Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (92 page)

The weeks passed slowly; the shows dragged on
and on. I was tired, emotionally drained, and felt as sick as I
looked. Without Richard to watch over me and make excuses for any
mishaps and mistakes, Mr. Wilco became impatient and was displeased
with some of my performances. One night, when we were in Richmond,
he insisted my new understudy, Lola Belle, step in for me.

“I’m fine, really. I haven’t been sleeping
all that well. These strange hotel rooms . . . I just don’t sleep
well!” I urgently explained, but he wouldn’t hear it.

“You get some rest. I need you well,
Lillian,” he mumbled, then slammed the door closed behind him.

But I couldn’t get well. The medicines that
were supposed to help me feel better were slowly making me sicker
and sicker. I began to have severe nosebleeds, and my heart would
beat faster and faster for no apparent reason, which kept me awake
all night long. I was more irritable than ever. The dark circles
under my eyes were apparent and couldn’t be well covered with
makeup.

I had noticed other girls taking the same
powders as I, and they didn’t seem nearly as sickly. And I wanted
to stop taking it, but when I tried, the cravings were overpowering
and I found myself without control. Up my nose went the power,
whether I liked it or not.

Mr. Wilco insisted I see a doctor, but by the
next evening, I’d managed to cover up my pale complexion and dark
circles well enough to pass his fastidious inspection. I was
grateful when he let me go onstage, and relieved when I made it
through with a standing ovation. And when I looked off to where he
stood in the wings, I saw how pleased he was. I didn’t need Richard
after all, and I was going to let him know that the minute I
stepped foot in Savannah.

* * *

As sick as I felt, full of nothing but anger
for Richard, I managed to sail through Savannah’s first night’s
performance without passing out from my recent dizzy spells. I
thought and hoped that Richard might be in the audience, but as I
took my final bow, gazing into audience, I didn’t notice him
anywhere in the rows upon rows of seats. That night I decided I
wasn’t going to wait for Richard to come to me. I was going to him.
No longer was I going to be his secret mistress. I was going to
confront Richard and let him know what wrongs he had done. And I
didn’t care who heard me.

It was Christmas time in the south, but you
wouldn’t know it. The air was heavy and moist and the temperature
hotter than I remembered in early winter when I had been living
against my will in Georgia.

As I made my way to Rachael’s home, I
recalled my first Christmas on Jasper Island. I remembered the
stories of Santa Claus that Ayden and Heath had told me. I thought
back to the doll
Santa
had left for me. It seemed a lifetime
ago since the gift of a beautiful porcelain doll meant everything
to me. Now, I faced adult issues, and though perhaps I’d brought
them upon myself by being so young and foolish, by allowing Richard
Parker to become my lover, I craved deeply for the simple wishes
and dreams of my youth.

It was obvious on the carriage’s approach to
the Parker plantation that much work had been done to rebuild and
reclaim its former beauty: fresh paint, a new front galley, a
repaired roof. I imagined if I hadn’t burnt Sutton Hall to the
ground, someone would have come and purchased it and brought the
once magnificent plantation mansion back to its former glory.
Nevertheless, that wasn’t meant to be, as Richard and I weren’t. I
accepted that, but before I could move on, I needed to show him I
wasn’t the young innocent girl he’d once used. He was going to
learn what happens when someone abandons me.

There was a small gathering of familiar
voices inside conversing and I wasted no time interrupting with my
uninvited entrance. “Hello all,” I said as I stepped into the
parlor. They all looked surprised, just as I expected. However, I
hadn’t anticipated Heath being there in the room amongst the other
guests as all eyes fell upon me, like the first time I’d arrived
with Richard at the estate. They all stared with distaste for the
outsider I was. Even Rachael, who had been kind and welcoming
before, chose to shun me.

After holding my stare on Heath for a moment,
still hurt and insulted that he disregarded me, I scanned the room
for Richard. I didn’t see him. As frightening as it was to stand
there with all eyes fixed on me, as much as I knew Heath would be
utterly revolted by my actions, I swallowed my nerves and shouted,
“WHERE IS THE BASTARD?”

