Blessed Tragedy (20 page)

“No, she'd never actually say anything like that but it was obvious she was baiting you. If Jon and I hadn't been there, she might have gotten her way from the sounds of it.” He kissed my temple in a vain attempt to calm me down. “Just...watch what you say and do. That's all.”

He disappeared into the bus but I was too stunned to follow. Once again, my world was crashing down around me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Forget the fact that he was my boyfriend, he was my
best
friend, and I couldn't help but feel like he was siding with her. If he wasn't, he would have told her where to go.

“Ready?” Jon pulled me out of my increasingly depressing thoughts.

“Yeah, more than ever.”

Jon grabbed the keys to the Chevy Silverado from one of the roadies and we spent the next three hours driving around and talking. As much as I didn't want to listen to him tell me I was imagining Tanya's bitterness, I could no longer keep my mouth shut.

I told him everything. How she called Colton little pet names when it was just the two of them, how she found reasons to touch him and the fact that nothing I said or did was ever right in her eyes. I resented the fact I felt like I had to clear it with her before I went to the bathroom or shaved my legs, for fear it would be the wrong move for the band. Once the floodgates opened, there was no holding back.

“Damn, Rain. I knew she was going on an ego trip, but that's fucking ridiculous.” He wasn't belittling me. It felt good to finally be heard. And that only made me feel worse, knowing I was getting from Jon what I wasn't from Colton.

“Seriously, you have to talk to her. I'll try to get through summer, but something has to change after August.” I hated ultimatums and didn't want him to think I was issuing one, but in a way, that's exactly what I was doing.

“Knock off the shit. I'll talk to her. Don't repeat your little threat to anyone else; we don't need that getting out.” He flinched as soon as the words were spoken. “And I'm not saying that as Jon of Blessed Tragedy. I'm saying that as Jon, your friend. It'd be a fucking nightmare if it slipped that you'd even thought like that.”

I wrapped my arms around Jon's neck as we sat in the parking lot. “Thanks.”

“Anytime. Now, you'd better get in there and talk to Colt before he gets crazy ideas that we ran off to get married or some shit.”

For the first time since early in the morning, I laughed.

The bus was empty when we returned. I tried to tell myself everyone was probably hanging out enjoying some downtime, getting ready to listen to Shinedown show us all how it was done. Logically, I knew that's where they were. Where they were wasn't the problem. Who all was there was my issue. Was
she
with them? I wouldn't have put it past her to take it upon herself to be Colton's personal little beer bitch for the night in my absence.

“Hey, you head on over. I'll be out in a few.” I wanted a little time alone to grab a quick shower and change for the night. This was one of the few stops where we'd be able to enjoy the headlining acts and I wanted to enjoy myself. Being alone also gave me time to send a quick text message.

Hey, I miss you. There's something to be said for a simple, anonymous life.

As I dried my hair, the text alert went off on my phone.

Told you that years ago. Miss you too. Everything okay out there? -G

Yes, you did. Things are...things. I guess I just started to appreciate life there without the drama. -M

Still coming this way later this month? -G

Why? You going to organize a field trip? -M

Could happen. I'd definitely earn cool teacher points then. Might see if your brothers want to head over. That cool? -G

Sure. LMK if you're coming, I'll hook you up if I can. -M

It felt good to have a relaxed conversation with someone who expected nothing of me other than friendship. I'd been wrong about the evils of my small hometown. What I thought of as nosy and meddling was care and affection. What I considered controlling was concerned guidance. The problem was, after so many years cursing that life and building this new one, I had no clue how to meld the sides into one life I could live with.

With Shinedown getting ready to take the stage and no one else waiting in the wings for their moment, the atmosphere backstage was truly a big party. Even though we were all technically working, it was like a backyard barbecue with one of the hottest bands around as our entertainment. And thankfully, there was no sign of the bitch by the time I arrived.

