Boyfriend (27 page)

“I’m so sorry…”

“You’re sorry?” She laughed, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her palm.

I reached for her hand, wishing there was a deeper way to express regret.  She pulled it away and we stared at each other for a moment. 

“This was a mistake.”  She backed further away from me.  “It was all a mistake,” she repeated gesturing to the space in between us. 

Panicking, I blurted, “Is this about the Babies R Us bag?”   Everything was fine up until she saw it.  I needed to come clean.  She looked at me confused.  I took a deep breath and unloaded. “Yes.  I had a girlfriend.  Yes, she was pregnant.  She is pregnant,” I corrected.  “But, she and I were over the minute you and I were together.”

“Oh my God.”  Her head whipped back.  “You left your pregnant girlfriend?”

“For you, Kerry. For us.”

“Wow,” she said shaking her head.  “I can’t do this.” She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and started to turn back towards the door to the library.

I reached for arm, and she snatched it away.

“You need to go, Nate,” she said firmly, turning and pulling open the library door and walking inside.  I followed.  “Go, Nate,” she whispered, flitting her hand for me to stop following her.

“Kerry!”

“Ma’am, if he’s your guest, he needs to fill out a guest pass with security.  Is he your guest?” Pudgy man asked, looking over at Kerry.  Kerry shook her head slowly.  “Then I need you to leave, sir.”

“Come on, Kerry,” I yelled as she turned and walked away.

“Sir?” the man said, his hands back up.

“Kerry!” I screamed, starting to walk past him.  He stepped in front of me to block my path, visibly nervous.  She turned and looked at me.  “Don’t do this, baby,” I pleaded.

“Sir, this is a professional establishment.”

“You need to get the fuck out of my face, man.” I spat, inches from his trembling hands.  Kerry looked at me disgusted, turned, and walked away disappearing behind the stacks. 

“Fuck this,” I muttered under my breath. I turned, barreling out of the door, slapping it open with all of my might.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

“Shit…” I mumbled, struggling to raise my head from where it lay against the bathtub.  I wasn’t sure if the pounding inundating my ear drums was coming from inside or outside of my head but it was loud and incessant.  I didn’t know how long I had been lying there.  Either way, it was long enough to make me feel like my head would snap off if I moved it too quickly.  I rose slowly, rubbing the left side of my neck with my palm.  I walked out of the bathroom stumbling over two bottles lying carelessly outside of the door.  Memories of the day before came rushing back to me.  My father… Kerry…. how I had managed to make a complete fool of myself.

The pounding continued, growing louder as I entered the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water.

“Open the door, Nate,” I heard Phil yell from outside of my door.  I looked over at the clock.  1:25pm.

Phil’s wedding started at 2pm. 

More pounding.

I walked over to the door and opened it.    Phil charged in as I plopped down on my couch, leaning my head back lazily.  His footsteps were heavy and loud.

“Shhhhh,” I sang with my finger to my lips.  If he would just quiet down, I could hear my thoughts. 

“Are you even showered?” He was dressed in his full heather gray tuxedo, a red rose pinned to his jacket lapel.  He threw his hands on his head in exasperation.  His gold cuff links gleaming in the sunlight that was pouring through my windows.  “You know what? I don’t care.  Just put on the fucking tux, Nate.”

I didn’t move, and he reached for me, tugging at my T-shirt as if he were trying to take it off.  “What the fuck are you doing?” I yelled, shrugging him away.

“What am
I
doing?” he yelled.  “Get the fuck up, Nate! I’m getting married in less than an hour.  I am not letting you mess this up.”  He kicked my foot hard.  “GET UP!”

I rose and walked back towards the bathroom.

“You have five minutes!” he shouted as I shut the door.

