Boyfriend Chronicles 02 - The Boyfriend Mandate (35 page)

Three beats passed without a word before she responded. And then Julissa blinked and stood up, a dazed look on her face. She rounded her desk and sank into the chair.

“You’ll need his medical records.” Her voice sounded thin, almost detached, as if she hadn’t processed the news yet. She opened a drawer. “I have…I have copies of everything.” She pulled out a thick file and placed it on the desk. “All the information since his first diagnosis, hospital admissions and follow-up appointments.” Expression blank, she reached for several more folders, stacking them on top of the first as her words continued to ramble out. “And I have copies of all his CT scans and ultrasounds and most of his lab work…”

Sympathy twisted in Tyler’s gut. The woman looked as though she was barely holding it together.

“I put them in order according to date, just to make things easier for the next doctor,” she said. She paused for a moment and then let out a hollow laugh as she ran her palm across the stack of medical records. “Memphis is hopeless about keeping up with this stuff, and I think―” Her hand faltered for a second, but then she smoothed her fingers across the top of the pile again. “I even went through all the documents and made a separate list with just the medications he’s received…”

Christ, this was painful to watch. Tyler stood up and crossed to her desk.

She kept talking, tapping on the top file with a fingernail. “Sometimes it makes it easier to find the information you’re searching for and―”

Tyler covered her hand with his.

“Julissa,” he said in a low voice. After several seconds, she looked up at him, and he went on. “These are invaluable, thank you.” He gave her hand a small squeeze. “You’ve done an amazing job of taking care of him.”

The cellular phone on her desk rang, but they both ignored it. She dropped her gaze back to the massive stack of information as if it held the solution to their problems.

“But you were the one who was right,” she said, shaking her head and pulling her palm from beneath his. “You knew something was wrong, and I totally missed it.”

There was no missing the guilt in her tone.

Tyler blew out a small breath and set the never-ending sense of urgency aside—the phrase
fix it
,
fix it
,
fix it
running nonstop in his head. He turned his hip to sit on her desk, gazing down at the woman he’d spent a lot of years resenting. But one thing was clear. She cared about Memphis.

Not only that, she was important to Memphis and always would be.

“You did all you could,” he said. “
You
were the one who made him appointments and tried to get him to keep them.” He paused before going on. “He’s incredibly lucky to have you in his life.”

She looked up at him with a wry smile. “He loves me, in his own way,” she said with a slight lift of her shoulders. “But he didn’t love me as much as he loves you.”

Tyler stared at Memphis’s ex-wife.
Damn
, he couldn’t have this conversation right now.

“Julissa―”

“He’d never admit the truth out loud, of course,” she said, leaning back in her leather chair. “Shoot, he probably hasn’t even admitted it to himself, because that would be disloyal, and Memphis Haines is
always
loyal.” Her smile fell as frown lines appeared between her eyebrows. “Sometimes to his own detriment.” And then she turned her dark eyes on Tyler. “But he never
ever
looked at me the way he looks at you.”

Tyler ignored the increase in his pulse. Memphis had never talked about his feelings. Hell, they’d barely had a chance to talk about anything other than the past Tyler had spent too many years fixated on. And if he knew for certain the man felt about him the way he felt about Memphis…

But right now, he had to hunt the guy down and drag him to the doctor.

Then
Tyler could worry about analyzing what it all meant.

Julissa reached out and gripped his wrist. “You have to make him listen to you.” After a final squeeze, she released him and picked up a pen, jotting down a phone number and several lines of directions on a notepad.

“Here’s the location of the photo shot,” she said as she wrote. “If you have trouble finding it, give me a call.” When she was done, she tore off the paper and held it out, her gaze firm on his. “And if he doesn’t cooperate,
definitely
call me,” she said with a determined tone. “You can hold him down while I kick his ass.”

A laugh broke from his throat.

Before he knew what he was doing, Tyler was smiling at Memphis’s ex-wife as he stood and took the paper. “Sounds like an excellent plan.”

