Blurred Truth (The Blurred Series Book 2) (18 page)

It’s frantic. The time apart and near-death experience have increased our desperation for each other tenfold, and I don’t ever want to stop, but somehow through this lust-filled haze, I know we have to.

As his tongue brushes mine, I melt into him and I think that if he wasn’t pressing me against the door so firmly with his hips, I might sink to the floor.

He moves his hand from the door and cups my face, brushing the stray tears from my cheek with his thumb.

Pulling back from our kiss, he whispers, “I’ll never make you cry again. I promise. God, I’ve missed you so much.”

Looking into his eyes, I see the moisture there, but I hold back my own emotion at the sight of his. “Don’t ever leave me again. No matter what happens, you have to stay and face it, no matter what I say. We have so much to talk about, still, but I know what I want and I won’t go through losing you again. I can’t. Promise me,” I demand.

“I promise. Never again,” he clarifies before kissing my neck and moving his strong hand to my waist.

God, I wish his other hand was free to roam my body, too.

I interrupt his kiss before it goes too far. “We have to go have Christmas dinner. It’ll get cold.”

“But I want you so badly, Natalie. I need you,” he hums against my neck before resuming.

“We have a lot to talk about. We need to sort through all the wreckage before we get carried away. We need to go back out there, now,” I say firmly.

He pulls back and sees the seriousness in my gaze. “Okay, let’s go, before I’m too far gone,” he concedes.

When we reach the living area, hand-in-hand, Nate springs into action, retrieving the food from the oven where it’s been keeping warm.

Since there’s only four barstools, Ryan takes mine, then gestures for me to sit on his lap, curling his good arm around my waist to assist me.

“What about your shoulder? I don’t wanna hurt you,” I say.

“Don’t even worry about it,” he says, giving me a little lift up. “You’ve lost a lot of weight, babe,” he whispers into my ear. “I’m guessing that’s my fault. I’m sorry.” Then he kisses me on the cheek as his hand holds my waist, gently brushing the bare skin between my jeans and T-shirt with his thumb.

It sets me on fire, and I hope we can deal with all of our issues quickly, so that he can touch me
everywhere
. The magnetism between us hasn’t diminished at all with his absence, if anything it’s grown stronger.

I look into his eyes and touch my hand to his cheek, then kiss him chastely on the lips. Showing that I won’t be holding it against him instead of saying it. He smiles back at me, the first real smile I’ve seen on his handsome face since he walked through the door, and it makes my heart skip a beat.

He’s the best Christmas present I could have ever asked for.

Ryan

I love how much Natalie is enjoying feeding me Christmas dinner, since I can’t cut up the food on my plate myself. You’d think it would make me feel helpless and emasculated or something - like a child - but it doesn’t. Not one bit.

The smile she gives me each time she turns in my lap to feed me another bite, makes my heart swell.

When she greeted me at the door with a slap to the face, I thought this meal would be far more awkward, and I wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d made that so. I didn’t really explain why I was leaving again when I was discharged from the hospital, because that would have spoiled the surprise. I also didn’t know if I could achieve what I wanted to when I went back to our hometown, with my newly retained lawyer in tow, courtesy of Grayson Knight, who I’m beginning to think is like my guardian angel or some shit. I don’t know how he got back stateside so fast that day – private jet, I assume – but I’m forever thankful that he did.

I also didn’t want to talk about my mom, or the fact that she’s gone. I can’t say I’m as upset as I should be. I regret that we could never have the mother-son relationship I craved, but I don’t think we ever would have; no matter how many years she lived. So, I visited the cemetery, said my goodbyes, and that’s that.

“I’m guessing you guys did the gift giving thing already?” I ask whilst Natalie enjoys a few mouthfuls of her own food.

“Yeah, man, sorry. We totally would have waited for you if we’d known. Also, I might need to go out and buy you a gift,” Nate confesses, a guilty look on his face that makes me laugh.

“Don’t even worry about it. I don’t expect gifts after everything I’ve put you guys through. The fact that you still want me in your lives is enough,” I explain sincerely. “The reason I asked, is because I actually wanted to give you and Natalie a gift, of sorts. You’re aware that Sykes was the purchaser of your parents’ house, right?”

