Blissful Vol. 1 (9 page)

Oh well, at least I’m away from all the
drama now. Being here with Jack has renewed my
energy
, and I feel a lot
less depressed, too. I don’t know if that’s because of the ice
cream, or because of Jack.

Chapter 7

Jack

Fuck, she just ate the ice cream off my
face. When she put her finger into her mouth, I swear I could feel
it in my cock. It was almost as if she was licking me. Goddamnit,
why do I have all these fantasies? I can’t get my mind off her. I
love to see her fl
aunt
her ass as she walks away, makes me want to grab it, and when she
bites her lip all I want to do is kiss her.

Damn you, Jack! What the fuck is wrong with
you? You’ve got Madeline to take care of, there’s no time to screw.
Besides, Rose would never …

I swallow as the car comes to a halt near
my house. It’s just my cock playing with my head. It’s been so long
since I was with a woman; all I can think about is wanting to touch
her. But that’s not real. It’s not something to build on. It’s not
what I need. Is it?

She shuts the door and gets Madeline out of
the car, while I take a breather. Shit, my cock is still twitching
from the mere thought of her. How does she do this to me?

It doesn’t matter. Fixing her car is the
only thing that needs to be done. Soon she’ll be
gone
, and then I can get
back to work as usual. Everything will be normal again. As normal
as possible.

“
If you fix my car, I’
ll make dinner, ‘kay?” she says, and she
waves before going inside. I just sit there, waving back, like an
idiot. Goddamn, I
am
an
idiot.

I get out of the car and slam the door
behind me. I hate this. I hate not knowing what to do. I hate
knowing what I want is impossible. That it will fail, no matter how
hard I’d try. I feel like an animal and it’s making me pissed. All
I can think about is having her, feeling her, holding her, pumping
into her. It’s as if my cock is the boss of me.

But I don’t want to be like this. I can’t
just have sex. That’s not how it works. Especially not with women.
And
especially
not
with one who just got her heart smashed into bits.

They want love. They want a relationship.
And before you know it you’re stuck for life. I don’t think I can
make that commitment. At least not now. It’s too soon …

I haul the engine off the truck and get to
work. It’s the only thing I can do to get my mind straight.

***

I’m lying under the car, checking if there
are any loose bits I need to fix and seeing if there’s any residue
or liquids. Pondering about her has slowed down my progress,
though. I’ve been at it for hours getting this thing running again,
and all I can think about is Amy.

Her radiating eyes. Her full lips. Her
curves. Her smile. Oh, the way she smiles.

Shit, there I go again. My mind’s completely
wandering off from time to time. Fuck, I feel like a love struck
fool. Wait. Who am I kidding? This ain’t love. I’m only just
getting to know her. I need to know her better before there’s any
love. And that’s not going to happen any time soon. Within a day
she’ll be gone and then there’s no more temptation.

Temptation … hmm … my hands on her firm
breasts while I suckle on her ear.

Stop it! Stop it, Jack! Goddammit, fuck you.
Fuck my fucking cock.

Sighing, I plug in the wires I pulled
out.

She doesn’t need this right now. She
deserves better than your fucking sex drive, Jack. She needs a man
who can take care of her. Who’ll treat her right and love her. Some
would say that could be me, but I know for sure I can’t. Not after
what I’ve been through. I’m too damaged to love someone. Can’t love
a girl when you can’t even love yourself.

But I can’t stop thinking about wanting to
make her happy. Make her feel appreciated, wanted.
Make her want me. God, I want
her.

Why? I’ve never fallen for a girl this easy.
This has got to be my libido. It can’t be that I’m already ready
for someone new. No, I can’t. It’s not right. What would Rose think
of me? I’m such a bastard.

My hand curls up into a
fist
, and I stomp it on
the floor beneath me. Fuck me.

Thank god I’m done with this piece of shit.
I can’t bear another minute of useless daydreaming.

I roll up from under the car without
looking. When I gaze up, all I see is panties.
Sho
rt, thin, panties.
Panties?

