Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (95 page)

"And my father?" His brows raised in
question. Yes, the animosity was obvious, even to me. To any
stranger it would be.

"He is a handsome man," was all I could
manage to comment.

"He wasn't too pleased to see me. But that
doesn't surprise me. We don't exactly get along." Ned turned to go,
but as he did, I reached for him and made him turn back to me. With
my heart filled with immense confusion, longing, and the heavy
weight of distrust, I asked, "Why did you really bring me
here?"

"To meet my family, to see where I grew up.
So you can know what kind of man I really am. So perhaps I can put
all of your fears to rest and convince you that I am not out to
hurt you, for I see such pain and anguish in your eyes. I hope
someday to erase all of that for you."

Here was a man who knew somehow that I had
suffered, but was unaware of all the reasons. I mentioned nothing
of my past - not even my last name. I hadn't told him about Jasper
Island - of Heath and Ayden. Ned didn't know of my mother’s tragedy
or her madness. I had said nothing of all my misfortunes. He never
asked about the scars on my back, and I hadn't offered to explain.
Ned was there to be my crutch. I hated myself for taking advantage
of a gorgeous, wealthy man, who offered me all the things I had
hoped and dreamed for.

"Thank you, Ned," I whispered, choking back
my tears. I caressed his scruffy cheek, then sat on the bed and
wondered if I could follow through with my plan to reel Ned in -
this poor unsuspecting man any woman would be lucky to have - and
continue with my plot to make Richard suffer more than I had.

Ned was anxious to take me to the falls, and
shortly after breakfast, we hurried off, leaving his mother rather
disappointed.

"Will you be back for supper?" she called
from the front porch steps.

"We’ll try!" Ned called back, and he pulled
me along the road.

"It's not a far walk. We have to head up this
hill, and over on the other side are the falls . . . the beautiful,
breathtaking waterfalls."

I stared up at the steep tree-covered hill
and pulled back. "I can't climb over that hill!"

"Sure you can. Come on Lillian. There is
something special waiting for you over on the other side."

Ned was insistent, and when I wouldn't budge,
he scooped me up in his arms and carefully carried me over the
hill. On the other side, to my surprise, was a red and white
checkered tablecloth spread out under a big wicker picnic basket on
a small ledge that overlooked the spectacular waterfalls.
Instantly, my mind flashed back to when Warren and I shared a
picnic under the willow tree along the river’s edge. I was so in
love, longing and hoping Warren would think I was beautiful and
want to marry me. That day, I saw for the first time the love in
his eyes for me. Little did I know then that he was my father - my
very own father.

"What is it? Don't you like the lunch I made
us? I picked out this spot especially for us. I woke early to get
it here."

"What . . . yes. Yes, Ned. It’s sweet. Thank
you."

"Allow me," he said and then assisted me over
to the romantic spot.

"A glass of wine?"

"Small . . . just a small amount."

The setting was carefully orchestrated. I
could see the glee in Ned's face. The day could not have been more
glorious. The buds of the surrounding trees were just beginning to
emerge, and the sun was higher in the sky than in late winter. The
birds were chirping happy songs of sunny days and flitting from
branch to branch, making nests for their new baby birds. The water
flowed freely down the narrow gorge, and it was just Ned and I -
alone.

I took a tiny sip of wine - I would have no
more - and nibbled on a piece of fried chicken I gathered he’d
taken from his mother’s pantry. Ned didn't eat much, just stared at
me with a grin that made me blush.

"Please stop staring at me," I said, and
uncomfortably looked away. Was I strong enough? Did I have a strong
enough backbone to play such a charade with him? I silently asked
myself.

"I can't help it. How lucky am I to be with
such a beauty, and a talented beauty at that! You’re smart and
witty and a gift to any man," he began, and took hold of both my
hands. Then, to my dismay, he bent down on one knee and pulled a
stunning diamond ring from his breast pocket. I gasped, and my mind
went into a frenzy. Oh, Ned had talked of marrying me, and I’d
vaguely listened, but I didn't expect a surprise proposal.

"Will you do me the honor of becoming my
wife, Miss Lillian?"

