Blurred Truth (The Blurred Series Book 2) (11 page)

“Can I touch you while we lay here?” I ask, not wanting to consider the possibility that she might say no.

I needn’t have worried, because her answer is instantaneous.

“Yes.”

I place my hand on Natalie’s thigh, over the fabric of her skirt again, and I ache to feel her warm skin.

“What are you thinking?” I ask, as I gently stroke up and down with my fingertips.

“Why do you treat me so differently now, compared to how you were with me back when we were kids?” she asks, with a slight tremble in her voice.

I can’t tell her the truth. Not the whole truth, anyway. I don’t want her realizing how messed up I am. Not now. Not
ever
.

“We were kids. I was an asshole. I still am, sometimes. I had a rough home life, Natty, you know that. I guess that messed with me for a while. Why do any of us do what we do? The important thing is, I’m different
now
. I don’t want the past to affect what could be,” I explain, as best I can.

What she says next both surprises me, and doesn’t, at the same time.

“Of course it affects what could be, Ryan. I had a huge crush on you and you made me feel inferior...constantly,” she explains with regret in her eyes and embarrassment in her voice. She can’t even look at me.

“You had a crush on me? Since when?” I question. She always tried to be nice to me, but I figured that was just in her nature. I wouldn’t allow it, regardless. But it tugs at something inside me, knowing she felt more for me, even then.

It makes how I treated her so much worse.

“Um, since always, Ryan. You know that. I irritated you with my constant need to be around you, so you picked on me incessantly.”

Fuck
. I didn’t know. I was too busy picking apart everyone else’s actions towards me, to have time to analyze their feelings.

What a mess I’ve made
.

“I didn’t know, Natty. I picked on you because...I didn’t cope very well with women, girls, anyone being nice to me. I was keeping you away. It’s too much to get into now, but I never knew you actually had a crush on me. I swear. I’m not saying things would have been different if I’d known, but I didn’t know,” I try to convince her.

“Oh…” is all she says in response.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for anything I ever did to hurt you,” I say sincerely. When I see moisture building in her eyes, I have to know, so I ask, “Can you forgive me?” as I grip her thigh, in anticipation of the answer.

“I already forgave you, Ryan. Why do you think I’m here?” she asks, meeting my intense gaze with equal emotion.

And that’s all I need to hear to draw me into her orbit, completely.

She’s as necessary to me as the sun is to Earth. I wouldn’t be alive without her. She breathed life back into me five years ago, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell her how grateful I am for that.

I’ll just have to show her, instead.

Moving my body over hers, she creeps one leg around my waist as my hand still grips her thigh. Grasping her hair with my other hand, supporting my weight with the same arm, I kiss her softly, but the intensity of it is undeniable.

I gently suck her bottom lip between mine, eliciting a small moan, which allows me to brush my tongue against hers. I keep it slow, my movements deliberate; not hurried or lust-filled. More...
love
-filled.

My hand moves off of the skirt and to the bare skin of her thigh, and I can feel how pliant she is beneath me. But I can’t risk taking this further than she’s ready for.

“Do you want me to keep going, Natty?” I ask, effectively breaking the most intense kiss of my life.

“Yes. Please,” she begs with a breathy moan that has my jeans feeling uncomfortably tight.

I begin kissing her again, but harder this time. More need controlling it than anything else.

Absentmindedly, my fingers find their way beneath the edge of her lace panties.

I want her. All of her. So badly.

I don’t move my touch any further; just gently caress the soft skin at the edge of her underwear, and she writhes beneath me like she wants more.

I want to give you so much more, baby. Just say the word.

Please, say it.

“Please, Ryan,” she pleads, as if reading my mind.

“Please, what, baby?” I murmur close to her ear, as I move my lips to her neck, where I lick and gently nip her flushed skin.

I know it’s wrong. I know her brain is being controlled by lust rather than logic. But I can’t make myself stop when she begs.

“Please, touch me,” she practically whimpers, and her cheeks turn pink with embarrassment.

“Okay, baby. Just relax.”

And for the next hour, I make her say my name and forget her own.

Best. Night. Ever.

* * *

“So am I still friend-zoned?” I ask, after pushing Natty against the front door of the apartment and kissing her with a smile.

“I’ll have to get back to you on that,” she says, with a mischievous smile of her own.

“Is that so? Maybe I wasn’t persuasive enough in the bed of my truck. I can continue stating my case in
your
bed if you want?” I ask before kissing her neck.

“Whoa, there, Mr. Persuasive,” she says, pushing lightly against my chest.

Just then, the front door swings open, revealing a less-than-happy Nathaniel.

Great.

“Where the hell have you two been? I’ve been worried sick!” he whisper-shouts at us, keeping the noise down for the benefit of the neighbors across the hall.

