Bound (Bound Hearts #1) (20 page)

“Courtland. Need. Breathe.”

“Sorry.” He slowly raised himself up and turned us so we were laying side by side. We just rested there for a few minutes before he brushed my sweat-stuck hair off my face and put his hand to lay at my hip.

I closed my eyes. I didn’t know how long we were making love
, but it had truly exhausted me and I was blissfully falling asleep, when I heard him say, “I love you.”

My
eyes shot open, wide with fear and shock. He actually said it. All I could do was stare at him.

Then
, he said it again.

“Adelaide, I love you.”

Courtland

I could tell she was totally freaked by what I said. By the notes I left around the house I imagined her slowly figuring out my feelings. She wasn’t expecting me to say it though, and I couldn’t pretend not to feel what I truly
felt and not share them with her. I needed her to know how much I loved her.

She laid there in shock and I saw the fear in her eyes. Fear of the unknown. I honestly don’t think she’s ever really heard that from anyone. Surely Gram and her grandfather did and must have told her
, but I don’t think she knows what true unconditional, fathomless, never ending love is like. That’s the way I loved her. There was no ending, just incandescently endurance, until I leave this world. I didn’t want to spend my life without her. Her leaving would leave a shell of who I once was. I wanted her to love me the same way. I wouldn’t force her. I wanted her to only say it if she meant it with all that she was. She was scared though and that feeling is hard to break when you’ve been through a lot in your life.

Then
, she sobbed. Heart wrenching sobs that scared me shitless. Not even ten years ago did I see her cry like this. It was like a lifetime of pain and hurt was being poured out of her and I was helpless to it. So I held her. I held her close. I held her tight.

After what felt like hours, she calmed down and she laid so quietly and for now that was okay. I wanted her to tell me her deepest darkest secrets, but if I had to lay mine down first
, I would.

“My mother died five years ago.”

Her body tensed and I shifted us so I could lean my head on my hand and still be able to look and caress her if I wanted. She didn’t say anything and I didn’t need her to. If what I had to do was talk about my own feelings, then so be it. I wasn’t afraid of loving her and giving her my best and I sure as hell wasn’t afraid to give her the worst of me.

“Five years ago, a woman found out where I lived and I was still in the Marines
, but Joe had sent my C.O. a telegram telling me about my mother dying. The only mother I thought it could be was Mildred, his wife. Or God forbid Maggie. We had just come back from deployment and he told me I had a week’s leave and I came down. Boy, I was so pissed when I found out it wasn’t either of them, but my birth mother. Addy.”

I ended up having to take a deep breath and close my eyes. Although it was five years ago, knowing what my mother went through, still caught my breath and brought tears to my eyes.

I felt a feather light touch on my brow and slowly opened my eyes to see hers filled with tears.

“You must know she didn’t, or God forbid, choose that life. Not one girl or woman willingly chooses to prostitute themselves.”

“She was fifteen when she had me, Addy.”

No one knew that. Except the woman Roxy, Roth and whoever else was in control those years.

“Fifteen, Addy! No girl should be treated like that. I’m surprised she didn’t have an abortion.”

“No, they shouldn’t. But sometimes they have no choice. It’s taken away from them.”

I couldn’t imagine any girl going through what my mother went through. I understood, now more than I ever did.

“Can I show you something?”

Nodding, she pushed herself up, and cradled her arms across her knees. I got up and went to my dresser, just to get a smile from her I said without looking back, “Stop staring at my ass, woman.”

Giggling, she responded, “I
really can’t help it Courtland. You really do have a fine ass.”

I grabbed my mother’s letter from my dresser and turned back around
, rolling my eyes at her. This time, she shielded her eyes with a hand, smiling and laughing.

“Here. It’s from my mother.”

She looked at it with trepidation and with a shaking hand, she reached for it. Taking it back into her lap, she unfolded the stationary and began reading. I knew what it said basically from heart. I could even hear my mother’s voice talking as she was writing it.

Dearest Courtland,

My sweet strong baby boy. If you’re reading this, than that means I never got the chance to tell you how truly sorry I am. I want you to know that I have loved you since the doctor put you in arms. Before even, that first heart beat ultrasound. Such a strong steady heartbeat. I know I was never able to show it. Roth had threatened to sell you when you were a young boy if I didn’t follow his commands.

After the hospital stay and arriving to our pathetic excuse for a home, he usually kept me heavily sedated unless I was put out on the streets. I was fifteen Courtland.

I was fifteen when I selfishly ran away from home. My parents were very religious Cat
holics and the fact of me hating to be reined in. I had always known I was a free spirit. Longing to be free from the confines of which I was born into. I imagined you were longing it as well.

When a man had shown me such wonderful attention I thought I craved and showered me with beautiful things. I was so very captivated. I had lied to him you see. I told him I was eighteen. When he asked me to move away with him, he promised that he’d take care of me.

It wasn’t long before I learned his real motives.

I can’t dare convince you to forgive me for never being the mother you deserve, for I know I will never deserve you.

You deserve every happiness this world has to offer and has never shown you. I’m sorry that I don’t know who your father is. That time was a blurry mess of lies, deceit, pain and despair.

I know you turned out so different than what you were given. You exceeded and that’s all I could ever want for you. Is your happiness.

I was about thirty-six, which made you twenty-one, when I finally got the nerve to find you. You were driving a pick-up truck with a boy and a pretty girl around and when you stopped, and got out to go inside the movie complex, I swear to you, your eyes were bright green emeralds that held happiness.

You seemed taken with that girl. It might seem foolish
, but I often dreamed she was your wife and pictured her with a beautiful baby on her hip. Just thinking about having grandchildren who I knew you would cherish, protect with everything in you, made my life complete.