I looked deep into his brown, almost
black-as-coal eyes, looking for a sign that he was playing some
cruel practical joke on me. Should I believe he truly did love me?
Could I deny what I was truly seeing? It was a day I had dreamed of
since I was a little girl - when life had everything to offer and
love was easily obtainable. I had imagined Heath saying these exact
words to me, once upon a time. I had accepted that Richard would
probably never ask me to marry him; however, his pledge to hold and
love me every night was close enough at the time.

Now here I was, sitting before a truly
handsome man, holding my hand out to have an engagement ring
slipped on my finger, and all I could do was cry.

"Are those tears of happiness, I hope?" Ned
asked, worried, while hushing me.

I had to make a decision. Would I go on,
become Ned Griffin’s wife and continue to plot against Richard? It
would be to my benefit, I believed, and would add to the punishment
Richard would soon receive. If Richard found out I was marrying
Ned, he would certainly be livid. Despite the fact that Richard
pushed me, used me, and threw me out when he was finished with me,
I believed that somewhere deep inside him he had loved me. And I
knew Richard hated Ned Griffin with every ounce of his being, and
that it would kill him to learn I had given myself to Ned.

Then, as Ned locked lips with mine, I thought
of running away and abandoning my quest for vengeance. Did I really
want to lie, deceive, and crucify an innocent man, just to satisfy
my own need for revenge? Ned didn't deserve to be caught in the
middle of my obsession . . . or did he? I still didn't know,
couldn't be certain about his motives. I just couldn't. My thoughts
turned desperate.
Oh, Richard, this is all your fault! If only
you hadn’t betrayed me, none of this would be happening. Why
couldn’t you have loved me? Why was it all a game? How many more
people need to be hurt?

When his lips parted from mine, I gazed up to
the clear, crisp blue sky. I wondered if there really was a God up
there, and if so, was he looking down upon me, disgusted, with
plans to shut the golden gates of Heaven, never to let me in when
my time came. Did he think I was cruel, as cruel as my own father,
uncle, and grandmother? For they all had to be burning in hell. I
didn't want to end up in such a place. What was I to do? I cried
inside for an answer. It felt so wrong to say yes to Ned, so
immoral and wrong, for I didn't love him. Yet, in my mind, it was
clear as the sky above me, and without another thought of heaven
and hell, God or the devil, I lifted my heavy head, looked deeply
into Ned Griffin's loving eyes, and said, "Yes. Yes Ned, I will
marry you."

* * *

That afternoon, until early in the evening,
well into a beautiful twilight, Ned and I stayed by the falls. The
setting seemed like some sort of created fantasy, even if he was
not the prince in my dreams. Ned picked me pretty flowers that grew
near the edge of the steep gorge, then led me below so we could dip
our feet into the freezing fresh water. I lifted up my dress enough
to dip my feet, while Ned rolled up the ends of his trousers as we
both sat on a huge boulder and talked of our future together. With
my toes numb, as well as my heart, I listened to his plans, ideas
and dreams of life together as husband and wife.

“We will work hard, you and I, to make our
stock company into the most successful one of its time. With your
beauty, grace, and talent, I see that as inevitable. Then in a few
years, maybe we can sell the theater and move upstate, possibly
even here to the town where I grew up. Then we can start a
family.”

Ned seemed infatuated with the idea. His eyes
glazed over as he looked into some kind of magical doorway to the
future. He no doubt saw us together, hand-in-hand, side-by-side.
Ned wanted me to be the mother of his children - a thought that
left me sick to my stomach and gave me a horrendous headache.

“I want two children . . . two sons,” he
confessed while he gently dripped the icy cold water from the tips
of his long fingers onto my toes. Slowly the drops slid off my
small feet and down the boulder. I would never have suspected that
Ned was such a hopeless romantic. I knew him as a shrewd, wealthy
businessman who wanted me exclusively. When we first met, I had
disliked him immensely. Even though I thought of him as extremely
attractive, I never once imagined that the marriage proposals he
used to send me were in fact real, that he truly loved me, and it
wasn’t a casual infatuation as with all the other wealthy, handsome
men who attempted to court me - even the married ones.

