BOMAW 1-3 (103 page)

"Yes I did!" Sylvia felt herself break out in sweat.

"WHY?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM!?"

"Don't raise your voice at me! My God Shawn! I only said it because your mother is always talking about you two and how you were when you were younger. I don't know how many times she compared the two of you in your pursuit of girls! So... it just popped into my head what she had said about the two of you! That's all! I don't give two shits on a shingle about Jake!"

They were both breathing hard in the vehicle, looking at each other. Finally Sylvia shook her head and turned away from him looking out of her window. Trying to calm down, scared to death, she began to pray to God above that he never find out the truth. Now... full blown regret was surging through her, she was growing fearful of not telling him. She had to believe that Gert and Shanna had taken care of Jake. Her head buzzed with fear. Shawn scared her. His temper and possession of her, was what made her keep the truth from him. It would be too much if he found out. She hated violence, she hated the idea of families feuding and least of all, she could not cope with being the wedge between two brothers. She reached up and swiped at a tear rolling down her cheek, realizing just then she'd shed them. She was so much in love with Shawn and yet - loving a man like him was like owning a pet Grizzly bear. The creature was amazing, awesome and stunning to behold; powerful and demanding respect and careful treatment, and then... with the realization that if it ever turned on you... it could easily destroy you. Shawn was her grizzly... she felt faint with the unleashed power of what he could and would do if he knew that she'd been lying to him all this time. Another tear slid free.

"Hey..." He called softly.

She swallowed, unable to look at him. She'd turned the table on him, made it out like he was overreacting for nothing, when in fact he was right.... and because he was right, she felt that she deserved his reproach, his anger, his wrath... because she was lying to him. She was a coward to the outcome of it all.
'Why God... why? Jake you bastard... why did you have to mess with me... why couldn't you just leave us alone?!'
She sniffed and wiped at more tears.

"...I'm sorry... Sylvie... I'm sorry.... babe..." He reached across the center consol for her, trying to get her to turn and face him. "... please... don't cry... I get... I just get crazy when it comes to Jake. You don't know what he's done to me in the past. He used to derive some sick pleasure out of going for girls I dated. He's gone to bed with every one of them. His two sons... the older two... well, their mother, was the last I dated before leaving. He did everything in his power to humiliate me. He, was one of the reasons I left home all those years ago. I grew tired of the game. You Sylvie... I couldn't take it... if he were to pull you from me... if he were to get you, to give into him, like he did them."

"I'm not like that! So don't place me in the same category with them! I love you Shawn... that's what you have to get through your thick skull... that I love you. No one else!"

"Its just that... those girls... were all crazy about me Sylvia... two claimed to be really in love with me, and yet... he got to them. You - lets face it... did not fall head over heals for me. You - you scare me Sylvia... you scare me... because I've never given a woman my heart so completely, as I have to you. I know I joke around, and play the big role of saying stupid shit like... how women want me. That's all bullshit. Its never meant a damn thing to me, and when it did - it only fucked me up and screwed up my life. You know something, there are few persons in my life I could ever really trust. My mother, Derrick and Jesse. That's it. Deidre... she... I was never really heart and soul in love with her... not like you. So I never gambled on having to trust her or to think about it. You... I need to know... I need to feel... that I never need to worry."

"You don't Shawn... you don't. We're getting married tomorrow. I'm marrying you... because its you that I want... no one else. No one."

Shawn's heart was beating fast and furious in his chest. He reached for her, grabbing her head, palming the back of it and brought her mouth to his, covering it entirely, opening his wide and inserting his tongue, kissing her hard and desperate. The noise of their mouths, smacking lips, twirling tongues was blended in with their deep breathing. Sylvia could feel him shaking with his passion for her; shaking from fear of trusting her with his heart. If he could consume her right then and there, Sylvia knew that he would. He kissed her so hard and deep it made her lightheaded. He reached beside him and pushed the button for his seat to slide back all the way, then levered his steering wheel high and out of the way. He broke the kiss only long enough to pull her over to his side and onto his lap. Sylvia was shaking, realizing she couldn't control him. She couldn't stop him. He would have what he wanted of her and she would give... she would give it all if he wanted her to. The kiss resumed with her on his lap, he was hard and grinding up against her buttocks, his hand moving between her thighs.

"Shawn..." She gasped into his mouth.

"I want you..." He gasped as if in pain, his nose brushing against hers as he turned his head to fit his mouth to hers, his tongue imitating what he wished to do with his erection if he could, already his hand was rubbing at the juncture of her thighs, his long fingers reaching into the juncture of her thighs, touching her, fondling her intimately as if to let her know, that she belonged to him, and would have her now if he could, rubbing her mound, pressing at the entrance of her heat through her clothing. Her jumper would not allow him access; it frustrated him.

"Dammit why'd you wear this!" He breathed fiercely.

"Shawn... nooo, you're ... Shawn... please... don't." Sylvia's heart was beating because she knew, if he were to lay her down now, he would hurt her, the power he would execute to penetrate and thrust would be too much; he was shaking with his passion, his entire body was coiled tight, hard. For once, she was glad he could not follow through on having her.

The fear in her voice worked to bring him to his senses, to bring him down. He took several deep breaths, and pulled his mouth from hers. Their foreheads leaned against each other, as they breathed to calm down. The windows were fogged up and the SUV was still running in park. Shawn reached over and turned the engine off. They were on a country road not far from home. It took a while before either could speak, when Shawn finally could, "Don't - hurt me Sylvia... I beg you... don't - hurt me."

"Shawn... I would never... I love you. I swear to God... I love you!"

Twelve messages from his mother. Seven from Shanna.

Jake lay in bed rubbing his eyes. He'd been dodging speaking with his mother because he knew what it was about. Knew what they both wanted. It was about Sylvia.