The long stretch of beach ended at the rocky alcove where Memphis stood and shaded his eyes from the sunshine glinting off of blue water. Although the salty breeze cooled his skin, the sand warmed his bare feet. The perfect weather for the photo shoot should have energized him, and he still had the
urge
to scale the cliff behind him—twice, even.

Unfortunately, he also felt like a washed-up has-been who’d just gone ten rounds with a body that kept trying to quit.

He’d been down on the beach for about four hours now, missing Tyler like hell and working through the last of the set with the photographer. The crew had just wrapped things up, and Memphis was pulling on shorts over the boxer briefs of the day when he spotted someone heading his way. The dark hair and the familiar, determined stride made Memphis’s heart pump harder. Tyler had come.

This time,
he’d come
.

The swell of relief made absolutely no freaking sense, and, at the same time, all the sense in the world.

Ten years ago, Memphis had been the one to walk out and leave Tyler behind, so why would he have expected the guy to chase after him? The expectation seemed totally unfair. But maybe he’d hoped Tyler would dig deep for the courage to hunt him down and yell at him for leaving, and then yell some more for assuming he wouldn’t be able to cope. Maybe he’d hoped Tyler would follow him and prove that Memphis Haines, dumbass extraordinaire, had made the wrong choice.

A part of Memphis had wanted Tyler by his side during the suck-filled months that had followed.

But he was here now, and that was awesome, because, Jesus, Memphis’s chest ached. He’d felt split open since the moment he’d left Tyler behind, sleeping in the hotel. Unfortunately, Memphis knew he
still
wouldn’t be able give him what he wanted.

He
couldn’t
.

When Tyler was within ear shot, Memphis called out, “How did you find me?”

“I talked to Julissa.”

“Really?” He waited until Tyler was ten feet away before he lifted an eyebrow. “I’m surprised she shared the location with you.”

Tyler came to a halt in front of him, his expression unreadable. “She did after I explained why.”

Memphis stared at him. “You
told
her?”

“I did,” he said.

A flare of concern brought a frown to Memphis’s face. “Dammit, Ty. You shouldn’t have done that.” He pivoted on his heel and paced several feet away, resting his hand against the huge boulder used as today’s backdrop. Julissa would wig out, for sure. “She shouldn’t be alone―”

“I asked Noah to go check on her.”

The worry faded a bit, and Memphis said, “Good…”

The anger slowly seeped from his posture. At this point, getting upset about the little things would be a pointless waste of energy. He had enough on his plate already.

“We had an excellent conversation,” Tyler went on. “She told me I had to convince you to change your mind about seeing a specialist. And I told her I would make you a doctor’s appointment and ensure that you kept it.” There was a brief silence before he went on. “Even if I had to tie you up and drag you there.”

Despite his mood—or maybe
because
of it—Memphis found himself grinning. And when his eyes dropped to the blue tie flapping in the breeze, an electrifying bolt of heat shot through his body, curling his toes in the sand. God,
this
was what he wanted to feel, not the resignation and defeat. To that end, he wanted to hang the necktie on his wall, a memento of some seriously sexy times.

Memphis sucked in a lungful of fresh ocean air. “Bind me up, gag me, and toss me over your shoulder, huh?” he said. His lopsided smile felt bittersweet. “Kinky. But I like your thinking.” His gaze dropped to Tyler’s neck. “Can we use that blue tie of yours?” The other side of his mouth finally joined in on the grin. “It’s my favorite.”

Tyler crossed his arms, his expression one of restrained patience. Obviously the man had come with a goal in mind. And Memphis knew what that goal was. But he refused to go there again, the feeling like shit and the constant pain, the hospitals and the helplessness. The utter loss of control over his life.

No. Effing. Way.

Regret returned with a vengeance, bringing fatigue with it and leaving Memphis more drained than before. Tyler, however, relentlessly pushed on.

“Noah got in touch with Jack Davis. He sits on the board at Charity Regional Hospital,” Tyler said. He seemed to study Memphis for his reaction. “Turns out his nephew is an excellent surgeon. And Alec’s done some research and found one of the best urologists for testicular cancer right here at UCSF.” Tyler reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper with dates and times and addresses, holding the information out. “Jack Davis finagled an appointment with both—on different days, of course. But they should be able to coordinate the work-up.”