Once I made my way through the food line and grabbed a beer, I started looking through the dimly lit area trying to find Colton. I didn't join him right away once I spotted him. Instead, I took a moment to enjoy the view. Like most of the guys, his t-shirt was stuffed into the back pocket of his loose fitting jeans. If I was truly a jealous, insecure woman, I would have had issues with him exposing the tops of his hips and the expanse of lightly coated skin leading from his navel to just below his waistband. Since I'm not that way, even though I have my moments, I imagined every way I could use his partial nakedness to my advantage without leaving the party.

My thoughts of tormenting him until he dragged me back to the bus quickly faded as I approached the group he was talking to. It had been a long time since he'd gotten plastered and I could tell by the way his body swayed that he was well on his way to obliteration tonight.

“Well well, if it isn't my favorite little cloud,” he slurred. “Have fun with Jonny boy today?”

“Yeah, sure,” I said, staring at him in disbelief. Was he actually jealous of Jon?

“Whatcha do all afternoon?” he asked. When he tried to pull me close to his side, I resisted. I knew it was the alcohol talking but that was no excuse. He was being an ass in front of people we barely knew.

“Oh, you know...found a deserted park, invited a few groupies and had a wild orgy.”

One of the guys Colton was talking to, I had no clue if he was in one of the other bands or just a fan who'd found his way back, spewed beer all over Colton at my deadpan.

“Seriously, Rain. You fucking disappeared for hours. No one knew where you were. I'm really not in the mood for any shit tonight.” I couldn't believe he was trying to start a fight with me because I'd gone for a drive with Jon. It might be our downtime, but we all knew damn well any time we were in public, it was show time. Staying somewhat professional at all times is actually one of the crappy things about this job. You can't get into it with anyone, have to be careful what you say and be mindful at all times. You never know who has a smart phone in their hand, waiting for a sound byte or candid picture.

“Stop, Colt. I'm not talking to you about this here. Not while you're drunk.” As much as I wanted to listen to the band, I was seriously debating heading back to the bus instead. Maybe I could still hear them from there without this shit.

“Whatever.” He shrugged, turning back to his other companions like I was no longer there. This was the first time I'd really seen this side of Colton and I had no clue how to react. Even when he'd been upset with me in the past, I couldn't remember feeling the venom in his words and he never tuned me out.

Realizing there was no way to turn the night around, I let Jon and Jared know I was heading back to the buses. Jared offered to come and keep me company but I declined. The last thing I needed was a drunken Colton making accusations about me and the newest member of the band.

There were four new text messages when I grabbed my phone from the bed. Three were from Garrett, the last from Mike.

Will do. You going to find time to come home while you're here? -G

Hey, where'd you go? -G

Maddie, is everything okay? You don't normally disappear on me. Guess I'll wait to hear from you. -G

So, when did you plan on telling us you have a show up here? And why did I hear it from Garrett? We'll be there. Calling Mark to see if he'll come out too. -Michael Neumann

I thought about calling Mike to see how pissed he was that I hadn't told him about the Comstock show. It hadn't been intentional, I was still trying to get used to knowing my family gave a shit about what I did. I decided to wait since my drunken, irrational boyfriend could come back at any time. I didn't need to give Mike anything else to worry about.

Chapter Sixteen

Once I changed into a pair of boxers and a tank top, I flopped onto the sectional sofa to call Garrett. Since the night we'd gone to dinner when I was home, we tried to find time every week to talk and texted almost daily.  He was one of the only people from Lexington I knew I could trust. He didn't talk to me because of who I was, he wanted to keep in touch with me despite who I was.

The first few times we talked were filled with awkward pauses. That's what happens when you lose touch with someone while you're as young as we were and then try to rekindle a friendship as adults. Since then, it's become much more comfortable. He tells me about all of the non-work he's done since we last talked and I have a safe ear to bend about everything that bothers me on the road. Everything except for anything about Colton. That was a topic I refused to share with him.