“The neighbors are on vacation, so there’s no need for that whisper-yelling thing you’re doing,” I state as I walk through the door, effectively moving Nate out of the way, so Natty can enter, too.

“Whatever,” Nate says at a normal level now. “Why haven’t either of you been answering my calls or texts. I had no idea where you were!”

“I never knew you cared about me this much, man. It’s touching, really, but I’m a big boy now,” I say with humor, just to rile Nate up some more.

“Ha-ha. You’re hilarious. Stop being an annoying shit, Ryan. I was worried about Natalie,” he fumes.

“It’s okay, Nate. I’m fine. We went to a movie and lost track of time. Our phones are on silent because of the movie. Sorry we worried you,” Natalie appeases, to counteract my antagonizing.

“You went to a movie until midnight? You’ve been gone for like five hours,” he questions dubiously.

The panicked look on Natty’s face tells me she does not want Nate knowing what we were really up to.

Shit. Think. THINK!

“Sorry, dude. It was a last minute thing, hence not telling you, and we didn’t have time to eat beforehand, so I took Natalie for a late dinner and a couple of drinks afterwards,” I lie, and then I feel like crap for it.

But I needed to protect our secret, for now. For Natalie.

Some lies are worth telling.

“Okay, well, please just leave me a note or text me, or something to let me know you’re okay next time,” Nate gives Natty a pointed look, and then actually points at me. “And you let me know she’s with you, if you’re going to keep her out all damn night. I’m going to bed; I have to be up at six.” And with that, he walks off in the direction of the bedrooms.

“I’m sorry, Nate. Good night,” Natalie calls after him.

“G’night Little N.” he calls back; exasperation still lingering in his voice.

“Well, I think that went well,” I muse.

Natty just rolls her eyes and heads for the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water at the sink.

I follow, stopping just behind, where she stands with her back to me.

She’s surprised at my proximity when she turns around, and water spills over the top of her glass, soaking her hand.

“Crap, Ryan, do you have to sneak up on me like that?!” she exclaims.

“Sorry,” I apologize with a rueful smile, as I reach for a towel. I keep my hand on hers after I’ve finished drying, and it occurs to me that I don’t want to stop touching her.

“So…” She struggles with what to say next.

“So…” Apparently, so do I.

“I guess we should go to bed. It’s late and I have work tomorrow,” she says regretfully.

“Together?” I ask with hopeful anticipation, doing a mischievous eyebrow wiggle.

“I don’t know if that would be wise,” she admits with a deflated tone; like she wants to say yes, but has to say no.

“It depends on your point of view, I guess,” I say.

“I guess,” she responds, the magnetism between us now stronger than ever.

I kiss her gently, without the heat of earlier. A sweet, goodnight kiss. I’m not going to push for anymore tonight. It’s too soon.

“Sweet dreams, Natty,” I whisper when I pull away. Then, as much as I don’t want to, I head to my bedroom, alone. But not before giving Natalie one last glance as I enter my room.

When I fall into bed, I can’t stop thinking about the girl across the hall. It would be so easy to sneak into her room and crawl into her bed, hugging her tight to my chest, like I have done before. But instead, I settle for a text message to let her know she’s on my mind.

Me: Thank you for tonight. You’re amazing. I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow. Good night, sweet girl.

I kiss her on the cheek and she rouses a little, rolling to her back and opening her eyes, blinking the tiredness from them.

“Good morning, sleepy-head,” I say as her blue eyes focus on my green ones.

“Morning,” she says, hoarse with grogginess. “What are you doing in here?”

“I made you breakfast,” I state proudly.

“Oh, thanks. I’ll be out in a few. I need to get dressed.”

“I brought it to you. Breakfast in bed,” I reveal with a bright smile.

An equally bright smile crosses her pretty face with that revelation.

“That’s so nice, thank you,” she says gratefully, sitting up against the headboard.

I reach for the tray on the bedside table, placing it carefully on Natty’s lap.

“Do you want the coffee or the orange juice?” I ask, knowing exactly which one she’ll choose.

“Definitely the coffee at this time of day.”

“Sweet, I hoped you’d say that,” I say, taking the juice and downing it in one go.

She giggles, picking up the knife and fork to start eating, and my mood is so light, I think I might be at risk of floating away.

“You’re too good to me,” she states, after finishing the first mouthful.

“Nothing’s too good for you, baby,” I say, and the look that passes over Natalie’s features makes me pause...and panic a little. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing,” she tries to convince me, unsuccessfully.

“You know you can talk to me, Nat. About anything. Even if you think I don’t want to hear it. I’m your friend, and if I can help in any way, then I will.”

