Bondage Included (10 page)

“You mean they literally consider you dead? I can’t imagine such a thing.” Her family fought. They were loud and often in each other’s business, but they always supported one another.

“I hope you never do.” He was so somber.

It broke her heart. “Did you love her?” She had to ask. She had to know just what she was up against.

“I thought so at the time, but I was young and stupid. I suppose I felt a sense of responsibility.”

“Because you were her first?” She was trying to understand, but the concept seemed so foreign to her. Her parents had always had a very inclusive philosophy.

He nodded. “I was raised in a fire and brimstone household. Celeste and I were childhood sweethearts. Everyone assumed we’d get married. I don’t think I ever asked her, it was just expected. Once we’d had sex, it seemed a foregone conclusion. By the standards I was brought up with, I’d ruined her, therefore it was my responsibility. I know it’s terribly old-fashioned, even in that day and age, let alone now, but in our parish it was the way things were done.”

“I wasn’t raised that way, André. I was taught that my body was my own and it was my choice what activities I chose to engage in. I think they were more worried about peer pressure than anything else. My parents made it clear that sex was a part of life and it came with responsibilities, just like driving a car.” She chuckled. “They preached safety more than anything else.”

He brushed a lock of her hair behind her ears. “Your parents seem very forward thinking.”

She mumbled, “You have no idea.” Unfortunately, she needed to keep it that way. Considering what she’d just learned, that those he held most dear had turned their backs on him and considered him dead, that his fiancée had betrayed him and married his brother, she was more worried than ever that he’d be suspicious of her intentions. With his background, he had to be wary of any woman who professed to love him. Now that months had gone by and she’d never mentioned her parents owned a competing club, he’d surely wonder what she was trying to hide.

“Now, I’m confused. If you were raised in such an open environment, then why haven’t you explored more?” His hands were constantly in motion, rubbing her arms and legs.

She wasn’t sure if he was trying to soothe her or reassure himself that she was still there. “My brothers were always around. They were big and loud and intimidating. In their eyes, no one was good enough. While I was annoyed at the time, I also figured that if the guys weren’t willing to stand up to my brothers then I must not be terribly important to them.”

Adriana glanced up at his pain-clouded eyes. “You might not believe this, but I hated school.” She came off as studious, but in reality she was simply determined. “I wanted out before I ever got in. I took eighteen, sometimes twenty credit hours a semester so I could graduate in two and a half years. I didn’t have time to date. If I wasn’t in school, I was working. Once I graduated, I dated a bit, but I never hit it off with anyone well enough to have sex. Losing my virginity wasn’t a burning issue for me. It simply didn’t matter. I figured it would happen eventually.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like there was something wrong with you. This was my fault, but I do wish you’d given me a heads up.” He smiled down at her.

“Yes, you’ve said that a time or two.” She leaned in and kissed his neck. “I’m sorry I freaked you out and brought back a bad memory.”

He waved off her concern. “Bebe, your first time should be something special, not a hand job.” His voice told her exactly what he thought of that idea.

She smiled. “André, my first time would have been special, because it was with you. You’re my best friend.”

“And you’re mine, Adriana. I don’t want you to leave me.” His body tensed for a moment then he relaxed and sat up a little straighter. “I would miss our stimulating conversations.”

“Well, I feel the need to point out, you were stimulating something else and I miss that…very much.” Where her bravery came from, she wasn’t sure. Probably because he was holding her like he really didn’t want her to leave him, not now, and not ever, though that was undoubtedly wishful thinking on her part.

“Yes. I did rudely interrupt the flow of things, didn’t I?” He took responsibility for ending their fun, but didn’t move to resume their activities. “We need to talk about a few things, bebe.”

She hung her head and groaned. “Have you heard the phrase, a little less talk and a lot more action?”

André laughed. “D/s is about—”

She chimed in, “Communication. I know, but I don’t see what there’s to talk about. My virginity doesn’t change anything.” She shot him an ‘I mean business’ stare.

“You know it does. For starters, the fact that I didn’t know means we haven’t talked nearly enough.”

