Blind Love: English (4 page)

"
Not
all day long!" I protested, then tried to explain, no idea why. "You get used to it. It's not the robot's voice I hear anymore, it's mine mostly."

"Your own voice? Even when the hero says,
 'Get on your knees,'
or
'Bend over'
?"

"Uh ..." my breaths started to become uneven.

"How about when he says, 'Spread your legs for me'?"

"Uh, Ethan, I–uh, I need to … good night," I said breathlessly and hung up.

"Ethan?" my voice sleepy. "What time is it? Are you okay?"

"Anna."

"Ethan, what's wrong? You're scaring me."

"I'm sorry, I'm okay, I just–"

"What, what? What is it?"

"I can't sleep."

I sighed in relief, glad to know that he was okay and there wasn't something bad that had caused him to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me. But then again I thought, even if there
was
something wrong, why would he call
me
? I was helpless; I was barely able to take care of myself.

I shrugged the thought away and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

"Actually, I was wondering, uh, if I can, um … can I come over?"

"Now?!" I sat up on the bed.

"Yeah. You know what, forget it, go back to sleep."

"No, no, it's fine, please come, I'll inform the security."

"Hey," I greeted him by the door, and he answered me by taking me in his arms, hugging me tightly, burying his face in my neck and inhaling deeply.

I ignored the tug in my chest. It was stupid. And I would be stupid if I let it affect me or even thought about why it was there.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked him again, still letting him hug me as much as he wanted – it seemed like he
really
needed it.

"Yeah, I'm fine now." I felt him smiling; and I could hear it in his voice. "I just missed you."

"You see me at least once a week, and we talk on the phone almost every night," I reminded him, a little teasing and not able to hide the smile that he’d planted on my lips with his nice words.

I felt him shrugging.

"C'mon, get inside," I told him. "Mountain Dew?"

"Please." he said and I heard a click, realizing that he'd turned on the lights that I had no idea were turned off, of course.

I made my way to the kitchen and then to the fridge, opened it, and then touched my way to the left of the third row from the top and picked two cans, closed it and offered him one.

"Thanks, I hope I didn't wake Sandra wi–"

"She's not here, she spends weekends at Dominik's," I interrupted, assuring him it was fine and there was nothing for him to worry about.

"Really? Since when?"

"Hmm, almost four months now," I told him, opening my can and taking a sip.

"That explains it."

"Explains what?"

"He never hangs out with us on weekends anymore."

I smiled at that. "Let's go to the living room?"

"Yep."

In there, we settled on the couch and chatted a little about everything and nothing. I couldn't help but notice how
off
he sounded, and I wished he'd just tell me, but I didn't want to push him.

"Ethan, I can sense the stress in your voice. You can tell me anything, you know that, right?" Yeah, I couldn't help but push a little – after all, I was worried about him. "Maybe I can help, I'm not completely useless, you know?"

"It's not that, Anna, don't say that," his voice was even more down now, and I regretted what I’d said, but I couldn't help but want to ease his pain so much, anyhow. "It's just … our producer."

"Lisa? What about her?"

"She's an asshole!"

"Ok-kay…"

"Anna, I really, really don't want to talk about it," he sighed.

"It's okay, Ethan, I just wanted to help."

"You do, you
do
. Being here beside you … it helps a lot,"

All I could do was offer him a soft smile, still wishing I could do more.

"Is it okay if I spend the night here? I'll sleep on the couch."

"Of course it is. And you can sleep in the guest room,"

"Thanks, Anna, you're awesome," he kissed my cheek, causing me to blush.

"Not at all, what are friends for?"

"Friends … right," he said slowly and I frowned for a moment at his tone, but decided to forget about it when he asked, "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"I can
listen
. But you'll have to tell me what's going on every time they stop talking and about how they kiss when they do, deal?"

"I can do that. I can do more than just tell you about the kiss. I can tell you about all of the tiny details of the sex scenes, as well."

