Boyfriend (13 page)

“Do you ever wonder if they were right about us?” She turned, staring at me in the eyes. 

“Right about what?” I asked rising, pulling on my shirt and reaching for my shorts.  I put them on and sat back down.  The wind blew and a piece of hair flew in her eyes.  The setting sun made her hazel eyes almost look like gold.  She looked beautiful and vulnerable.  I pushed the hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear.  My attraction to her burned and never wavered.

“Us,” she continued.  “If we are just like them.  Just like our parents.”

I looked down, wondering how to stop where this was going.  I felt guilty too, but reminding myself that it was just sex freed me of feeling like we needed to stop.  With Jayna, it was sex.  Wild, uninhibited, crazy sex.  With Kerry, it was love. 

“Why’re you even saying this?” I asked poking her in the stomach, hoping to lighten her darkening mood and change the direction of the conversation.

She smiled.  “It’s something I think about.”

“We aren’t sitting here drinking, Jayna,” I began.  “We aren’t fucking up any innocent kids.  We’re just having fun…” 

“But this is a shitty choice, Nate.  What we’re doing is shitty.  I feel like shit.  It’s just shitty.”

“Can you think of another adjective?” I joked.

“How does this end?” she asked, not laughing.

I shrugged.  “Let’s not make this more than it is, Jayna.  You said that remember?”

She looked away, anger in her eyes.  “I’m just like her,” she said, running her hand through her hair. 

“Like Kerry?” I asked.

“Like my mother.”

“Jayna, you are nothing like her.  We’re nothing like them,” I reassured her.

“Do you know why my parents got a divorce, Nate?” she asked after a moment.

I shook my head.

“Kerry’s Dad was fucking my mother.”

I paused, drawing my chin to my neck confused, wondering if I had heard or imagined the words she just said.

“Kerry’s father what?”

“That should help get him off that pedestal, huh?”

I looked at her dumfounded and started to laugh.  I couldn’t help but find humor in deception coming from a man like him.  I pictured him sitting across from me at the restaurant with his hand waving dismissively as he spoke, and Kerry and her mom hanging on every pompous word.  His dire predictions about my future suddenly seemed riddled in hypocrisy.   I soaked up the unexpected gift of this secret.  Oh, how much easier it would have been to stomach his self-righteous act if I had known this sooner.

“Glad you think it’s so funny,” Jayna added as I laughed.  I looked at her realizing that she wasn’t laughing and stopped.

“I’m sorry.”

“When I was a kid, he would come by when my Dad worked late or sometimes he would meet us out,” she began.  “At first, I thought he was just keeping my mom company because they were friends.  Then one night when I was about six, my Dad was out of town, and I was having a hard time falling asleep.  I was always scared when he was out of town,” she explained.

“I got out of bed to go sleep in my mother’s room, and I opened her door slowly because I didn’t want her to wake up and send me back in my room.  I opened the door and he was on her naked… in her.” She paused and grimaced, as if disgusted by her memory. “He turned and saw me and jumped up.  I ran to my room.  My mother followed to try to talk to me, to try to convince me that what I saw was innocent, but I could barely look at her.”

“Did you tell your father?”  My mind was reeling.  In that moment, I thought of Kerry and how much a secret like this would completely rock her perfect world. 

She shook her head.  “I don’t know how he found out,” she started again.  “But when he did, it was like he blamed me, too.  He left and didn’t even say goodbye.” 

Looking at Jayna and witnessing the pain in her face, suddenly everything was crystal clear.  Her relationship with Kerry, her relationship with Mr. Wallace… shit, even her relationship with me.

“I’m just like her,” she repeated.

Struggling to find the words to say, I ran my hand up her back and massaged her neck.  She shrugged my arm off and stood.  She began gathering our things quickly.  I followed her lead.  She slipped on her sandals as I folded the blanket.  We walked back through the park in silence as the sun sank further and further into the sky.  