“Yeah, it’s crazy to think about it. It’s kinda sad, really,” Nate says, paying attention to his plate of food to hide the pain I know is in his eyes.

“Well, you don’t need to think about it anymore. It’s yours again. Yours and Natalie’s.”

“What?!” Natalie asks in shock, turning around to look me in the eyes.

“It’s yours to do with as you wish. That’s why I left after the hospital released me. I suspected Sykes had no next-of-kin, so that means the house would go to the state. I bought it back for you guys. It’s all legal and above board, I promise. I had a lawyer with me and everything,” I wink at Natalie with that and she throws her arms around me, causing me to wince, but I try not to show it.

“Sorry! I totally just hurt you didn’t I?”

“It’s fine baby,” I say before cupping her cheek with my free hand and kissing her sweetly (nothing too inappropriate for the dinner table, though).

“Jesus… I don’t even know what to say to this,” Nate says, clearly in shock from the oddly vacant look in his eyes.

“Don’t say anything. It’s my apology to you guys. It’ll never be enough to make up for all the shit that’s happened since I came into your lives, but it’s a start, right?”

“You had no control over your life when you were a kid, Ryan. Quit blaming yourself. Please,” Natalie begs, and I can see the sincerity shining in her tear-filled gaze. “Shit, I’m gonna cry again!” she exclaims, fanning her face to halt the building waterworks.

“Okay, it’s okay, baby. Don’t cry.”

“Thank you, so much. You don’t know how much your gift means to me...and to Nate.”

“Don’t thank me. Just tell me you love me.”

“I love you.”

* * *

Natalie

“Will you tell me what this tattoo means now?” I ask as we lay side-by-side on Ryan’s bed, having talked for an hour about everything that’s happened and all of Ryan’s reasons.

I can’t say I completely understand why he kept things from me, but the sincerity in his apologies is enough for me to trust him again. Enough for me to be happy now that he’s home.

Ryan’s shooting, along with my parents’ death, have taught me a valuable lesson. Life is too short to hold grudges that can keep you from experiencing the most important thing in life:
love
.

Sure, I could hold Ryan’s omissions against him. I could keep them locked in the back of my mind to throw back at him in the inevitable future arguments we’ll have, but why? What good can come of that? I know how he truly feels about me. I know he only has my best interests at heart. I know hanging on to the pain he caused me will only tarnish the love we have for each other.

So I’m forgiving him. And I’m gonna grab life by the balls from now on. That’s right, I said
balls.

He sighs before saying, “You’ll think it’s dumb.”

The shy, embarrassed look on his face is one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen.

“No, I won’t. I’ve been dying to know. The anticipation is killing me. Come on,” I whine, tugging on his T-shirt.

Another big sigh.

Silence.

“Please! I won’t think it’s dumb, I swear,” I promise him.

“Fine. It says ‘come find me, Dove’,” he says, giving me a sideways look.

Huh?

“I don’t get it,” I say, scrunching up my nose in confusion.

“Go to the top drawer of my desk and look under the notebook that’s in there.”

I do as he says, lifting up the large notebook, unsure of what I’m looking for. Then I see it and I gasp.

No, he did not keep that.

“You did not keep the leaving card I made you!?” I ask in shock.

“I did,” he confesses with a chuckle.

“Oh, my God, this is
so
embarrassing,” I say as I plop back on the bed on my front, card still in hand. “But what does this have to do with the tattoo?”

Taking the card from me, he opens it and points to a line I wrote when I was fifteen and infatuated -
‘come find me, BabyDove94’
.

Words can’t describe how badly I wanted him to do it. How much I hoped one day I’d see his name pop up in a chat box, just because he wanted to chat with me. Little did I know he actually did want to. I never thought for one second he’d really do it, and hide his identity, too, for that matter.

“The tattoo sort of has a double meaning. It means exactly what you intended in the card - that you wanted me to come find you - but it was also a silent plea from me to you. Because I wanted you to find me...the real me, not the online version, more than anything,” Ryan explains. “I got it after talking to you for a month.”

“That’s like...wow. I don’t even know how to absorb that. You got a tattoo for me more than five years ago?” I ask in awe. This man never stops surprising me. Never stops revealing new depths and facets I was unaware of for so long.

I think I loved him the day I met him, even though he seemed cold, I saw warmth. And I’m starting to wonder if he felt the same all those years ago, without even realizing it.

