BOMAW 1-3 (105 page)

Now... here she was with Shawn and she was guilty of a wrong. Yet, that wrong was locked tight and lodged in her chest and would not move up to her mouth to come out and get it laid before him to know. Because she was ill-equipped to cope with his displays of anger. It paralyzed her from within. While she had never been a fighter, she had always defended herself in every area there was a need to. But it hurt her... to hurt someone else. She couldn't see how people could just lash out and hurt another person, whether that person warranted it or not. It made her stomach cramp to cause injury... excluding only the case of defending her children. For them, she would fight to the death... and yes, inflict great harm... they were the exception to the rule.

She never expressed it to any one, but inside, she harbored a bit of fear for larger men. All the guys she ever dated were her height, a few shorter, and then Armundo... who had been just barely two inches taller than her. She wondered if it had to do with her mother and the relationships she'd had after their father departed. Her mother had gotten involved with a few men who were much taller, and very aggressive. Trying to control Lydia - trying to tame Lydia - trying to keep Lydia. Her mother had fought them all, tooth and nail. How many times had she and her brother's stood fighting to defend their mother against men of height, weight and stature. Her mother had not been much taller than Sylvia, but she could pack a wallop and then some. Lydia could defend herself and often hurt a few pretty good, enough to send them on their way to never bother her again. The experience had however, always shaken Sylvia up. Left her crying and afraid for her mother, that one of them would seriously harm her somehow.

As it turned out after so many years, Sylvia found that she seldom ever became emotionally attracted to men that were any where close to being six foot. They were usually her height or slightly more, no more than a couple of inches. She believed she could better defend herself against them if they weren't that much bigger. She had been too late in realizing that a man's height meant nothing, he was still a man, and physically much more stronger than she was. Armundo taught her that was a no win. Height had nothing to do with it, but what the man was - had everything to do with it.

Then she'd made the other error of believing that only Spanish and black men were aggressive. Hearing some bull crap about white men treating you so much better. That they were much more gentler and easy to deal with. So naturally, while she had been put out by her daughter getting pregnant, she had been somewhat secretly relieved that he was white and so never really feared for her. Stupid and naive, she honestly thought when she took on Shawn, that he would fit into what she imagined a white male would be like. He was nothing like she'd imagined. He fit into none of the so called stereotypes about white males. He was indeed contradictory to them all. Yet, this white male... loved her like she'd never been loved before. His passion was surprising and tangible. His desires were strictly family oriented. His decisiveness was absolute. His talents were undeniable. His sense of humor was contagious. His devotion to her was without a doubt concrete. His need to satisfy her in bed was spot on. His touch - the look in his eyes - melted her the moment he used them to do so. But he was also a man who held within him certain angers ... that also made her feel weak. It drained her in an instant because it was so traumatizing to see. Not once had it been directed at her and still... she felt it in the pit of her stomach.

Today she would marry this man. Knowing that what she kept from him, could very well ignite his anger towards her for the first time. She grew dizzy just thinking about it.

"Sylvia...? You awake?" He asked again.

She turned to her back. "Yeah... I'm awake." She whispered back.

He moved over to lean up on his hand to look down at her in the dawning of their day.

"Look at me." He asked softly.

She did... staring straight up at him.

"Do you... want me Sylvia... me... do you?"

What was it in his voice, in the way he asked that, that once again made her lose all thought? Fear... he was afraid. Tears came into her eyes because, looking at him, what did such a man as this have to be afraid of? Her? No... just as she could not extend her hand to hurt someone she didn't know... there was nothing in her powerful enough to make her hurt this man, that she did know. Know... and love... with all her heart... and she knew... and she prayed that heaven help her... because with him, should could not help herself.

"I want you... with every fibre... of my being... I want you. Believe me... hear every word that I say... and know that its true. I'm in love with you... I'm in love with you."

Shawn went down and grabbed her, hugging her tightly to his chest as he felt her arms go around him. Her fingers combing through his hair as he squeezed her, his eyes tightly shut as he held onto her. They didn't kiss. There was no erection. The hug was not sexual. They were both impacted by fear and need and felt compelled to hold onto each other and hold on tight. They hung on. Playing through each mind, all the things in their lives that made this moment, that day... one that needed to take place. The hug said... I am for you, you are for me ... do not forsake me. They were both scared.

This day would be and as was promised just the day before... no matter what... they were determined that there would be no divorce for them.

That morning, every one of the McPherson households were abuzz with activity for the wedding. Meribel had been up first thing getting her children in order. Orders of who was taking which car, which of the boys were riding with whom was being discussed in disorderly fashion as she rushed around the house making sure everyone was wearing what she took out for them to wear. Derrick Jr. was there as well to attend his uncles wedding, also tops on his list, he was going to finally meet his father's other two children. His half sister Crystal and her brother - his half brother Armundo Jr. he was really excited about that; even better, a friend from school came down with his girlfriend so he was expecting to have a good time.

Sasha was all excitement because Angela was coming back with them that night from the reception and staying for the weekend. Shanna and her grandma Gert would be getting her Sunday night to be back for school Monday. That way her uncle Shawn and his new wife Sylvia would at least have a week together in Michigan.

Marcus and Luis would be riding down with Derrick in his car, which had Shawn2 (they called him) pissed off as they were all hearing about it.

"Dad its not fair! Why can't I go with them!? I don't wanna ride with the babies!" He complained.

"Excuse me! I am not a baby!" Sasha defended. "I am ten years old, soon to be eleven!" She announced, her head shifting side to side, filled with attitude. Their dad was in the mirror shaving thinking,
'More like ten going on thirty.'