“Jayna,” I said stopping, frustrated that our day was ending this way.  She stopped, turning towards me.  Now that she was looking at me, I had no clue what to say. I just knew I didn’t want our guilt to affect what was happening between us. 

Despite the tension between us and what she just revealed, I felt inextricably drawn to her.  I could lie and say Jayna could have been any girl, but the fact was, I wanted this girl.  Even with her complexities, I couldn’t give up the way it felt when I was with her.  This was my worst.  Dirty. Angry.  A liar.  A cheater.  Everything I had ever known I was.  I couldn’t imagine giving up the frenzied chaos we made together, the raw pleasure.  My only solace was at the core of the tension between us.  The wrong that surrounded us.  Even in that moment, I wanted to reach out and bring her to me, reach inside of her and stay inside until neither of could speak.  She received me at my worst and only demanded I be exactly who I was.  With her, there was no accountability, there was no love, there was just me.  Fucked up and flawed. 

“Let’s go back to my place,” I said.

“I thought you didn’t want your roommate to know.”

I dropped my bags and reached my arms around her waist, kissing her slowly.  She kissed me back.  I ran my hands down to her ass and squeezed.  She laughed.

“I don’t care who knows, Jayna.  I don’t care who you think you’re like.  I just don’t want this to stop.”

She smiled.  “Pick up the bags, dummy.”

I did, and we headed back to my place. 

***

Phil wasn’t there when we got back but I would bet money he heard us when he got in.  I rolled a blunt for Jayna and me when we got back.  High, we fucked each other loud and sloppy on the floor of my room.  A little after midnight, Jayna and I snuck out to the kitchen to have a snack.  She sauntered out in her bra and panties and sat on top of the counter.  I stood in front of her in my boxers, watching her as she ate chips, and running my finger over her panties as she giggled.

“Nate, you’re going to make me choke.” She laughed. 

I stood in between her legs and kissed her neck, pushing her panties to the side and putting two fingers inside her.  I kissed up her neck and to her lips.  She moved against me as I pushed my fingers in and out.  After a minute, I pulled my fingers out slowly and licked them, smirking while staring in her eyes.

“More, please,” she whispered not taking her eyes off mine.  I laughed.

Just then, Phil walked out of his room.  Jayna screamed, covered herself and ran back into my room.

“Hi.” Phil chuckled and waved as she ran past.

“Hi!” Jayna yelled laughing.  I looked at Phil, smirking.

“That’s not…?”

“Kerry?”

“No, I
know
it’s not Kerry.  That’s not Kerry’s friend, is it?”

I snickered and popped a chip in my mouth.

“Please, please, please don’t tell me that’s Kerry’s best friend,” Phil said folding his hands in front of him as if he was praying.

“How do you define “best?” ‘Cause technically she wouldn’t be her “best” friend if she was here, right?”

Phil looked at me shaking his head.  “Okay, let me rephrase, that’s not the girl Kerry thinks is her best friend is it?”

I was silent.

“Wow… I knew you were mad at her but shit… Nate, this is pretty screwed up.”

“Didn’t you
tell
me to fuck her?” I laughed. 

He shook his head. “I also said to let me fuck her.  Clearly, you pick and choose what you hear.”

I waved my hand at him dismissively and walked back into my room.  Trying to pretend like him knowing had no effect on me at all.

CHAPTER TWELVE

The day before Kerry’s next visit, I woke up with Jayna in my bed.  The summer was going by like a dream and in two weeks, the dorms would reopen and we would be forced to wake up. I wasn’t sure what would happen between Kerry and me when she returned, but I hadn’t even thought about what that would mean for Jayna and me. 

I looked over at where Jayna slept and sighed, wrapping my arms around her.  I kissed her neck as I slipped inside her to wake her up.  She moaned as she awoke. 

“Good morning,” she said grinning when we were done.  I pulled out, picking up the phone to call Kerry while she kissed my chest.  I put my finger to my lips as a signal for her to be quiet.  Our deception had become so routine, it was like we stopped believing it was wrong. 