Then I notice the skirt that’s around it and
the legs underneath. Shit. Fuck!

“Jack!” she screams. She steps back and
crosses her legs, pressing them together.

My face heats up as if there’s a fire
nearby, and I clamber up from the floor. She turns around, shaking
her head, her eyes widened. I hold up my hand in an attempt to calm
her down.

“
I’m sorry, Amy,”
I stammer, wiping my dirty hands on my
jeans.

“You looked under my skirt!” she
squeals.

“
Yes, and I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were
there. I was just getting done with your car.” That woman scares me
some time. She really sneaked up on me, and now I have to deal with
her anger. Damn it …

“You didn’t know I was there? Bullshit.”

“It’s the truth,” I say, frowning. Why is
she making such a fuss about it? It’s only panties. Although …
panties. Hmm … Pussy.

“I bet you thought you could make nice use
of the situation.”

I shake my head when she speaks again,
momentarily fazed by my own lusty thoughts.

“What?”

“
Oh look, there’s Amy, let’s make her feel
embarrassed by looking under her skirt.” She walks to the
front door, but I go after her
in my dirty boots.

“Wait,” I say.

“
You’re just messing with me, Jack
McCallister. I know your kind. Take a peek and then make fun of me,
like they always do.”

That’s it. I’ve had enough of this crap. I
grab her wrist and twist her around. “
That is
not
true.”

“Oh, really?” she says, obviously not
believing me.

I come closer and gaze into her eye. “Yes,
really. Look at me.” She avoids my eyes, staring at the floor with
a pissed look on her face.

“
C’mon, Amy. Look at me.” She briefly
glances at me, but somehow that brief glance sticks. “You see
this?” I say, pointing at my eye. “Can you see I’m telling you the
truth? These aren’t the eyes of a liar, and you know it. Tell me
what you see.”

She snorts and turns her face away.
I come even closer, placing my
hand on the wall beside her. Damn this girl and her infuriating
behavior. Why does she have to piss me off every time? Again and
again, she taunts me. It’s as if she gets off on it or something.
She keeps luring out the bad in me and I can’t hold it
back.

“I’m sorry, all right? It just happened. It
wasn’t intentional.”

She sighs, not saying anything, but at least
she looks at me again. Her eyes are full of hurt. I didn’t do it to
her, but she sure thinks I did. She really is insecure. I wish she
wasn’t and that she knew how beautiful she was. I wish she’d
believe me.

My finger goes up without me thinking
about it. A strand of her hair caught my eye as I was admiring her
face. I brush it aside, careful not to touch her skin too much. I
don’
t want to upset her,
but I can’t help caress her cheek.

She looks so pretty. So vulnerable.
Constantly pulling away, telling herself she’s not worth anything.
I can see it in her eyes. She avoids the truth, because she doesn’t
believe in it instead of facing it, no matter how scary it
is.

She’s not alone. I’m scared, too. Afraid
what I want, what I desire, will kill me.

But I need it.

I put my hand on her shoulder. I lean
closer and closer to her. Her flowery perfume is tantalizing,
drawing me in. I want her. I need her to love me. For at least
someone to love me. Love me as only a lover can.

My mouth is almost on hers and I can
imagine tasting her sweet lips. How I want those sweet lips to
touch mine. To release me of my fears, if only for a little while.
She closes her eyes and I can hear she hold her breath. She’s
waiting for me to kiss her.

But I can’t. I can’t do this. Not like
this. It’s so wrong.
I
can’t do this to Madeline and certainly not to Rose.

I draw back and look at her. She opens her
eyes after a while, probably wondering where my lips are. My brows
are furrowed from confusion, but it makes her face contort. Shit.
Now she’s even angrier.

“
Let go of me,” she hisses.

She jerks herself loose and pushes me
aside with her body.
“I
was going to say that dinner’s ready, but whatever. I don’t care
anymore,” she says.

I
step back and watch her leave again. Shit. I’m such a
fucking douche bag.