She knew that tone. There wouldn’t be any way to evade ‘the talk’, but she still felt the need to try. “We’ve done nothing but talk for six months or so. I think we’ve conversed enough.”

“Now see, that’s why I love being the Dom. I get to decide when we play.” He still sounded tense, but there was definite amusement in his voice as well.

“Okay, you win. What do you need to know?” She considered it like being in school again—just one more thing she had to get through before she could get on to the good stuff.

He laughed. “That’s not the attitude I was hoping for.”

“Well, I’m learning we can’t always have what we want, at least not when we want it. So join the club and get on with it.”

He shook his head. “How do you feel about ball gags and spankings? I see both in your near future.”

He was probably trying to lighten the mood, but she answered him anyway. “I’m fine with both. I don’t like those hood things, though. Those are out.” She’d seen a few at the clubs and they didn’t interest her at all. Having her head strapped to the back board had freaked her out too. She thought it best not to bring that up. Reminding him of her injury wasn’t the way to seduce him.

“I’ll make this easy. You already know I want to keep this between you and me. I’m not interested in a third. Anal isn’t high on my fun list either. I won’t say it’s a hard limit, but it is a soft one. I’m fine with being tied up, down or sideways.” She smiled and winked at him. “I haven’t played with many toys so I don’t know what I’d like or dislike. Maybe if we tried more and talked less, I’d have more to share.” She gave him a bratty grin, hoping he’d let go of his scowl.

“Adriana, there’s more to D/s than kinky fucking.” He tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. “What do you want from this arrangement?”

She got the impression that a lot was riding on how she answered this question. It was time to put the attitude away and speak from her heart.

“André.” She sighed and searched for the words to describe why she needed this. “I’m a control freak. It’s why I hated school. I wasn’t in charge. I had to follow the rules and guidelines imposed by others. At home, it was like having eight parents. As the youngest, my siblings all tried to tell me what to do at every turn. I felt like I had to rebel just to prove I was my own person.”

Great, she was sounding like a Domme, not a sub. She plodded along anyway, grateful that he was listening. “When I got my degree, I never even looked for a job. I knew I’d never be able to work for anyone. My parents must have understood, because they lent me the startup money for my business. I’m a perfectionist in every way…and I hate it. I do not derive pleasure from control. I simply don’t trust anyone to take the reins and plot a course for me.”

He shifted her slightly so he could meet her gaze. “You need a place where you can let go.” The tension was gone from his face and his eyes sparkled for the first time in months.

She nodded. “Music and dancing were my only outlets. The pounding beat and exercise calms my brain and I find a few minutes of peace. You think the tears are from the pain, but it’s so much more. It builds inside me until I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired, André. I need a break. My brain never shuts off.”

“I can give that to you, princess, if you trust me.” He ran his finger down the side of her face and tapped her nose.

“I do trust you, André. I’ll be honest, though, I don’t know that I’ll make a very good submissive. The more it wears on me, the mouthier I get.” She’d hate to disappoint him.

“We can make it work. D/s isn’t a one size fits all type of arrangement. The parameters are whatever we make them.” He sounded confident and sure of himself again.

“What do you get out of this, André?”

“I get to explore a power exchange with my girl.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and smirked.

“Be serious. I’ve already invaded your home and taken over your life with this stupid leg of mine. You’re used to three submissives fighting for your attention…” She couldn’t compete with that. The more she thought about it, the situation seemed totally one-sided. “You need to be getting something in return or it isn’t fair.”

“Adriana, I’m what’s called a service top. I derive pleasure by meeting the needs of my bottom.” He cocked his head to one side as if he was choosing his words carefully. “I love your playful side, that you’re strong and can think for yourself, but I need to be in charge. I was worried that my need to control would wear on you, that we’d butt heads and that I couldn’t be what you needed.”

“I think if you tried to dictate every aspect of my life, it would add to the problem instead of help. I don’t think I could ever enjoy a Master/slave scenario.” Her parents were in one and it worked for them, but she just couldn’t see it working for her.

“We’ll start with D/s in matters of sex only and see if that’s enough. If not, we can step it up.”

