldn’t admit it to myself but I smiled just slightly when he joined us at the door and we pulled our coats on.

It was still cold outside but did not feel any colder than it had during the day. But, below freezing was still below freezing.

It did not take long to reach Sal’s house as she practically ran back to her front door.

“Good-night,” we called as she practically shut the door in our faces.

I chuckled slightly as we turned back toward the house.

The night felt peacefully still as stars struggled to break through the clouds overhead. The soft blanket of snow that draped over everything gave it almost a warm feel. I could hear snow dropping off branches somewhere in the distance.

Neither of us said anything as we took the short walk back. I was learning to like that about Alex, he didn’t feel the need to constantly fill the silence with talk.

The way my body felt so constantly aware of his presence next to mine unsettled me. I had only known the man four days. I shouldn’t be having the overpowering desire to reach out and take his hand in mine so soon, or ever really. We lived together. I had serious issues that were completely out of my control. There were way too many complications that could and would arise from letting something become of my feelings.

We were nearly to the door when the wind gusted in our faces, nearly knocking the breath from my lungs. Just as we opened the door the snow began to fall again.

As we shoved the door closed, we both broke out into laughter as I tried to tame my hair back into order. I closed my eyes as Alex pulled strands of hair from my face, enjoying his nearness far more than I should.

After a moment, I opened them again and was almost startled to find him still only inches away, his brilliant blue eyes staring intensely into my own.

My breath caught in my throat as I thought he leaned in just a fraction of an inch closer and I could see the struggle that was taking place in his eyes. My heart hammered and I silently prayed he couldn’t hear it.

“I have something for you,” he finally breathed after an intense moment, backing away slightly and removing his coat.

“Really?” I stammered as I took my coat and boots off, feeling suddenly embarrassed.

“Hang on,” he said as he finished taking his outside things off, heading for the master bedroom.

I took a seat on one of the two couches before the grand fireplace and only had to wait a short moment before he came back into the room, a thin black case in his hands.

As he sat next to me, my heart started to hammer again in anticipation.

“When my grandma died, she left quite the collection of sparkly things to me. Obviously I am never going to have any use for them so I’d like to give this to you.” He seemed slightly uncomfortable as he handed me the case. “I didn’t get you anything,” I said, dismay obvious in my voice, as I took the box.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it,” he said with a chuckle. “And like I said, it’s not like I actually went out and bought something.”

I opened the box and stared at the shiny object that lay within it. It was a bracelet, intricate and delicate. Tiny silver colored leaves wrapped up and down the entire thing, shiny jewels that looked dangerously like diamonds set between each one.

“Alex, it’s beautiful,” I whispered as I pulled it out.

“May I?” he asked as he reached for it. Despite the size of his hands, he had little trouble with the tiny clasp. “I thought it suited you. Kind of reminded me of you when I saw it.”

Just before I snapped the box closed I noticed the name of the designer on the inside of the lid and a little gasp escaped my lips. I didn’t know of any designers who made higher quality or more expensive jewelry than this. It had to be worth thousands of dollars.

“Alex, I…” the words came out stammered. “I can’t.”

“Jessica, please don’t argue with me. I want you to have it. And really, what am I going to do with it? I hate to imagine what you might think of me if I started wearing it.” I couldn’t help but laugh aloud as that half grin broke on his face.

“When you put it that way I guess it doesn’t seem so bad,” I said as the laughter died out.

He reached for my arm and held my hand lightly as he observed his gift there. My heart shuttered and my skin warmed under his touch, making it tingle.

“Perfect,” he said with a smile.

We sat in silence for a moment, both just staring at the beautiful bracelet. It was getting harder to resist the temptation to lift my head and let my lips find by the second.

Actually it felt like pure torture.

Just as my will power was crumbling, the wind whistled against the windows, hissing at the house to let it in. In the same instant, my scar suddenly prickled and burned and without thinking, my hand Alex had been holding shot to cover it.

“I’m sorry…” Alex started as he looked up into my face, his expression slightly startled.

