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that day that I had pushed away. Stuff I didn’t want to think

about or remember ever again. Gram had been there with me

for the worst of it, and I remembered her warmth, the scent of

vanilla. And I remembered her tears.

“You told me that I was going to fall a long way down before

someone caught me.”

“Yes.” Gram nodded slowly. “I begged your mother and father

to let you come to me this summer because I truly believed it

was time for you to come back to us. It was time, and I thought

that I was going to be the one to catch you.”

She shook her head and smiled. “But it wasn’t me, my darling

girl. It was Nathan. He caught you.” She squeezed my hand

again. “And I think that he’s still waiting.”

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“For what?” I asked.

“Why, for you,” she said in a very serious voice, before she

opened her car door and glanced back at me. “To catch him.”

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The week passed by in a blur of hot summer days spent out at

the plantation working on a new gazebo with my uncle and hot

summer nights spent under the stars with Monroe.

Working with my uncle was good for me. It was hard phys-

ical labor, and I wasn’t the kind of guy who liked to sit on his ass and do nothing. Besides, there wasn’t much time to think about

shit when you were on a hot roof nailing tarpaper down.

There was no time to remember that night, to think about

the stuff I should have done differently. The mistakes I’d made,

the choices that had brought me to where I was.

Of course, Trevor was with me, but that was okay. I needed

him there even if it was only in my head.

But it was those hot summer nights that I looked forward

to, because it was those hot summer nights that made me forget

everything but a girl with dark, silky hair and a mouth that I

could spend hours kissing. Seriously, the girl could kiss, and

over the last week, we’d had a lot of practice.
A
lot.

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Juliana Ston e

Sure, there might have been a bit of touching— okay, I knew

that most of her was as soft and sweet as her mouth— but

nothing else. And I was cool with that.

Monroe was different from any girl I had ever met, and I’d

be a liar if I told you I hadn’t thought about what it would be

like to be with her. To hold her and look in her eyes when I was

inside
her
.

But what we had was more than just the physical stuff.

We talked for hours about pretty much everything. Music.

Books. Family.

She told me about her brother. About the kind of kid he’d

been, and for me, to be the guy she was willing to share all that stuff with was huge.

I felt like the king of the world, and for a while there, I felt

like nothing could touch me. That’s what this girl did for me.

But being a king and flying high meant that the fall could be

epic. And in my case, epic didn’t even come close.

It was Friday afternoon, and I’d come to town with my uncle

to pick up a few things at the hardware store. We were nearly

done with the gazebo but had run out of plywood trim for the

base, and we needed to buy more paint.

Once we stored everything in the back of his truck, my uncle

ran to the bank and I walked a block down to the convenience

store to grab us a couple of Cokes.

The girl behind the counter was someone I recognized, but I

couldn’t think of her name. Candy…Candace maybe? She was

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a year behind me in school, and I tried not to stare as she tugged her top down so that her boobs were nearly falling out. It was

kinda hard not to. They were massive.

“Hey, Nathan. How’s your summer going? I mean, I know

it’s probably hard and everything…and…”

I shrugged. “It’s going.”

I tossed a pack of gum on the counter to go along with

my Cokes.

“I heard you and Rachel broke up.”

I nodded but didn’t answer. I didn’t know the girl, not really,

and it’s not like we’d ever had a conversation before, so why the hell was she chatting me up about Rachel?

“I hear Trevor’s the same. Not really improving. That’s gotta

be weird, you know? It’s almost like he’s stuck or something.”

Annoyed, I ran my hand through my hair and rolled my

shoulders. “I really don’t know.”

And
it’s none of your business.

The bell jingled behind me so I knew I wasn’t the only one in

the store anymore. I cleared my throat, a “let’s get the freaking show on the road” kind of sound, but this girl was dense.

She rang up my order. “So, are you and Mrs. Blackwell’s

granddaughter like, you know, dating?”

Jesus. I handed over a five dollar bill. I gave a non- committal

nod that she could take whatever way she wanted. Was she ever

going to shut up?

“That’s gotta suck,” she said.

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My head shot up, not really understanding her angle or her

need to talk about my social life. “Why the hell do you care?” I

said sharply.

Surprise widened her eyes and she stammered like an idiot.

“You know, uh, because she doesn’t live around here. I mean,

she’s going back to wherever it is she’s from, isn’t she? New York, I think someone said? And well, if you guys are together, then

you won’t really be together anymore and…”

Right.

“Thanks for pointing that out.”

It’s not like I hadn’t thought about it every damn night for at

least a week. Monroe’s parents were coming in a few days and

then…well, then she was going home and I had no idea how I

was going to survive without her.

Pissed off, I grabbed my stuff from the counter and turned

around without answering.

I turned around and nearly ran over Trevor’s mom.

Holy. Shit. I wasn’t ready for this.

She was even thinner than when I’d seen her at the hospital,

and trust me, Trevor’s mom was already skinny; she didn’t need

to lose weight. The purple dress she wore looked like it was two

sizes too big.

Her eyes were sunken, kind of like the skin around them

was too thin and bruised, and I looked away because there’s no

way I could look into them. Jesus, it felt like someone had just

punched me in the gut.

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I couldn’t see her pain. Not now.