Some souls are just meant to connect, no matter what direction life takes them in. Not like two pieces of a puzzle, but like many pieces; the multiple aspects of two separate people, precisely formed and meant for one another.

A lot of intricate pieces seemed missing for a long time, for the both of us, until we found each other and returned them to where they’re supposed to be.

Until we brought them home.

Ryan

“I just don’t understand why we’re spending our first Valentine’s Day as a couple with your boss and your brother,” I explain as I button my dark gray shirt, then roll the sleeves to my elbows to reveal the matching dove tattoos on my wrists that now mask the scars of my past.

I wasn’t mad when I found out that Nate had revealed that part of my life to Natalie. She already knew some of it anyway, having divulged a little of the information in our online conversations. I was
relieved
. Sure, he couldn’t explain to her the many reasons why I ended up in that place, I didn’t even understand a lot of it myself, but it meant I didn’t have to worry about revealing yet another dark part of my life to her. I didn’t have to muster that courage. She knew and she didn’t run scared. She only wanted to ensure I never fell back down to that place again.

And I never will.

“We’re going to have the whole place to ourselves after dinner. Nate and Calli are going back to her place. They seemed pretty insistent on us joining them for dinner, though. I couldn’t say no. I feel like they have something big to tell us, like maybe they’re moving in together or something,” Natalie surmises.

“Well, shit. What if we’re gonna be living with your brother
and
your boss. That would be...weird. I love Calli and all, but still...weird.”

“Yeah...
weird
,” Natty agrees. “But if my book does well, she won’t be my boss for too much longer,” she says brightly.

Natty’s been working every spare moment she gets on telling our story. She’s planning on publishing it as fiction under a pseudonym, but we know the truth.

Which brings me to my first Valentine’s gift (well, after the obligatory flowers, chocolate and card I gave her this morning). Just one more secret to reveal.

“You ready to go?” I ask.

“Yeah, I think so,” she says, clasping her second earring.

She’s looking especially beautiful tonight (not that she ever doesn’t look beautiful), in a form-fitting black, lace dress with dark purple heels that she got from Calli and Nate at Christmas. I have to purposefully think of non-sexual things just to keep my hands off of her. It’s not easy.

“You look beautiful. Come here.”

“Thanks,” she says, reaching her hand to me as she approaches.

I tug her over to my computer and gesture for her to take a seat.

“You didn’t video us or something did you?” she asks skeptically.

“What? No, of course not! Though, that could be arranged if you’re into it?” I ask with a raised brow. I’d
totally
be into it.

“Nice try,” she responds with a smirk and raised brow of her own.

I laugh before continuing, “No, I wanted to show you this,” I say, clicking a favorite on my web browser.

“Oh, my gosh,” she exclaims when she sees the page that’s loaded. “You did this for me?”

“Yeah. I just wanted you to have something special. Something yours.”

Looking over the author website I started making for her months ago, she sees her pseudonym and the familiar design that she helped me with last year. I couldn’t finish it until recently, because I didn’t have all the details, like the name she was going to use or the name of the book she was going to publish.
Our book
.

“It’s perfect. I can’t believe this was for me all along.”

“Everything I do is for you, baby,” I say before kissing her.

I only hope my second gift is received this well.

* * *

Natalie

This guy never stops surprising me, and I’m perfectly okay with that. The biggest surprise of all was his Christmas gift to Nate and I; our family home, which I never thought we’d step foot in again. We made the decision to stay where we are, in the apartment together, instead of moving back. Nate has his business and we all have lives here now. So we tidied the place up and rented it out to a young family with two small children who reminded me of us.

As we take our seats with my brother and his girlfriend (they’re official now) in the small, intimate Italian restaurant that Calli recommended, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more...settled. I don’t have a million thoughts whirling around in my head at the speed of sound. I don’t feel ill with anxiousness. I’m just living and enjoying life with the people I love.

After we’ve placed our food orders, Nate and Calli whisper to each other nervously, which makes that settled feeling I had begin to dissipate, but I reason with myself that I already suspected they had news to tell us. I just hope that it’s good news. We need some good news in this little family of ours.