I hadn’t seen Ned Griffin as any different.
However, he was, and I found myself swallowing hard and biting my
lower lip not to burst out crying. I continued to relive Judith’s
confession, remember all of Richard’s lies. That’s what kept me
from falling apart and abandoning my obsession with an iniquitous
reprisal.

“That all sounds so lovely, but . . .” I
stopped myself, considering if I should reveal I never wanted
children. Maybe it wasn’t necessary, for I was going to carry on my
ruse for no more than six months. That’s what I’d promised
myself.

“What, Lillian?” Ned asked, as he lay on his
side, his one arm holding up his head and the other continuing to
allow drops of water to tickle my feet. He was looking down,
mesmerized by the drops, when I spoke up and said I didn’t want
children. I awaited his response, knowing it might be the end of
our short engagement. What man wouldn’t want children?

He sat up, looked at me, and then sighed
heavily. I went to rise, but Ned reached for me and said, “Sit a
while longer. The day is so exquisite; I don’t want it to end.
Perhaps I rushed things a bit with the mention of children. Let’s
wait and see. There is a chance you would reconsider?”

“Perhaps,” was all I could manage to say. Ned
and I had been careful; he made sure he didn’t leave anything of
himself inside me to chance making a baby when we were intimate.
Richard hadn’t been that careful - he enjoyed his pleasure all the
way, and I suppose I was lucky. I didn’t want any man’s child, not
even Richard’s.

We sat at the edge of the falls for some time
before we made our way back to the rooming house.

Mrs. Griffin was just about to serve supper
when we came in. There were two guests seated at the table. One man
appeared to be older than Ned, and was rather meek-looking. His
hair was dark and slicked back, and his moustache was thin and
twisted up at each end. His clothing was freshly washed, a
complimentary service for all guests at The Inn, but his suspenders
were worn and used. His shirt collar had a filthy ring around it
that no amount of scrubbing could remove.

The other man was young, lanky, and thin, but
quite healthy looking. He had sandy- colored hair and piercing
green eyes. The moment I sat down at the table he flicked his eyes
in my direction and scanned me over, then nervously shifted his
glance away. Ned wasn’t nearly as possessive of me as Richard had
been, and hadn’t noticed the man discreetly gazing at me. However,
Norman Griffin noticed. He was keenly aware of everything that went
on, whether he was in the room or not.

“Your room is ready for you, Ned. Swept and
polished, fresh linens on the bed,” his mother said as she sat down
to eat. The woman looked exhausted; her brow was covered in
wrinkles, and her elderly, spotted hands were gnarled from years of
hard work running the rooming house. She was responsible for all
the cooking, washing, scrubbing, dusting, and so on. Ned’s father
was in charge of the daily upkeep and seemingly endless repairs on
the enormous house. Although the house was clean and tidy, it was
apparent in the light of day how neglected the large home really
was. Outside, the paint was peeling and the front porch, which at
first glance appeared to be in good shape, was sloping and had
dozens of rotten floor boards. Inside the dozen or so rooms, the
carpets were worn, the furniture old, and the wallpaper discolored
and peeling from the seams. It was by no means as rundown and
dilapidated as Sutton Hall. In fact, this house had been loved and
cared for throughout the fifty years of its existence. I gathered
the reason they had turned their beloved home into a boarding house
was to help with the costs of running such a large home.

The matter came up soon after I had reached
that conclusion, and I sat uncomfortably as Norman took Ned outside
to the barn. That’s when I heard them arguing.

Mrs. Griffin’s guest, the shy-looking young
man, sat across from me, slowly finishing his meal while Mrs.
Griffin cleared the table. I offered to help, but she insisted I
relax and wait for a slice of pie. Ned hadn’t mentioned our
engagement, hadn’t made a special announcement during supper.
Instead, he held my hand under the table as if he didn’t want his
parents to know yet. Or perhaps he wasn’t ready to reveal the news
to his father.

Their voices traveled with the chilly spring
breeze up to the house and through the opened dining room window. I
recognized Ned’s heated voice. I’d heard him yell at the actors,
make heated demands during rehearsals;
“Louder . . . sing
louder. Your lines, when are you all going to know your lines? This
dance line is out of sync . . . Let’s get it right, ladies and
gentleman!”