“Land… The guy I’m friends with online,” she clarifies, thinking I don’t know who she’s talking about, when the complete opposite is true. “Well, he...ended things. He sort of dumped me. Or I dumped him. I’m not too clear on the details,” she explains bashfully, before averting her gaze back to her food and taking another bite.

As she relays what was said in their last conversation, the pain marring her perfect features cuts to my soul.

I caused this.

“Maybe he’ll get back in touch. I don’t know that you should ever be friends with him again after that last conversation, but I think you may need some closure, and I hope you get it,” I say sincerely.

And I mean every word. I hate my alter ego and, therefore, hate myself for creating him. I definitely don’t want her being friends with him anymore, but maybe I will contact her as him again. Just one more time. Just as soon as I’ve figured out what to say to make it better for her.

“Closure would be...good,” she agrees, and I can see her fighting the tears forming in her eyes.

Does she not want to cry in front of me? Or does she just not want me to think she’s hung-up on
him.
I don’t want her to be hung-up on him, especially after the amazing date we had last night.

I can make her forget he ever existed, and that will solve all our problems. Well...some of them, anyway.

When she’s done eating, I absentmindedly caressed her cheek - wanting to touch her being my default setting - and then take the tray from her lap. “I’m going to go take care of this, then take a shower,” I tell her.

After disposing of the tray and dishes in the kitchen, I go straight into the bathroom to take that shower, but as the door is about to close, something stops me completing the action.

Maybe Natalie will want to join me?

Should I let her?

Would it be right?
Probably not.
Will I let her, anyway.
Yes.

I try to make myself close the door and lock it, but I can’t because I’m weak, so I leave it ajar.

She won’t come in here anyway. The most I can hope for is that she’ll sneak a peek. That thought has me thinking of the time I did the same, when she first moved in.

I keep thinking of that day as I step under the hot spray of the shower. Leaning a hand against the tiled back wall, I let the water run over my bowed head and down my back, relaxing the taut muscles as it flows.

With my eyes closed, I think of Natty and the vision of her silhouette in this shower. I’m a million miles away, and semi-hard already, so when the shower door whooshes open, I startle and spin around, lucky not to slip and bust my ass in the process.

Goddamn.

She’s naked.

Am I dreaming? Did I fall asleep standing up?

Unthinking, I grab her and pull her into the stall with me.

Why do I feel so pissed off?

I know why. It’s because my conscience isn’t going to let me do all the filthy things I’ve done with her a million times over in my mind.

“You shouldn’t be here, Natalie.”

“I know. But here I am,” she responds impishly.

Oh, she’s a bad girl.

No she’s not, and that’s the fucking problem!

Beginning at her neck, I slowly move my hands down her body, over her breasts, feeling every inch of smooth skin that I can, as my eyes follow my touch.

Goosebumps rise on her skin, despite the hot water running over both of us, and that reaction from her makes me even harder.

“You’re perfect,” I say quietly, my lips close to her ear.

I slowly begin to move my hand down to where I know she must be soaking wet for me, but she grabs my wrist, stopping me before I get there.

My eyes snap to hers. Have I gone too far? I knew this was a bad idea.

Fuck!

Then I remember what's on the wrist that she grabbed, and I hope she couldn't feel it. I make a mental note to hide from her what's usually concealed by my cuff and watch that I wear every day.

“You said last night was for me. Well, this morning is for you,” she says.

Wait, what?

“I’d like to thank you for that...and breakfast this morning,” she continues with a gleam in her eye.

“There’s no need to thank me darlin’,” I say with increasingly labored breaths. This girl is undoing me.

When she drops to her knees on the shower floor, right in front of me, shocked isn’t a strong enough word for how I feel. And that feeling is closely followed by several others; lust, amazement, gratitude...
love
.

“You’ll have to tell me what to do. I’ve never done this before,” she says, looking up at me with wide, blue eyes.

That statement turns me on more than anything I’ve ever heard in my whole damn life. I want to feel her mouth on me more than I want my next breath. I
need
it. But the innocence I see in her gaze has me asking, “Are you sure you want to do this, baby?” as my hand automatically twines with the hair at the back of her head, ready to guide her movements.

She doesn’t speak again, just nods her head before wrapping her full lips around my now fully-hard dick, while my head drops back in ecstasy.

I growl. An actual fucking
growl
, resonating from my chest like an animal, and I can feel the smile trying to tug at her lips with my reaction. I can see the smile in her eyes as she looks up at me from her kneeling position on the shower floor.

The water flows over my head and cascades down my body, but Natalie is protected by my position under the spray.

I do nothing but look down, gently guiding her head back and forth with the hand I have firmly grasping her damp hair. Slowly she pulls her mouth from me, replacing it with her hand that she uses to slowly pump as she asks, “Am I doing it right? You aren’t telling me what to do.”