***

Ana glided down the aisle on the arm of her father like an angel.  Her dark hair was pulled back, and chandelier diamond earrings were gleaming from her earlobes.  Her long ivory gown looked like it was painted on, and a long chiffon veil made her look like she could sprout wings and fly.   I looked over at Phil.  His eyes glued to her, and his lips pressed in a small smile.  The sheer magnitude of what was happening written all over his face.  They locked eyes, and she beamed, her eyes welling up with tears.  His began to flow freely. 

You would never guess he was the same guy who spent the whole thirty-minute ride to the church cursing me out.

I sighed as they took hands.  Feeling fortunate to be a part of their moment, while at the same time wondering why Phil had tried so hard to make sure I was.  I had been nothing but a shitty friend to him.  I hadn’t even bothered to show up for his bachelor party the night before.

I glanced around at their guests.   Phil’s mother dabbed tears from the corners of her eyes.  Phil’s dad clutched the hand of the busty red head beside him a little tighter.  Ana’s father pulled her mother closer to him as her two brothers looked on, holding the hands of their wives. 

This could never be my life, I thought.  No matter how hard I tried.

I continued to look out at the unfamiliar faces, my gaze stopping short on one I recognized.  Three rows behind Ana’s family, I spotted Jayna.  Her hair blown out, long and straight.  A strapless gold dress hugging her still curvy frame.  She sat snuggled under the arm of the man beside her.  His arm was draped protectively around her shoulders squeezing her tight as the ceremony began.  Noticing me looking, she smiled.  I smiled back, turning towards Phil and Ana. 

This should be interesting,
I thought smiling to myself. 

***

After the ceremony, the wedding party and close family got in limos and headed to the Central Park Boathouse for the reception.  Phil and Ana boarded a white vintage limo to travel to the reception alone.  I sat in a long stretch, smashed between Phil’s overweight adolescent twin cousins and across from his aunt Judith.

“I can’t wait to hear your speech,” Aunt Judith said smiling wildly at me. 

“Me either,” I quipped, realizing I had no clue what I would say.

I was still feeling surprised that I had seen Jayna.  She didn’t look pregnant.  And she certainly wasn’t overseas.  Unfortunately, I would probably have to wait until after Phil returned from his honeymoon to ask how he could have gotten his information so wrong. 

When we got to the boathouse, we were immediately shuffled off to take pictures.  I’d be surprised if Phil was looking at the camera in any of them.  He spent most of the time with his eyes fixed on his new bride.

“Look at the camera, silly,” she said gently. He smiled and kissed her cheek.  It felt good to see him so happy.

I didn’t see Jayna again until about half way through the reception.  I had been running around taking pictures and helping Ana’s brothers with last minute things.  When I finally sat down at the wedding party table to eat, I spotted her on a long line of guests, making their way over to congratulate the newly-married couple. Her tall, olive skinned companion followed close at her feet, his hand resting on the small of her back.

Ana squealed when she saw Jayna.  She rose and rushed from behind the table to embrace her.  Phil and I rose too.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” Ana started.  Jayna laughed.

“I thought she wasn’t coming,” I muttered to Phil quietly.

“So did I,” Jayna and Phil said almost in unison.  Ana and Jayna continued to chat before embracing again. 

“Nate,” Jayna said turning to me, that beautiful smile lighting up her face.  She put her arms out for an embrace.  I accepted. 

“Nate, this is my husband, Javier… Javi, this is Nate.  We went to school together.”  I chuckled to myself.  Jayna and I did a lot of things together.  The least of which was going to school.  Javier shook my hand and smiled.

“Hi Phil,” Jayna said looking at him and smirking.

“Hi Jayna.”

“Take care of our girl, okay?” 

Phil nodded, leaning down and kissing her cheek.  “Of course,” he said looking back at Ana.  I watched as Jayna and Javier walked back to their table.

