Blessed Fate (12 page)

The kid mumbled something under his breath as he started scanning items. "Hey, sorry man, it's been a long day. I take it you're a fan?" I wasn't used to being the voice of reason, but it didn't seem right that Jon was taking out his frustration on this high school student whose night could be made or broken by his opinion of us when we left.

"Yeah, you guys kick ass! Is Rain with you guys?" He looked around, obviously hoping for a glimpse of the hometown celebrity.

"Nah, she's busy tonight, just us ugly mugs." I handed over my credit card when he finished ringing up our order. It was obvious he wanted to pry, probably to find out why Rain wasn't with us, which is exactly why I grabbed as many of the bags as I could and tried to hurry out of the store. From what she had told me, Rain's biggest peeve about living in a small town was how nosy everyone could be and how fast the rumor mill churned.

By the time the Neumann family got back to the house, we had set out the food and retired to the basement. If we were going to perform in the morning, there was still a lot of work to do and failure was
not
an option. Rain joined us as soon as she could get away. I was shocked when she picked up her violin, listened to the song a few times on her iPod and then started playing the solo. The fact that she could truly play by ear, even after not having picked up her violin in who knows how many years, was unbelievably sexy.

When Rain and I finally made our way up to her bedroom, she started laughing as we got ready for bed. "What's so funny?"

"Us, that's what. I'm sure everyone in this house right now thinks we're together, and that's without seeing us getting ready for bed like any other married couple in America. You're handing me your clothes to hang up; I'm laying out everything we need for the morning. It's just weird."

Weird? Possibly, and yet, it felt completely normal. I decided to walk through the door she opened to a conversation I had been trying to avoid for too long. "Would it upset you if they thought we were together?"

"Not really. I mean, we know what we are, right?" Rain's ability to dance around the topic made me want to shake her. A smart man might have let that be answer enough for the night, which is exactly why I kept pressing the issue.

"Right, but what do you want?" Not happy to leave well-enough alone, I walked over to her, cautiously wrapping my arms around her waist. When she pulled away from me, I backed off, realizing I was close to crossing a dangerous line with her.

"I don't know, Colt. Can't we talk about this later?" Had I been thinking clearly, I would have realized this was the first time she hadn't flat-out refused my advances. She was leaving the door open for us to talk some other time.

"When would be a better time? We've avoided talking about it for almost a year now. We sleep together every damn night. How much longer do we pretend neither of us feels anything for the other?"

I had officially gone too far. Rain started pacing around the room, her voice strained as she tried to resist the urge to scream at me. I couldn't disagree with her that the night before her mom's funeral wasn't the right time to discuss our future relationship, or lack thereof.

When she made a comment about how I didn't have to be there, and I was free to leave at any time, I snapped. "Don't you get it? I
do
want to be here. I want to be here for you. I hate that you're hurting. I want to be the person you turn to when you're sad. I want to be the person you scream at when you're upset.
That
is why I wanted to be here, but right now I feel like I have to be so fucking careful to not touch you in a certain way, to not get too close. That's what's killing me."

She fell into a beanbag chair near the window, sobbing. If there was a limit on how many tears one person could shed in a day, I figured she had to be getting close. It was heart wrenching to watch her cry, knowing she wouldn't let me hold her. Once I knew she was sound asleep, I carried her to the bed, holding her close to my chest.

I felt like a creeper watching Rain sleep every morning, but it had long ago become my favorite time of the day. Seeing her so peaceful calmed and centered me, preparing me for whatever the day might bring.

"Morning," she mumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"You need to start getting ready. I'll bring your coffee up." I kissed the top of her head before turning to put on my pants.

"You're still talking to me?" She seemed genuinely surprised that I wasn't upset with her. I pulled her close enough to me that we were touching from calf to shoulder.

"No matter what, you'll always be my storm cloud. Last night just happened to be closer to a hurricane than a thunderstorm. You're going through Hell right now. You've learned a lot of things that have to be hard to deal with on top of your mom's funeral. I shouldn't have said anything, especially since you've always made it clear you'd never do anything with anyone involved with the band. I'm sorry." Sorry didn't feel like the right word because I wasn't sorry for bringing it up, merely for the shitty timing.