Judith stepped out from the shadows of the
room and fired me a bitter scowl, which I immediately
challenged.

“You’re not wanted here. Get out!” she
hissed.

“Where is he hiding? Richard! Richard!” I
yelled, bolting from one room to the next as Judith chased after
me, insisting I leave. The others stayed back, allowing Judith to
stand up and face the woman who’d stolen her husband’s affections
from her for so long.

“He isn’t here!”

I ignored her and continued my search.
Upstairs from one room to the next I flew, opening doors, shouting
for him, until I came to the room where the baby slept. The cradle
was situated up against the creamy white plaster walls. Inside, the
precious baby named after Richard’s former lover slept innocently,
unaware of what life could possibly have in store, of all the
wrongdoings, lies, and betrayals one could suffer. She didn’t know
where she was, and it didn’t matter.

I stepped up to the cradle and watched as her
small chest eased up and down from taking slow, sleepy breaths. I
envied such peacefulness.

“You don’t belong here.” Judith spoke in a
monotone voice from the doorway. I continued to stare at the
sleeping infant, noticing features similar to both Sterling and
Rachael. Her hands were tiny, like I recalled of Elizabeth’s. She
was the only baby I had ever held.

“Richard wants nothing to do with you, you
whore,” she spat.

I tenderly covered the baby with the soft
pink knitted blanked and quietly exited the room. Once we were out
in the hall, I noticed the other women had come to support Judith.
Even Sarah stood there, as timid and shy as she was, listening to
Judith spew vile words at me that accused me of being the lowest
form of scum on the earth. “You’re nothing but a good-for-nothing
streetwalker!”

“You know nothing about me!” I shouted. “Not
one of you does!” I turned to Rachael who seemed to show a glimpse
of empathy for me in her eyes. She had known what it was like to
love Richard and be left with nothing in the end. She knew as well
as I did!

Judith stepped forward and smiled. A
sinister, sly smile, which reminded me of only one other person -
my grandmother.

“You girls go now, I need to say this in
private,” she ordered. They all scattered, though I saw the men,
all but Heath, lingering at the bottom of the stairs, waiting to
drag me off as if I had laid one scratch on Judith.

I allowed her to shove me into a bedroom, all
the while my head ached from terrible pains that shot behind the
back of my eyes. My nose was bleeding once again, but I didn’t
care, and I slapped away the handkerchief she offered out of sheer
necessity.

“I want to speak to Richard. And for your
information, I don’t want anything to do with your husband any
longer,” I stated adamantly.

“You think I didn’t know about your
nauseating affair with my husband?” she asked with mocking laughter
behind her voice. “Do you think I am so much a fool?”

“I don’t care whether you know or not. And
yes, I think you are a fool for marrying him.”

“You are such a naïve girl,” she fired,
stepping closer to me, then staring me straight in the eyes added,
“You are the fool, through and through.”

I gulped hard and took a step back from her.
I sensed that what she was about to tell me would shatter the very
last piece of dignity I possessed.

“Do you believe for one moment I would have
let you onto that train if I didn’t believe you would fall madly in
love with Richard? That was the reason I agreed to it all!”

“What did you agree to?” I timidly asked. Now
my head was pounding like a drum. It was painful to blink, and the
blood continued to drip from my nose onto the floor.

Judith paced back and forth, appearing to
laugh to herself at my stupidity. Then she stopped, her large body
pivoting around to face me, and pointed her thick finger straight
at me. “You really got yourself into some mess, didn’t you? That
man who was killed . . . the law coming after you . . . I can see
why you jumped like a scared little orphan at the first person who
promised to rescue you. But you see, Lillian, there was nothing to
be saved from.”

I placed my hand on the wall to steady myself
from falling and tried to focus on what she was saying.

“There was no law after you. Richard made it
all up. He trapped you, and I readily agreed. It was the money he
knew you would bring in to get him out of debts he owed to God
knows whom. I wouldn’t give him the money. When he saw you, your
youthful beauty, he approached me and I agreed, knowing full well
you would be too stupid to see it.”