“Okay, so we can’t decide when’s the best point in the evening to tell you this, so I’m just gonna go ahead and say it. We… Calli and I… We’re having a baby,” Nate confesses, followed by a deep breath and a long gulp of his beer.

I was
so
not expecting
this
to be the news!

“Oh, my God! Congratulations!” I beam as I stand to hug my brother and Calli, before sitting back down to allow Ryan to do the same.

Once we’re all back in our seats, we just look at each other in stunned silence for a moment.

“So this is why you didn’t order any wine!” I exclaim, pointing an accusatory finger at Calli, mockingly.

“Yes, yes. Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Nathan wanted to do it together. So many times in the Café I wanted to spill the beans,” Calli laughs.

“How far along are you?” Ryan asks from his place next to me, our hands intertwined on the table between us.

“Only two months. So we don’t want to tell anyone else, yet. You guys are the first to know,” Nate explains.

“Of course. Oh, my gosh, I’m so excited!”

* * *

The meal was delicious, and we chatted and talked about the baby most of the way through. Nate explained that they’ll need to think about living arrangements soon, but they’d keep us in the loop with whatever they decide.

The possibility of living alone with Ryan is quite thrilling. Even more thrilling than the fact that we’re alone in the apartment now.

“So, what do you think about Nate and Calli having a baby?” he asks as he wraps his arms around my waist.

“I think it’s amazing and exciting,” I say, looking into his eyes with a bright smile.

“Do you want children, one day, Natty?”

YES!
I want to scream.

I can’t think of anything that will make me happier than getting married and starting a family with Ryan, but I don’t want to freak him out.

“Yeah, sure, someday,” I say instead.

“Well, then I guess I better start with this,” he says, moving to kneel on one knee, letting his hands trail from around my waist to my hips.

“Oh, my God,” I whisper, not able to process what’s happening in front of me.

“Some people might say it’s too soon. Some might say we’re too young and foolish. But I know, without a doubt, you’re the only person in the world I want to spend the rest of my life with, and make new people with to share this life of ours.

“You’ve been mine since the day we met, even if we didn’t realize it. I wasted years denying it. But now we’ve found each other, I don’t want to waste another minute.

“Natalie Louise Connor, will you make me the happiest man alive? Will you marry me?”

“Yes! Of course, yes!” I say immediately, pulling him to his feet with tears streaming down my face, but this time they aren’t tears of sorrow; they’re tears caused by a happiness I never thought I’d find, after everything that’s happened.

I kiss him deeply, but he pulls away, causing a swell of confusion inside me.

“Slow down, baby,” he chuckles, that deep sound that I love. “You haven’t even given me a chance to pull this out of my pocket, yet,” he concludes, pulling a ring box from his jeans.

He opens it between us, our bodies still close.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful, Ryan,” I say, staring at the sparkling diamonds; a princess-cut stone in the center of the platinum band, adorned either side by a figure-eight of smaller gems.

“Wait, before you put it on, look here,” he says, with water welling in his pretty green eyes.

When I see the engraving, a fresh flood of happy-tears spring free, and I curse myself for not being able to keep it together right now, because, dammit, I can’t see the ring or Ryan clearly through this blurriness.

You found me
is the engraving he wanted to show me.

“I-I can’t talk,” I say with a sniff. “Just, please put it on me, now.”

When Ryan slips the ring onto my shaky finger, I stare down at it for a second, but since I’m unable to really see it clearly anyway, I throw myself into his arms and wrap my legs around his waist, causing him to laugh in surprise.

I kiss him, deeply. Lacing my tongue with his, as I lace my fingers through his messy hair.

His hands move to grip my butt, supporting my weight as he walks us, blindly, to his bedroom. And I realize right then; everything that’s happened - all the bad things - have led me here. If my parents were still alive, I wouldn’t have ever moved here and we wouldn’t have fallen in love...or finally realized we were meant for each other, whichever way you want to look at it.

Not that I’m saying it was worth the trade-off, but the theory that every cloud has a silver lining, really is true. Ryan is my silver lining.

With snow falling in thick flakes outside in the cold winter night, I'm flooded with warmth as Ryan removes his shirt and settles over me on our bed.

I can’t wait to spend my life with the only guy I’ve loved for over a decade. My love is no longer unrequited, and now I’m not sure if it ever was.

It was all just blurred lies that have led us to the truth.

The End.