***

Phil and Ana’s first dance was to “The Way You Look Tonight” by Tony Bennett.  They glided onto the dance floor hand in hand.  The setting sun dimmed outside of the windows of the boathouse and made the candles on each table burn brighter.  The couple all but glowed in the candlelight.  Phil held her close, kissing her every so often and wiping the quiet tears that fell from her eyes.  The song brought me back to my days with Aunt Laura.  She had been a fan of the old crooner.  On rainy Sundays, she would listen to Billy Holiday’s cover of the song on repeat.  Days when Natalie and I would lay on our stomachs and play board games while Aunt Laura would hum softly and busy herself in the kitchen. 

I thought of Allison.  How she looked first thing in the morning, peeking at me from beneath my covers, asking me to hit the snooze button one more time before we woke up.    I thought of her splashing me with bubbles and stealing kisses from me at work.  I smiled to myself and took a drink of the remaining white wine in my glass.    I looked over at Jayna who whispered something in her husband’s ear, and they both laughed.  Had I not run into Kerry that afternoon, Allison would have been beside me.

How could I have been so stupid?

“The bride and groom would like you to feel free to join them on the dance floor,” the DJs melodic voice announced into the microphone about half way through the song.   Couples slowly began to make their way to the floor.  I was surprised to see Jayna making her way towards me.

“Want to dance?” she asked.  She smiled and did an exaggerated shimmy.  I laughed.

“You sure it’s okay with
Mr.
Jayna?” I asked gesturing towards her husband.

“Javi is a very secure man.” She grinned.  “He knows I’m not going anywhere.”

I smiled and met her on the dance floor.

Jayna felt good in my arms.  Even though we no longer had it in us to cross that line, the chemistry between us remained.  She was still gorgeous, but the wildness that had once twinkled from her eyes had dimmed.  She looked at me with a quiet self-assuredness that I didn’t recognize.  She certainly was not the same girl I had known in college.  I was happy for it.

“So, how are you?” she asked as we swayed to the music. 

“Good.”  I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face.  We had been through a lot together.  Too much.  It felt strange to be playing grown up.  She smiled back.

“How are you?” I asked her.  I glanced at her husband.  He was picking at a plate of hors d’oeuvres and making small talk with a middle-aged male guest.

“So good,” she said grinning.  “We had a baby girl a month ago.  Her name is Elise.”

“You just had a baby?” I asked pulling away from her slightly taking her in.  Her form fitting dressed looked poured onto her curvy body.  I couldn’t imagine Allison getting her old body back that quickly.

“Nate,” she chastised playfully, checking to see if her husband was looking.

“What?” I laughed and looked back at her face.  “That was purely innocent…. but, if you want to sneak to the bathroom…”  I added.

“Wow,” she said laughing.  I laughed, too.  Remembering.

“But really, how are you?  I heard some things through Ana.”

“Good.  Things just haven’t turned out how I expected,” I started.  Thinking better of my revelation, I grew silent.  We were quiet for a moment, swaying to the rhythm of the more up-tempo song that had just begun.

“You know, that’s not always a bad thing,” she said breaking the silence between us.  “Sometimes what you want is not always what you need.”

“When did you get so wise?”

She laughed.  “Since I made peace with my own advice.”

I looked over at Phil who dipped Ana.  They both laughed and kissed.  I looked back at Jayna.  She smiled.

“I’d like my wife back,” Javier said approaching.  His stoic façade betrayed by the comedic glint in his eyes.  It was clear Javier didn’t feel threatened.  Looking at Jayna, I knew he had no reason to be.

“You never lost me, Javi,” Jayna said giggling.  She released me and glided into his arms.  “Take care, Nate.”

I nodded and headed outside to get some air.

***

I stood outside the boathouse smoking a cigarette before heading back in for the first course.  The lake outside the boathouse was calm, and it reflected the soft lights coming from inside and the shadows of the trees that hugged its borders.  The unreachable Manhattan skyline peaked out above the trees, and the lights shined like stars against the night sky.  I could hear the mumble of the voices inside the boathouse like the hum of crickets.  I took a moment to breathe in the stillness of the night, the complexities of my thoughts unraveling in my mind.  My actions during the last few months replaying again and again, like a really bad song.