"Perv."

"Huh! Says the Sex Stories lover."

"Shut up!" I chuckled.

Ethan ended up sleeping on the couch after all. We fell asleep sometime while the movie played, and I woke up to find him hugging me tightly to his chest, my back facing him and his arms surrounding me – along with the feeling of safety that I'd longed to feel for too long.

While I took a shower upstairs in my bathroom, Ethan did the same in the guest bath, then he put on some clothes he had out in his car. After we had breakfast, Ethan and I took Tan for a walk. The weather was wonderful outside, a bit warm but with a cool breeze that would ruffle my hair every now and then. As we made our way to the park, I could smell the wet grass as we walked around the gardens that circled the community and it was such a refreshing scent.

We were stopped by some woman who recognized Ethan and wanted to get an autograph. Though I was smiling, I couldn't help but wonder if he was signing her boobs or why I felt an ache in my heart at that thought. An ache that I knew to be
jealousy
. Jealousy that burned even more when she asked me to take their photo and I had to tell her that I couldn't do that and why.

I knew I was wearing sunglasses, but what was on Tan's back should've told that woman of my condition. But then again, Ethan had that effect on people; they'd block everything else out when they saw him. Sandra had just told me that the other day, so … I couldn't blame that fan. I just ignored the pain and pretended to be happy. The two things I’d mastered doing the most.

"There is something stuck in your teeth, Ethan," I said, and was able to hear her laugh, but couldn't hear his.

"Would you have dinner with me tonight?" Ethan asked out of nowhere when we made it back home.

My stomach dropped.

"Yeah, sure," I said. "I can cook something."

"I love your cooking, but I want to take you out somewhere."

I swallowed thickly.

"Okay … but, won't the paparazzi bother you?" I asked.

"I can manage something to get away from them."

"Okay then," I smiled.

"It's a date."

My heart swelled.

"Uh …" I didn't know what to say. I couldn’t think of anything, and when his hand touched mine, my mind just froze. Completely.

"You already said yes."

"You know, this shirt makes you look fat." I drew a grin on my face.

"Stop that!" he said in a serious voice.

My face dropped.

"Just stop it, Anna," he said again. "You always do that, you
always
change the subject or just block me out and shut down on me whenever I mention something that you don't want to talk about. Stop doing that, please."

"What do you want me to do, Ethan?" I pulled my hand away from his and folded my arms in front of my chest; it was distracting, I couldn't think right when he was touching me.

"You already know that I want more than the 'Just Friends' thing." His voice lowered to a whisper. "I want more – with you."

I fought the tears, promising them that I'd set them free later, when I was alone, like I always did. "There is nothing I can offer you more than friendship, Ethan," I whispered.

"Of course, there is," he said. "Anna, I like you so much, I like being with you, you always make me feel better. I need you in my life, more than you can know."

"I can be in your life, I already
am
," I tried, pain wrapping my voice.

"I want more. I
need
it."

"I don't do that, Ethan," I said. "This whole dating thing … I don't do it. Not anymore."

"Anna, I'm not
him
."

My chest burned.

"
He
wasn't
him
at first, but my disability taught him how to be what he became," my voice cracked. "He broke my heart. Broke
me
. I can't go into this all over again, I won't bear it, it'd kill me."

"Anna, please." He was touching me again, this time with both of his hands on my cheeks, hugging my face between his hands, his voice just above a whisper when he spoke, "We could be something really good, don't deny us this. Don't prevent us the happiness we can bring into each other's lives." His forehead touched mine. "You like me, right?"

I bit my trembling bottom lip, paused for a few moments, then nodded.

"Let me take you out tonight," he all but begged. "Please!"

"Okay," came my shaky, hesitant replay.

I heard Ethan sighing in relief, then his lips replaced where his forehead had been on mine and he kissed me tenderly.

"Thank you, you won't regret it, Anna. I promise."

I wish I didn't believe him then.