Clenching my teeth together, I bellow and
kick a bag of hay standing against the wall. Fuck me and my issues.
I can’t handle this shit. I don’t know what the fuck to do with
myself nor her. I wish I knew. I wish I could give her what she
wants, wish I could give myself what I want, but my worries won’t
leave me alone. Forgetting is the hardest thing to do.

***

Madeline is playing with her toy
airplanes, swooshing them through the sky and making them land on
my nose. I laugh and snatch them away, playing the evil giant King
Kong. After all the toys are caught, I put them on the shelf. “Time
for bed,” I say to her, and I pull up her covers.

“Aw … but daddy, I want to play some
more.”

“Tomorrow’s another day to play.”

“But tomorrow you’ll be busy with Amy
again.”

Damn, why do these kids see through so much?
“But she’ll be leaving tomorrow, too. So don’t you worry, I’ll have
much more time for you after she’s gone. Then we’ll go back to just
you and me.”

She frowns. “Is she really going away?”

I nod and tuck her in. “Yes, sweetie.”

“
But I don’t want her to
leave!
”

“I know, sweetie, but sometimes people just
have to go somewhere else. Someone is waiting for them there.”

“What about us? Aren’t you waiting for her,
daddy?”

I chuckle. “Well, that’s a bit different,
Maddy.”

“
But you like her, right?”

I flush and smile. “Yeah, well …”

“Why can’t she stay then?”

I sigh, my eyes lowering to the floor. Kids
have such basic thoughts. It’s both cute and admirable how easy
they think about life. I wish I could still do that.

“
That’s not really for little girls to
know. It’s grown up business, Maddy. You don’t have to worry about
that yet.”

She p
outs, folding her arms together. “I’m not going to sleep if
she won’t stay.”

I chortle. “We’ll see about that. You can’t
stay awake forever.”

She lifts her head and ignores what I say,
making me laugh.
Stubborn little thing. Yep, that’s my kid all
right.

I kiss her on the forehead and put out the
light. “Goodnight, Maddy. Sweet dreams.”

“Night night, Daddy,” she says, as I close
the door.

Damn, she’s clearly getting attached to that
girl. I was hoping this wouldn’t happen, because it makes it all
the more difficult when she leaves. Well, at least Madeline knows
what she wants. Me, on the other hand … I’m a thundering mess.

Yep. Time to get a drink.

Chapter 8

Amy

I hate him. God, I hate him so much. How
could he do that to me? First he looks under my skirt, and then he
tries to swoon me over? I swear he was trying to kiss me.
Goddammit, he didn’t kiss me.

I throw the knives and forks into the
water, and it splashes up into my face. The soap’s splattered all
over me. Great. More dirt on me. Fantastic. As if it couldn’t get
any worse.

Scrubbing the dishes, I can’t help be
callous with it. I’m pissed. Pissed at him and myself. He just
keeps on sending these signals I don’t understand, because he also
keeps pushing me away. It’s as if he’s playing this game and this
time I’m his target. I’m sick of being that to men. I don’t want to
be a prize or a catch or a laugh, I just want to be welcome. To be
wanted, to be loved. That’s all I need.

But Jack’s not going to give that to me.

I don’t know what’s up with him, but he
seems screwed up. Here I thought I was the one who had problems. I
snort, thinking about this friction between us. It’s not worth my
time. I’ll be gone tomorrow and that’s that.

Although I have no idea what the hell to do
when I’m on my own again. Where do I go? I have nobody to lean on.
I don’t want to go back. There’s no way in hell I’ll get back with
Ronnie, and I don’t want to see Nicole yet. It just doesn’t feel
right.

Guess I’ll be on my own again.

Just thinking about it makes me feel
depressed again.

I sigh, rubbing the plates until they’re
clean enough and stacking them on top of each other.

The door slams, and I know Jack’s inside.
His boots stomp across the floor, uncaring to the muddy boot prints
he’s leaving.
I turn my
head and briefly glance at him. Holy shit. He isn’t wearing a
shirt.