“No,” I said, suddenly panicking, as I stood up. “The wind just startled me, I guess.”

The confusion was obvious on his beautiful face but at least he didn’t seem hurt or offended.

“Um…” I said as I knew my face was flushing bright red. “I’ll help you clean dinner up.”

Alex only nodded as he stood and followed me to the kitchen. Neither of us said much as we worked to clean and clear the dishes. I wasn’t sure what to say or how to recover after my strange reaction. Talk about ruining the moment.

As we worked, my scar continued to prickle and I could feel my eyes growing heavier by the moment. I silently added up the hours in my head, realizing it had been more than eighty hours since I had slept. Strange, normally I could make it to almost one hundred before I felt the effects this strongly.

“I’m about ready to hit the sack,” Alex said as he closed the dishwasher and started it up.

“Me too,” I replied, wishing it wasn’t so true.

Without saying anything else, he started down the stairs. I couldn’t help the feeling of growing dread that spread through me as we descended in silence. Not so much over the fact that I was growing dangerously tired, but for the fact that Alex was getting the first hints of how strange and messed up I truly was. I had hoped before that I might be able to hide everything and was now realizing it had been a stupid thought. The scars on my back controlled my life.

It wouldn’t be long before they would drive Alex away too, just like they did Jason.

Alex said a quick and quiet goodnight before we went our separate ways. I closed the door behind me with a small click, leaning against it and letting a frustrated breath out.

How could you be so stupid?
I internally chided myself. I had been down this road before. I should know better. With the way my life was I couldn’t let anyone in too close. And it would be wrong of me to expect anyone to accept the madness that followed me. It wouldn’t be fair.

Trying to work some resolve into my thoughts, I went to the fridge and pulled out a Dr. Pepper, downing it in less than thirty seconds. I hated to admit it to myself but the effects of the caffeine didn’t work much anymore. I refused to upgrade to something that contained higher levels of it like coffee, the taste was terrible and I couldn’t even stand the smell of it. And energy drinks always tasted like liquid Smarties to me.

My eyes were growing heavier and heavier by the moment though and I paced the floor.

Seventeen…eighteen…nineteen…

Stop it,
I scolded myself. But as soon as this thought processed another scooted it aside. It had been a few days since I had counted, aloud or internally. I couldn’t remember a time when I had gone so long. It was something I always did but now I couldn’t recall the last time I had done it.

My panic was rising as I stretched my arms high above my head. I hated this time of the constant twenty-four hours that made up a day. I considered that maybe I should move to some place like Alaska. In the summer it was light almost all the time and in the winter I could find some secluded place where it didn’t matter if I slept. No one would be around to hear my screams when I woke. But I hated the cold. I learned that from living sixteen years in Idaho.

I knew I was coming down to my last ditch effort as I changed into my skimpy, worn out pajamas and walked out the back door to the deck.

The wind blasted into my face as soon as I stepped out, making my eyes water and sting. I could feel the goose bumps rise on my arms, felt the hair stand straight up.

Everywhere but on the back of my neck, which burned and twinged uncomfortably.

The effect of waking my senses was instant but I knew it wasn’t going to last long if I were to instantly walk back into the warm and comfortable house. Despite the cold and every cell in my body telling me to turn around, I walked down the deck and out onto the dock. It thrashed violently as the water churned around it and I had to place a hand on the beams that ran into the water to keep from being thrown into the blackness.

I sat at the edge of the dock, my legs dangling over the side. The water jumped up at my bare toes and my teeth began to chatter as the icy water sucked all heat from them.

There was no possible way I was going to fall asleep out here.

It wasn’t fair of me to hope that Alex might be able to accept what was happening to me someday. People weren’t made to handle this kind of thing. I knew that all too well.

I came in the back door in an effort to avoid the girls
that had paused in front of my house, chattering away about
the dance coming up, the one I didn’t get asked to. The door
closed noiselessly behind me as I stepped into the hall and
headed toward my bedroom.

