Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship (4 page)

Andy and Lori, the couple I told you about at the beginning of this chapter, are a good example of a couple that embraces Christian community. Even though they're away at college, they've faithfully sought wisdom and accountability in their local church. Since Lori doesn't have a Christian father, she asked Buck, her pastor, to play the part of protector and advisor. Andy meets with his dad as well as with Buck and a group of guys from church, who, as he puts it, "get his rear in line." Andy has told them where he and Lori can be tempted, and they are faithful to ask how he's doing and to challenge him when necessary

Whatever our circumstances or our age, we all need to embrace the community of faith. God gave us the local church because we really do need one another.

4.
A commitment to guard the sacredness of sex.
Sexual sin is like spray-painting the Mona Lisa. It's taking God's masterpiece of sexual intimacy between husband and wife and defacing it-robbing it of it's wonder and purpose.

When God's glory is the priority in a relationship, you'll find two people who view sex as something so precious that they refuse to let impatience and lust steal from it before marriage. As we'll see in chapter 9, Christians' motivation for abstaining from sex before marriage is not prudishness, but a passionate commitment to glorify God with our bodies and experience sex

5. A
deep satisfaction in God.

A couple committed to God's glory places their
ultimate hope
in God, not in each other. Before two people can please God as a couple, they must first be
individuals
who want God more than anything else and who know that only He can satisfy the deepest longings of their souls.

One of my favorite authors, John Piper, has made his life message this simple but profound truth: "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." What does this mean? It means that we can exalt God by trusting in Him and desiring Him above anything else in life-more than companionship, more than romance, more than marriage. When we do, our lives say louder than words that He is more fulfilling than all these things.

Unlike all the fleeting pleasures of this world, when we make God the object of our soul's longing, He truly satisfies us-we find the lasting peace and joy we long for. Only then can we have a healthy, happy relationship, because instead of the relationship being our reason for living, it becomes an expression of the fact that we're living for Someone
greater.

Different Students, One Master

These five characteristics are all important parts of living to bring glory to God in our relationships. These are the issues that
really
matter, and they are what this book is about. When

So if God's glory is truly your goal, you don't need to worry like Andy did that you've done something wrong simply because your circumstances are different than someone else's. It's good to be inspired by couples who have set a godly example in their relationships, but we should never try to turn another persons love story into a step-by-step, how-to manual for ourselves. God doesn't have a "one-size-fits-all" plan. He wants to write a completely unique love story in each of our lives.

You might be asking, "How am I supposed to obey God's commands and follow His principles when my circumstances are so different from those of other people?" Let me try to explain.

Imagine that you're a student in an art class. You and dozens of classmates are learning from a master painter. One day your teacher displays a painting of his own. It's an incredible work of art, and he wants each of you to copy it.

You're about to begin working when you turn to look at the person next to you. You're surprised to note that he has a larger brush than yours and a differently shaped canvas. You look around at the rest of the class. Some students have acrylic paint, others watercolor, still others oil-and everyone has different colors. Though you all have the same assignment, you each have completely different materials.

This frustrates you. Some students have materials you would prefer for yourself. Why should they get them? You're not the only student to notice the disparity A hand goes up. A girl to your left with only a ragged brush and three pale shades of blue on her palette is noticeably agitated. "This isn't fair," she

The teacher smiles. "Don't worry about the other students," he says. "I've carefully chosen the brushes and paints that each of you has. Trust me. You have what you need to complete the assignment. Remember, your goal is not to create a painting that mirrors the person next to you, but to do your best with the materials I've given you to create a picture faithful to
my
painting."

This is our assignment in romantic relationships. God isn't asking us to copy each other, but to fix our eyes on our Lord and Master Jesus Christ and to give our all to our romance in a way that's faithful to His character and motivated by a passion to bring Him glory.

Just as the art students had different tools and colors, we all have very different lives-we vary in age, cultural background, and circumstance. Some of us can have our parents involved in our courtships; others cannot. Some of us can develop a friendship with another person naturally in a group setting at church or school. Others don't have the luxury of those settings and have to be more obvious about their interest. Some of us approach the possibility of marriage for the first time, while others have journeyed through the nightmare of divorce and are hesitantly moving toward a second commitment.

Our circumstances don't always seem fair, do they? In my courtship with Shannon I was sorry that I lived so far from my family. Shannon, who had become a Christian later in life than I did, had many regrets over relationships she'd had before she was a Christian. Many times she has wished that she had grown up a Christian and avoided the heartache that a life apart from Him had brought.