"Was I talking to you?! Are you my dad? Did you hear me address you as dad?! Go away little girl!" Shawn2 ordered, looking every bit like his uncle. Derrick glanced out the side of his eyes at him and couldn't control the shiver from looking at him. If his brother hadn't been thousands of miles away, he'd have serious doubts about his sons parentage. Yet, it was fact, he was his son through and through. He wondered why Shawn wanted more kids when he could easily have this one... he was just like him, he could easily pass him off with no problems.

"Well? Can I go with them?!" Shawn2 asked.

"No... so stop asking!" Derrick answered, shifting his cheek as he shaved.

"MAN! No fair! I don't wanna go then! I'm staying here!" He stomped off for his room just as Meribel rounded the top of the stairs, "You better not be slammin' no doors Shawn2! Get your butt in gear - because you are going! Miho I'm tellin' you now - I got too much to do to be pissin' wit' you!"

"Why can't I go with them!?" He argued from his bedroom door.

"What did your father say?! Hmm, what did he say?! You want me to say it in Spanish?! Would you understand then?! Fine - I'll say it in Spanish - No! Now get your ass ready!"

"Meri don't cuss at your son." Derrick said from the open bathroom door as he trimmed his nose hairs.

"Well you better get him then, because I swear, I will strangle his ass! BOY - YOU BETTER BE GETTING READY!!" She yelled picking up clothes strewn down the upstairs hallway. "Who dropped all these clothes down this hallway?! I just did laundry! You guys think I wash yo' clothes cause I got nothing better to do!?"

"I dropped'em mama... I was putting them away." Joseph, their five year old came from his room with the clothes basket to say.

Meribel whimpered, "Miho, you dropped them all down the hallway, they have to be folded first." She said heading for his room, folding them as she walked by Shawn2's room. "You gettin' dressed in there?!" She asked him through the door.

"I'm staying here!" He answered.

She looked at Derrick across the hall, over the stairs banister from Joseph's room. "That one is yours! If I deal with him, its gonna be to knock him out, dress him and drag his butt to the wedding."

"Shawn2! If you're not getting dressed, that's it - you're gonna get it!" Derrick yelled.

Meribel put her hands on her hips and glared across the open floor at her husband. "What is he gonna get?"

Derrick grinned and shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know... it sounded good though."

"Oh my god! You are a high school coach! Can't you do better than that with your own kids! Make him get dressed!"

Derrick stood staring at his wife. He pretty much left the kids to her to raise because he just didn't have it in him to discipline them. He would put his foot down with them, and reason with them, and with Derrick, Marcus and Luis... that had worked just fine. He could talk to them and make them ashamed of themselves. This wasn't the case with Shawn2 - the boy was a nutter.

"Well?!" Meribel asked. "You know what... I might as well be raising them all by myself! Why do I always have to be the disciplinarian?! And then, when I do dispense discipline... you tell me no, don't spank the kids!"

"Ugggh! Shawn2! That's it! You're gonna make me lose my temper with you. You better be getting dressed in there... do you hear me?" Derrick asked at his bedroom door.

"Can I go with DJ, Marcus and Luis?"

"You're going to ride with your mother and I." He stated firmly.

"That's not fair! I always get left out of everything! They never want to take me with them! It's not right!" He complained from the other side of the door.

Derrick stood leaning against the door frame listening to his son, and hearing him took him back. Back to his own youth, back to the days when Jake felt the same way. He stood a moment more, turned and walked downstairs where his sons were gathered with Derrick and his friends.

"Hey... you guys are taking Shawn2 with you."

"WHAT?! Why?" Marcus blasted.

"Because I said so! And I mean it... no more leaving him out! I want you all to start including him!"

"Ah dad come on... he's a little obnoxious jerk!" Luis added, backing his brother.

"So were you sometimes!" DJ laughed, nudging his brother. "No problem dad... he can ride with us."

"Thank you son."

"YES!" They heard him cheer from the stairs.

"AND YOU BETTER ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE! OR IT'LL BE THE LAST TIME!!!" Marcus took upon himself to shout at him.

"I WILL!!!" Shawn2 shouted back happily.

*

In Chicago...

"I'm gone toot the horn one goddamn time! Show yo' ass at the dough - or you will be left behin'! You know me... don't pull no shit today! Excuses not allowed, you'll just be hearin' about it when I get back. 'Cause you know I'll drive off and leave yo' ass in a blink!" Sheila went down her list, lining them up for the pick up.

"Look! You just have yo' ass here! Don't start no shit Sheila - I done contributed my gas fare... you just blow and wait goddammit! I get out there when I get out there." Edwina fussed back.

"Yeah yo' ass gone get left, I can tell now. I ain't gone be late, like I said... I'll be blowing, you bes' be showing - bye!" Sheila hung up and dialled the next number.

"Hello?" Ellen answered.

"You ready?!"

"I'm gettin' ready!"

"You got yo' gas money? I done collected and yours ain't in the pot... you wanna ride you got to pay!"

"Hell yeah I got my money... you just be here - don't leave me... cause I know you... yo' ass get in a hurry-..."

"Damn skippy! Toot toot... that's all you get - bye!" Sheila dialled the next number.

"Yes Sheila - dai-am! I'm ready! Bring your ass on! Come get me first! 'Cause I'm ready!" Vivian started right off.

"That's what I like to hear!"

"Hold on girlfriend! When we coming back? I told you, I traded with somebody to get this day off... don't get your ass there, start drinking and can't drive back!"

"Gurl - just call yo'ass in!"

"No! Hell no! I don't call in! My ass be at work... first thing - on time - I don't play! Hell with that! You said you was driving right back!"

"Gurl have you checked the goddamn distance!? We talkin' bout a three to four hour drive! Late as hell at that!"