“I just don’t know if her being at home is a good idea
anymore.” I heard my mother’s quieted voice coming from
her bedroom. “She just isn’t moving on from this.”
I swallowed hard as I crept silently to her door. Even
though it was closed I didn’t have a difficult time
overhearing her.

“How many patients do you have there?” She was
quiet for a moment as she listened to the person on the other
line. “I just want to make sure there is adequate staff to
handle such an extreme case.”

She was quiet again for a while. My stomach knotted
and my fists clenched. I heard the stiffed sound of my
mother’s sob.

“Thank you. We will bring her in on Monday.”
As I heard the beep of the phone being hung up, I
slipped into my room. Tears soaked my cheeks, my hands
trembled with the anger I felt at my mother’s betrayal.

So this is how the end happened. This is where all the
fights, all the begging, and pleading finally led. I closed the
door to my bedroom and pulled my suitcase out from under
my bed.

I had never felt more alone than I did in this moment.

There would be no good-bye. There was no one to say
good-bye to.

I had no idea how long I sat on the dock, listening to the sound of the wind screaming through the trees in order to distract myself from my worst memory. Numbness was quickly spreading through my limbs. I knew the temperature had to still be hovering around freezing and when the ache and stiffness settled firmly into my joints I pulled myself painfully to my feet.

Feeling confident I could make it until morning now I made my way back to the house.

The deranged laughter erupted from all sides as the final judgment was passed. They stretched their hands toward me in greedy eagerness and their eyes grew wide in anticipation.

I could not bring myself to look up from my bare feet but I heard as his wings coiled then released and he landed softly beside me on the narrow bridge I stood upon. I dropped to my hands and knees without being forced, sweeping my hair away to expose the flesh there.

Despite how hard I tried to keep it contained, I could not fight the cry that leapt from my throat as the white-hot searing pain sizzled into my flesh. Unable to make my brain focus on anything but the pain, I was yanked to my feet. My head lolled from the right to the left, my neck unwilling to support its weight.

“Judgment has been placed,” I heard the voice before me sing.

I could not hold it back even if I had the will to try as another blood curdling scream erupted from me and my own set of beautiful and powerful wings ripped from my skin.

Even the damned were given wings.

Those with the black eyes could not hold back any longer as they sprang from their seats and flew at me. Cold, clammy hands were everywhere on me and I could not shake them off.

My breath that had been coming in such short painful gasps suddenly cut off completely as I was unable to make my throat open back up. It took me a moment to realize why this new sense of terror disabled me so.

One of the cold, dead sets of hands had ripped the sack from my head, leaving my face in full view.

My eyes were suddenly in a dead lock with their leader who had branded me hundreds of times. The eyes, dead as night and enchanting as black pearls, stared straight into my own and I could not physically look away, nor could I find the will to. They were so beautiful, so captivating, so… imprisoning.

I almost struggled against them, those with the black eyes, tried desperately to learn to use my newly given wings as the pulsing, groping mass that surrounded me tipped sideways. Anything to stare back into those eyes. There was something in them that made me want to stare back for as long as he would allow.

As we fell over the side, the man with such captivating eyes peered over the edge and watched me fall into blackness.

I batted wildly at the strong hands that grasped my shoulders, though my panic came from another source.

“He saw me!” I screamed as my eyes tried to adjust to the darkness. “He saw me!”

“Who?” a smooth but slightly frightened voice asked in the dark.

I immediately stopped hitting the hands away and tried to make sense of my surroundings. I was laying on something soft and realized it was my own bed. My eyes finally started adjusting, a soft glow coming from a candle set on my dresser.

As Alex’s face came into view a new wave of panic settled into the pit of my stomach. I had fallen asleep and Alex heard my screams.

“Are you okay, Jessica?” the worry in his voice heart-sinkingly evident.

I couldn’t bring myself to answer his question, couldn’t make my lips move.

“Oh, Jessica,” he whispered and wiped his thumb across my cheek. I was horrified to realize it was wet with stray tears. “It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real, whatever it was.”