He seemed to be deep in thought and that worried her a little. Was he planning scenes or was he disappointed she didn’t want D/s full time? She should ask him. He was constantly telling her how important communication was, and yet she was afraid of the answer. Then again, her imagination was probably worse than anything he would say.

“What type of relationship did you have with your other subs?” Curiosity was going to kill her one of these days.

“For the last year or two…maybe longer, I’ve just had trainees. They’ve come to me with specific requests and I’ve done what I could to help. Please don’t misunderstand, Adriana, you can ask me anything and I will try to answer you. I don’t think of other women when I’m with you. I don’t care what came before. What matters is what we have moving forward.”

Which is André speak for ‘I’m too much a gentleman to discuss my previous relationships’.
Okay, she could live with that. If this went the way he thought it would and they eventually parted, then she had the solace of knowing he wouldn’t discuss their intimate details with anyone else.

André was big on communication and her parents preached it too and they had been together happily since the invention of dirt so maybe she should follow their lead. “I’m a little worried that you’ll get bored with me. In my mind, all the women you’ve trained or scened with in the past are sexual goddesses and I’m the clumsy, pimple-faced virgin sitting in the corner.”

The shocked look on his face had her laughing.

“You’re a beautiful young woman and I can’t imagine ever losing interest. We’ve spent six months or more sitting and talking and I was never bored.” He leaned down and captured her mouth with his.

He stole her breath away and sent her heart pounding. When he sat up, she felt bereft, until she noticed his cock was throbbing against her ass cheeks. He was obviously happy with where this was headed.

“Adriana, we don’t have to have intercourse to give you the D/s experience you’re seeking. Why don’t you think about it for a few days?”

“André, I’ve thought about it every night since I met you. I don’t need a few more days. If it messes with your head then we don’t have to, but it is not a soft or hard limit for me. It is boldly on the ‘want to try’ list.”

“Okay, then choose a safe word.” His facial expression became more stoic and his voice had an edge to it.

Her stomach dropped. This was what she wanted yet there was no denying her nervousness. “Snowman.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Snowman? Why?”

“I’d rather not answer.” She couldn’t stop the stupid grin from lighting up her face. “Besides, it’s the perfect word. When was the last time we got enough to build a snowman in Phoenix?”

“If it pertains to sex, and from your blushing cheeks I suspect it does, then I need to know.”

Shit
. She knew that look. He’d hound her until she answered. “When you put on your Dom face, it’s a little intimidating. Eva and I call it your snowman mask. I”—she bit her lip trying to figure out how to explain what was in her head—“want you to be firm and dominant. That’s exciting, but I need to know I matter.” Damn it, tears were in her eyes again. “I don’t want to be just another warm body.”

“Oh, Adriana, you always matter to me.” He hugged her a little tighter for a moment then looked her in the eyes. “Do I scare you, princess?”

“Not in the murder and mayhem way. And you’ve never given me the frosty death glare. Sometimes when you’re disciplining a sub or taking a Dom to task you wear it.” She shook her head. “You’re not mad per se, just detached. I don’t think I could handle it if you looked at me like that.”

“I don’t think you have much to worry about. If you ever feel uncomfortable with me, tell me and we’ll talk it through. You should always feel safe.”

She loved that he took her concerns seriously. “Thank you, André. I do. It’s one of the reasons why I held out hope that after the contracts with the trolls came to an end we’d scene together. There is no one at the club that I trust as much as you.”

Adriana was pushing every one of his buttons, but in a positive way. Her reasons for wanting D/s were exactly what he wanted to hear. She couldn’t possibly know what she was doing to him with her trust.

He’d freaked the fuck out when he’d felt her hymen. The fact that she’d still have anything to do with him was a little surprising. He’d definitely hurt her feelings.

There was a part of him, one that he wasn’t exactly proud of, that was elated she’d chosen him. He wanted his time with her. And whether it was important to her or not, Adriana’s first time was going to be special. “I know it isn’t easy to talk about emotions, whether it’s something that scares us or more intimate issues. Yet, we have to if this is going to work. You’re very dear to me, Adriana. Don’t be afraid to express yourself.”