43

Wisdom: A Match

Made in Heaven

Why You Need More than Just Intense Feelings

This
spot will do,
Rich thought sadly. He peered over his shoulder into the darkness to make sure no one was watching, then raised his shovel and drove it into the earth.

Clang!

The sound of steel hitting rock rang out in the stillness of the night. He dropped to the ground, his heart pounding.
Good grief!
At this rate he'd rouse the whole neighborhood. He clenched his teeth at the thought of waking someone inside Christy's house. What if her dad came out to investigate and discovered him? What explanation could he possibly give his ex-girlfriend's father for being in his front yard with a shovel at 3 A.M.? He tried not to think about it.

Rich held his breath and waited. A minute passed, and no one in the house stirred. All was quiet. Slowly he stood up and resumed his work, this time with greater care. The noise of his

The Amazing Gift of Romance

Before I explain why Rich Shipe was digging a hole in Christy Farris's front yard, I need to back up a little. This is quite a story-in fact, it's one of the most romantic I've ever heard. But that's not my only reason for sharing it. This story will do more than merely warm your heart. It's an inspiring example of what happens when romance-and all those feelings of passion, excitement, and urgency that go with it-is guided by wisdom. And that's what this chapter is all about.

Four years before his secret excavation in her front yard, Rich had met Christy at the small Bible church they both attended. They were fourteen years old. Rich thought Christy was really cute; Christy thought Rich was really annoying. Fortunately for Rich, he didn't stay fourteen. He grew up. And as time passed, he and Christy became good friends. During their senior year of high school, their relationship became romantic. They began to write each other-not e-mail, mind you, but old-fashioned, handwritten letters-to express their feelings. Each letter was written from the heart with love.

Falling in love wasn't something Rich and Christy could easily explain. Who of us can describe the mysterious and powerful urge to pursue another persons affection? Words just don't do it justice. Defining romance is like trying to capture the grandeur of the Grand Canyon with a disposable camera.

And guess what? Falling in love was God's idea. He was the one who made us capable of experiencing romantic feelings. He was the one who gave us the ability to appreciate beauty and experience attraction. And He was the one who invented marriage so that the blazing fire of romantic love could become something even more beautiful-a pulsing, red-hot ember of covenant love in marriage.

Why did He do it? For the same reason that He made sunsets and mountain ranges and fireflies! Because He's good. Because He wants to give us a million different opportunities to see just how wonderful He is. God just wanted to say, "I love you."

I started this book with the story of Adam and Eve to make the point that God is the author of romance. Though we don't usually think of Adam and Eve's story as a love story, it is bursting with romance. They were humans like you and me. They saw, they felt, they desired. Can you imagine the moment their eyes first met? Picture it. What would it be like to behold a beautiful member of the opposite sex when you had never known or imagined an opposite sex existed?

Sparks flew.

There was chemistry between those two like nothing you've ever seen. And here's the most incredible part: God was watching and rejoicing over it all. He was the one who arranged the original match. God, who spoke galaxies into existence, was finding joy in the beauty of romance between a man and a woman. I can't help but think that God was smiling as He watched the hearts of the first two humans beating faster than ever before.

46JoshuaHarris

Until Love So Desires

Romance is a very good thing. But just because it's good doesn't mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all the other good gifts God has made, romantic love can be misused.

Even the Song of Songs, which revels in the ecstasy of romantic passion, is filled with reminders not to remove that passion from the boundaries of God's timing and purpose. "I charge you," Solomon's bride says, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Songs 8:4).

Rich and Christy's feelings for each other were real and deeply romantic. But were those feelings being awakened in God's timing and purpose? Christy's dad, Mike Farris, wasn't so sure. When he found out how emotionally involved Rich and Christy were, he decided to intervene.

Mike had the chance to interact with Rich on a regular basis-he was his boss. Mike was running for the office of lieutenant governor in Virginia and had hired Rich to drive him to the different rallies and events being held around the state. On most of these trips, Mike worked quietly in the backseat or made phone calls. But to Rich's surprise, one day Mike decided to sit up front. As soon as they were under way, Mike turned to Rich and asked, "So what's this I hear about you and Christy?"

Rich gulped.

As Rich drove, Mike talked to him gently and with fatherly concern about the importance of wisdom in romance. Mike had many regrets about the years he had spent dating girls in high school and college. "When you're close emotionally, you give away part of your heart," he told Rich. "There are long-term consequences."

To his credit, Rich really listened to what Mike had to say.

I