“It's awful quiet there; did you run away from the circus today?” Hearing him refer to my life as 'the circus' was nothing new. It didn't take him long at all to decide that's exactly what life on the bus was – a three-ring circus. I couldn't say I disagreed with him most of the time.

“No, they're all hanging out. Figured I'd call you instead.” I tried to sound cheerful but the truth was I hated letting Colton get to me to the point I was missing out on one of my favorite groups.

“Has anyone told you that you're a crap liar?” He laughed.

“Not in at least six hours. That obvious, huh?”

“Well, you might be able to fool some people, but anyone that really knows you can see through that.”

“And you think you do? Know me, that is.” I had a hard time believing anyone knew me given the fact that I had no clue who I was anymore.

“Yeah, twenty years gives you time to understand a person.” For a split second, I found myself wondering how different my life would be today if I hadn't been such a bitch to Garrett when we were younger, if he hadn't represented everything I was dying to get away from.

“Glad you think you know me because I sure as hell don't.”

“What's that mean?” I hadn't talked to anyone about how conflicted I'd been feeling in the past couple months.

“It's just been rough since Mom died, that's all.” We'd talked about everything that had gone down when I was home, so I hoped that would be explanation enough. Hearing voices approaching the bus, my flimsy excuse was going to have to be enough for now. “Look, I have to go.”

“Don't be like that. If you don't want to talk about it, we won't,” he sighed. For so many years, Garrett had put up with me locking everything inside and I knew it killed him. As bad as I felt about that, there was a very drunk boyfriend just a few feet away from the bus door and it wouldn't be pleasant if I was on the phone.

“Seriously, I have to go. The guys are headed back and I'd rather not be sitting here talking to you when they get here. They've all been drinking and I don't need their crap tonight.”

“What? You mean to tell me they'd have a problem with you talking to a friend when you're obviously upset about something? That's messed up, Maddie. They're your band mates, your co-workers, not your keepers.”

“No, it's not that. They're drunk, which means they're going to be loud and obnoxious. And who knows how many whores are going to be coming back for a piece of ass before we roll out later.” He didn't know how close he was to hitting the nail on the head. It wasn't that Colton had become my keeper, but I was worried about what he'd think in his current state if I was talking to another guy after ditching him. It wouldn't look good and I knew it.

“Yeah, whatever. Call or text me when you can.” Garrett's disapproving voice ripped me apart. I didn't deserve his friendship, especially when I repaid him by lying to him about the things that really mattered.

“I'll try to call you tomorrow afternoon, okay?” Maybe by then I'd have a better grip on where my head was at and I could talk to him about it. Maybe I'd know what was going on with Colton. Until I knew that, I wouldn't be able to talk to anyone because I didn't want to bring anyone else on board my personal crazy train.

“Okay. And Maddie...?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of yourself,” he said tenderly. “You're a great girl. You need to make sure what you're doing is worth the price you're going to pay.”

I should have felt better after talking to Garrett but I felt so much worse. Not only was I no closer to understanding where things had taken a wrong turn with Colton, Garrett had me questioning whether or not I was cut out for this life. Was it worth it if I was thrown into a downward spiral where I could no longer see myself?

“Colton, knock it off man. You're fucking drunk, it's not the time...” Jon's warning floated through the open window on the bus. I moved to the captain's chair on the other side of the aisle to eavesdrop. Again, not the mature thing to do but I wanted to know what was to come.

“Fuck that!” Colt shouted, “I know what I saw and I can't let it go. And then you two disappear all fucking day. What would you think if it was your woman?” In the shadows, I could see Colton nearly chest to chest with Jon. If things escalated, I knew I'd have to sit there and watch them pummel one another. Neither of them were what you could call reasonable men when they were drunk and pissed off and each of them had nearly a foot on my small frame.

“Dude, listen to yourself. You're just going to throw away the one thing you've wanted for years without having any clue what's real and what's being twisted around,” Jon growled. “You're letting that bitch manipulate you, don't you see that?”