“Hey, baby,” I said after Kerry picked up.

“Hi!”

“Just calling to find out if you’re still heading in TODAY,” I yelled the last part as Jayna bit my nipple.  I looked at her mouthing, “Stop”.  She smothered her laughter in my chest as I slapped her ass.

“Yep! I’m so excited.  I called you last night but you didn’t pick up.”

“Oh yeah?” I watched as Jayna rose to get dressed. She stretched and bent over seductively to pull on her underwear.  I laughed.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing. I’m just excited, too.”

Jayna laughed quietly while pulling on her pants.

“Why didn’t you pick up?”  Kerry asked.

“You know I come in at night and crash,” I lied. “Plus, I think I may have left my phone on vibrate from work.  I’m sorry, baby.”

“Okay.” I could sense the doubt in her voice.  “Do you want to just meet at Maggiano’s for dinner? My dad gave me a ton of cash so I’ll pay.” 

I winced.  “I got it.  You don’t need me to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll just grab a cab.”

“All right,” I said as a Jayna sat back beside me on the bed.

“Oh, Nate, do you mind if I invite Jayna to dinner?” she asked.  “I haven’t seen her all summer.”

Feeling a brief rush of energy, I smiled to myself and looked at Jayna.  “Not at all.”

***

I arrived at Maggiano’s a little late.  As I was walking out of work, my boss decided to confront me on my frequent lateness.  He was a cool guy and I could tell he didn’t want to talk to me about it. He warned if it continued, I “might want to think about looking for a new job.” 

Point taken. 

I was feeling tense when I caught a cab to head over to Maggiano’s, and that tension only grew the closer I got to the restaurant.  I didn’t know why I agreed to spend the evening with Kerry and Jayna together.  I’d be lying if I said a part of me wasn’t excited at the thought, but a bigger part of me worried Kerry would find out the minute she looked at both of us.  Or that Jayna would have another crisis of conscious and confess it all.

When I walked into the restaurant, Jayna was waiting in the lobby and Kerry had yet to get there.  She had her legs crossed and ran her fingers up and down her thighs.  She shifted awkwardly on the lobby bench as I sat down beside her.  I was relieved to see she was just as nervous as I was.  I looked at her and smiled.  She smirked.

“This’ll be interesting,” she said shrugging.  She was wearing a yellow camisole and white skirt.  When she shrugged, one of her straps fell to the middle of her arm just above her elbow.  I reached over and pulled her strap back over her shoulder letting my fingers linger and looking into her eyes.

“Don’t make it more than it is,” I began. Our mantra.  “Knowing Kerry, if she knew something was going on between us, she wouldn’t be inviting us to dinner.” I removed my fingers from her shoulder.  “I’d be missing and you’d be dead.” 

She laughed.  “Well, Nate, maybe we should have some more fun before we die,” she said staring at my lips.

I could feel myself getting excited.  Kerry could walk in at any moment, and I couldn’t help but think of being with Jayna just before she got here.  I pictured Jayna flush, a little out of breath, and hugging Kerry when she arrived.  The rush was undeniable.

On the bench in front of ours sat a fairly overweight blonde woman looking at us with a small smile.  She grinned and looked away, embarrassed to be caught watching us.  I smiled back and kissed Jayna lightly on the lips.  She bit her lower lip and ran her hand through her hair.  From the way her painted fingernails travelled through her hair to the way her saliva coated her plum lips, everything about Jayna was sexy.  I could feel the familiar rush run through my body just watching her.

“I could do this right here,” I said, leaning back against the wall.

“I’d let you.”

I glanced at my watch and looked at her.  Kerry was running late.  I could tell her we were both in the bathroom and…

What the fuck was I thinking?

Kerry didn’t deserve this.  She didn’t deserve any of it.  And she definitely didn’t deserve me fucking her best friend in the restroom while she wondered where I was.

“After Kerry gets here, why don’t you meet me in the bathroom?” Jayna asked as if reading my mind.