“Fuck, babe, you’re doing it perfectly. That’s why I’ve kept my mouth shut. Just keep going.
Please
.”

“Oh, okay,” she says enthusiastically, before resuming the ministrations with her mouth for an undetermined amount of time.

“Goddamn, your mouth is so fucking good, baby,” I say hoarsely as my head tilts back, once again.

Not wanting to do anything that she might find offensive, I tug on her hair, signaling for her to let me go before I come. She was so into what she was doing to me, she gasps at the sudden change of movement.

Her questioning eyes have me smirking, as I say, “I didn’t wanna blow in your mouth baby.”

“Why? Don’t you like doing...that...with girls?” she says hesitantly, sounding a little disdainful at her mention of other girls; regret flashing momentarily across her features.

Hopefully, at what she said and not at what we just did.

“Yeah, I like it. I just didn’t know if you would. I didn’t want to upset you and ruin it,” I explain.

“Oh, well I’d try at least once if it’s something you really like. I like...pleasing you,” she says, gazing up at me with the sweetest smile.

Okay, how did I get so damn lucky? This girl never stops surprising me.

“You please me, just fine, baby. Don’t you worry about that,” I say as I help her to her feet. “But if you really want to try, then maybe next time,” I finish with a wink, running my hands all over her wet skin.

Taking her mouth with mine, I trail kisses to her neck and down the front of her body, until I’m kneeling in front of her and returning the favor.

* * *

A few days after the most amazing shower I’ve ever had, I decide to stop and pick up some flowers for Natalie, after an uneventful meeting at Knight Trading Inc.

We’ve hardly seen each other since our bathroom antics, and I can’t stop thinking about the girl who sleeps across the hall from me every night. Making me feel things I’ve never felt for another human being.

Stepping through the front door of the apartment, I come to a halt when I see Nate and Natalie in the kitchen.

Well, shit.

I hoped Nate would be out. I should have done some recon before coming home.

Unable to think fast enough, I say, “Hey...Nate, Natalie. I’ve got some stuff to do, so I’ll be in my room if anyone needs me,” whilst trying to hide the flowers behind my back, unsuccessfully.

Lame.

Why didn’t I buy her something that would be easily concealed?

“Are those flowers behind your back, Ryan?” Nate asks, with curiosity I don’t quite believe.

Something weird is going on here, but Natalie isn’t saying a word.

“Uh, yeah. There’s this old lady who lives downstairs. I just heard she’s in the hospital. I thought I’d get her these. I was going to drop them down there later.” I thought I was good at this. There are no old ladies living in this damn building.

If you’re going to lie, at least make it believable, you idiot!

The fact is, I don’t like lying - it’s just something I was forced to get good at as a kid - so maybe it’s a good thing that I’ve lost my skill for deceit.

“There’s no one living in this building older than forty, Ryan,” Nate says flatly.

“Uh…” I look pleadingly at Natty and she bursts into hysterical laughter.

What the hell?

“I know, Ryan,” Nate says with an amused grin.

Asshole.

“Oh, thank God! You both suck,” I say with relief and mild annoyance.

When the realization hits me that I don’t have to hide my affection for Natalie anymore, I walk straight to her, hand her the colorful arrangement and kiss her on the cheek.

“These are actually for you, beautiful,” I say, looking down into her pretty eyes.

“Thank you,” she says gratefully, with a smile beaming on her face.

The cheek wasn’t enough, so I go to kiss her on the lips, but Nate is having none of it.

“Oh, hell no!” he exclaims.

Motherfucker.

“You know, now. What’s the problem?” I ask in exasperation.

“The problem is, she’s still my baby sister, and you’re still the asshole we share an apartment with. Best friend or not, I don’t wanna see you sucking face with her...anywhere, but especially in my own kitchen. And while we’re on the subject, there will be no...fornicating, at all, of any kind when I’m home. None.”

Natty bursts out laughing again, and I can only assume it’s at her brother’s stern lecture.

I guess it would be pretty funny if it didn’t piss me off so damn much.

“Fine. When are you leaving?” I ask in all seriousness.

The sooner he’s gone, the sooner I can get Natalie naked again. Maybe in the shower...maybe not. I don’t really care where it happens, to be honest, just that it does.

Nate just stares at me like ‘
are you shitting me right now?’

“Okay, good talk. Come help me out of this suit, Natty? It’s really tight. Sometimes I can’t get the jacket past my muscular biceps,” I ask with mock-sadness, but the small smile I can’t hide is giving me away.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Nate mumbles to himself.

Natalie gives her brother a cautious look, but when she looks back at me I know she can’t help herself.