Hunh. Impressive work. Tyler had thought of everything. He’d also pulled a lot of favors to get things done quickly. Too bad it was a wasted effort.

“A surgeon?” Memphis said. “Isn’t that a little premature?”

“Maybe. But it’s a mass in your neck, Memphis,” he said. “Yes, they’re going to want to do imaging first. But the faster the surgeon gets involved, the sooner you get that biopsied, if need be, and the sooner we learn what we’re up against.”

Fuck
.

Didn’t he get it? Memphis didn’t want to know what he was up against. An ugly wave of nausea left his mouth watering uncomfortably even as Tyler continued to hold out the appointment information.

“Jesus, Ty,” he said wearily, shifting his weight on his feet. He took the paper in an attempt to put an end to the expectant expression on the man’s face. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I’m not―”

“You know I’m not going to shut up about this, right?”

Memphis could feel the coiled energy radiating from Tyler’s body, his arms crossed and his button-down shirt stretched lightly across his biceps. His tie whipped in the sea breeze, and it took everything Memphis had not to pull the sucker off, drive Tyler to the nearest hotel, and secure him to the bed.

And do dirty things to him from now until…well, whenever the end came.

Memphis cleared his throat and tried to grin. “You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought.”

“I had plenty of time on the drive here.”

“Are you going to use sex to try and sway me?”

Damn, he hoped so.

“It would only be fair,” Tyler deadpanned.

Memphis let out an amused breath and took in every detail of Tyler’s face, because he wanted nothing more than to memorize the expression and file it away forever. Tuck the memory away someplace special where even death couldn’t destroy it.

A rush of emotion swamped him, and he briefly closed his eyes. God, he’d had such a fucking fantastic life. He’d loved almost every moment, and he was gaining a fresh perspective on the shitty ones, too. Funny how dying always put those bad times into perspective. But by far, his best memory was Tyler unleashed, topping Memphis in the elevator.

He couldn’t think of one moment, one single memory in his past that he’d miss remembering more once he was gone.

Tyler slowly shook his head, all hints of teasing now gone from his gaze. “Your family wants you here, Memphis. Julissa wants you here. And just as important,” he said as he stepped closer, “I want you here.”

“Tyler―”

“I love you.”

Memphis’s heart stumbled stupidly as a chasm opened beneath his gut. Of all the things he’d wanted from Tyler, Memphis had
never
let himself hope to regain what he’d lost. No, not lost. Destroyed. That’s right, he’d blown the motherfucker sky-high.

Tyler, however, loved him anyway.

“I’m sorry,” Memphis said, his voice rough and his throat raw. He swallowed and got his shit together the best he could. “I had no right to put you through this. I never should have chased you down and sucked you back into my life.” He met Tyler’s gaze and said the words again. “I’m so sorry.”

Holy Christ, the sentiment, as always, sounded so
lame
.

Tyler shifted closer, bringing the scent of his cologne. “I’m
not
sorry.”

Memphis’s ribs seemed to squeeze his lungs.

“I don’t regret a thing.” Tyler laid a hand on Memphis’s chest, the warm palm easing the ache. “Even if I’d known everything ahead of time, even if you were only going to be around for another six months or six weeks or six
days
, I still wouldn’t do anything differently. Because I didn’t fall in love with you
again
, Memphis,” he said quietly. “I just never stopped.”

Jesus
.

Memphis’s resolve crumbled a bit at the edges, and he blinked hard against the sting in his eyes. But his lashes felt damp despite his efforts.

Screw you, Harry and Lefty, and your little girly hormones, too
.

If he was going to break down, he wanted to do it without an audience. So he concentrated on the relief rushing through his veins, because he couldn’t stand the thought of Tyler cursing the day he’d come back into his life.

“Listen,” Tyler said, interrupting Memphis’s thoughts. “I know I probably wasn’t capable of being there for you way back when, not the way you needed. But now I am. And I’m going to get you through this just like you got me through the crap times with my mom.”

Memphis hated to be the one to bring reality into the equation again. But somebody had to.

He knew his words were too blunt. “Your mother died.”