“Why would you do such a thing? Why would you
allow me to believe I was wanted by the law?” I groaned. I couldn’t
believe what I was hearing. Richard used me for money; he stole it
all from me. Then he had me fall in love with him.
What benefit
did that gain him?

“Thousands of dollars Bart Wilco handed over
to Richard.”

“Why did you allow him to love me?” I cried
wearily.

“So I could catch him, file for divorce, and
throw him out in the gutter where he belongs! Finally, I caught
that cheating bastard. And . . .”

Oh, God there was more.

“I know everything about your parents’ sinful
past, about Amelia and Patrick-Garrett. We all know about you! I
read every page of your mothers’ journal, out loud in front of my
sisters, Sterling, Richard, and Sarah.”

“You’re a liar!” I screamed in outrage. The
room began to spin and my shaking legs felt as though they were
about to betray me.

“Go out there and ask them. Go on!”

“Where’s my mother’s book?” I pitifully
moaned.

“I burned it and all the sinful words. It
went straight to hell where it belongs!”

Slowly I slid from the side of the walls down
to the floor and cradled my throbbing head down into my knees. The
pain was excruciating, and I could barely manage to comprehend the
profundity of Judith revelations.
No, please don’t let it be
true. All I had left of Momma couldn’t be gone forever!

“Get up, you piece of trash, and walk out
into the gutter where you belong. You are just as unwanted now as
you were the day you were conceived!” Judith spat over me.

“Where’s all this blood from?” I heard a
familiar voice ask. Heath entered the room.

“It’s from her!”

I curled on the floor, moaning from the pain,
and slammed my eyes closed while covering my ears to block out
Judith’s shrieking voice. Heath, the compassionate, concerned,
dedicated doctor that he was, came and lifted me onto the bed.

“Let her be, Heath. She deserves to
suffer!”

“No one deserves to be in pain, Judith,” he
retorted. “Let me examine her in peace.”

In a huff, she flew out. I eased my weary
eyes open and helplessly lay there staring up at the man, who no
matter how many years passed, and how dismayed he was with me, I
would forever hold a torch for.

Heath quickly scanned me over, took my pulse,
and called for his doctor bag. Sarah rushed in with it and lingered
beside him as he took out his stethoscope to listen to my heart. I
kept my eyes glued to his grave face while he listened, intent on
every beat of my heart. I felt it race within my chest, not just
from the powders I consumed, but from his hand resting on my hand
and the other lingering near my waist. If Sarah knew what Heath and
I had meant to one another long ago, I couldn’t tell. She looked as
concerned for me as did Heath. I took the time to gaze down at
their hands, to notice any wedding bands. Neither wore one. They
weren’t married as of yet.

“Sarah, would you go get me a cool cloth for
her feverish head?” he kindly asked.

“Certainly,” she replied and whisked off,
leaving us alone.

The nagging pain in my head was awful, and I
fought to keep my eyes open and on Heath. I needed to see his blue
eyes shine on me, longed to see any sign that I meant something to
him. But all I saw was a professional doctor, until he finally took
a long breath and willingly met my eyes. With a heavy hand, he took
mine and squeezed it tight, then asked in just above a whisper,
“What has become of you, Lillian?”

Tears instantly cascaded along my cheek and
down onto the pillow where my heavy head lay. Heath did remember me
with warm affection! It was clear as day in those translucent blue
eyes of his. But just as the connection was made, those eyes turned
dark and shadowed. He slowly let go of my hand so it dropped down
beside me.

“It’s not what you think,” I groaned out of
both physical and emotional torture.

“I expected better of you. To see you like
this, to know what you do, to think of you with Richard Parker, a
married man!”

“Please don’t judge me.”

“I am not here to judge you,” he said taking
a handkerchief and holding it to my nose to stop the blood from
flowing. “I am here as a doctor. It is my responsibility.”

“It certainly sounds like you are judging
me,” I murmured bleakly, knowing it is what I should have expected.
Heath was and always would be more righteous than I, more proper.
Where I’d come from, there was no way I could ever be what he
desired. And now that he knew my family’s past, who I was, and what
kind of life I had chosen for myself, I was surprised he could
tolerate being in the same room with me.