Sylvia... finally... there was one - who was indeed different from the rest. The fact that she'd gone to his mother and confided in Shanna confirmed what he knew was true about her. He knew it beyond a doubt that day in her house. When he sat and waited on her to know he was there, to wake up to his adoring presence. It wasn't the first time he'd played that card. That was the one that usually helped him make immediate progress. He'd used it on two of Shawn's girls and had used it on Doris as well... each time, success. There was something about him being there silently watching them that had driven their already in place curiosity clear through the roof. Each had played the shock role. Each had sat up in bed, hand to heart, startled. But while pretending to be shocked, they'd been turned on.

Turned on and anticipating his next move, he'd eased onto the bed with them, and they'd pretended to try and escape him. Grinning, he knew the game, knew it well. A little struggle would ensue until he kissed them, held them in place a moment murmuring gently, and they caved. When even younger, by other means, Christine had caved after being Shawn's girlfriend for three months. Granted, she'd been drinking, with two other girls. But still, all they had to be was curious, just enough for him to work on them... and she had been. In her case, the results of his success had been a three year relationship that dragged on because she claimed that he'd gotten her pregnant. He swore never to go near her again and because he'd gotten wasted, he fooled around and got her pregnant again. He broke it off for good that second time, but he was stuck - in a sense with her in his life because of his two boys. His father had been adamant that he would support them. That he would take care of them, so he'd paid for the error of his ways by having to work and support them ever since. Bart didn't play when it came to things like that. No son of his would be accused of fathering a child and then deserting the mother and child. Because of that, he'd never gone on to higher education. His father felt that his sons were his first responsibility - and so he'd been at the lumber company where he worked since then, a few years later, he tripped up and did it again, getting another girl pregnant. She had just been a one night stand, quickie that back fired on him after attending a party, he'd even used a condom. To that day, he still swore she did something to make sure he got her pregnant, but for the life of him, he didn't know what, so there was his son, Paul.

Doris was another one that he'd gotten with the move. One of the supervisors at his job pissed him off, was getting on his case too much. Deliberately singling him out to mess with, intimidated because they were both being considered for a higher position. Jake was being considered because he'd been working for the lumber company for years. Knew all the ins and outs, from front to back, top to bottom. The supervisor was pissed because he'd been there for only 2 years, and didn't know all that Jake knew. However, he had an education. He had credentials, an associates degree. However, the top boss was still considering Jake for the position instead. Eventually, politics and bullshit won, and the supervisor ended up getting the job they both were going for. He made the mistake of rubbing it into Jake's face. Jake smiled, found out who his wife was, and then fucked her and wrecked his marriage and humiliated him.

Doris...

They'd been together since. He wasn't in love with her but she had money, and provided well. While at his job, the big boss felt bad about Jake being passed over for the better position, so he kind of let him get away with things. Not much... but enough. Yet, there was no one more dependable on the job because all bullshit aside, Jake was a hard worker.

Jake turned his head to look at the digital read out on his bedside alarm clock. It was 5:35 Friday morning. His brother's wedding day to Sylvia.

His mother had been trying like crazy to contact him about her. She was not happy. He just didn't feel like dealing with it. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't need to hear it. He knew that what he was doing was wrong. Especially considering that she... unlike the others, was different.

That day as he'd sat watching her sleep, she woke to his presence, there had not been a shred of curiosity. That had been all the proof that he'd needed. After all, he'd kissed her once, had there been a curiosity, she would have wanted him to repeat it, even if one more time, no - not in the least of bits had she been curious, nor a desire for a repoeat of his kisses, not even a small bit. He knew the signs when they were. There was the deep breathing and struggle, the hesitation, the eyes saying yes, the body saying yes, while the mouth was saying no. That had not been the case with Sylvia. Everything about her, had been saying ... No! To see, hear and witness the actual body language of a woman telling him no and meaning it was a wake up call for him. She had put as much distance between them as possible - immediately. No hesitation what so ever. She had been truly angry.

Jake inhaled deep and long.
'Why didn't I find her first God? Why did you have to give her to him?'
Absence of someone like her in his life was the very reason he had never married. So many women were fickle and fake. Easily overcome by their baser needs. Oh they said they loved you, but the moment someone like him came into their lives, they caved and gave. In the end, he held only disdain for them. Too much of his life, he'd been a loner. With no one for him. No one. If he married and gave his all to any woman, she would be for him. He would have to know that she loved him entirely and could not be swayed by curiosity and persistence.

Sylvia was that kind of woman.

And Shawn had her.

Shawn!

He hated being jealous of his brother. He knew that he was, had always been. Well... not always. There had been a time when he looked up to Shawn. Had admired him. Looked forward to being with him. Had wanted to be just like him. He remembered as a young boy, watching his older brother's walk, laugh, stand and the way the girls all giggled when he cast his eyes on them. He wanted to be his buddy, his pal. He often daydreamed of the two of them being so close, everyone would envy their bond. Yet, that had been him and Derrick. No matter what, the two would never let him in. Even their father preferred them over him. Slowly, the resentment of being left out grew to the extent that he began lashing out and doing things to wreck Shawn's peace. When all he ever wanted was for his brother to notice him, laugh with him, joke with him, invite him along, include him and give him the time of day as he did Derrick. As a result, his life course suddenly became, a drive to out do Shawn. To show everyone - he wasn't so special. So what he could run fast, well Jake worked to run faster in sports. Shawn tried out for track, Jake tried out for track. Shawn played football, Jake played football. Shawn was sought after by all the girls, and Jake... would have them all, each one and did. Shawn wasn't so special... and everything he did... was to show that. To show, that he was just as good as Shawn, maybe even better.