If you never call me mom
, Courtland, I’ll be okay with that. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. You were never one of them. You are a good man, will be a great husband and even a better father to your children.

I wish so many wonderful and beautiful things for you and your future. Your birth is a beautiful miracle. My miracle. Never thought I’d say this
, but my father always said, work hard and love harder.

So my beautiful son, know this, work hard and love harder. You are so loved.

With hope, Chloe

P.S. They don’t know who you are, but if you ever want to meet your grandparents, their name are Alexander and Merriam Phillips. They live in a small town outside Memphis, Tennessee. As I write this, they are alive. Please, don’t forget, you have family. It’s never the place that makes a home, just the people in it.

I sat there
, letting it sink in. Tears fell from her eyes and she looked just a painful as I could imagine any young girl would think about those things. Being denied love, friendship. Never having parents who understood you or thinking you were too much trouble. When Addy finished, she laid the papers down in her lap. She shook her head reverently.

“Courtland, have you met your grandparents?”

“No.”

“Why ever not?”

I sighed with the frustration I felt at knowing I could meet them. “What would you do if you were in my situation?”

“I pr
actically was. Although they knew
of
me. They didn’t know me. I made it my own personal promise to find them. I left here when I was almost eighteen. I wanted to know them. And they, me. They deserved it.”

“Maybe I’m just not ready.”

“That’s okay too Courtland. No one should rush you into something that is totally unknown. Just remember, they won’t live forever. Maybe you should give them the blessing of knowing your existence. At least.”

“I’ll think on it. For now, let’s rest.”

“I couldn’t think of anything I’d like more.”

I laid us down
, and I moved her so she was laying on top of me. I wanted her to be my blanket and she reached down and threw the covers on both of us. Her head laid comfortably on my chest. Right over my heart. Just where she belonged.

‡

I felt something stirring on top of me. Then the most incredible sensation I’d ever felt. My dick was already springing in action and then a warmth spread over the tip.

My eyes opened and I saw the blanket ruffling over me and knew what she was doing. Before
, she had seem so insecure about this part of making love and I wasn’t about to force her into doing something she didn’t want to do. Maybe she just needed time and to be thoroughly relaxed. I mean, between falling asleep after my mother’s letter and now, I had woken her up once already, wanting to bathe in her warmth and heat. It was frantic and so intense I couldn’t help the tears that tried releasing, when I told her how much I loved her. She still didn’t say it back. Maybe she wasn’t ready. I wouldn’t pressure her, but I needed her to know how much I absolutely, without a doubt loved everything she is. She was special-made just for me. The one thing I knew I could call my own. The only thing I wanted for my own. In this life and the next.

However, my only thoughts right now, honestly, was how she was twirling her tongue around my dick and sucking my head deep into her mouth. Holy-

“Mother of God. That feels so good.”

I shoved the covers back. I had to see her. She knew exactly what she was about and it was fucking sexy as hell.

“So-
fuck me
-amazing.”

She chuckled and licked her way up until she made a popping sound, letting go of my junk.

“Good. Only one request. Don’t touch me.” When I showed confusion on my face and about to speak she just said, “Please. Just let me please you. Just-please, Courtland.”

Her eyes were almost fearful of me rejecting her request but hell, I didn’t have to touch her to feel how good her mouth felt wrapped around me.

“Babe, do whatever you want with me. I am yours. You are totally in control of this.”

“Thank you.”

“My fucking pleasure Adelaide.”

Then
, she proceeded to take me deep into her mouth and I was clutching the sheets and I felt the sweat over my lip and brow. So close. I honestly didn’t want to come in her mouth. So, I made sure I gave her that warning.

“Adelaide. I really don’t want to come in your mouth right now. I want to feel your slick wet heat wrapped around me. Please. If you really feel like pleasing me, get on top and ride me.”

She laughed and I felt the vibration down my cock and travel up my spine.

“Holy shit. That felt too good. Get up here girl. Show me what you got.”

She slowly released my shaft and climbed her sweet naked body up mine, and poised her moist heat over the tip. She took it in one hand, lined her body up to it, and lowered herself so the head was inside. She looked deep and soulfully into my eyes, breathed deep and then-

“Oh
, God.”

She slammed home. That was the most incredible sight I’ve ever seen. Adelaide totally letting go of her inhibitions and taking what she wanted. She teased me slowly, moving her body up and down mine with a hard, slow steady rhythm. Swiveling her hips a bit. Then grinding down so her clit brushed the base of my cock and she massaged her hood in a languid rhythm which was driving me insane.

Her body was so incredibly beautiful. With her nipples pierced, she looked erotic and sex-goddessy, but she would anyway, even if she didn’t have them. Damn, this woman owned every part of me. She claimed every inch of my heart, body and soul. Shit, she’d probably freak out even more if I told her what she was doing to me. I kept it secret for now. Yeah, I promised I wouldn’t hide from her, but I knew she’d probably tense up and she wouldn’t be able to react with pleasure anymore and I couldn’t have that. Definitely not while she was on top of me pushing me to oblivion.

I could feel her tiring and I asked her if I could take control of her hips and she laughed which made her inner muscles clench and I almost came. I knew I let out a few pulses
of pre-cum already, but I took her hips and stilled them on top of mine.

“Yes, Courtland. Who knew being on top was so much work?” She laughed heartily and I couldn’t help but laugh back. She was so magnificent. Her cheeks were aglow with laughter and joy and her hair fanned out as she held herself up on my chest. Her nails gently bit into my flesh and I loved every scratch she put on me.

“It’s never too much work for me, babe. I love it every time. It’s a new, wonderful experience each time. Just clench your inner muscles like that and I’ll make sure you come again. I promise.”