"Colt, it's not that..." she went quiet, her eyes staring at some point over my shoulder. "If all of this wasn't going on right now, I don't know what I would have said, but seriously, I just can't even think about that right now. You are my everything, and I'm terrified I'll screw that up. If that happens, not only do I lose my best friend, I risk tearing apart the band and losing all of my best friends. Even though things are changing here with my dad and my brothers, you, Jon and Trav are still my family too."

Years of watching those closest to her drift away because she chose to follow her dreams had Rain so convinced she would never find true happiness that she wasn't willing to take the chance. I knew in my heart that if given the opportunity, I would do everything I could to make all of her dreams come true.

By the time we reached the church late in the morning, I was feeling much better. I wanted more than anything to be the one taking care of her, holding her when she was upset, but I had been holding back, not wanting anyone to draw the wrong conclusions about our friendship. Once she had some sleep, Rain seemed to understand where I was coming from. She reminded me that we had always been tactile, even as friends, so there was no reason for me to keep my distance from her. If questioned it, we would explain it or tell them to take a flying leap, depending on whether or not their opinion mattered to her.

It didn't matter that we were used to performing in front of thousands of people on a nightly basis, I felt the pressure to do well weighing down on me like an anvil as Travis and I ran through our parts one last time as mourners filed into the church. Rain's dad had given us an incredible honor; I didn't want him to regret his decision to ask us to play during his wife's funeral and have that lead to another crack in the fragile bond her family was starting to form.

My attention pulled away from the music when I heard one of my favorite sounds that I hadn't been hearing very often…Rain laughing. I looked to the back of the sanctuary to see her hugging Mike, the middle of the three Neumann boys. While they would all give anything to have Mrs. Neumann back, I felt like the matriarch of the family was looking down on them orchestrating this healing process.

The look on Rain's face when she sat next to me in the front pew crushed me. Never before had I felt an ache in my chest like the one that had taken up residency since she got the call that her mom was gone. My pain wasn't for the woman they lost; mine was for the broken badass sitting next to me who would never get to make amends with her mother. I reached for Rain's hand, enveloping her delicate fingers in my palm. She turned her head to me, the anguish in her face softening for a moment when our eyes locked on one another. Throughout the sermon and eulogies, we maintained our connection, my thumb continuously brushing the back of hand.

The nerves I felt earlier returned as we took our places in front of the lectern. I think I was more anxious than Rain was because I didn't have the added distractions she had. I looked to her, took a few breaths and nodded to Travis as I started playing the opening chords. When I looked to Rain three bars before the first verse started, she nodded to me and smiled. Even though she gave me the signal that she was ready to go, I knew she was hanging on by a thread.

Before the end of the first verse, Rain's eyes were starting to glaze over with unshed tears and I caught her voice cracking a few times. I looked back to Jon, nodding imperceptibly, the signal we had arranged the night before letting him know that I was going to support her on melody, and he would have to carry the harmony. We didn't want Rain to think we doubted her ability, which is what would have happened if she knew we had a contingency plan for the song. We knew her well enough to know it would be nearly impossible for her to turn off the emotion since she couldn't even listen to Travis play
Dust in the Wind
in the basement without crying.

As the Neumann children said a final goodbye to their mother, and Rain's brothers took their places as pallbearers, Travis and I quietly made our way back to our instruments. After Rain and I had gone upstairs after the visitation, Travis talked to her dad to make sure he was okay with us playing as the mourners filed out of the church. Rain looked back to us, her eyes wide, and then looked to see her dad's reaction before shaking her head that everyone knew about this except for her.

At the cemetery, our plan was to stand off to the side a bit, so we weren't disrupting the burial ceremony. Mr. Neumann had a much different idea.

"Colton, can I speak with you for a moment?" He tilted his head to the side, drawing me away from the gathering crowd. "I'd like it if you and your friends would stand with us. You are obviously very special to my daughter, and she needs you right now."

"Yes, sir."

I looked over my shoulder to see Rain nervously watching our exchange. When she reached me, I slid my hand to the small of her back, leading her to the front row. She leaned her back against my chest through the brief ceremony, finally allowing me to comfort her the way I wanted to.