My chest made this weird whooshing sound, like air had just

been let out of a tire.

I think my heart stopped. Or maybe it was just the weird

sensation of my stomach rolling end over end before falling all

the way to the floor.

My fingertips started to tingle, and black dots flickered before

my eyes.

“Nate, you don’t look so good.” Brenda Lewis watched me

closely, her thin lips trembling, her hands running up and down

her thighs nervously.

I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t say a damn thing, because my

tongue was stuck at the back of my throat and those spots flick-

ering in front of my eyes made it hard to concentrate.

“Shit,” I said, shaking my head to try and stop the roaring

in my ears. What the hell was wrong with me? “I’m sorry,” I

managed to say, though I wasn’t sure she heard me. Or maybe

the words had only echoed inside my head.

“Come with me,” she said.

She touched me, her hand strangely cool and smooth on my

skin, and I let her lead me out of the store.

I don’t think my heart slowed down until we walked a few

feet and stopped near a bench cemented into the sidewalk

underneath an oak tree.

The shade wasn’t dark enough and I wished that it were night-

time, because the shadows were thicker, easier to hide inside.

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I didn’t know what to do, so I popped open my Coke and

took a sip, my eyes on the sidewalk, on the cracks that spread

out like spidery fingers. The square I looked at was fractured. It was broken and in bad need of repair. Kind of like me.

Kind of like Trevor.

“Nate,” she said softly. “Look at me.”

I
can’t.

But I did.

“I’ve been calling your cell all morning.”

What?

That bad feeling was back in a big way, and for a minute, I

thought I was going to puke.

“Mrs. Lewis,” I said weakly.

“It’s Brenda,” she answered gently. “It’s always been Brenda.”

I nodded and blew out a long, shuddering breath. I was so

afraid to speak. To ask the question that hovered on the tip of

my tongue.

“I forgot my cell at home,” I said instead.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, shiv-

ering as if she was cold. It was hot as hell, nearly 100 degrees, and yet I was the same. I felt like I’d been dipped into a

bucket of ice.

“Your uncle told me you were in the store. I ran into him at

the bank.”

My heart spiked, pounding so fast and furious that, for

a second, I was dizzy. I felt as if I’d just played the toughest

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football game of my life. As if I’d run every single play myself.

Given everything that I had and it wasn’t enough.

It would never be enough.

That bad feeling I’d had for weeks was back, worming its way

through skin and bone and crushing a part of me that I didn’t

think would ever recover.

“I don’t blame you, Nathan…for the accident. I know you

would never do anything to hurt Trevor or anyone on purpose.

You’re a good boy. I want you to know that.” Her voice was

rough, but strong. “I know that Mike is being hard on you…he

just…Trevor was his world, you know? And it’s just so hard, and

I…” A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped it away, but

another soon followed.

I didn’t think I could feel any worse or sink any lower. But I

guess I was wrong.

“I just wanted you to know that I don’t blame you. I was a

teenager once, and none of us were squeaky clean, especially

Mike.” She sighed. “I’ve done things that were stupid and

thoughtless and dangerous.” She shrugged. “All of us have.”

“I don’t…” I began and had to stop. “I don’t know what

to say, Brenda. I’m sorry doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t seem to be

big enough.”

“I know,” she said softly.

For a few seconds, there was only silence between us, and

I could see the expression on her face changing, as if she was

gearing up to do something she really didn’t want to do.

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My teeth clenched, so tight that pain radiated along my jaw,

but I didn’t care. In that moment, all I saw was the fear and pain in Brenda Lewis’s eyes. Fear and pain that I had put there, and

no matter what she said, it didn’t make me feel better.

Her fear filled me up, seeping into every nook and cranny,

and for a second, I saw Monroe’s face, and I wondered where she

was. What was she doing at this exact moment?

Because if ever there was a moment that was going to crack

my world wide open, this was it. I knew that my life was about to change again. I was coming down from the clouds and starting a

free fall that would take me down hard.

No longer was I a king, flying high with Monroe. Nope, I

was nothing but the pathetic excuse of a friend who had put

Trevor in the hospital. I was nothing more than the sum of that

night.

I saw all of that reflected in her eyes.

“Trevor took a turn for the worse overnight.”

I shook my head. “No,” I said hoarsely. “Oh God.”

“Some sort of infection in his blood. His organs are shutting

down. He’s gone septic. There are some other issues, but…”

“Jesus.” I stumbled a bit and she grabbed my elbow, steadying

me against the stone bench.

“Mike and Taylor are with him now, but I know how much

you love Trevor, and I think that you should come to the hospital tonight. I think that Trevor would want you there.”

I stared at her in shock as she gently shook my arm and

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then cupped my chin. There was nowhere to look but into

her eyes.

“Do you understand what I’m telling you, Nathan?”

I nodded and said the hardest words I’d ever said in my life.

“You want me to come and say good- bye. Say good- bye to Trevor.”

Brenda Lewis let go of me and took a step back. She looked

like a wounded animal. One who’d had its heart ripped out, and

I guess I was responsible for that too. I felt the burden sitting on my shoulders, and God, I was so damn tired.

“Yes,” she answered simply. “You might not get the chance

again.” Her voice caught and then she turned away.